" Why Do We ... "

If the weight of this all is too much by now

The rest of my life might be too long.

I know I've changed I watched myself slip away.

I've compromised everything's going to be alright.

Why do we try? 

Why do we try?

Everything's going to be alright.

I compromised.

I compromised.

Everything's going to be alright.

~ Samiam ~ Why Do We ~ 

***

“Why do you blog? ... is it a creative release? ... is it self-promotion? ... is it narcissistic?” ... questions recently asked of me.  And it sure did make me think, 

why DO I blog?  

Well it has become a part of my life now, and although not for money, I started blogging in 2008 when I started a local walking club called WalkStrong.  At that time my intention was to promote health and wellness as I as pursuing my personal training certification.  Today still aligned, my intentions are to promote health and wellness.

Interestingly, blogging has become a profession for some where media events are covered as conduits of communication and associations of expertise.  In a way, bloggers have become the alternative media, less scripted and more raw.

Personally, I use my blog as a tool to convey my messages.  Some use public speaking, others home videos and vlogs ... I see my blog as a network to share and stay connected... in hopes that some of these ideas may provide knowledge and wisdom.  I also hope my blog is a place to keep a record of ideas, to stimulate conversation and even to make a difference.

I recently read that the quest for permanence is what really makes us blog and tweet.  It is what causes us to announce every minute detail to the universe ... the ability to create a permanent record in an non-permanent world.

“ Little by little, the camera in our brain and the pictures stored in our body’s memory have become antiquated. It is a romantic idea, but not a permanent one. The memories we store for ourselves fade. The context of the pictures is lost when we can’t explain it. So we created a hard record of ourselves using the most rock-solid, written-in-ink tool we have: the internet” ... 

I would rather be asked “what does your blog accomplish?” because therein lies an opportunity to make that difference.  Ultimately knowing that one day, all our permanent Internet words will slowly fade, the best I can hope for is that somewhere, some shred of truth and meaning lives in those posts ...

" Under Pressure ... "

Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking

Can't we give ourselves one more chance?

Why can't we give love that one more chance?

Why can't we give love, give love, give love..?

'Cause love's such an old-fashioned word

and love dares you to care for

The people on the edge of the night

And love dares you to change our way of

Caring about ourselves

This is our last dance, this is ourselves

Under pressure, Under pressure

~ Queen ~ Under Pressure ~

***

Stress.  We all know it.  But when people say that stress can kill you are they exaggerating?  I don’t think so.  Stress kills people every single day.  And sure you don’t seem them dropping like flies from it because it takes a long time for it to really do some damage to you.  But the cornoner’s report rarely list “stress” as the cause of death.  This is because stress itself doesn’t kill you ... stress leads to a wide range of other health problems that will.

Think about it ... you are living a otherwise positive and happy life and suddenly you develop unexplained symptoms.  Your quality of life diminishes ... good chance they are related to stress.  But what is “stress” exactly.  

Stress is an explaination of a series of negative effects and emotions ... such as anxiety, worry, fatigue, laziness, agitation, concentration problems, mood swings, lack of motivation, insomnia, depression, isolation, anger, depression, paranoia, and possibly suicidal.

Yet the greatest damage is to our immune system.  Research has shown that stressing over a long period of time raises our cortisol levels.  Corisol is a hormone that the body produces and one which naturally suppresses the immune system.  There is a lot of research regarding the immunosuppression and it's correlation with different types of diseases. An immunosuppressed person is more likely to catch the common cold and flu, as well as more likely to get serious life-threatening diseases.  

I recently read the following 5 steps, which I try to adapt ... 

EXPECT IT ~ Be prepared by taking good care of yourself; you never know what the day will bring.  Life is an adventure so approach it as such.  Be your own cheerleader.  Spend time with God everyday, be confident in what you believe, and draw strength from it.

EMBRACE IT ~ Get a new attitude towards life ... a determined stance to ride the waves of life and succeed through the storms. I decided long ago I would not live a life of regret. Now, as I get ready for the day, I say a prayer for strength to face with confidence what comes my way, and the courage to get help and support when overwhelmed. 

EVALUATE IT ~ Be honest and real about what pressures occupy your thoughts, consume your energy or cause you grief.  Are you exaggerating the importance of a stressor: will it really matter one year from now, or five years from now?

ENGAGE IT ~ It’s time to take action.  If you can change it, do it now.  Procrastination is one of your worst enemies, stealing precious moments of your life. 

EMERGE FROM IT ~ Process the pressure and pain to get through it, and emerge successful and free. This requires effort, whether it is to brush off the stress of the day, or to push through the weight of a significant loss.   

Face the strong currents of life with a defiant attitude and intention to achieve your goals, regardless of your circumstances.  Decide that life is worth living ... we all have a purpose, and we will succeed if we manage the stress in our life in a healthy manner. 

" The Greater Good ... "

Breathe... us in

Breathe... slowly

Breathe... us in

Slowly...

Everything you do,

Everywhere you go,

Anything we want

Anything

Persuasion (slowly)

Coercion (slowly)

Selection (breathe)

Assimilation (us in)

~ Nine Inch Nails ~ The Greater Good ~

***

Recently during one of Oprah’s life classes, the concept of intentions versus dreams was discussed with Cheryl Richardson.  An audience member asked what was the difference between them ...great question to consider.

So how it was explained was that intentions come from a soulful place, a soul goal and dreams come from a head goal.  Most of us dream or wish for something that is not working in our lives.  Yet intentions encompass the highest and best interest for you and those around you prior to allowing it to happen.  It is a humble way considering you and the greater energy or greater creative force ... that is where intentions are set from.

Yet most of us ask “what’s in it for me?”  so are we able to live in a space of “what’s in for the greater good instead?"  Just consider how many organizations and people strive for this only to be shot down with critiques ... take the recent social media blitz regarding Kony 2012.  Even if the filmmaker’s “intent” was to shed light on the atrocities taking place, the opposition was quick to find the “hoax” in it all ... leaving many to think, it’s not in my world, it’s not in my life, it’s not my problem ... but don't we share the same skies, breathe the same air ... embrace the same universe?

So back to goals ... having them are so important in our lives because they are based on some future outcome and require planning and discipline to achieve.  Give us a sense of purpose and direction.  And along with intentions, we set focus on the future and connect the present ... how we are “being” in any given moment.  Intentions create the momentum to move forward toward our goal.  They are based on what matters most to us bringing our actions in line with our values.  This is how intentions flow from the heart and create your vision ... while goals are created in your mind.

Now how we balance our good with the greater good is an individual dilemma to consider. Yet, If we can take a step back and look at how our goals and intentions affect those around us, maybe we would reconsider our actions, locally and globally.  Perhaps “the greater good” is a starting point for thinking about morality... serving our own good as well.

Today, more than ever before, 

life must be characterized by a sense of Universal responsibility, 

not only nation to nation and human to human, 

but also human to other forms of life 

Dalai Lama ॐ

" One Year Of Love ... "

Just surrender to your love,

Just one year of love,

Is better that a lifetime alone,

One sentimental moment in your arms,

Is like a shooting star right through my heart,

It's always a rainy day without you,

I'm a prisoner of love inside you -

I'm falling apart all around you - yeah.

And all I can do is surrender ...

~ Queen ~ One Year Of Love ~

***

March 7, 2011, exactly one year since I started the full Gerson Therapy.  I know wild eh?  Three words capture it perfectly ... what a journey!  In the beginning, it seemed unattainable as I didn’t know if we would make one week let alone one year.  But I had to shift and start focusing on enjoying the journey instead of “getting off the therapy”.  I had to completely embrace my new life and the opportunity presented to me for self-discovery and growth.

My new life ... taking me in a totally different direction from where I was heading.  But to step into this path I had to stop mourning the loss of my old life.  I had to let go and surrender.  I began by cleansing each and every aspect of my life on all health levels ... emotionally, physically and spiritually.  

And upon reflection, my former life was really full of one challenge after another, as I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough or strong enough ... basically not deserving of the success I was achieving.  I was tired of beating myself up all day, every day, and I had to make myself a priority.

Cherrie Moraga quoted “Sometimes a breakdown can be the beginning of a kind of breakthrough, a way of living in advance through a trauma that prepares you for a future of radical transformation”.  Yes, I can relate ... definitely a radical transformation.  And during this time, I have received an abundance of blessings.  As tough as this journey is, the possibilities are endless.  I have been given another chance to decide exactly how the rest of my life will unfold.

And for those that are curious about the tumours, my last consult went extremely well.  My Gerson and local doctors were over the moon with my results.  My body is healing thanks to it’s alkaline state.  Honestly speaking, we really didn’t know if Gerson would “work” in the beginning ... yet as the hours turned to days, and the days turned to months, and now one year ... all the hard work has paid off.

So as I shine my light onward to the next 8 to 12 months of therapy, my intentions are to continue to heal my body, mind and soul ... my LIFE for the rest of my life.  And although I can’t say that I have loved every moment of the last year, with every high and low has come valuable lessons.  Lessons that I know I wouldn’t have experienced if it wasn’t for my cancer diagnosis ... experiencing real healthy food, yoga, meditation, sunshine, walks, time with precious family and friends, gardening, music, writing, fun books, good movies, concerts, theater and life ... for as long as I’m blessed to have it.  

At the very least, I’ve learned about what matters ... "finding courage, keeping hope and losing fear".

Peace and Carrots ॐ 

M

" The Perfect Gift ... "

" Close your eyes and I will sing a song for you
I will always be there
I will always love you
And while you’re dreaming I will row your boat ashore
I will always be there for you

... You gave me the perfect gift."

~ Canadian Tenors ~ The Perfect Gift ~

***

The Perfect Gift ... does it really exist?  Perhaps in the eyes of the gift giver ... but what about the gift receiver?  From my own experience, I have struggled with learning how to fully take in a gift.  Gratitude ... yes, but even when I am writing thank-you notes and lists, have I fully received, taking in and assimilated the gift I've been given.  If this sounds familiar to you as well, I recently read an article to help us in this process.  To start, we need to recognize that we are being given a gift.  Then we need to create enough openness to take it in.  Next we need to appreciate it, value it or the intentions of the giver.  Finally, we need to feel that we deserve it .. the gift is neither too much, too little or too out of line with who we are.  For me, this hits home ... the feeling that I deserve it, I am worthy ... I have definitely struggled with this.


Seems really simple right ... so why then do some of us still struggle with this?  One reason may be we feel resistant to receiving a gift that isn't "meant" for us.  Not everyone's energy is aligned with ours ... some gifts comes with so many strings and expectations that make us very uncomfortable.  If you identify with this, then you have probably learned how to receive by looking at the meaning behind any feelings of resistance.  Sometimes they are messages telling you that it isn't wise to accept the offering.  It is important to listen to you inner "no" or "yes" but remember to treat each gift and giver differently ... are you projecting your past experience on the present?


Going beyond receiving a gift ... are you a wide receiver in life?  Do you easily accept favours and compliments?  Does this create feelings of guilt or insecurity?  Do you have fear that you don't have the means to reciprocate?  Another reason we don't receive help is that, on a subconscious level, it may make us feel inferior.  In some cultures, the giver is in the power position ... while the receiver is representing neediness.  Even when we are truly in need, our ego will often resist the discomfort of fully receiving.  


So how do you become better "wide receivers"?  


"Create Presence.  When someone offers you a kind word, a present, a favour, be aware of your state of mind .. if you rushed, distracted or preoccupied, you have much less capability to fully receive.


Avoid Judgement.  Resist the urge to think about what kind of offering you would have preferred.  Instead consider that the giver might only have a loving intention.


See the Gift as Message.  Appreciate the insight presented to you, the energy and blessing taking place.


Consciously Open Yourself.  Remind yourself to cultivate openness to whatever form love takes ... what is offered to you & the grace supporting it"


"When we improve our ability to fully receive, we will begin to notice how many gifts are being offered to us at every moment ... and whatever we give back becomes a part of the same dance ... the dance of giving and receiving, in which we are all one another's partners" (YogaJournal, December 2011)

" Highs N Lows ... "

"I be high then I be low
I be low then I be high

I be high when I get what I couldn't before

I be low when I'm looking at a stressed face
It's like a battle knife to a gun fight
No need to worry this the story of my life ..."

~ Kid Cudi ~ Highs N Lows ~

***

Well, we are starting week 40 of the Gerson Therapy.  Yes incredible to think ... I remember talking to family and friends at week 1 wondering how we were going to do this, how we would manage.  And I am happy to report, we have and we are.  As mentioned in my prior posts, thanks to the kindness, generosity, love and support of what I like to call my earth angels.

Since my last post, I have experienced some real highs and some real lows.  Personally, I have been feeling stronger, better and more determined than ever to beat this horrid dis-ease.  I had a great healing session with my beautiful friend, Jolene of Coreporate Care, whom I mentioned in my last post.  Some great insight and affirmations.  Feeling like I am on the road to recovery and healing ... having worked really hard to get to this point, it feels good to feel this way.  And just when I was staying present in my world and my reality ... we had a dear friend of ours pass away.  Highs N Lows.

Vesna was a friend we met at the Gerson clinic in March 2011 and arrived a few days short of our 3 week stay.  She was accompanied by her husband.  The first day, we exchanged stories as to what brought us to the Tijuana.  Our commonality ... breast cancer.  There was a lot of shared frustration, anger, fear and curiosity.  Russell and I, having the majority of our visit under our belts, felt quite equipped to share our knowledge, understanding and beliefs around the therapy.  With Vesna, she was not new to a cancer diagnosis, as this being a reoccurrence, she had felt that a different option from what she had already experienced could work.  With our the severity of our diagnosis varying, our sense of desperation varied too.  I knew that look, that feeling ... I had it 2 weeks prior.  And so I tried to lend my support and encouragement around the therapy, why it works, why it is important to follow it as directed ... why we had to believe.  And we all believed, to some level, or we wouldn't have been there ... again, all of us desperately searching for the unattainable ... a sure thing, a guarantee. 

All of us at the clinic knew that in "theory" the Gerson Therapy works.  But, we also knew that we all respond differently, heal differently ... for some, our immune systems were not strong enough to endure the flare ups and healing reactions to come our way.  For others, we would continue on the therapy.  We all knew that we would do our best and also do what is takes to heal ... conventional, Gerson, or a combination of both.  Regardless of the choice of treatment, we all had the same intentions ... and provided unconditional support.

For Vesna, she left us this past weekend ... passing away peacefully.  I trust she IS at peace now.  All the frustration, anger and fear replaced with solace, harmony and love.  I trust our friend is looking down upon the rest of the Gersonators and cheering us on, believing in us ... knowing we all have our own journey to take.  

♥ Rest in Peace our beautiful friend ♥

" Asking and Believing ... "

Compliments of Daily OM, I received this email early this morning ... thought it was timely.  Also, I felt the need to share ... blessings ♥

"Asking and Believing
You may find yourself feeling stuck as you try to find your way out of unpleasant circumstances today. Rather than accepting the perception that you are trapped by your circumstances, you can change your focus by affirming that a solution is already on its way to you. You might begin by first creating a sacred space to connect with your spiritual helpers, lighting scented candles or incense, and allowing yourself to get into a serene state of mind. Then simply ask for a solution to your dilemma and visualize it materializing effortlessly in your life, even if you don't know the details right now. Simply affirm that the solution is on the way today and allow a sense of gratitude to flow over you, knowing the problem is solved. 

As we ask the universe for help and affirm that a solution is on the way, we lend incredible power to our intentions and shift our circumstances in a more positive direction. We often resist asking for help because we believe that a situation is out of our control, but it may seem out of our control simply because we believe it to be so. By choosing to be proactive in asking for a solution from the universe, and affirming with gratitude that the problem is already solved, we put forth the precise frequency of energy needed to shift our circumstances and make our new intention a physical reality. Releasing your perception of being trapped can be as simple as asking for a solution and believing it's on the way today"

"Pop A Pill .. "

" Well look at this
I see clearly now
Look at this
I can feel it now
Happiness
Is seldom found
Pop the pill"

~ Korn ~ Pop A Pill ~

***

One of the fortunate things of being on the Gerson Therapy is the early mornings.  As odd as that sounds, I get an opportunity to see beautiful sunrises, and honestly they are breathtaking.  This morning when I woke up to take my castor oil, ahem which is not so beautiful, I looked out of our bedroom window and the sky was a blend of orange and pink.  Funny how It reminded me of my favorite sherbert flavour growing up.  How delicious they both are, comforting and calming.  I then looked out of the spare bedroom window and saw a full moon.  It seemed like time was standing still, the streets were quiet, and the air was calm.  I quickly crawled back into bed to squeeze a few more moments of snuggles and comfort before getting on with the regime.

Next comes my usual morning coffee break when count my blessings and set my intentions for the day.  Making my way downstairs to our kitchen, I find Russell listening to the daily news, juicing away and prepping our breakfast ... with a gorgeous smile on his face.  For a brief moment, I take in the present, take in the love.  Ahhh bliss! ..... 

Then I get on with my routine of filling my pill box ... Oiy!! nice why to ruin the mood eh?  Yep, this part of the daily routine is definitely a reminder of the therapy with no if, ands or buts about it.  I open up the cupboard to find fully stocked shelves of pills and capsules and liquids and ... well you get the picture.  I started to think about how many of these are ingest daily and seriously this will make your jaw drop ~ 80.  Yep that is right 8-0.  Crazy eh?  And that doesn't include the liquid meds.  I know this is nuts coming from moi, hippie chick, who didn't take a pill for headache.  Well, first of all they are natural supplements made up of herbs et al so they are not really the typical "medication" you are use to.  No artificial flavours, no synthetic components so take the image of downing a bottle of Tylenol, that is not what this is about.  The funny thing is that this is totally manageable.  Remember this is over the course of an entire day ~ 16 hours.  And the supplements I take are suited to me and my cancer in regards to 

dosage.  "All the medications are designed to support the diet therapy by increasing the energy capacity of the cell and increasing the rate of detoxification'.

So if you are a tad bit curious as to the mini-pharmacy we have here in the Cayzer household, take a look this post from one of my favourite bloggers, someone how inspires me daily and is my friend Jess, The Wellness Warrior.  

Believe me, I was not that crazy about popping so many pills, but once I heard about all the anti-cancer properties, my response was "open up and say ahhhhh".

" Circle of Life ... "

"Some of us fall by the wayside
And some of us soar to the stars 

And some of us sail through our troubles
And some have to live with the scars
In the circle of life
It's the wheel of fortune
It's the leap of faith
It's the band of hope
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle, the circle of life"

~ Elton John ~ Circle of Life ~
***

Well I guess it's been almost one full week since we last connected on this blog.  And in the last week, a great deal has transpired.  We have been sending healing prayers to Paul and his family whom I wrote about last week.  And they are working.  Paul has been inspired by the love and energy he is receiving and is fighting back.  Truly a miracle is happening in front of our very own eyes and we are more than thrilled to witness this amazing time.  We continue to send powerful healing prayers, blessings and energy knowing in our hearts He is listening and answering.

As well this week, there has been an emotional roller coaster ride of events happen .... Besides Paul's gentle recovery as mentioned, we had a good friend of ours, Karen, become a first time Grandma to baby Sienna.  We had another couple friend of ours planning their wedding festivities, and then we just found out that another friend of ours whom we were blessed to meet in Tijuana passed away.  Yes, an emotional ride is an understatement.  What is has done is drain my energy ... I have not been this exhausted in a very long time.  Probably because of the opposing emotions ~ sorrow and joy, pain and comfort, suffering and compassion, and weakness and strength.  All the things I wrote about last week.  We were hoping that there would just be illumination for a while, with darkness leaving us.  Only brightness and sunny days ahead ... But the reality is that this is truly the circle of life: birth and death. 

There are miracles that do happen as well.  I firmly believe our time is up with He needs us.  I use to believe that our destiny is written ... but what I do feel now is that we can negotiate ... ask for more time, be given another chance.  And, if He can do without for a while, then well, we re-write that destiny.  How that is decided, is unknown and some may read this and think .... ah, o-kay, surrrrrrrrre or what-ever.  And hey to each their own.  But for me, this is how I make sense of all this.  

It is an emotional time, a trying time, a real test.  I write a fair bit about personal journey, following our own path, believing we heal individually ... but I have not written about miracles.  And truly living and breathing human beings are miracles.  Miracles are when your friend is close to walking thru heavens doors and instead is inspired to fight, negotiate and re-write his destiny.  Miracles are when a precious baby is born out of love and shares her happiness with just her presence on our Earth.  Miracles are when a friend passes on, leaving an impact on her family and friends much further than she may have realized when she was alive.  Miracles are when two people find true love.  Miracles are the circle of life.  

As obvious as it may seem for some, there are times when things just click, make sense and you have an A-HA! moment.  This week, there has been many of them.  Life just carries on, and it must carry on.  You see, we can mourn and celebrate in the same moment.  And really, life presents those moments to us in those ways for a reason.  What that reason is ... well, still working on that.  But I know in my heart, there are blessings around every corner, in every place ... in every BODY.  

And maybe this circle of life is also a circle of healing ... an opportunity for growth ... and opportunity to create the world we wish to live in versus fight the world we are currently in.  This is what I choose to take from this last week ... emotionally charged but as I sit here on Sunday night blogging my thoughts, I have a sense of peace, solace and a tad bit more understanding of the concept of the circle of life.

"There is a well of infinity hidden within each Soul. 

There you will find an incredible energy source, 

beyond your broadest understanding. 

It is Light and Healing. The Force of Nature. The essence of Love"

BLISS ....

BEAUTY

                 LOVE

                            INTENTION

                                                   STRENGTH

                                                                         SERENITY

"Soul Meets Body ... "

" I want to live where soul meets body,
And let the sun wrap its arms around me,
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing,
And feel, feel what it's like to be new, 
... Where soul meets body"
~ Death Cab For Cutie ~ Soul Meets Body ~ 
***


This week I have been practicing my visualizations I learned from ADAM, whom I wrote about in my last blog.  In the past I have used these visualizations, but not on a daily basis and not with the same focus and intention.  It is common knowledge that what you think can affect your body.  Some refer to this as the mind body soul body connection.  Science has proven this over and over again, studies focusing on the placebo effect.  We have the capacity to control physical reactions.  


So it is all in your mind?  With intention, if you can bring in wellness, can you bring in illness as well?  Something to ponder, which is exactly what I have been doing.  I recently read about The Wellness Formula of Life.  Intrigued, I thought I would explore exactly what this was.  


The Wellness Formula of Life ~ Mind Body Soul Connection, is described as a chain of command, starting with your soul, your spirit, your higher self or your guide, whatever you choose to identify with. Your guide will tell you ... if you listen to your intuition and meditation.  But if you are not paying attention or acting on the messages, you may need some assistance in listening.  This message then goes thru your mind and heart depending on the situation.  You may have random thoughts, lose focus or just can't get conversations out of your head.  These are the signs and coincidences trying to raise a flag, get noticed and give you a heads up to pay attention by pointing you in the right direction.  Next you get feelings or a sense of what is not real, when something is not right, anxiety ... this is your heart getting involved, and leads to stress.  And if you are not paying attention still, the message gets louder and louder and build up ... similar to a whisper, to a loud talk, to tap on your shoulder, to a hit in the arm, to finally knocking you down ... the universe is really trying to get your attention!


You can decide where in the process you want to pay attention ... your guide uses the mind body soul connection and gets more and more physical with each step described above. Physical can not only mean your body, but also material world ~ property, money, relationships, traffic, losing keys, computers crashing ~ losing "something" in your material world tends to get your attention quickly!


When it comes to dis-ease or loss, there are many aspects that affect your life, not just missed messages, this is just one of them.  In the case of illness, your actual physical body is the connection to consider ~ energetic messages so as the messages get stronger, more energy moves thru your mind and heart ... energy can start showing up as pain, discomfort, damage, infection, etc ... We often are "too busy", obsessed with other things until we are forced to take time rather than taking it when you first realize you need a break ... S-L-O-W-D-O-W-N.



So with all these messages and signs how can we keep track?  Well maybe write down each day what you did or didn't do instead of just marking it off which energetically is not as effective.  

• Track Body ~ write notes on what you did and where you are improving
• Track Heart ~ affirm how well you are doing and/or what emotions are coming up and restate your intentions
• Track Soul ~ give thanks for the assistance and give appreciation for having another day to continue your development.

Trust yourself, you know more than you give yourself credit for ....You may need to build up that trust by following through on everything you promise - this means not promising what you feel you shouldn't do!  And making sure that what you are committing to is in alignment with your higher self/guide/spirit.  


So, before you start anything - be very clear on your intention = the what and why you are committing to your self.  Then, honor your promise.