" Wandering ... "

On the eve of another birthday, my mind is wandering.  Wandering, wandering ... I never really thought I would get to the age of 46 ... not because I am a pessimist but because of being cancer-ed.  

Ah yes, for those who have had a similar experience, you don’t really forget.  All the memories of ‘that’ day, being diagnosed, can come rushing back at any moment, triggered by anything remotely to do with the dis-ease.  But rather than choosing this to be viewed as a weakness and being a ‘victim’ to the thought, I am opening to the insights offered.  

My most vivid ‘memory’, the one that did the most damage was my prognosis ... 5 years at best.  I have this attachment because I speak to it, still to this day.  And I write about it, as here present in these words.  Load on the intense programming, patterning and hypnosis of how, what, where, when and why an ill-ness is an ill-ness.  The triggers are present because my mind has been so deluded to the idea of being cancered.  

And so here we are ... on the eve of another birthday and 4.5 years being cancer-ed.  My mantra ... so far so good ... probably because it is a bit of a safety net, a precaution or a disclaimer.  With no claim to being “cured” because, I am not.  

So why back to the wandering mind ... well with an assigned dis-ease, you really are not sure what you will get.  AND cue insight ... that’s what life is all about.  Not really sure what what you will end up with right?  Whether it be an ill-ness you manage, a relationship you tolerate, a burden you carry, or a void within your heart ... pretty much anything can be your demise IF you allow it.  An ill-ness or dis-ease just has intense assumptions that go along with it.

In those moments of weakness, when I say aloud, I don’t know how much more of this I can take, I hear within, count your blessings, they will multiply.  But how?  Begin with breath.  Our sacred connection to the Divine.  And that is where my gratitude begins.  And so tomorrow at first light, I hope to graciously take my first breath, arms and heart wide open ... birth of a new day.

Blessings xx

MC

" Expiration Date ... "

“ … It’s an emergency

But I'm a say it clear and loud

I bet you care and hear me now

The expiration date that I gave to you

Has now come and gone so I have to move

It's too late for me to hold on

The expiration date that I gave to you

Has now come and gone so I have to move

It's too late for me to hold on … “

~ Jhene Aiko ~ Expiration Date ~ 

***

About five years ago I was told of my expiry date.  If I didn’t follow the treatment protocol advised, I would be lucky to live another 5 years at best.  The diagnosis was stage 2b, grade III with prescribed treatment was mastectomy, radiation and chemotherapy.  The surgeon provided no other option.  And alternative treatments were not even to be considered.

As the story goes, I didn’t follow their advice.  

And so far, I’ve outlived my expiry date.  

So far, So good.

Living with an illness means coming face to face with death every day.  Not a clue what you are going to get, when it is going to happen and how.  So you live your life with what you got.

I no longer fear death.  It is a natural process.  It is inevitable.  

I have the awareness of my mortality at any moment.

And it is not about being extraordinary or special.  We all have the ability to decide how we are going to live our lives.  No health crisis necessary to shift.

On a large scale, our lives are an infinitesimal dot between two infinite spans.  On a personal scale, a lifetime is long enough to do amazing things.  To pursue and master your passion.  To build and future relationships.  To love and lose and love again.  To chase your dreams and working hard enough to reach them.  To have an exciting, fulfilling, meaningful, awesome life.  

At times when life gets really really tough, I remind my self that 

“ … this body is on loan from the Universe.  It is an incredibly fortunate collection of atoms forged in stellar furnaces … pulled together by gravity or some deeper hidden force … “.  Once we are finished here, the atoms will recycle to further serve spirit along its upward journey towards ever more complex and useful forms.  Perhaps we can just take a moment to celebrate our participation in such a beautiful process.

Most of us don’t like to think about mortality, fearing that it renders life meaningless.  Yet the transience of life renders the urgent search for meaning.  Live your life urgently.  Once your live your ideal life, you’ll love every day.  

The practice is not ruminating on your mortality … it is how this awareness affects your behaviour.  It is how your live by cultivating gratitude, compassion, selflessness, health, boldness, presence, and meaning.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Thank-You … "

And so today, my world it smiles

Your hand in mine, we walk the miles

Thanks to you it will be done

For you to me are the only one

... Inspiration's what you are to me

Inspiration, look and see ...

Happiness, no more be sad

Happiness.... I’m glad

If the sun refused to shine

I would still be loving you

Mountains crumble to the sea

There will still be you and me

~ Led Zeppelin ~ Thank-You ~

***

This time of year we tend to look back at what we have endured.  2013 ... what a year, filled with highs and lows, joy and sorrow ... and made it through.  And, this year, I wanted to give thanks for all that I appreciate.

I am thankful for ... 

God
family’s love and support

the generosity and kindness of friends

my husband’s compassion

humility

forgiveness

second chances

my sense of humour

the lessons

a warm bed

roof over my head

meditation

yoga
writing

working from home

music

our band

my MacBookPro

Skype

good healthy food

LIFE ...

... Really the list goes on.  I genuinely believe that the happiest people are those who are grateful.  So this year, that meant an adjustment.  This year, I learned to be more grateful.  And I am, I am grateful to be alive, because things don’t work out they way you expect them to.  

Instead, I wanted to stop taking things for granted and see them as blessings.  I wanted to foster an attitude of gratitude in whatever circumstances.  I wanted to be grateful for each breath, each day.  And although, I still have many slip-ups, I can honestly say I’m a much more grateful person at the end of 2013 than at the beginning.

I plan to continue the gratitude attitude into 2014.  Having a blog platform, I hope to express it more often because there is always room to appreciate.

☯ May the new year bring peace, joy and health to you and your loved ones ☯

" Giving … "

Giving me calm to fall into 

Giving me hope to guide me thru 

I want more I want more 

Giving me light to see thru tears 

Giving me strength to crush my fears 

I want more I want more 

Still all I need is love 

So give me more 

Giving me choice so I may seek 

Giving me faith so I'll believe 

I want more I want more 

Giving me breath of your mercy 

Giving yourself to comfort me 

I want more I want more 

Still all I need is love 

So give me more

~ Collective Soul ~ Giving ~ 

***

During the holiday season, many are frantically trying to find that special gift for the special someone.  The season of giving .  So, have you ever given any thought to the type of “giver” you are?

You may not have really thought about it.  You see we are told that Christmas is about giving and receiving.  We give to get something in return .. even if it is a thanks from recognition of having given.  So why then does holiday gift giving make us feel anxious and pressured?  Isn’t it suppose to make us happy?  After all, we are MORE blessed to give than to receive.

This time of year is usually described as time with family, religious activities, traditions, spending money, helping others and giving & receiving gifts.  And these gifts reveal the nature of the connections we have with others ... it exposes the character and the thinking of the giver.  Perhaps Christmas giving makes us anxious because it is an exchange.  Perhaps we dread receiving the bad gifts as much as giving it …

So here is an unofficial list of the type of gift-er you may recognize ...

The Genuine Giver

Someone who actually think about you and what you prefer.

The Status Hound Giver

Someone who shows their money or power by giving a costly gift that has nothing to do with the recipient.

The Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing Giver

Someone who think they are a wonderful giver but are no more genuine than the Status Hound.  Christmas is about them and will likely send a check or re-gift out of obligation.

The Power Player

Someone who manipulates the symbolic nature of the gift because they understand how gifts can cause pain, consciously or unconsciously.

The Complainer

Someone who talks endlessly about the inconveniences he or she experienced during the holiday season, especially during the acquisition of your gift (another reason there is alcohol at most parties ...).

Regardless of the “type” of giver you may connect with, giving truly is from gratitude that we have more than others.  This year, consider something different.  Volunteer at the soup kitchens, give old clothes to the thrift shops, or donate money to a local charity.  This year consider giving with the message that “you have a special place in my heart” because those are the most wonderful gifts to give and receive  

" How To Deal ... "

How do you cope when ...
And there's nothing you can do about it
How do you deal with
The fact that you had a chance ...
Though it's heartbreakin'
Its something that i had to do
But nobody said that it would hurt so bad
So how do i live
How do i deal ...

~ Frankie J ~ How To Deal ~

***

Even the strongest person has their weakest moments.  The question is not what the issue is, but how to deal with it.  I have had conversations were I complimented on my courage while facing such an “enormous challenge”, and my ability to cope.  

The thing is I don’t choose to just cope, I choose to live. 

Somehow, someway I believe in our darkest hour, we make a choice ... to give up or to thrive.  I believe small steps, taken over time add up ... they transform us.  I believe that by learning to trust life deeply rather than just coping is where healing occurs.

Yes it is difficult but a true test of your faith is when you are embrace the uncertainty.  When you surrender to the process that Life is not as it should be, rather Life is as it is.  At times, a liberating thought, at other times, a terrifying one.  Yet miracles happen when we open ourselves up to the possibilities.

Occasionally there are times we need to pause ... and step away from the hustle and bustle of life.  This pause allows us to rest, heal, reflect and renew our spirit.  This pause allows us to emerged refreshed and ready.  This pause is very necessary.

And we all have challenges that we are dealing with ... some seem trivial and others seem life-threatening ... because every aspect of our life changes constantly ... beliefs, health, relationships, careers.  So you make the most of every situation and you learn to “deal” with what life has thrown at you.  

“Dear Universe ... what’s next? ... I am available ...”

So when everything seems to have fallen apart, but you are still breathing, remember you have options to assert exactly what you want for yourself ... 

• You have the option to create a life you’ll feel passionate about.  
• You have the option to focus on what’s going right instead of what life lacks.  
• You have the option to take action in the present moment, the most powerful one available to you.  
• You have the option to embrace fear, be bold, and be brave.  
• You have the option to just - be - grateful.

And although it may make perfect sense, when chaos happens it is hard to practice.  Yet, I realize that I might stumble but I know that I’ll be okay as long as I remember that I already have all that I need.  I know that focusing on lack is not an option anymore and as all the wonders in my life allow me to move forward and trust.  I must trust the process as I know that my present experience continues to enrich my life in ways that I never could imagine.

“We don’t have to live in the shadow of what could have been 

if we shine a light on what’s working to allow it to grow ... “

" The Walk Home ...

The walk home
Was cold
But I'm wrapped in a soft blanket of self-satisfaction ...
Take note
Renewed hopes
Catch myself smiling at the people passing by as I pass em by

How did time pass me by
It's not that I was wasn't breathing just not living ...

And well just let time go by
Enjoy the feelings of each other breathing
Never compromise
Find that one love
The one you dream of and never let go

~ Stephen Covell ~ The Walk Home ~

***

Ram Dass said “we are all just walking each other home” ... a good reminder.  Why?  ... because it is so easy to feel disheartened by those who cause issues in our lives, whether purposely or otherwise.  Yet, these people actually have so much to offer us.  It is a reminder that they too are fighting a hard battle.

We all want to be loved, supported and free to be who we really are.  So focus on how alike we are to one another rather than being right about the idea that we are so different.  Wonderful in theory but oh so difficult to practice.

Another way to reflect on this is we are all just here to help each other find our way back to our heart, our authentic self and to live the life we were born to live.  And thankfully we can learn from children.  Children don’t wonder who they are, they just are.  It is when we grow up and learn to lead socially acceptable lives we part away from simple and effortless knowing.  The connection is lost.  We then yearn from within, to find ourselves and find our way back to our soul.  A time of crisis ... similar to a mid-life one.

who am I ... why am I here ... what is my purpose ...

Family, friends and even adversaries are either meant to be with us for life or rather a finite period of time, fulfilling very specific purposes, before our paths diverge again.  As we are all to familiar with people come in our lives for a blessing, purpose or lesson.

I have learned that there are no coincidences, detours or accidents in this life.  Instead they are very much a part of our path, even if the experiences while going through them are painful.  Yes painful ... experiencing hardship is by virtue a walk for us to gain clarity about who we are and what we want even if it’s through the contrast of reflecting back to us who we are not or do not want to become, and what we do not want to experience.

You begin to recognize your intelligence, your potential, your strength, your beauty, your perfection ... 

So now a moment to ponder who has walked you home, professionally and personally, currently and previously.  Some may make you happy, others sad, but each and everyone of them deserves a thank-you.  Massive gratitude because they helped you pull back the layers and find YOU ... and yes, a work in progress because every one you meet has the opportunity to do just that.

Ultimately the challenge is to forgive those who hurt you and allow yourself to heal.  Their gift to assist you in your transformation would not have occurred unless you endure the experience ... a blessing, purpose and lesson.

“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light“ 

~ Helen Keller

thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you* thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you* thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you* thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you* 

" Close To Me ... "

I've waited hours for this,

I've made myself so sick,

I wish I'd stayed asleep today 

I never thought this day would end,

I never thought tonight could ever be

This close to me ...

But if I had your face,

Then I could make it safe and clean 

If only I was sure,

That my head on the door,

Was a dream

~ The Cure ~ Close To Me ~

***

Gifts come in all shapes and sizes.  And yesterday I received one that would have been very hard to wrap but also one of the most beautiful by far.  Yesterday I gifted with a healing meditation ...

Initially my flight reaction set in and I had visions of an intervention happening with my ego hoping to latch on to whatever it could to control the situation.  But then something amazing happened ... I completely and fully opened myself up to all possibilities.  The intentions were pure, compassionate, loving and supportive.  The intentions were to help relieve the cause of the suffering and not the cause of the illness.  One in the same, perhaps.

The environment was about acceptance to what is & surrender to what is ... 

There are beliefs saying the root of illness is in the mind or consciousness.  Hence by tending to the mind and clearing it of any disturbances, the recovery speeds up.  Meditation is the key to control emotional pollution ...

Personally I was beyond words when my meditation class and teacher expressed how they saw this as a gift, they were honored and felt privileged to take part in the healing.  I was the one that was the recipient and they were the gifter?  Yet within our practice, some of the techniques we learn were being applied ... with no expectations.  

The gift is in the giving ...

Words cannot even begin to describe the beautiful experience that occurred ... powerful yet terrifying ... vulnerable yet protected ... flight yet guided ...

healing healing healing healing healing healing healing healing ...

So so much gratitude for how many blessings I am surrounded by.  Life is perfect as it is, as it is it should be.  

ॐ Namaste ॐ

" Give ... "

I been down right stubborn,

At one time or another,

And found it easier to bend.

I've had a shoulder to lean on

Been the one who got to be strong

And peace was waiting at both ends

I've felt the power, I've seen what it can do

It's seemed so simple, so simple that it's true

If you want to get love then give it

If you want to feel some forgiveness

Then you've gotta let go and do some forgiving of your own

If you want a friend then be one

A little bit of kindness, show some

You'll be surprised at how much finds it's way back home

It don't matter what it is

If you want it, give.

~ Leann Rimes ~ Give ~

***

I guess it would have been easier to just write a cheque, or donate money online but Monday morning we decided to contact the Siksika Reserve and find out what they needed and drop it off.  They are located in Gleichen, about 45 minutes to an hour away from Calgary and add another 40 minutes of commute time from our home to the city limits.  They need pretty much everything as 200 families were displaced during the recent Alberta floods.  

It has been a humbling experience ... this whole time.  Mother Nature, her fury and being able to do nothing but watch it happen.  Russell and I are so blessed to not have been physically affected but emotionally, well that is a whole other story.  An environment filled anxiety, fear, and stress as this wrath unfolds on our beautiful city.  

News reports reaching far and wide, overseas and down under ... Calls from friends and family ensuring everyone is “okay”.  Physically yes, okay, but this experience has changed our city, our citizens, our community ... a reality check, as things can change in an instant.

Yes it would have been easier to just send money but the impact that it had on us today is not replaceable ... gratitude, gratitude, gratitude for all we have ... an abundance.

We have so much and we are weathly ... maybe not in the eyes of the rich and famous, the oil barrons or the executives ... but in the eyes of those we met today, yes an abundance.

Tonight, I am going to let my burdens go.  

I am going to have faith that everything will get better.

There is something we all feel when we help others.  Perhaps an improved sense of well-being ... in order to help others in need ... a sense of purpose in life, an inner satisfaction.  Selfless giving ... no strings attached, recognizes that you have taken action in line with your spiritual beliefs by offering your resources to others in need. 

Personally, today was a very emotional and humbling experience.  It has been so easy to be consumed with my cr*p and today I realize, I have a roof on my head, I have warmth, I have food, I have a bed, I have ... an abundance.

I may not have everything I want but I have everything I need
at the two most important moments .... Here and Now.

If I need love, it’s already inside of me.

If I need peace, I just breathe.

If I need permission, I can say yes to me right now.

I have everything I need, because what I need is what I have.

" Present Tense ... "

Do you see the way that tree bends? 

Does it inspire?

Leaning out to catch the sun's rays

A lesson to be applied

Are you getting something out of this all encompassing trip?

You can spend your time alone, re digesting past regrets, oh

Or you can come to terms and realize

You're the only one who can't forgive yourself, oh

Makes much more sense to live in the present tense

Have you ideas on how this life ends? 

Checked your hands and studied the lines

Have you the belief that the road ahead ascends off into the light?

Or you can come to terms and realize

You're the only one who cannot forgive yourself, oh

Makes much more sense to live in the present tense

~ Pearl Jam ~ Present Tense ~

***

The lost art of living in the present.  Being present versus Being there.  The idea of being present encompasses the fundamental principles of yoga ... to simply “be” in the moment you are experiencing.  Easy enough ... so why then do  many lose sight of the “experience” before their eyes?

Perhaps it is because our society does not focus on the present tense.  We are always in preparation mode instead of enjoying today’s victory.  And when we finally stop to savor a milestone, it is by conscious measure, only to move on to the next one.

Truly, we are all familiar with the subject of presence ... wanting to be able to pay attention to what’s here versus dwelling on the past or longing for the future.

Just take this example ... you judge someone to be a certain way therefore you will expect them to behave that way.  Your expectations show up in the words you use, the tone of your voice and your body language.  Now, you are part of this person’s environment and your influence will set up an expectation, and other people will meet your expectation.  

Yet the problem is not their reaction but yours.  You responded based on the image you have of them.  So how do suspend judgement? ... you listen with the intention of understanding them by becoming fully present.  This brings your mind into this moment.  Now, in this relationship, each moment is new.  You have chosen to be present and surprise yourself by the potential that is within them instead.  

Mindfulness is a choice.  So how do we become more present in the present?  Start with believing that the most important thing in your life is what is happening right now, including what is inside you as well as outside.  

I have found that I must let go of the belief that I am irresponsible if I give time to myself, time to be alone and time to make contact with the Divine.  My responsibility to this human experience is to bring my whole self in to, fully and with a deep connection with my own being.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience.  And by being present, we allow the past memories, thoughts, feelings and worries to be left behind, therefore creating space ... a space for love, gratitude and miraculous transformations to take place ... a place where Divine manifestations occur.

the most precious gift we can offer others is our presence ... 

when mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers ... 

so wherever you are, be all there ॐ

" Holiday ... "

Everybody spread the word

We're gonna have a celebration

All across the world

In every nation

It's time for the good times

Forget about the bad times, oh yeah

One day to come together

To release the pressure

We need a holiday

You can turn this world around

And bring back all of those happy days

Put your troubles down

It's time to celebrate

Let love shine

And we will find

A way to come together

And make things better

We need a holiday

Holiday Celebrate

Holiday Celebrate

~ Madonna ~ Holiday ~

***

Holidays ... magical traditions to be savored.  At least that is what we are force fed by mass media.  Plus thanks to this season’s high expectations, holiday stress has become an acceptable tradition too.

So what brings this on? ... Well most of us tend to over commit instead of enjoying the moment.  As well, we may overload ourselves with inherited traditions that no longer fit our lives.  Because really ... do you really have only home-made baking, can't you just start your own traditions?

The spirit of the holidays is gratitude and giving ...

Of course it is so satisfying to support those we love and do something positive for our community.  Yet the conflict arises when we continually agree to things that please everyone but ourselves ... when we commit to task for which we have no time or desire.

The secret to cutting holiday stress is just saying no ...

When we continually agree to every demand that comes our way, we lose the joy in the effort.  We lose the entire reason for doing.  But when we know our priorities, we can turn down the less important things and focus on what matters most to us.  

Some ways to reduce your holiday stress include:

• Decide on which events you want to attend ahead of time
• Draw names for a gift exchange or buy one gift for the household
• Pool your money and invest in a professionally done family portrait with prints for everyone
• Rather than gift exchange, enjoy a holiday get away with the family
• Rather than gift exchange, donate to a charity 
• Have a potluck Christmas dinner to lighten the cooking load

Really, the list can continue ... when you put your mind to it, you can come up with many ways to lighten the load.  And chances are your ideas will be a relief for everyone, allowing them to meet realistic expectations and turn the holidays back to Christmas from Stress-mas ... and who knows, you may start up a new tradition in the process.