Wednesday, October 30, 2013

" Behind The Mask ... "

You sit behind the mask
and you control your world
You sit around and I watch your face
I try to find the truth
But that's your hiding place ...

I Walk around I'm suffering in my doom
When I come to you
Your sitting in your room
You sit around in the strangest place
So take off the mask, so I can see your face

Heaven must be wary 
You know where you've been ...

~ Michael Jackson ~ Behind The Mask ~

It is the night before Halloween and many are sorting their costumes ... capes, hats, clothing and masks.  Ah, Masks, they have long been a part of daily life as well.  From the past when tribal dancers wore them to worship their Gods, to the present where children wear them for special holidays.  Really it is just the extent to which we layer ourselves that varies as these masks stay with us until we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.

The masks we wear ... 
  • are decorated versions of what we prefer to show to the world. 
  • shield those parts of us that we don’t like or accept
  • shield those parts of us that others need us to hide to make them feel more comfortable.  
  • are complex and moulded from parenting, culture and society.  
  • satisfy collective expectations.

And for the most part, we don’t even realize the masks are there ... 

There are costs to being masked - the inability to express ourselves, show real feelings and the expectations of living up to a false image.  You see, when propping up a persona, our behavioural choices narrow and the skills we may need to survive in an environment can stop us from having real needs met in another. 

It takes a lot of energy to keep a mask in place ...

Appreciate that masks are protective barriers that we put up to deal with our insecurities, and these masks are not to be confused with who we really are.  Whether it is to gain social acceptance, hide vulnerability, hide emotions, to deceive or to manipulate, we all wear masks at some time in our lives ... just don’t become attached to your projections.  

The core issue is not feeling loved by others and ourselves ... if we don’t love ourselves, then we depend on others to make us feel worthwhile ... an unstable foundation for our relationships and our psyche.  When we are conscious of our masks then we know we are not what we pretend to be.  

The real self has choices of how to be, but the false self depends on others for how it should be ...

Remove those masks and be true to yourself, your expression, your soul, and your light ... as each one of us are here to accept our unique qualities and to share them with others.  Use wisdom to protect your inner self by shining out to others and having grace for those that cannot appreciate it.  Believe that your mask can be used to create safety and security, rather than suffocation, so that your light burns brightly to the world ...

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

" Inflamed ... "

And now you turn to me and say
Is your heart on fire? ...
And now you look at me and say
Is your soul aflame? ...

Inflame my fantasy
Enhance my reality
Kindle the fire in my soul
Give me the energy
To face my own destiny
Give me the strength to keep moving on

Is your soul on fire? Is your heart on fire?
Is your soul on fire? Is your heart on fire?

~ Loudness ~ Inflamed ~ 

Here’s a warning ... the next time your doctor tells you “inflammation is cancer”, don’t take it as face value.  Trust me ... do your homework and check the facts.  There is a difference between acute and chronic inflammation ... and their implications.

Acute inflammation is a normal immune system response to injury in a localized area.  It is an essential part of the healing process as when the site becomes red, swollen, warm and/or painful, inflammation is at work.  This is when nutrient-rich blood rushes to the area and immune-system cells heal the injury and inflammation subsides.  This is good news.

Chronic inflammation isn’t limited to a specific area or amount of time.  And since there is no obvious symptoms it can harm the body over time.  Oxidative damage to cells caused by free radicals in the body, inflammatory foods and overactive immunity can initiate chronic inflammation.  And this is where degenerative dis-eases come into play.  

Anti-inflammatory diets can help ...

We can shift our bodies back into balance with what we consume.  Dietary components may modulate inflammatory responses within the body.  Eat lots of fruits, vegetables, and wild seafood.  Add generous portions of deeply-pigmented vegetables to every meal and snack for their fiber and natural anti-inflammatory compounds. Many herbs and foods such as oregano, garlic, green tea, blueberries, and ginger contain bioflavonoids and polyphenols that limit free-radical production in the body

Also, particular vitamins, minerals and phytochemicals may have therapeutic benefits in inflammatory diseases.  Studies show that certain spices such as turmeric (curcumin) and ginger may inhibit the pro-inflammatory pathways.  In addition to specific dietary components, achieving or maintaining a healthy body weight is important to prevent or control chronic inflammatory diseases. 

An anti-inflammatory diet begins with choosing the right foods, but it continues with using anti-inflammatory cooking methods to prepare those foods. You can undo a lot of the good in your healthy foods by cooking them the wrong way.  Avoid the microwave as it destroys the nutrients in the food due to high heat.  Try steaming, poaching, grilling, broiling or stir-frying instead.  Take care not to over cook your food.

Personally most of my food is in raw form to ensure I not only ingest the nutrients of the food but also those amazing enzymes to nourish my body.  And the food that we do cook is cooked slow to ensure that we retain as much goodness as possible.

As said before ... do your research.  It can be tough at first to make changes but the payoff is huge.  From experience, it can make a tremendous difference in how you feel in a surprisingly short period of time.  So take the time to tip the balance away from pro-inflammatory, toward anti-inflammatory and heal your body ...

Monday, October 28, 2013

" Say What You Mean ... "

Say what you mean
Mean what you say
Think about the words
That you're using

Speak for yourself
Say what's on your mind
Think about the life
That you're choosing

Whenever you need somebody
Whenever you're looking
For somebody who knows
When trouble won't leave you alone.

I'm ready to take you now
Whenever you want to go
Yeah, my heart is there for you 
For always and ever, now ...

~ Moody Blues ~ Say What You Mean ~

I think that our biggest misconception about communication is that we are all good at it ... that we clearly speak, completely understand and we think we say exactly what we mean.  Yet the truth of the matter is that even in the best of relationships with the best communicators, we mis-communicate more than we communicate and we misunderstand more than we understand.

Think about it  ... when we have something that we want to communicate we are first faced with the task of trying to figure out exactly what it is that we want to say and, as we all know, that task is not always easy. The task becomes even more difficult when what we have to say is very important to us or in some way emotionally complicated. Somehow we have to put words on our experience, on what we want to say, and much more often than not, the words we have are at least somewhat inadequate to the task.  So much gets lost in the translation ... 

Even taking those words back and trying again can be tough because the receiver may already be responding to whatever clumsy jumble we coughed up and lost in whatever that cycle of misunderstanding and confusion is that we fall into again and again.  Add to the dilemma how complicated it is to clearly hear what they are saying and translate their unique way of saying things into our unique way of hearing things with any degree of accuracy.

Communication and healthy relationships, deep waters that you must dive into over and over again to make it work ... 

The problem is that each time an effort to communicate becomes hopelessly stuck in a pattern of miscommunication, we are reluctant to try again.  Yet when we really let go of our perception of how things are going to be based on the past, we open ourselves up to the possibility that things can be better.  

The art of patience and curious listening ...

Stop the Blame Game ... instead of blaming others, we can take personal responsibility for how we communicate.  We can realize that the message we are trying to give is not being heard and our approach not working.  When we own our ability to respond, we can be more aware of our own attitudes and behaviours.  Without judging ourselves, we can regard ourselves with an attitude of kindness .... because we all have areas we need to improve.

Communication is tough, real tough.  But if we are more likely to forgive the awkward process of stumbling around tyring to figure out what we mean and how to say it, we express or true self, who we really are and what we really feel.  Remember, unscripted dialogue may be a poor approximation of what ultimately is meant to be said.  

By having grace for others, we are more likely to give them the space that they need to figure out what they mean and how to say it ... and we are less likely to react to our first misinterpretation as if it were perfectly accurate.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

" Great Expectations ... "

You've got great expectations 
You've got great expectations ... 

You've got great expectations, do you want to play the role 
You've got great expectations, you'd even sell me your soul ... 

You've got great expectations 
You've got great expectations 

~ KISS ~ Great Expectations ~ 

Expectations usually cause more stress than joy because we’ve attached ourselves to an outcome which is uncontrollable.  The disappointment happens when the kindness isn’t returned because what we imagined to be didn’t happen.   

Yet, when we release the need to control what we get, we also release suffering.  You see, tempering expectations of other people will reduce unnecessary frustrations and help you focus on the things that truly matter.

So how do we begin to do so ....

By realizing that we are not in the world to live up to the expectations of others, nor should others live up to ours.  The more you approve of your own decisions in life, the less approval you need from others.  Others progress or success has no connection to your life, because it is about spending your life happily in your own way.

By understanding that it is important to respect yourself more than anyone’s respect of you.  Have faith and trust in who you are and then the willingness to act upon it.  Your path, your purpose, your life.

By knowing your worth and spend time with those who value you because no matter how good you are to people, there will always be negative people who criticize.  Know that the toughest battle you’ll ever have to fight is the battle to be yourself.

By not expecting others to fit into your ideas of who they are.  Allowing others to be themselves is real love an respect ... start appreciating them for who they are instead of who you want them to be.

People rarely behave exactly the way you want them to.  The magnitude of your happiness will be directly proportional to your thoughts.  Remember that everyone deserves to be happy and live their live, not the life you want them to ... don’t let the opinions of others make you forget that.  

Releasing expectations doesn’t mean you give others the option to treat you thoughtlessly, it just means your motivations are aligned with giving with no strings attached.  And in the end, the people who care about you will naturally be there for you in return ... without any expectations for them to do so.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

" The Walk Home ...

The walk home
Was cold
But I'm wrapped in a soft blanket of self-satisfaction ...
Take note
Renewed hopes
Catch myself smiling at the people passing by as I pass em by

How did time pass me by
It's not that I was wasn't breathing just not living ...

And well just let time go by
Enjoy the feelings of each other breathing
Never compromise
Find that one love
The one you dream of and never let go

~ Stephen Covell ~ The Walk Home ~

Ram Dass said “we are all just walking each other home” ... a good reminder.  Why?  ... because it is so easy to feel disheartened by those who cause issues in our lives, whether purposely or otherwise.  Yet, these people actually have so much to offer us.  It is a reminder that they too are fighting a hard battle.

We all want to be loved, supported and free to be who we really are.  So focus on how alike we are to one another rather than being right about the idea that we are so different.  Wonderful in theory but oh so difficult to practice.

Another way to reflect on this is we are all just here to help each other find our way back to our heart, our authentic self and to live the life we were born to live.  And thankfully we can learn from children.  Children don’t wonder who they are, they just are.  It is when we grow up and learn to lead socially acceptable lives we part away from simple and effortless knowing.  The connection is lost.  We then yearn from within, to find ourselves and find our way back to our soul.  A time of crisis ... similar to a mid-life one.

who am I ... why am I here ... what is my purpose ...

Family, friends and even adversaries are either meant to be with us for life or rather a finite period of time, fulfilling very specific purposes, before our paths diverge again.  As we are all to familiar with people come in our lives for a blessing, purpose or lesson.

I have learned that there are no coincidences, detours or accidents in this life.  Instead they are very much a part of our path, even if the experiences while going through them are painful.  Yes painful ... experiencing hardship is by virtue a walk for us to gain clarity about who we are and what we want even if it’s through the contrast of reflecting back to us who we are not or do not want to become, and what we do not want to experience.

You begin to recognize your intelligence, your potential, your strength, your beauty, your perfection ... 

So now a moment to ponder who has walked you home, professionally and personally, currently and previously.  Some may make you happy, others sad, but each and everyone of them deserves a thank-you.  Massive gratitude because they helped you pull back the layers and find YOU ... and yes, a work in progress because every one you meet has the opportunity to do just that.

Ultimately the challenge is to forgive those who hurt you and allow yourself to heal.  Their gift to assist you in your transformation would not have occurred unless you endure the experience ... a blessing, purpose and lesson.

“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light“ 
~ Helen Keller

thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-youthank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-youthank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-youthank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you

Friday, October 18, 2013

" Upgrade .. "

I used to wonder why ...
Often I felt alone
Then you spent an entire day telling me how I rate
I wish I should have known ...

Take a look, a closer one
Ask, Yeah the stranger you're seeing is me
Now I refuse to settle for anybody anymore ...

Oh, I've been forced to draw a line in the sand
For myself I'm taking a stand
If I fall again, that is if I can, oh oh
I'm gonna get myself an upgrade
An upgrade
An upgrade ...
~ Eric Saade ~ Upgrade ~

We live in a time when there are constant upgrades for phones, computers, TV’s, so how about upgrading your life?

Where is your mind?
We are constantly surviving negative, stressful events as we detect, imprint and catalogue them.  We know that when we put our attention on something it increases ... we tune our attention in a certain way, we initiate a glow of biochemicals that carve brain pathways for more neurons to travel more easily down the same path the next time around.  At the same time, our attitude and focus also create a subconscious template of perception that filters the millions of incoming bits of life’s information and captures those bits that match our initial proposition.

What about the linear path of life?
Usually we follow in the footsteps of our parents ~ go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, get more money, acquire things, get more money, acquire more things and then ... the same well-worn paths.

Yet we have the opportunity to pave our own paths and create their our own futures instead of being bound by the old system with its old rules.  We cannot expect different results if we continue with the same process.  New paradigm.

It’s time for an upgrade ...

Upgrade by self-creating ... when we focus on our consciousness towards gratitude and beauty, we weave peace into our cells, a cell regeneration if you will.  And that is a good thing because about one percent of all of our cells die and are replaced every day.  So within three months at a cellular level, we have new bodies.  
Upgrade by perspective ... how you perceive daily life, with appreciation or frustration, with gratitude or discontent, joy or sadness.  We have the power to grow and cultivate a peaceful environment.  And of course this is not a novel idea, we are always creating or re-creating in our lives.  Habitual patterns of thinking or reacting is similar to a computer ... you can un-install the programs you don’t like and permanently affect your hard drive aka mind.

Growth can be messy, painful and inconvenient at times, yet stagnation will eventually zap the life right out of you.  Once you get tired of the status quo, embrace your creativity.  It is what drives you forward.  You will start to envision your future and you will stop living in a state of managed dissatisfaction ... look for ways, take risks and embrace failures because it is a time to grow, reflect, reinvent and ultimately push forward in new directions.  

So what’s stopping YOU from upgrading your life?

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

" It Is What It Is ... "

It is what it is 
I don’t know what to call it (don’t know what to call it) 
‘Cause I’m feelin’ something else (I’m feeling something else) 
It is what it is (what it is) 
Just don’t let yourself get caught up (aww girl) 
When it’s really something else (yeah, yeah
Take it to the bridge ...

I'm not saying that two wrongs can make it right 
It ain’t too late for us to try (yeah) 
Do we put back together 
Or we say goodbye? (ha) ...

~ Usher ~ It Is What It Is ~ 

It is what it is ... a phrase that shows no sign of tiring.  Similar to what’s done is done, boys will be boys and that was then and this is now.  Sounds familiar right?  Most either personally have used these expressions or know people who do.  

So what does it actually mean?  Well according to the infinite dictionaries, the definition is “this thing has it’s own distinct nature, this thing is itself .... this circumstance is simply a fact and must be accepted or dealt with as it exists”.  

Yet could "It is what it is” also be a way of expressing philosophical resignation over a disappointment, of saying that the situation just has to be put up with.   But do you have to put up with it?

Simply put, life constantly presents us choices ... we can choice to accept things the way they are OR we can believe that “it is not what it is, it is what you make of it.  

If you accept reality as it is, you end your suffering ... and your present moment is all you have.  What you do in this moment will determine what will happen in the next and so on ... Perhaps in how it is defined, but for me it is a lot more hopeful to make the choice for change.  If I don’t like my reality as it is, I need to change the present moment so that my next moment reflect what I truly want.  Yes, easier said than done.  Because it is super easy to say accept things the way they are AND decide nothing will change.  The funny thing is, if you open you mind to the possibilities, your brain won’t fall out ...

So you get to decide ... is it what it is or is it what you what you make of it ... but while you are trying to figure that one out, make sure you ask yourself, what IT really is?

Saturday, October 12, 2013

" Receive ... "

Today's all about me, all about how I'm feeling 
Today's all about me learning how, how to receive 
How to receive, 
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ...

I move on through offerings, I found exciting 
In this slow on list of words of understanding 
I give hard and fight hard and now I need to retreat 
I give out, dedicate and now I need to acknowledge me ...

Today's all about me, all about how I'm feeling 
Today's all about me learning how, how to receive 

~ Alanis Morissette ~ Receive ~

Although it is an innate skill, Most of us were never taught how to open and receive.  It has been conditioned out of us.  Yet it is never to late to experience love, joy and abundant aliveness that is our birthright according to The Law of Abundance.  And the abundance I am referring to is the experience of being tapped into Source Energy ... where all good things flow to us and nourishment from our hearts.

So to learn how to receive you have to become more aware of your personal dynamic for receiving.  We are always vibrating energy and what we focus attention on determines how we vibrate.  Like attracts Like ... so when we focus on our heart we draw all things that are in sync with expansive heart energy.  

Ironically, by the universal laws that govern all of us, abundance is already given ... dependent on our alignment with it.  An unlimited Source of everything we need or could ever want is available to us all the time.  

Awaken your own natural state and be open 
to receive what is already abundantly given to us ...

This past week I received an abundance of gifts ... gifts of love, compassion and support.  I realized that when I am aligned with The Law of Abundance, I then move in oneness with it.  I realized that when I am open to receiving, I then move in oneness with it.  And the only things that limits me is my beliefs in lack and limitations ... because what is left is the real me ... joyful, creative and loving.

You may be wondering what determines your experience of abundance or lack of it.  Look beneath the conscious mind.  Usually from a subconscious place we pull ourselves out of alignment due to what we focus on, what we accept, what we believe and if we think we are worthy.  When we search out our limited beliefs, bring them to the fore front and consciously release them we free ourselves of self-sabotage.

Personal Mantra: 
let go of the resistance and open up to the flow of love and abundance creates ... 

Thursday, October 10, 2013

" Close To Me ... "

I've waited hours for this,
I've made myself so sick,
I wish I'd stayed asleep today 
I never thought this day would end,
I never thought tonight could ever be
This close to me ...

But if I had your face,
Then I could make it safe and clean 
If only I was sure,
That my head on the door,
Was a dream

~ The Cure ~ Close To Me ~

Gifts come in all shapes and sizes.  And yesterday I received one that would have been very hard to wrap but also one of the most beautiful by far.  Yesterday I gifted with a healing meditation ...

Initially my flight reaction set in and I had visions of an intervention happening with my ego hoping to latch on to whatever it could to control the situation.  But then something amazing happened ... I completely and fully opened myself up to all possibilities.  The intentions were pure, compassionate, loving and supportive.  The intentions were to help relieve the cause of the suffering and not the cause of the illness.  One in the same, perhaps.

The environment was about acceptance to what is & surrender to what is ... 

There are beliefs saying the root of illness is in the mind or consciousness.  Hence by tending to the mind and clearing it of any disturbances, the recovery speeds up.  Meditation is the key to control emotional pollution ...

Personally I was beyond words when my meditation class and teacher expressed how they saw this as a gift, they were honored and felt privileged to take part in the healing.  I was the one that was the recipient and they were the gifter?  Yet within our practice, some of the techniques we learn were being applied ... with no expectations.  

Words cannot even begin to describe the beautiful experience that occurred ... powerful yet terrifying ... vulnerable yet protected ... flight yet guided ...

healing healing healing healing healing healing healing healing ...

So so much gratitude for how many blessings I am surrounded by.  Life is perfect as it is, as it is it should be.  

ॐ Namaste 

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

" Why Do We ... "

If the weight of this all is too much by now
The rest of my life might be too long.
I know I've changed I watched myself slip away.
I've compromised everything's going to be alright.

Why do we try? 
Why do we try?

Everything's going to be alright.
I compromised.
I compromised.
Everything's going to be alright.

~ Samiam ~ Why Do We ~ 

“Why do you blog? ... is it a creative release? ... is it self-promotion? ... is it narcissistic?” ... questions recently asked of me.  And it sure did make me think, 
why DO I blog?  

Well it has become a part of my life now, and although not for money, I started blogging in 2008 when I started a local walking club called WalkStrong.  At that time my intention was to promote health and wellness as I as pursuing my personal training certification.  Today still aligned, my intentions are to promote health and wellness.

Interestingly, blogging has become a profession for some where media events are covered as conduits of communication and associations of expertise.  In a way, bloggers have become the alternative media, less scripted and more raw.

Personally, I use my blog as a tool to convey my messages.  Some use public speaking, others home videos and vlogs ... I see my blog as a network to share and stay connected... in hopes that some of these ideas may provide knowledge and wisdom.  I also hope my blog is a place to keep a record of ideas, to stimulate conversation and even to make a difference.

I recently read that the quest for permanence is what really makes us blog and tweet.  It is what causes us to announce every minute detail to the universe ... the ability to create a permanent record in an non-permanent world.

“ Little by little, the camera in our brain and the pictures stored in our body’s memory have become antiquated. It is a romantic idea, but not a permanent one. The memories we store for ourselves fade. The context of the pictures is lost when we can’t explain it. So we created a hard record of ourselves using the most rock-solid, written-in-ink tool we have: the internet” ... 

I would rather be asked “what does your blog accomplish?” because therein lies an opportunity to make that difference.  Ultimately knowing that one day, all our permanent Internet words will slowly fade, the best I can hope for is that somewhere, some shred of truth and meaning lives in those posts ...

Monday, October 7, 2013

" Rejection ... "

Aaaaaaaaha rejection
Aaaaaaaaha possession

I spent so much energy
On the frantic rivery
I should start on my grace ...
Can't you see ther's nothing more about me
Now it's time to seek and try to find a way ...
Before you turn your back on me I wanna get my energy
~ Martin Solveig ~ Rejection ~

Rejection is responsible for some pretty painful memories.  And it is unavoidable when dealing with other humans.  So instead of hiding from rejection, I realized it was time to learn how to handle it.

Once again fear comes up ... the fear of rejection and why we are so afraid.  And really that nasty voice in your head is just trying to protect you from repeating the same mistake ... maybe it is rejection by the world that you experience once before or maybe it is the public shame of being turned down.  
The reason rejection is so painful is that our minds start to jump to conclusions.  So it is important to think about why you were rejected instead of taking things personally.  Just think about all the times you have rejected people ... not on purpose, assuming they’ll understand because you know it wasn’t personal ... you were busy, distracted, had a lot going on.

Really ... rejection sucks and there is no other way of saying it.  And there are those who will never suffer from rejection but they never try, they never dare, they never step out of their comfort zone ... choice pain of rejection of pain of mediocrity, pain regardless.  Plus all of us want to be “liked” but statistics show that one in ten people won’t like us regardless what we do.  

So we know we can’t really avoid rejection ... but we can decide how we handle it.  And of course, rejection is a part of ... you guessed it, growth.  It helps you develop as a person, it helps you uncover blind spots and learn more about yourself.

Personally I now anticipate rejection.  It challenges me to set a high benchmark to what I do.  It forces me to push my boundaries.  It drives me to become better and not procrastinate.  In life the are always going to be naysayers so focus on the things you can action on and empower yourself.  Because there is always a reason behind the rejection.  So when it happens again ask yourself ... what can you do about it?  what have you learned about it?  how are you going to apply what you've learned?  what are you next steps?

Affirmation: rejection is a step forward to knowing what others want, what's out there in the reality, and how to improve myself to achieve my goals ... 

Sunday, October 6, 2013

" Deep Hurt ... "

I saw you, like the promised land; 
And I felt you, like the only one. 
I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling down; 
I'm falling, I'm falling inside my heart. 
I'm waiting, I'm stearing your time has come; 

I'm waiting, I'm stearing to burn you down... 
Deep hurt, when you leave me like this ... 
Deep hurt, when you're laughing of me... 

~ Lamia ~ Deep Hurt ~

* Deep hurt takes deep healing *

Deep hurt ... when an event or a time in your life where the rug of life itself seems to have been ripped out from beneath your feet.  

About a year and half ago I experience deep hurt.  By a friend, a hurt that was unexpected and very deep.  So I spent a long time reflecting ... asking why the situation happened, asking what I did “wrong”, asking how it could have been different.

* Deep hurt brings deep compassion *

And I have realized that I didn’t need to get over it, I needed to go through it and honor my pain.  Yes, that is right, honor.  Honor the reason why I have the pain to begin with.  It is not about arguing with your new reality, however catastrophic it feels.  It is about saying yes to what is happening at the moment and seeing where you can move yourself into a higher place from that moment forward.  It is about having more loving compassion for yourself rather than pity.  It is about finding that higher reason.

Courage * Integrity * Truth * Love 

I wish I knew then what I know now ... isn’t that always the way?  If only someone would have taught me that within the seed of deep life tragedy is the seed for life renewal ... and take that situation and create positive change ... perhaps my pain would not have lasted so long.

You are not your mind ... You are not your thoughts ...

Perhaps it is about getting through to the other side of your grief and into a place of authentic empowerment which shows you how via your situation you can feel different.

Perhaps it is about adjusting to the new situation with a positive sense of purpose re-igniting hope and replacing despair.

Whatever scars you carry around with you, take the time to not only identify your pain but express it.  In my situation, I didn’t have the opportunity to communicate my hurt.  So instead I scribed what I needed to and burned it.  It  empowered me instead of victimizing me.  

Yet reliving the past ... can be addictive ... it gives us the opportunity to do it again and respond differently ... you know to fight back instead of being passive or to speak your mind instead of staying silent.  It also allows you to possibly understand better. What happened? Where did you go wrong? What should you have done?  But reliving the past also allows you to torture yourself.  Because regardless of what you should have done, you can’t do it now.  

So stop telling the story.  It may seem like another way to understand what happened, or maybe it feels helpful to hear someone say you didn’t do anything wrong and you don’t deserve to hurt. In all reality this just keeps you stuck right where you are: living your life around a memory and giving it power to control you.

I realize that I can’t find happiness by holding onto a painful story.  Sometimes when trying to find a happy ending it is better to look for a new beginning.  I can only find happiness when I let it go and make room for something better.   

It has not been easy to release a pain identity, particularly when I’ve carried it around for a long time.  So I started to remember who I was before that experience and I also consider who I might have become if it hadn’t happened.  Interesting space to play in ...

Hence if you find it hard to completely let go of the hurt forever, start simple ... make room for joy right now.  Just re-focus and allow yourself a little peace.  And because you don’t have to carry your hurt through every moment of your day, allow yourself pockets of peace, shared with people you love and find you need that story a lot less.