Friday, April 1, 2011

"Back to Life, Back to Reality, Back to the here and now yeah"

After a fairly smooth travel day back home, back to reality. Wow, not sure if anyone can prepare for this part. Luckily Russell's brother Tim bought groceries for us to get started as well as set up the juicer. So appreciate family right now!

Russell sorted out the medications (3 month supply) as well as finding the right place for the juicer. First experience with it, carrots raining everywhere. "It raining carrots, hallelujah its raining carrots"!!  Yikes!

My anxiety and stress went up, but told myself what I told others, we have a blip or two or three! and then move on. Get into a routine, Meena, get into a routine. Between juicing, figuring out medications, making the soup, putting the potatoes on, coffee enemas …holy crap (no pun intended) what the hell is going on.

Next came a call from the insurance company questioning my short term disability and why I have refused surgery. Really it is my body, my life and my treatment plan choice. Yeah, they all think I am crazy, but hey why don't they get something cut off and get back to me.  It raised a great deal of anger and I had a good cry with Russell holding me on the couch. I thought "can I do this, what I am doing", and the fear set in. He told me we will be okay, he will take care of things … my nature is to worry and worry leads to negativity and fear and is a detriment to my body and health. I know this, so why do I allow myself to go there … habit.

After Russell made the lasagne for my parents, which smells SO good, we quickly went to Mom and Dad's place to drop it off. It was so good to see them, Mom and I hugged and cried. I thought I would be strong but as soon as I saw her I thought about how bad her accident could have been. I was so scared asking God for him to watch over her as I need my Mom. Just like I need Russell. I guess I need more people than I thought.

 It is a lonely time, missing my friends, my freedom and my old life … what do I miss, my lattes, going around to the mall and window shopping, going for brunch with my girlfriends, watching movies, eating fun foods ….but I am scared to death that if I cheat I will nullify my treatment.

 Trying to keep positive intentions, staying true to my feelings but embracing the change of lifestyle because I have made my choice.

1 comment:

  1. You can do this Meena... because you ARE doing it. What a courageous woman you are!! And not just because you have made this choice... but because you are willing to admit your vulnerabilities... name them... look at them square in the face and keep moving! I love it. Keep asking for support... because it is okay and it's an HONOR and a privilege to those who you are asking it from. Pick me - pick me - pick me!! (picture me jumping up and down! LOL!!!)