Tuesday, February 26, 2013

" Into The Void ... "

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

talking to myself all the way to the station
pictures in my head of the final destination all lined up
(all the one's that aren't allowed to stay)
tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

tried to save a place from the cuts and the scratches
tried to overcome the complications and the catches
nothing ever grows and the sun doesn't shine all day
tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

~ Nine Inch Nails ~ Into The Void ~

One of my favorite shows is The Biggest Loser.  I think because I empathize with the participants.  I get it.  I was there for the majority of my life.  I was overweight from a very young age and used food as my vice, my fix to fill the void in my life.  Even after developing an eating disorder, I still believed I was in control of it that I could stop at any moment.  It was the farthest from the truth because that empty feeling just didn’t go away and neither did my addiction.

Most of us can identify with that emptiness.  Life can be great most of the time, but that underlying feeling remains.  We try to find a way to manage it but the truth is it never gets filled ... you can’t run from it, you just have to face it.

So do you recognize your void?  

Usually we attempt to “fill the void” with either positive or negative people or activities.  Some people grew up in homes where love was conditional based on performance, achievement and productivity.  Others, in abusive homes and never received approval or acceptance from their parents.  Therefore emotional voids evolve and as children we find a way to cope, survive.

Reflecting back, I had an AHA! moment ... I use to be a “giver”, a "people pleaser". Constantly doing things for friends and people, being there for them and draining myself in the process.  And even though I said I had no expectations, we all do.  And mine were never fulfilled.  I never received as much as I gave.  Maybe because I gave in unrealistic ways ... maybe because my expectations were too high ... maybe because my giving was conditional.  Maybe.  But really my epiphany came when I realized that it was because I didn’t feel I deserved it.  I didn’t feel that I was good enough.  I didn’t think I was equal to others.  So, I think I set myself up, self fulfilling prophecy if you will ... my expectations would never be met and I would always end up disappointed.  This I expected, this was familiar and therefore this I created.  I wasn’t open or ready to receive.  Yikes!

So how do you fill your void? 

As previously shared, I filled my void with food.  And there is a price that comes with filling a void with food.  Besides the obviously health issues, it comes on slowly.  It is likely that the rut you are stuck in has also developed with time.  And it stems from a feelings of inadequacy and imbalance.  I was unhappy, depressed and probably not a barrel of laughs to be around (I apologize to my loved ones and am so grateful for their presence still in my life!)  Thankfully, now I have a my renewed sense of excitement and purpose in life which makes me feel full.  I turned my negative into a positive.

So if you are unsure if you have a void in your life, listen to your heart.  Feelings of emptiness, hollow, nothingness, meaninglessness ... you know as you go through it, you experience an undesirable state of being.  You are existing and surviving, not living.
Voids are mainly caused by terrible loss and experience of inadequacy in life.  When joy, security and self-realization is lost, a vacuum is created within.  Life becomes empty without a point of reference or a common thread as Oprah shared.  The bigger the investment on the source of meaning, the more hollow the void is after its loss.  

The key is to live your life in its “fullness” ... 

I read that the universe hates voids and always finds ways to fill empty spaces.  So as part of this vast universe, you are also enabled to fill this void starting from your own.
Recognize that you are a person with depth and serious search for meaning in life ... 

Be grateful that if you feel the void, you are in touch with your inner self.  And once you have this awareness, you can change.  So go back to your most important values in life and recover what you consider most precious because as human beings we all need HOPE, essential for us to truly live our lives as they are meant to be lived ... 

Saturday, February 23, 2013

" Energy ... "

In beauty or beast
Who's my character to be
I'm now covering
All the makeup that makes me
(Come on, come on, come on) ...

And all of your friends are now whispering
I think you left me for the government
And all of your friends, I hope are listening
I wish you'd stop sucking all my energy ...

(Energy, energy, energy, energy, oh)
I wish you'd stop wasting all my energy
(Energy, energy, energy, energy, oh)
I wish you'd stop wasting all my energy

~ Collective Soul ~ Energy ~

Ever notice that successful people have an energy about them.  And it is not just their physical energy but their “inner” energy.  Considering low energy, exhaustion and fatigue are at epidemic levels, it would probably be wise and start rebuilding our personal energy levels now.

So how do we get and maintain high level of personal energy?  Well the first thing is knowing that personal energy does come from within ... the real source is inside.

Opportunities create personal energy ... optimism.  
Consequence thinking creates “stuck-ness” ... pessimism.

It starts with taking care of Health.  Critical.  Good health provides the platform for high personal energy.  We all hear about how highly successful people have overcome very difficult physical and mental issues to create the energy necessary to succeed ... the key being opportunity thinking.

It involves Curiosity.  Curiosity also creates personal energy.  A sense of discovery or wanting to know more ... then taking action to gain knowledge.  It gets you out of a rut.  And I read somewhere that “the only difference between a rut and a grave is a rut's longer.”

It means Overcoming.  Overcoming the panel of “thems” as I refer to it ... you know the “theys” or “thems” that are invisible and sitting on your shoulders telling you to be careful, be afraid and give up.  Ignoring it is a small victory.  And knowing they will be back but also knowing you can overcome it if you keep your eyes on the prize.

It means Releasing worry.  Worry drains your energy and if you are a worrier, like me, or an over-thinker, mental exhaustion results.  Lift your worry by reciting   “May I be free of worry, May I be well, May I feel safe and at ease, May I be at peace”.

Check in and assess your level of energy.  There are infinite ways to increase this so find what works for you.  Commit yourself to taking action and use this to control your emotions.  Just begin by laughing, smiling and thinking about an opportunity ... and you may be amazed at how things may shift and lift your spirit.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

" Closure ... "

Give me closure
Searching for solace
Closure - am I still lost? 

And so you've forgotten me ...
For these lifetimes gone by
I can't help question why
Through the years denied this

Tears gone uncried
Torrid inside
And no face to relate to names to reply
Especially when the memories
Cut like a knife
Left with just pages to which I confide

~ Divine Heresy ~ Closure ~

Closure ... having to severe the energetic cord that once connected you to another.  I read that “this unbroken cord may leave an open channel between you and another, through which emotions and energy can continue to flow” (Daily OM).

Not knowing how to put a proper end to a relationship can influence any healthy relationship planned in the future.  It is like having an “open account” ... which is when you are afraid of truly letting someone go because you always want to have that access, afraid you might miss out.

Sadly some relationships evolve from mutually supportive and life-giving bonds to unhealthy scenarios.  Endings that are abrupt or subtle, via e-mail, phone or in person, with words or silence ... all need to be mourned and processed.  It still hurts and deserves closure and peace, especially if there was no real good-bye.

So when you are ready, cutting this “cord” can help you rid of old baggage, unnecessary attachments and release you from connections that no longer serve you.  

Start with acceptance and adjustment.  You have to come to the realization that it is over.  Respect the time spent and accept the fact that this chapter of your life has now come to and end.

Next, identify with what the experience has taught you instead of dwelling on the pain.  Visualize all the benefits and be proud of yourself.  Pat yourself on the back for having the courage to work through it and tell yourself that your future is so much better than your past.

Finding and cutting unwanted “cords” can be a gentle process.   Just start to believe that you are not severing a relationship, but you are severing the connection that is no longer serving you both.  You are setting yourself and others free from the ties that bind.

You see, closure looks forward by letting go and moving on.  That is what closure gives us.  We may have gone through the grieving process but still not have the closure we need.  By recognizing, accepting, understanding, integrating and practicing gratitude, we can come full circle to experience closure.

Closure helps it all make sense. It turns something seemingly broken into something useful, purposeful, and lovely.  A different perspective, a lesson learned, a new beginning ...

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

" Blank ... "

I wish I was blank
I wish I was blank
I wish I could thank
I wish I was blank 

I'd write a letter to you
And there'd be nothing to it
I wouldn't hem and haw
On just how to start it

I wish I'd stand up straight
I wish I'd said things different
I wish I'd said nothing
Things would be so perfect
I wish myself to keep
I pray my soul to sleep
I wish myself away
I wish I was blank

~ Smashing Pumpkins ~ Blank ~ 

There is a difference between making the life you always wanted versus just making a living to get by.  Sometimes when you just make a living, you abandon your dreams and deprive the world of your authentic gifts ... you play it safe.  Each day can become a series of endless habits and routines ... all is built on anxiety and fear, boredom and oblivion.  

Life shifts with opportunities to add colour to every day, 
a do over, a blank canvas ... 

Over the last couple of years, my priorities have shifted, how I view life versus living, how I shape my life to whatever I want it to be, and who I allow to involve.  Of course the palette is more accessible at some times than others but it is always there, waiting for the first brush of colour.  The goal ... set out to make a life where my unique talents shine and inspire. 

When you set out to make a life, 
each day is based around meaning and purpose, 
with intent and action ... 

My primary motivation with this blog is to share, learn and exchange ... provide a service and help each other without ever a concern for reciprocity.  Is this my purpose?  time will tell as I have always wanted what I say to mean something. 

Purpose is a spirit seeking experience ~ Oprah

Every day, we can all start with a blank canvas by seeing ourselves in others from all walks of existence, and believe this vision can naturally calm the heart, bring peace and understanding.  

I believe we are all connected, we are all united, we are all one.  I believe that our collective gift as human beings is a never-ending supply of blank canvases.  We can awaken to a fresh, new, untouched surface waiting for whatever we choose to apply, in whatever amount we wish, however we envision.  
What a liberating thought?

Having only vague instructions and having to work against the pressures of the coming tides of life, our mission is to create a beautiful drawing, a masterpiece.  A blank canvas awaiting design by you, the engineer, the architect and the sole director behind the camera.  Yes, it begins and ends with you ... so what will your masterpiece look like?

Thursday, February 14, 2013

" L.O.V.E. ..."

L - is for the way you look at me
O - is for the only one I see
V - is very, very, extraordinary
E - is even more than anyone that you adore can
LOVE is all that I can give to you
LOVE is more than just a game for two
Two in LOVE can make it
Take my heart and please don't break it
LOVE Was made for me and you!
LOVE Was made for me and you!
LOVE Was made for me and you!

~ Nat King Cole ~ L.O.V.E. ~

Well it’s that time of year again ... Valentine’s Day.  And just in case you needed a reminder just walk into any retail outlet and you are bombarded with chocolate-covered somethings, stuff animals holding plastic hearts, and pink/red everything.  You can’t miss it .. from flowers to candies, teddy bears and balloons.

I remember the time when we were younger, we would give mini Valentine cards to our classmates with popular characters and cartoons, hoping that someone would Be Mine!  I remember counting how many cards I got, wishing it was more than the year before.  The basic need to be LOVED.

Today is more than just a day to “buy” something for our loved ones ... it is a day to express our gratitude for the people in our lives who are always there for us, the people who will always love us, unconditionally.  Partner, parents, siblings or friends.

But isn’t everyday Valentines Day if we are mindful to hold close to our hearts our loved ones?  In a moment everything can change so express your true feelings nowDon’t wait.  

Every day that we are given on earth is one in which we can practice gratitude ... never take for granted that tomorrow is ours ... so remember we have 365 days to work with and the possibilities are endless ...

classic video featuring: NAT KING COLE L-O-V-E

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

" Cuts ... "

... There won't be sun on my face
And not one smile to be seen
There will be salty lemon cuts
All over every inch of me

Cause I am lost
And I am used ...

There will be ice on the moon
Glass in my eyes
Thorns in my heart
And broken bits inside ...

~ Jann Arden ~ Cuts


So you think you have dealt with it ... that’s why they call them old wounds.  But then something happens ... you hear a story, you see an old photo, you hear a song, or you actually see the person.  And boom, you find yourself right back to that place.  That place when you had to deal with the rejection, the hurt, and the pain.  

Don’t you believe that “time heals all wounds” or 
“this too shall pass”? 

Consider a physical cut ... this cut if not cleaned out nor applied with a salve, will probably develop an infection ... but the wound will most likely close and leave a scar.  Now, every time you look at the scar, it reminds you about the cut.  Using the same analogy, when our heart is wounded, we feel as if we have been torn open.  Now the developed scar can be seen as our anger, fear, resentment and doubt.

“healing is an active process, not a passive one”

Is it harder to deal with the one that chose to leave versus the one that naturally passed away?  Death is a part of our life cycle, but rejection is just so different.  

Looking at the meaning of healing through loss, the phrase heal comes from ... “to be whole”, derived from the belief that when we become sick, we lose our wholeness.  We have allowed something or someone to break through our wholeness.

“Returning to wholeness often means that we must somehow 
integrate what is no longer identified as a threat” ...

How do you define "threat"?  Maybe a deep scar signifying a feeling of unworthiness ... were you not good enough, strong enough or fun enough?  Although it may not sound right they seem like real thoughts, real emotions, real heartache and real threats.

Yet the wonderful thing is that life goes on ... and you start to put it all together, one piece at a time, one foot in front of the other and just move on.  Because trying to make sense of the something that doesn’t is a colossal waste of time ... realize that it is no longer a struggle or a a threat, it just IS.

Upon reflection, I believe that people come in and out of our lives all the time ... leaving to make room for the new.  So that lesson has been taught, hopefully loud and clear ... but if not, no worries, there is sure to be another cut to experience ... here's just hoping that the next time around,  you get to decide how deep it is ...

Sunday, February 10, 2013

" Union of the Snake ... "

Telegram force and ready
I knew this was a big mistake
There's a fine line drawing
My senses together
And I think it's about to break ...

Nightshades on a warning
Give me strength at least give me a light
Give me anything even sympathy
There's a chance you could be right

The Union of the Snake is on the climb
It's gonna race it's gonna break
Gonna move up to the borderline ...

~ Duran Duran ~ Union of the Snake ~

Today millions ring in the Lunar New Year with parades, paper lanterns and firecrackers and celebrate the Year of the Snake.  

The Chinese zodiac calendar is known as Sheng Xiao and is divided into 12 cycles.  Each cycle is represented by one animal ... the rat, the ox, the tiger, the rabbit, the dragon, the snake, the horse, the sheep, the monkey, the rooster, the dog and the pig.

So we say goodbye to the Dragon (2012), the fifth cycle and symbol of good fortune and positive vibes ... and hello snake!

“The snake is a slithery reptile feared for its sharp fangs 
and revered for it’s undeniable charm”.

What does the year of the snake mean?  Well, it seems in Chinese mythology, snakes were associated with monsters, or with incarnations of monsters.  So astrologers believe there is a way to deal with the “destructive powers of a snake” by wearing a monkey pendant.  It seems the monkey is the only animal that can handle the snake.  As well, the specific element that governs The Year of the Snake is water, adding the 2013 snake is more moderate, humble and patient.

As for people born in this year, they are believed to be intuitive, introspective and refined ... but can be seen as manipulative, scheming, excessively proud and vain (ouch!).

Pundits say these years are always intense and following the yin and yang concept, for the universe to balance, the dragon yang’s positive force will match the snakes yin negative force.  Yet they are not to be considered good or bad in the moral framework, they simply are.  You see as the dragon exits and the snake begins to uncoil, things may seem out of balance, feelings will become more acute and sense will be heightened.  The snake is considered wise and unforgiving and history has shown that the snake year is never tranquil.  

So how can we navigate the best outcomes for the 2013 Year of the Water Snake?  Begin with taking advantage of what is left of the dragon year ... 

  • Review your plans and actions in anticipation of the unexpected
  • Hone your insights
  • Settle differences or conflicts

Seeing that this year offers the opportunity to see more, notice more and exercise perceptive abilities to support our decision-making.  Think of the water snake shedding its skin, releasing the old and preparing us to rattle past realities.

Spiritually speaking, the Snake is transcendental in its capacity for healing.  Seeking peace through recalibration of the karmic balance, it understands the mistrust born of chaos in which the world finds itself.  And the water element that rules this cycle counsels balance in compromise as a path to peace.

So make this the year to inspire new found ambition and achieve great things.  Reflect, ponder and plan to move forward with refreshed understanding and growth ... 

Thursday, February 7, 2013

" Jealousy ... "

Oh jealousy look at me now
Jealousy you got me somehow
You gave me no warning
Took me by surprise
Jealousy you led me on
You couldn't lose you couldn't fail
You had suspicion on my trail

Oh jealousy you tripped me up
Jealousy you brought me down
You bring me sorrow you cause me pain
Jealousy when will you let go?
Gotta hold of my possessive mind ...

How how how all my jealousy
I wasn't mad enough to let you hurt my pride
Now I'm only left with my own jealousy
But now it matters not
If I should live or die
'Cause I'm only left with my own jealousy

~ Queen ~ Jealousy ~
It is probably safe to say that we’ve all experienced some form of jealousy in our lives.  Whether we are the ones that were jealous, or someone jealous of us.  But do you want to know that the reasons for jealousy can be?

Uncertainty.  Low self-esteem.  Possessiveness.  Arrogance.  

When a person has a rather negative self-image, jealousy appears as a rescue attempt.  A person who thinks of themselves in an inferior way believes they don’t deserve the relationship.  Therefore they feel they will be abandoned.  Some people go as far as with this belief that they self-sabotage.  Their illusion becomes their reality.  Their insecurity of their role or position in the relationship leads them to questioning everything about it.

Sometimes the “too popular” partner can create a jealous reaction.  When you have a popular, communicative and extremely sociable person who is admired by all, it can generate feelings of envy and jealousy.  Feelings of not wanting to share your time with this person with others due to the constant attention they receive.

But probably the most destructive extreme of jealousy comes from possessiveness.  This can lead to an unhealthy relationship of dependency ... happens when the other checks upon you, controls you, dominates and subdues you emotionally.  Such people are arrogant as they subtly destroy the self confidence of the other person.  

So how do you or your loved one overcome jealous without losing your relationship? 

It begins with awareness.  Awareness allows you to see that the projected “illusions” in your mind are not true.  By changing what you believe you change what your imagination is projecting and you can eliminate these destructive emotional reactions.  
  • Take a step back from the “story” and shift your point of view.  
  • Address the beliefs that trigger jealousy instead of attempting to control your emotions.  
  • Take your personal power back so that you can get control and refrain from reactive behaviours.  

Regardless, the willingness to change unhealthy behaviours will happen when you have the desire to do so ... you just have to first decide if the relationship is still worth fighting for ...

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

" Definition of Destiny ... "

Won't you stop, take a breath
Find a moment to reflect
On the pure and simple choices that we fail to see

From the worst to the best
From the east coast to the west
On a never-ending quest to end our misery

Punch the clock to a own
While our lives are put on hold
When did all our childhood dreams begin to disappear?

Well a long time ago
We had passion, we had goals
Why is life so set in stone it doesn't have to be?

So cut to the chase, it's time to escape
Before it's too late
Yeah pick up the pace, catch up with fate
It's slipping away
So get off my road, no I won't be told
'Cause I got my own (definition of destiny)
Yeah take back control, and don't let it go, 
The future's unknown (definition of destiny)

~ Billy Talent ~ Definition of Destiny ~

Ever wonder what the difference is between fate and destiny?
I often do.  Being brought up with the belief that fate is something that we decided before we were born, destiny is just the part you create continuously, moment by moment.  

The Essence of Buddha states “your destiny is shaped according to the combination of conditions pre-determined at birth and other factors that you are able to change through your own efforts”.

Curious, I wanted to know more about what these conditions were ... predetermined or otherwise, that come into play shaping our course ...

  • Soul tendencies or Karma
  • Social climate
  • Family environment
  • Personal efforts
  • Self discipline
  • Influence of other people

If you believe that some of the elements are predetermined, then before each reincarnation, you support the plan for your spiritual training.  You decided to learn things in this particular lifetime that may not be to your physical being’s liking.  From a human only perspective, you might feel victimized while you inner being or Spirit, chose the learning experiences to grow from.  Yes, I know this is a difficult notion to consider ...

The idea is when we can understand that on some level we chose these experiences, it becomes easier to accept them as part of our journey.  As strange as this may sound, everything in life is in fact for us and not against us, and everything is also by us.  Embracing this allows us to take responsibility and hopefully make profound changes in our life.

What I can relate to is in the past, I would attract the same energy and challenges in my life.  And I never learned the lesson so they just seemed to get bigger and bigger.  This continued until I really had to listen because it escalated to the point that was life threatening if I didn’t make a change.  

You see, when you hit rock bottom, you can only go up ... but it is up to us if we decide to stick around for a bit longer.  Simple point ... we define our destiny when we decide how we handle life.  We shape our destiny by the thoughts we think, the beliefs we have and we know what way we are headed by the feelings we have about every choice we make.

Feel yourself in alignment with the flow of life 
that you decided on before you were born 
... journey with your soul purpose.

I am learning that my situation may be my fate, but not my destiny.  It is never meant to stay that way because what I am experiencing is only right now, but everything passes.  

You shape your own destiny by the choices you make right now ... 

So my plan is to continue to observe myself and others.  Use my enquiring mind.  Analyze habits, tendencies, strengths and weaknesses of my soul.  Strive to change myself from my current self ... in hopes that this will help not only change but perhaps conquer my fate, moment by moment ...

Friday, February 1, 2013

" Too Intense ... "

Butterflies in the sky
I feel just like that
Thirty five thousand feet
I feel just like that

I can't catch my breath
It's too intense, tense
I need just a minute
Give me just a minute
It's out of control
This is out of control

Got me thinkin' 'bout the future
I feel just like that
Wanna trust, lose control
I feel just like that ...

~ Vivian Green ~ Too Intense ~

Today I had a wonderful opportunity to get caught up with one of my Gerson buddies, C.  We met two years ago and instantly I felt a connection, a bond.  And not just because we both are managing our conditions, but because we are on the same page.

Today, we compared notes on the physical side effects of our cancers ... yada yada, the aches, pains and fears ... but then we got to the interesting part ... our spirits.  And it was what C said to me today that left me in awe.  He said that regardless of the outcome, it’s been a great ride.  He was thankful for the opportunity to learn with such great intensity, as it wouldn’t have happened if he was not dealing with cancer.  How cool is that eh?  A wonderful way to look at an undeniable adverse situation.  

Now I often write about looking at the “bright side” despite the odds, but I too have been struggling with keeping my chin up.  You see, just when you think you are working through it, you hear about another friend’s progression of cancer.  That was this week, too intense.  And you can’t help to wonder if this is the inevitable path you will take.  It is overwhelming and honestly it just plain SUCKS.  

So venturing down the path that life isn’t fair, you get a tada! ... a silver lining.  C was my silver lining today.  A conversation containing a message that I needed.  He spoke with such conviction as to his belief in the therapy we are both still on (closing in on two years for the both of us).  And instead becoming bogged down with the “worsening of your condition” prognosis, C was grateful for the last two years to learn about how we can live healthier and learn about what our bodies can and cannot heal.

Along the same thoughts, one of my practitioners talks to me often about the “gift” I have been given to change my life.  To become the person I am to be, which was far from what I was.  “Listen to your inner guidance and follow you path”.  

And what if the path leads to an adverse consequence?  Well, if you believe that everything is happening to serve a higher purpose and that God is never wrong, then what is occurring is always right.  Yes a very very hard pill to swallow (ha no pun intended ...), yet once we un-grasp, release and let go, we truly surrender to  the natural flow of life.  

So I get it when others get tired because now to me it is not giving up, it is having the strength to accept.  For me, this is important as approaching another round of tests soon, I will be put to the test.  My beliefs will be “officially” challenged, my choices will be discredited, great fear will once again be projected and decisions may have be made.

But as C said, be thankful for the ride because it has truly been quite a wild one!!  So today I send extra special love and light to C for his kindness, his love and most important his wisdom ... you truly are a precious gem my friend.

"Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold" 
M. Setter