Wednesday, April 27, 2011

"Keep on Growing ..."

"Cause time is gonna change us, Lord, and I know it's true
Our love is gonna keep on glowing and growing and it's all we gotta do

Keep on growing, keep on growing
Keep on growing, yeah, yeah, yeah
Keep on growing, keep on growing
Keep on growing"

~ Sheryl Crow ~ Keep on Growing ~

In the last few days, Russell and I have been discussing growing an organic veggie garden.  Now if you read one of my previous blogs on the requirements for the full Gerson therapy, we need a LOT of veggies. Just an example, we go through 75 lbs of carrots alone in one week, this includes 3 juices a day extra for Russell.  He is in prevention mode, which is so wonderful, because from my experience, you want to be proactive and not reactive.  

Anyhow, we decided that we should plant veggies in a raised garden bed.  So we started to do some research on the internet and found some great information.  We watched a simple video by The Garden Girl Basically, raised bed gardening is a garden built on top of your native soil.  They can be made with wood or stone keep your bed intact.  Some advantages are they drain better, they spring quicker, don't get compacted and are easier to tailor.

We ventured down to the Totem store and bought ourselves some wood and nails.  It is important that when you are planting organic vegetables, your supplies are untreated.  As obvious as this sounds, we made sure to purchase the correct supplies.  The awesome part of this experience is that the staff at the store was amazing, so helpful and proficient.  Russell did the driving as I ensure our load was not going anywhere but home ... hanging on tight!  It actually reminded me of the commercial with the couple holding on to the mattress on the top of the car and driving wild.  We were a bit more safer, driving with hazards on, wood tied down and a load flat to boot.

Once we got home, we followed the steps to how to make a raised bed garden:

Step 1: Select your site
Step 2: Determine the size or shape of your garden
Step 3: Prep your site
Step 4: Construct the bed
Step 5: Level your frames
Step 6: Fill your garden

We got to Step 5 and it was pretty excited.  Well, actually Russell did the construction of it, but we both planned the site area.  We realized that one, it can be done and two, we need more.  So this weekend we are off to purchase enough for 4 raised beds.  Our plans are to plant lettuces and maybe a fun food like snow peas.  Since there is no way we can plant enough carrots, we figured the others are manageable.

Never would I have thought I would go from a project position in the Calgary oilpatch to planning a garden.  Life changes within a second.  You accept it and move through it ... this a great project, since this we are literally planting the seeds to our health and well being.  What a wonderful feeling.  Feeding our bodies what it deserves.

I heard Charlotte Gerson speak this week during an interview with  She said something that just makes sense, and simply puts where we are today...

"Take care of your body so it can take care of YOU ..."

Sunday, April 24, 2011

"The Show Must Go On ..."

"I guess I'm learning
I must be warmer now
I'll soon be turning
Round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free
The show must go on
The show must go on, yeah yeah"

~ Queen ~ The Show Must Go On ~

On  Friday, I had to get my evening juices and treatments organized, sorted it out and be ready for pick by Miss J, bandmate and close friend.  We had a gig scheduled at the Powderhorn Saloon in Bragg Creek.  All day, I was buzzing about the gig, more so to be able to get out and socialize!  I wasn't nervous, first time ever, I guess considering what else has been going on, this felt manageable ... and I was excited.

It was a beautiful drive out to the mountains as the sun was setting.  Once we got to the pub, Russell had already unloaded most of the gear and was in set-up mode.  We usually all go together, but with my intense schedule, he went early and did most of the work.  It was a full house, and it was nice to see friends in the crowd ~ Karen and Joe, Ray and Karen, Rita and Dave, Sofia, and Tim.  

The place was hyped up.  There was a competition to crown the King and Queen of the saloon.  It was ... WILD.  Drunk people everywhere and they were eager to hear us play.  We had been out there last June and they wanted us back.  After minor adjustments and a change of stage clothing, we were ready.  Now usually we have our set list planned and we play songs back to back.  This time, there were a lot of interruptions - blowing the breaker, drunks filtering on and off the stage ... but like usual style, we go with the flow.  It was awesome to see everyone having a good time, carefree and just living in the present.  Funny though, I think the part that shocked a few was the bikini competition ... yep, it was WILD!

We had a great show considering our last gig was New Years Eve.  At that time, we were just waiting on the diagnosis.  I realized on friday that a lot has happened and happened fast.  But I also realized that I enjoy playing music, being on stage and entertaining.  I am a lot more comfortable in my skin now.  I am at peace with myself.  It was interesting too, as some of the friends were happy to be there, but looked a bit uncomfortable not knowing what to say.  That was okay, it is a tough time for anyone affected by this, I understand.  And for myself, I was so happy that night, and I realized because my cheeks were hurting ... from smiling so much!!  Now that is a good type of pain.

As I always write, this has been the greatest challenge of my life.  Yet I feel that with the darkness there comes light, and this illumination is around the corner.  Last week was a week of low energy for me.  But what I realized is that it is a clearing for me, the fear, the tears, and the sadness is all part of my journey to wellness.  Another friend of mine told me that when she was going through this, she didn't have time to die and she had no fear.  I understand this, I have too much I want to do, to much I want to live for.  I want to sing more, I want to play more and I want to live more.  

I read a beautiful quote which seemed quite fitting ...
"Suffering is not enough. Life is both dreadful and wonderful...How can I smile when I am filled with so much sorrow? It is natural--you need to smile to your sorrow because you are more than your sorrow." ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Thursday, April 21, 2011


"Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there's so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy?

~ Natasha Bedingfield ~ Happy ~

Hope is the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life.  At times in our lives when things seem out of control, hope is what we have.

I have been exploring different modalities to support my healing process.  Engaging in meditations, reciting mantras, reading books and of course blogging has been therapeutic, very therapeutic.  I have realized that there are feelings that are low and others that are high.  And it is important to recognize the low feelings - feelings of fear, anger and sadness.  Most of us suppress these which can lead to imbalance, and illness.  When the body is in dis-ease, it is imbalanced.  It is important to believe that we have the ability to heal our bodies, bring it back to balance if we give it a real chance.

One of the modalities that has interested me is healing by the use of crystals.  My friend and healer, Jolene Tse, guided me to these powerful healing stones.  Crystal therapy or healing is a form of vibrational medicine.  Crystals can be carried or worn on the person or placed in a location where their healing vibrations can be felt by whomever is nearby.  Each type of stone has its own unique talent.  You can intuitively choose which crystals to use by noticing which stones you are attracted to.  I have been given the following healing crystals from close friends:

  • Clear Quartz - power stone that harmonizes and balances; enhance energy and thoughts, and purify the spiritual, mental, and physical. It is associated with the crown chakra.
  • Amethysttone of unconditional love. It opens the heart chakra to all forms of love: self-love, family love, platonic love, and romantic love. It also brings gentleness, forgiveness, and tolerance
  • Hematite - this crystal is the most recommended stone for grounding and is associated with the Root Chakra, by encourages ones survival instincts and is centering. It is known to deflect negativity and restores equilibrium and stability.
  • Rose Quartzthis stone brings gentleness, forgiveness, compassion, kindness and tolerance. It raises one's self-esteem and sense of self-worth. It helps balance emotions and heal emotional wounds and traumas, even grief, bringing peace and calm and removes fears, resentments and anger.

Keep your heart and hands open and allow the appropriate healing crystals to find their way to you.

Monday, April 18, 2011


"Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world" 

~ John Lennon ~ Imagine ~

I have the great fortune to have loving family and friends in my life.  I need both hands to name those I can count on, who love me unconditionally, and who believe in me even if at times when I stop believing in myself ... I have all the riches of the world.  

At this time in my life, my faith has grown strong, very strong.  Everyday, I pray and meditate and wish for health, love and happiness.  With the Gerson therapy, I am flooding my body with nutrients on an hourly basis.  As well, I continue to detoxify my body.  I follow the therapy exactly as I am told and have surrendered to the process.  As well, I have so much love surrounding me right now.  And I am happy.  This may sound odd but .... I have stopped wishing for my old life back.  I have realized that this is my life now and really what parts of my old life did I want back?  I was fatigued, I was stressed and I was probably not a barrel of laughs to be around!!  Thankfully, my family and friends are still here, sticking around because their concern, their love and their support comes from a pure place.  They warned us on this therapy that different emotions could come out ... and yep, I have had some strong emotions, mainly sadness and tears, but hey that is detoxifying too ... so bring on the tears!

Now I view this as an opportunity to become a better person, a healthier person and truly setting an example.  Last year when I completed my Personal Training certification, I was happy but not truly satisfied.  I wondered if I was a real example.  I didn't think others would view me as such ... but the reality was that I didn't view myself in such a way.  I didn't feel that I was living my truth.  I felt disconnected.  Although I put my all into helping anyone that I could, I needed to truly feel what I was expressing to others.  
Learning: I need to practice what I preach.  

Things happen to us for a reason.  Although it is a difficult time, full of challenges and changes, this is an opportunity to learn, to grow and to share.  What I have learned thus far (and I know there is a a LOT more to come) is that it is okay to ask for help, it is okay to look for support and it is more than okay to receive ... 

I can imagine no material possessions and I do NOT measure worth by what I own.  
I measure my life by the "brotherhood" around me.  Living life in peace for today. 

Thursday, April 14, 2011

"This Will Be Our Year ..."

"don't let go of my hand 
now darkness has gone
and this will be our year
took a long time to come"

~ The Zombies ~ This Will Be Our Year" ~

This morning we woke up to a dump of snow.  Yep, April 14, and we have snow, a LOT of snow.  Although there were warnings of snowfall, it is funny how we still seem so surprised.  And, we continue to have the conversations of "why do we live here?", "I hate this place", and "I'm moving!".  Yet, we continue with our days and just work around the blanket of white.

After our usual morning routine, Russell was going to wash the blinds, so I thought I had better shovel our walk.  Now you have to understand we live on a corner lot, so there is a lot of pathway and again, a lot of snow.  As I bundled up ... hat - check, gloves - check, jacket - check, and boots - check.  Between my juices, and coffee treatments, I decided to tackle the task at hand, making sure I take the time I need and not over do it.  

As I started to remove the snow from the porch, I noticed the following:

and I stopped in my tracks.  I called Russell to take a look and we were both speechless.  Now on any ordinary day, these are footprints and no big deal.  But the reason why we both reacted this way is because of a dream I shared with my family a week ago.

Shortly after we returned from the clinic, in the middle of the night I woke up suddenly to a sound as if someone was knocking on the door.  I wasn't sure if the knocking was in my dream or our front door, but it felt real.  I looked over to the alarm clock and it was close to 3AM.  I thought to myself I should go answer the door.  Then I looked over to Russ to see if he was awake by the same sound.  He was fast asleep.  I then thought to myself, go back to sleep, don't answer the door, it is in the middle of the night.

Then in my dream state or wake state, unsure, I could see the person at the front door, but I was behind them down the steps.  They had a long cape covering their head and a tall cane.  As this figure turned around, it was faceless, just a hollow black hole.  Next vision I had was they were across the street standing on the corner but looking at the front of our house.  Then the figure vanished.  I guess it is okay to presume this was the grim reaper.  When I told Russell about the dream, he had shivers and said "I'm glad you didn't answer the door".  A good friend of mine said the same thing.  I guess it was good judgement to stay in bed.  

Yet afterwards, I needed to know the meaning of my dream.  I was hoping it wasn't the literally translation of death or death looming.  I had no fear, but curiousity.  A few meanings were provided when I starting looking with the dream analysis world:

  • Fear of death, or awareness of your mortality at the moment
  • Something or someone in real life trying to take something from you (time, attention, energy, focus, or anything physical, emotional, or mental) that you're not prepared to give
  • An ending or a change in something—such as a phase, project, or relationship
  • You feeling a sense of doom or a fear of impending failure

Now looking at these, one might think in a negative manner.  But instead, I highlighted what I choose to take from this - Awareness, Time, Attention, Energy, Focus, Change, Phase, and Feeling.  The lifestyle change we are currently experiencing would not have happened unless I was faced with my mortality.  Raising my awareness.  Time is of the essence.  Attention is required.   One hundred percent Energy is needed.  I must be Focused. Change is a coming.  This is a Phase of life I must endure.  And I am Feeling everything now. 

Those footsteps are a reminder, a good reminder.  I am glad I didn't answer the door.  This is the time and this will be our year to be the healthiest ever.  Those are our intentions.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

"Time After Time..."

"if you're lost you can look--and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
time after time ..."

- Cyndi Lauper ~ Time After Time ~

Every day in day out, our schedule is the same.  Nothing much changes, unless we need to make an urgent run to the organic food store to buy groceries.  This usually means going to our favourite store in hopes of finding 50 lbs of carrots for the week (yes, you read that right)...So what exactly does my day look like ....

My DIET looks like this:

Breakfast: A bowl of rolled oats cooked in water with raisins and glass of fresh carrot juice.

Lunch: Bowl of Hippocrates, large salad, and a baked potato with homemade salsa

Dinner: Exactly the same as lunch.

I have all this plus 13 fresh veggie juices per day:

  • Four green veggies
  • Nine carrot/carrot and apple.

My DAY looks like this:
6:30am: Wake up and orally take 2 oz castor oil with half cup coffee (every second day)

7:00am: Coffee enema
8:00 - 8:30am: Carrot juice.  Breakfast
9:00am: Green juice, answer emails and start working on blog
9:30am: Carrot/Carrot and apple juice
10:00am: Carrot/ Carrot and apple juice.  Coffee enema
11.00am: Carrot juice. Walk/Yoga
12.00pm: Green juice
1.00pm: Carrot/Carrot and apple juice. Lunch 
2.00pm: Green juice.  Coffee enema
3.00pm: Carrot juice.  Walk/Yoga/Go to the Mall/Visit with friends
4.00pm: Carrot juice.
5.00pm: Carrot/Carrot and apple juice.  Coffee enema
6.00pm: Carrot/Carrot and apple juice. Dinner
7.00pm: Green juice, fill medication pill box for next day
8:00pm: Coffee enema 8.30pm: Get Coffee ready for next morning, drink peppermint tea, eat some fruit. 
Watch TV, Read, Blog, Band Rehearsal, Visit with friends...
10pm - 11pm: Sleep

Sunday, April 10, 2011

"Beautiful Mess ..."

"What a beautiful mess,
What a beautiful mess I'm in, 
Spending all my time with you, 
There's nothing else I'd rather do..." 
~ Diamond Rio - Beautiful Mess ~

It's been a couple of days since my last blog.  The last few days have been good, real good.  Thursday was a fun day as I went got my haircut.  Yep, chopped it all off.  It was so much fun.  Russell's stylist had done such a great job on his hair in the past, so while we were at the clinic, I decided to get a fresh perspective and book an appointment.  Naomi was wonderful.  I explained to her that I needed something easy, and simple since I cannot use any products or color my hair till treatment is over.  I showed her some photos and ...viola!  she did a great job.  I almost didn't recognize myself, but it was a new me .... a new beginning.

The next few days were full of different activities.  We also had a great visit friday night with our close friend Mina.  She is a wonderful person, full of love and so so giving.  It was nice to connect with her, once again I felt blessed.  We also ventured out to a garden show on saturday afternoon.  I was just so happy to get out of the house!  It was across town so we were singing along in the car and laughing.  It truly was the entire experience, not just getting there.  I really felt like I was in the moment, living in the present.

Since I have about 2 hours between treatments in the afternoon so planning is important.  But Russell plans the juices, medications and supplements.  He is so unselfish, getting up in the morning while I am doing my coffee break, and getting breakfast on, preparing the soup for the day, preparing the potatoes and making sure the carrots are ready for juicing.  Sometimes, the juices are all ready as well.  I look at him at times and wonder at times, "are you getting tired of this".  I've apologized for the imposition and he says to me, "why are you sorry, you didn't chose this.  Wouldn't you do the same for me?"  His energy positive, upbeat and contagious! and at times when I get discouraged, he reminds me that this is a journey, and an adventure we are both on it together, that I am not alone.  Even the other day when the green juice exploded all over the place, floor, cabinets, ceiling and of course all over me.  He just smiled and laughed and said no worries, he would help me clean it up.  Clean up this beautiful mess.  That is exactly what the situation is.  A beautiful mess, but I have someone in my life that is by my side, ready and willing to pick up the pieces, clean up the mess and still look forward to life.

It is an exciting time, the unknowns are infinite, but the present is what I have.  I choose to enjoy it, beautiful mess and all.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

"It's my life ..."

It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I'm alive
~ Bon Jovi - It's my Life ~

After a good nights sleep, it was a little tough getting out of bed for my morning "coffee break".  But, I reminded myself of why I do this and then realized it was more about sleeping in than getting up ... wondering to myself, what does the day hold?

After breakfast and making the morning juices, I needed to get out of the house.  I had about 40 minutes to spare (odd right now) so decided to go for a nice light walk outside.   As I walked I noticed all the people in the neighbourhood rushing to get to work.  It reminded me that is what I use to do.  Well, actually I never use to spring out of bed, I never was excited about my day.  But what I did enjoy was the ritual of the whole thing.  If I was lucky, I got a ride to work else I would take the local transit and watch all the people load up on the train.  Many looked sad, angry, and discontent.  Yet I felt a sense of comfort knowing that I wasn't alone.  Odd how misery loves company.

Don't get me wrong, its not like my life was horrible, its just I had very little passion in my life.  I worked hard, I did a good job and I was rewarded.  But did it make my heart sing?  unfortunately no.  And now, when I walk in the morning in my loungewear, I miss the familiarity.  I guess I knew what to expect.  But what I didn't realize is that what I expected was a reflection of what I was thinking.  I made my reality, and I took for granted a situation which was very rewarding in a lot of aspects.  I met some great people and made some nice friends, I learned a great deal, I developed my skills, and I was well respected.  So what makes my heart sing, what is my true passion ... health and wellness.  And the very principles I was preaching to others, I forgot to preach to myself.  Now is my chance to do just that.  Practice what I preach.  

Overall, today was a special day ... this afternoon gave me solace as my close friend and little sister Shefali and her daughter Meera who is 3 years old and Rohan who is 4 months old paid a visit.  Such precious souls, reminded me of the importance of the present.  Just a beautiful time, as I soaked in each and every moment.  True wellness and yes definitely made my heart sing ~ "It's my life and I just want to live while I'm alive"

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

"Healthy Food ..."

"Healthy food! 
Boy, it taste so good. 
Me one healthy dude 
'Cause me eat healthy food. 
Me love it boiled or stewed, 
Me love it whole or chewed. 
You'd feel just great if you'd 
Eat some healthy food! "
~ Sesame Street - Healthy Food ~ 

Many people consider drinking Carrot juice one of the healthiest lifestyle choices possible. It is known for beta carotene which gives the body Vitamin A, B Vitamins, Vitamin E and many minerals.  The health benefits of drinking carrot juice are thought to be good prenatal health, eyesight, bones and teeth, liver and nails, skin and hair as well as helping in cancer prevention.

Carrot juice is thought to reduce the risks of many different types of cancer including skin and breast cancer.  The cancer-fighting properties of carrot juice are often thought to be excellent due to the high amounts of beta carotene. Beta carotene changes to Vitamin A in the body. Studies have connected Vitamin A with cancer prevention by its antioxidant properties that help eliminate cancer-causing free radicals in the body.

So Do I Why Juice?
The Gerson Therapy requires upto 9 carrot and/or carrot apple juices per day.  By juicing you are removing the indigestible fibre and making the nutrients more readily available to the body in much larger quantities than if you were to eat the fruits and vegetables whole. For example, if you ate a carrot whole your body would only absorb 1% of the nutrient beta carotene. However, if you juice the carrot, you will receive 100% of the highly beneficial beta carotene. 

Monday, April 4, 2011

"A change is gonna come ..."

"Oh there been times that I thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will"
~ Sam Cooke - Change is Gonna Come ~

On February 3, 2011, Calgary City Council voted 10-3 in favour to remove Fluoride from our drinking water.  The timeline for the removal of fluoride remains unclear, as the city must apply to Alberta Environment to amend its water licence.  Opponents question the safety of fluoride in drinking water and suggest it should be up to individuals to decide whether to expose themselves to the additive.

Why all the controversy around Fluoride and why does it matter to me?
According to the Max Gerson, fluoride is a powerful poison. It is a compound (with sodium!) of the most powerful of the group of elements called "halogens." These have similar properties, but fluoride is at the top of the list, the tiniest, most active and the most powerful. This also means that it is capable of displacing the halogens lower in the periodic table, including the fourth ranking one: the all-important iodine. Iodine is needed by the thyroid gland in order to produce thyroxin, a major hormone that controls many others. Iodine is also needed to restore the immune system in order to heal cancer and most of the other chronic diseases. Displacing iodine (with fluoride) seriously impairs the immune system--and with it, the body's ability to heal!

So what does this mean to me?
A workaround ... basically due to the fluoride has yet to be removed, we have to purchase distilled water and I get to enjoy a sponge bath just like when I was a baby.  This is a tough one for me, coming from a gal that LOVES hot baths .... *sigh* oh how I miss my baths .....

But hey! "a change is gonna come..." and when it does, this gal is going to be soaking and soaking till her hearts contents!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

"Panama, Panenema, oh ho oh ho ho, Enema..."

"Panama, Panenema, oh ho oh ho ho, Enema..." .... can you picture David Lee Roth signing those lyrics? yeah, right, probably not!  Wondering how do I take my coffee - black, and straight up ... pun intended!  Sorry for the joke, but when you are up to 5 "coffee breaks" a day you start becoming inventive.

So what with all the upside down coffees? ...

A significant part of the Gerson therapy is to detoxify and restore the liver.  As per Dr. Max Gerson, complete healing is when the damaged toxic liver is restored and functioning.  Supported with juices and supplements, the coffee enemas are very important in cancer therapy.

But this should be a wake up call for people not living with cancer and how they treat their liver.  Exposure to frequent drinking, "fun foods" as Charlotte Gerson refers to them,  hair and nail salons have probably negatively affected your liver.  You don't need signs of dysfunction as your liver is probably functioning under par.  If you experience symptoms such as headaches, acne, mood swings, depression or PMS, it may be a good idea to support your liver with hydration, detox foods, and vital nutrients.  Foods such as whole grains, garlic, onions, lemons, dark leafy greens, and cruciferous vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, cabbage, etc)  as well as fresh vegetable juices all aid liver detoxification.

Friday, April 1, 2011

"Back to Life, Back to Reality, Back to the here and now yeah"

After a fairly smooth travel day back home, back to reality. Wow, not sure if anyone can prepare for this part. Luckily Russell's brother Tim bought groceries for us to get started as well as set up the juicer. So appreciate family right now!

Russell sorted out the medications (3 month supply) as well as finding the right place for the juicer. First experience with it, carrots raining everywhere. "It raining carrots, hallelujah its raining carrots"!!  Yikes!

My anxiety and stress went up, but told myself what I told others, we have a blip or two or three! and then move on. Get into a routine, Meena, get into a routine. Between juicing, figuring out medications, making the soup, putting the potatoes on, coffee enemas …holy crap (no pun intended) what the hell is going on.

Next came a call from the insurance company questioning my short term disability and why I have refused surgery. Really it is my body, my life and my treatment plan choice. Yeah, they all think I am crazy, but hey why don't they get something cut off and get back to me.  It raised a great deal of anger and I had a good cry with Russell holding me on the couch. I thought "can I do this, what I am doing", and the fear set in. He told me we will be okay, he will take care of things … my nature is to worry and worry leads to negativity and fear and is a detriment to my body and health. I know this, so why do I allow myself to go there … habit.

After Russell made the lasagne for my parents, which smells SO good, we quickly went to Mom and Dad's place to drop it off. It was so good to see them, Mom and I hugged and cried. I thought I would be strong but as soon as I saw her I thought about how bad her accident could have been. I was so scared asking God for him to watch over her as I need my Mom. Just like I need Russell. I guess I need more people than I thought.

 It is a lonely time, missing my friends, my freedom and my old life … what do I miss, my lattes, going around to the mall and window shopping, going for brunch with my girlfriends, watching movies, eating fun foods ….but I am scared to death that if I cheat I will nullify my treatment.

 Trying to keep positive intentions, staying true to my feelings but embracing the change of lifestyle because I have made my choice.