" Peace ... "

Just look at me

I am walking of incoming

Look at the frequencies of which I vibrate

I'm going to light up the world

Peace will come to me

Peace will come to me

Just look at me

I am a living act of holiness

Giving all the positive virtues that I possess

I'm going to light up the world

~ Depeche Mode ~ Peace ~

***

I know how exhausting it is to carry around useless, pointless and harmful thought forms.  All it does is occupy my mind and bring stress and grief along the way.  So I was quite thrilled to learn I am not alone, thanks some amazing friends, realizing we are all guilty, participating in this self-induced torture at some point in our lives.  

Looking back at your past, there may be guilt, shame or regret which feed these negative thought forms.  Feelings around things that you should have done but you didn’t do.  The people you should have valued more, the words you should have never said.  It is what it is ... so now “how do you start making peace with your past?”  

I am making a conscious effort to eliminate the thoughts of negativity that I harbour.  Yes, it is work in progress.  Fortunately, a great healing source asked me some profound questions:

• how can someone’s image of you affect you negatively without your permission?
• what is it that is causing your pain?
• what did you lose/gain?
• did you grieve/mourn when you needed to?
• are you ready to forgive?

I realize that facing my feelings head-on helps.  Flashback ... I remember exactly what I felt.  Vividly.  But what if I actively alter those feelings by changing the way I view the events in the past.  Remember not the actual events of the past but the way I view the event.  For example, instead of thinking about how much I hurt, I can think of how far I have come and what challenge I was  able to overcome all by myself.  I realize that my past shapes my future but it is up to me to choose the kind of shape I want to live with.  

I believe that making peace with your past is possible ... that we are not controlled by what happened ... that we are in charge of our present and future.  I understand the hurts in my past does not deter me from moving on, and really, life does go on ...

We can make an affirmative decision to go forward on a path of light, goodness and healing.  Detach our fears of past inadequacies and participate in the the closure phase of forgiveness.  Put down our battle swords and pick up beaming candles of light and healing.  Arm ourselves with a shield of light and love.  By committing to this spiritual practice, we embrace each connection as a divine assignment and will begin to heal ourselves and those around us.

Let go and Let the Uni-verse decide ... Leave room for miracles to happen ॐ

" Shiny Happy People ... "

Shiny happy people laughing

Meet me in the crowd

People people

Throw your love around

Love me love me ...

Everyone around love them, love them

Put it in your hands

Take it take it

There's no time to cry

Happy happy

Put it in your heart

Where tomorrow shines

~ REM ~ Shiny Happy People ~

***

What comes to mind when you think of the word “reinvention”?  New beginnings or to remake or redo completely?  For me, a major transition is the perfect opportunity for reinvention.  Reinvention allows me to move totally out of what I am known for into something I have always wanted to do.  Kind of like a life makeover if you will.  

Most of us identify with “reinvention” when we are unhappy with our current situation.  It takes place for variety of reasons, some in our control, but most out of our control.  Yet, it is actually a fairly simple idea.  

Fundamentally, most of us don’t change behaviours that are difficult to change.  We change the easy, superficial ones.  But that is okay, because these can lead to drastic transformations.

Personally, I have witnessed this type of easy reboot.  Watching others wipe the slate clean in a new social content.  Adopting new behaviours that they were always capable of but couldn't in the previous social context because they felt trapped in a given social identity.  Trapped because of created expectations and beliefs.  Some believe that our social lives are governed externally, not internally ... that our change will only be successful if our friends, enemies and acquaintances buy in.   And even if they genuinely want to support us they may struggle ... because our social lives are based on the fiction that people are constants rather than changing entities.  Once this belief is disturbed, instability is perceived.  But accept that as you transform, only some will support your journey.  For the others, let them and the resentment go.  

Reinvention is a renaissance; it’s not just buying new clothes and getting a new hairstyle, it’s a re-birth as a different person and it is never easy.   And, whenever our lives modify – be it a new job, the end of a relationship, shifting base, or losing a love one – we have to alter accordingly to keep up with the changes.  The key is to take control of the situation instead of letting the situation take over.  Otherwise you may never reach your full potential and find yourself lost in the tides of time. 

For me, reinventing myself means learning about myself ~ profound growth.  What I do and how I do it is up to me, but I cannot forget to dream, to work hard to achieve my dreams, and to be open to discovering a wee bit more on my way there.

We can't go back and start a new beginning, but we can start today and make a new ending ॐ

" Willing and Able..."

Said I'm willin' and I'm able 

I'm ready 2 place my cards on the table  

I been holdin' back this feeling 4 far 2 long 

And now that I'm willin'  It's a fact ?

it's truly mighty strong ...

Oh Lord, I'm willin', willin', able (Willin', able) 

I wanna dance and sing, somebody watch me do my thing...

~ Prince ~ Willing and Able ~

***

The other day I was having a conversation with an individual from the oil and gas industry, where I have spent the majority of my working career.  I found myself telling them that I have been on “dis-ability” for the last year ... immediately they responded with “I am sorry to hear this”, for which I replied “oh no that’s okay”.  

As solemn as they were, I was the opposite.  My upbeat, positive expression stemmed from all the that I have gained from my illness experience.  Good things always come out of bad.  Along with the valuable lessons I have shared, my cancer diagnosis is an “ability” or “this-ability” and not a “dis-ability”.  

Cancer has given me the ability to re-address what matters in my life.  It has shown me my husbands true unconditional love.  It has given me the opportunity to improve my relationship with my family.  It has helped me appreciate life and the beauty around me.  It has allowed me to learn and grow as an individual.  It has helped me face my fears.  It has allowed me to find acceptance, courage and strength I didn’t know I had.  It has given me new confidence.  It has helped me further build character.  It has made me grateful for every day.  It has increased my faith in a Higher Power.  It has given me the ability to enjoy a break from working.  It has given me the push I need to do the things I had been putting off.  It has made me not waste time.  It has allowed me to see things with more clarity for what they really are.  It has aligned me with the right people in my life ... blessings.

We are all one day closer to dying, yet the difference is that someone in their great wisdom has given me an expiry date.  So it begs to differ, is better to know when and how or is ignorance bliss?  If you knew your expiry date and more importantly believed it, would you do things differently?  Would you be willing and able?

Prior to my diagnosis, I was reluctantly living my life, easily accepting defeat, and believing that I was unable to be whom I wanted to be.  Looking back, that was when I was living a real “dis-abled” life. Now more than ever, I am ready, willing and able.

“Dis-ease is solely and purely corrective; it is neither vindictive nor cruel, but it is the means adopted by our own souls to point out to us our faults, to prevent our making greater errors, to hinder us from doing more harm, and to bring us back to the path of Truth and Light from which we should never have strayed.” 

~ Edward Bach, creator of Bach Flower remedies

" Deep ... "

On the edge

Of a know-nothin' town

Feelin' quite superior

The aged come

To the sky above

He just ain't nothin'

But he's got a great view...

Can't touch the bottom

In too deep

~ Pearl Jam ~ Deep ~

***

Have you ever been told you are “too sensitive”?  Have you ever heard someone equate your feelings to an ocean of emotions?  I have ... many times, along with “you take things too personally are are too emotional”.  And even though I use to think of it as a flaw, now I know it is an advantage. 

Deep feelings, straddled between the area of conscious and subconscious.  Think of them as emotional residue coming up at any time and affecting you, your thoughts, your judgement, and your relationships.  Often we are unaware how our emotional residue impacts our thoughts, decisions and behaviours.   

You see many of our poor reactions to situations, circumstances and communications stem from the deep areas within us that we are not necessarily consciously aware of.  And it is the emotions down deep that we don’t see ... that hinder us the most and effect how we treat others.

In my past, I had the tendency to think that things were not going to get better because I had memories, associated feelings and thoughts that said things are just not going to work out.  I would feel as if what was happening is just more of the same old ways, and that would give me the same old outcomes as they always had.  My past memories contributed to my feelings of defeat and doubt before anything had happened ... because I didn’t see the bubble ... those old feelings that came up in the midst of my opportunity.  

Prepared to deal with it, I started to uncover the underlying deep feelings of hurt.  For a long time, it was buried down deep and I wanted to leave it there.  Yet similar to a bubble that comes up to the surface of the water, I needed to recognize and understand the source of the feeling before I let it burst. 

Now I use my "advantageous flaw" and look at where those feelings come from, why those feelings are still there, and then how I can let them go.  I recognize they come from some area of disappointment where something didn’t work out the way I had hoped for.  For me, I now realize that no matter how screwed over I feel, life is not a broken record playing the same outcome every time ... it’s only my feelings and associated thoughts that are playing that repeated outcome.   

True healing comes at the source or root of the pain.  And for me, I am willing to open up to my personal constraints with humility.  Deep feelings of hurt are within us, whether you see them or not ... yet how they are affecting you is for you and your honest self to deal.

" Sabotage ... "

I can't stand rocking when I'm in here

'Cause your crystal ball ain't so crystal clear ...

'Cause what you see you might not get

And we can bet, so don't you get souped yet

You're scheming on a thing that's a mirage

I'm trying to tell you now, it's sabotage ...

Why

Our backs are now against the wall?

Listen all y'all, it's a sabotage

~ Beastie Boys ~ Sabotage ~

***

Do you believe that you deserve good things, happy times, true friends and lasting happiness?  If you truly don’t believe this, you could be sabotaging your life.  

Self-sabotage ... comes from years of human conditioning.  

You sabotage yourself every time you do something that you don’t really want to do, that doesn’t inspire, because you are denying the essence of who you are ... you are denying your true self.  Think about the last time you did something out of obligation rather than joy.  You reinforced to yourself that you don’t deserve to choose how you spend your time.  If you continue to say “yes” when you really mean “no”, you start to lose yourself, you demise your spirit, your creativity and your right to live a life that is fulfilling.  When you do what you want, you emit a different energy, attracting different experiences in your life.

You sabotage yourself every time you alter the truth, make excuses and lie to yourself.   When you think you deserve less, feel miserable and powerless to change your life, you are altering your truth.  You modify your situation because you are not ready to face reality.  You lie because you don't want to hurt others.  But even though the truth may seem harsh, it will set you free once you release it ... regardless as to how unpopular it may be.   When you consciously choose to live a more fulfilling life, instead of shades of truth, you start to carve out your own style, and your own way.

Sadly it is easier to deny who you are, to create false truths and to excuse your choices and behaviour.  Society favours those that follow status quo, rather than making their own choices.  

Self-sabotage stems from FEAR.  Some of us are scared and others have the courage to face it head on, move past it and forward onto a life deserved.  Check in and see where you are and how that's working for you.  Feed your dreams and starve your doubts ... have the courage to recognize your sabotaging behaviour.  Choose to believe in yourself ... accept yourself just as you are and stop comparing yourself to others.  Value your unique qualities, celebrate them because the difference between ordinary and "extra" ordinary is YOU.

" Life Is A Pattern ... "

Life is a story, go ahead and find your sight

Life is your glory, go ahead and live the night

But to live means to be here, in the present now 

Do try to bow for the gift of your day 

Then you cede to the morning sun ...

What is it that makes us lose sight, true sight

Of what is real and essential?

I'll take organised patterns of chaos

Over the chaotic organisations of man, any day.

~ System Of A Down ~ Life Is A Pattern ~
***

Do you believe that the more you imagine, the more real it becomes?  I do.  I believe we can program anything we create into our reality.  I believe we can program anything that we want to influence because our thoughts carry energy through us once constructed.

You see when we program our body to function in certain ways, our subconscious mind carries out the command.  Science has shown that the human brain works on these thought patterns, which are nothing but programming that has been indented into its neural network.  But the problem with subconscious patterns is that we take it for granted and believe that its the truth of who we are.

Is the subconscious mind simply a term used to point to thought patterns that are running on “auto” pilot due to past attention/belief?  Can they be observed when we deepen our awareness of the mind, and are they the core thoughts underlying many of our perceptions and interpretations?

So what if the truth is that these are thought patterns that have been thought so many times that that they’ve become ingrained as an “auto” mode of functioning.  And if we become aware and show lack of interest and attention to them, can we become free of patterns that are harmful to us?

Yes.  Once you become aware of subconscious negative patterns in your brain, you can start dis-believing them ... if you allow yourselves to align with thoughts of our desired reality.  Once you align these, the patterning in your brain will start running on a new “auto”mode.

I choose to believe that there is no truth to negativity because life doesn’t support it and only serves to impeded and resist the movement of your life towards well-being.   I encourage you to explore different modalities that resonate with you ... it has helped me immensely to help clear these patterns and move towards a state of greater balance, aliveness, and harmony in my life.  

" Lose Yourself ... "

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity

To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment

Would you capture it or just let it slip? ...

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment

You own it, you better never let it go

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime you

(You better)

~ Eminem ~ Lose Yourself ~ 

***

Do you ever ask yourself what “role” you are playing in your life at this exact moment?  Do you ever think that you are not playing the role which you want to play in your life?  Do you ever feel like you are losing yourself?

The choices we make in our lives decide how we step onto our life stage, either as a lead actor or an understudy.  We are the author and actor of our own life story.  We decide what parts to play, what scenes to cut and what curtain calls to take.

Yet sometimes instead of playing the lead, we blend into the sidelines ... instead of acting in our story, we allow others to act on us.  Do we really want to turn the spotlight away from being the subject of the drama to being the object in the limelight?

And what about the number of roles we play in our lives ~ parent, spouse, child, sibling, employee, mentor, teacher, support person, coach ... and on and on.  We play several roles in the course of a day regardless to how important they may seem.  Also, it is very common to think your role is your purpose.  Mainly because it brings you great satisfaction and is so rewarding.  But when you think this is your purpose and you lose it, you may be in danger of losing yourself.  

But what if we use our role to find our purpose.  Find what motivates and empowers us.  Your life purpose is the thread that runs through your life ... the thing you do without thinking.  And the beauty is when you know what your life purpose is, you will change as your role changes with ease and grace.

So focus on the impact you are making on stage rather than the role you are playing.  And although your role may seem insignificant, its all in how you view the part you play.  Life is full of happiness and fulfilling when you believe YOUR role to be important and serve a purpose in life ... helping you to act in losing, finding and loving yourself.

"And if Hollywood made your life into a movie, would you even go see it?  

if not, then it's time to rewrite the script"

" The Greater Good ... "

Breathe... us in

Breathe... slowly

Breathe... us in

Slowly...

Everything you do,

Everywhere you go,

Anything we want

Anything

Persuasion (slowly)

Coercion (slowly)

Selection (breathe)

Assimilation (us in)

~ Nine Inch Nails ~ The Greater Good ~

***

Recently during one of Oprah’s life classes, the concept of intentions versus dreams was discussed with Cheryl Richardson.  An audience member asked what was the difference between them ...great question to consider.

So how it was explained was that intentions come from a soulful place, a soul goal and dreams come from a head goal.  Most of us dream or wish for something that is not working in our lives.  Yet intentions encompass the highest and best interest for you and those around you prior to allowing it to happen.  It is a humble way considering you and the greater energy or greater creative force ... that is where intentions are set from.

Yet most of us ask “what’s in it for me?”  so are we able to live in a space of “what’s in for the greater good instead?"  Just consider how many organizations and people strive for this only to be shot down with critiques ... take the recent social media blitz regarding Kony 2012.  Even if the filmmaker’s “intent” was to shed light on the atrocities taking place, the opposition was quick to find the “hoax” in it all ... leaving many to think, it’s not in my world, it’s not in my life, it’s not my problem ... but don't we share the same skies, breathe the same air ... embrace the same universe?

So back to goals ... having them are so important in our lives because they are based on some future outcome and require planning and discipline to achieve.  Give us a sense of purpose and direction.  And along with intentions, we set focus on the future and connect the present ... how we are “being” in any given moment.  Intentions create the momentum to move forward toward our goal.  They are based on what matters most to us bringing our actions in line with our values.  This is how intentions flow from the heart and create your vision ... while goals are created in your mind.

Now how we balance our good with the greater good is an individual dilemma to consider. Yet, If we can take a step back and look at how our goals and intentions affect those around us, maybe we would reconsider our actions, locally and globally.  Perhaps “the greater good” is a starting point for thinking about morality... serving our own good as well.

Today, more than ever before, 

life must be characterized by a sense of Universal responsibility, 

not only nation to nation and human to human, 

but also human to other forms of life 

Dalai Lama ॐ

" The Best Of What's Around ... "

Hey my friend 

It seems your eyes are troubled 

Care to share your times with me 

Would you say you're feeling low and so 

A good idea would be to get it off your mind ...

... Whatever tears at her 

Whatever holds her down 

And if nothing can be done 

She'll make the best of what's around 

~ Dave Matthews Band ~ The Best Of What’s Around ~

***

Ever heard the saying “you are a product of your environment?”  I believe so.  You may recall recently I wrote about how excited I was to receive “The Biology Of Belief” By Bruce H. Lipton.  Specializing in cell biology, Dr. Lipton is an internationally recognized leader in bridging science and spirit; a key voice in new biology ... linking mind and matter and the profound effects it has on our lives.  

Science ... more and more evidence is showing that cells respond to environmental cues and these signals engage processes that can alter gene expression and thereby control the fate of the cells ... movement, survivial and even death.  Now some of you maybe thinking, but what about all the study supporting the correlation between genetics and dis-ease?  Yes, there are dis-eases that can be accounted for by a faulty gene, but they affect < 2% of the population.  

Dr. Lipton further explains this by “consider genes as molecular blueprints used in the construction of cells, tissues and organs.  The environment is a contractor, who reads and engages those genetic blueprints and is ultimately responsible for the character of the cell’s life.  It is a single cell’s awareness of the environment that primarily sets into motion the mechanisms of life”.

This hits home for me.  You see, when it came to my breast cancer diagnosis, there is no history of it in my family.  And at the time, my doctor casually stated that 5% of cases are heredity.  Therefore I strongly believe my environment and belief system played the greatest role in my health.

Spirit ... so is it possible that what happens throughout our lifetime can determine whether we develop many of the dis-eases our society faces today ... heart disease, diabetes and cancer.  The health of our cells are influenced greatly by our unconscious belief system ... one of the biggest environmental determinants.  These beliefs can either create an environment of growth or protection within our bodies.  Fear-based or love-based.  Stunting or empowering our cells to reach their full potential.  Our cells are always listening to our thoughts and beliefs.

Most of us have limiting beliefs that have accumulated through our childhood and the course of our lives.  Yet we can release these limits by changing the view of our world to a healthy one ... safe and loving, creating a sense of appreciation and respect for ourselves and others.  Believing we are loved, worthy, and cared for.  A new perspective to take you from a victim position to a co-creator of your destiny ... and from experience, trust me, it works.

" One Year Of Love ... "

Just surrender to your love,

Just one year of love,

Is better that a lifetime alone,

One sentimental moment in your arms,

Is like a shooting star right through my heart,

It's always a rainy day without you,

I'm a prisoner of love inside you -

I'm falling apart all around you - yeah.

And all I can do is surrender ...

~ Queen ~ One Year Of Love ~

***

March 7, 2011, exactly one year since I started the full Gerson Therapy.  I know wild eh?  Three words capture it perfectly ... what a journey!  In the beginning, it seemed unattainable as I didn’t know if we would make one week let alone one year.  But I had to shift and start focusing on enjoying the journey instead of “getting off the therapy”.  I had to completely embrace my new life and the opportunity presented to me for self-discovery and growth.

My new life ... taking me in a totally different direction from where I was heading.  But to step into this path I had to stop mourning the loss of my old life.  I had to let go and surrender.  I began by cleansing each and every aspect of my life on all health levels ... emotionally, physically and spiritually.  

And upon reflection, my former life was really full of one challenge after another, as I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough or strong enough ... basically not deserving of the success I was achieving.  I was tired of beating myself up all day, every day, and I had to make myself a priority.

Cherrie Moraga quoted “Sometimes a breakdown can be the beginning of a kind of breakthrough, a way of living in advance through a trauma that prepares you for a future of radical transformation”.  Yes, I can relate ... definitely a radical transformation.  And during this time, I have received an abundance of blessings.  As tough as this journey is, the possibilities are endless.  I have been given another chance to decide exactly how the rest of my life will unfold.

And for those that are curious about the tumours, my last consult went extremely well.  My Gerson and local doctors were over the moon with my results.  My body is healing thanks to it’s alkaline state.  Honestly speaking, we really didn’t know if Gerson would “work” in the beginning ... yet as the hours turned to days, and the days turned to months, and now one year ... all the hard work has paid off.

So as I shine my light onward to the next 8 to 12 months of therapy, my intentions are to continue to heal my body, mind and soul ... my LIFE for the rest of my life.  And although I can’t say that I have loved every moment of the last year, with every high and low has come valuable lessons.  Lessons that I know I wouldn’t have experienced if it wasn’t for my cancer diagnosis ... experiencing real healthy food, yoga, meditation, sunshine, walks, time with precious family and friends, gardening, music, writing, fun books, good movies, concerts, theater and life ... for as long as I’m blessed to have it.  

At the very least, I’ve learned about what matters ... "finding courage, keeping hope and losing fear".

Peace and Carrots ॐ 

M

" Ahead Of The Curve ... "

I had shoes to fill

Walking barefoot now

Can't tell north from south

But no split hair's gonna get me down, no

I'm stayin' above the flat line

And I'm ahead of the curve

Take a piece of the sunshine with me

On a red-eye flight to another world

~ Ahead Of The Curve ~ Monsters of Folk ~

***

Life throws you so many curveballs when you least expect it.  One day can be almost perfect and another day leaving you wondering where you went wrong.  Wouldn’t it be nice if life had a pause button?

I will say it is easier to block out everything that makes the world not seem like the great, fantastic place I want it to be.  Hide from the bad stuff because I just want the good parts.  I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to take it on ... turns out, I am stronger than I gave myself credit for. 

The never-ending struggle of knowing things that I actually have control over and those of which I cannot change.  The wisdom part is what I struggle with the most ... knowing when to keep going and when to stop.  Knowing the difference is a life-long process.  And through these distressful moments, I strive to be braver than the times before, armed with courage.  I realize that there are times for me to just close my eyes and let everything go.   I need to let the Him have control ... believing that the greatests lessons are given to his best students.

Without a doubt, having a balanced relationship with Russell has allowed us to tackle most issues together.  We trust that each other is looking out for the other.  Individually we are strong, yet combined has made us a force ready for anything.  Every step in unison ... I realized that if we can deal with cancer, we can really deal with anything that comes our way. 

No matter what we may be going through, there is always beauty that surrounds us each and every day ... remembering to find it and take some time out to savor it, even briefly.  I believe this beauty has a positive energy and vibe that we can tap into when we need to... to recharge ourselves in the midst of a difficult situation and replace negativity with the healthier alternative.

Nothing is always perfect and I believe there is a greater plan in play.  I can be the one who decides how full or empty my glass is while life continues to throw these curveballs ... choosing to hit it right out of the park.