" Your Approval ... "

I wouldn't have compromised so much

so much of myself for fear of

having you hating me ...

I became self-conscious

of anything exuberant

I wouldn't have sold myself short

I wouldn't have kept my eyes

glued to the ground

if I had've known my invisibility

would not make a difference

I would've run around screaming proudly

at the top of my voice

I wouldn't have feigned needlessness

I would not have discredited

every one of their compliments

it was your approval I wanted

your congratulations

~ Alanis Morissette ~ Your Approval ~

***

We spend a great deal of time seeking approval ... from our parents, spouses, children, co-workers and even neighbours.  The approval seeking business, which takes a whole lot of effort and may not give you the approval you want.

Seeking approval of others and listening to the opinions that don’t resonate with you is detrimental to your happiness.  Why?  because when we ignore our own intuition and instead choose to act on the advice of other people, we never find our true calling.

Simple in theory yet difficult to practice ... I have struggled with this for my whole life yet I know I am in good company and not alone in this battle.

Hmmm ... where does it all begin?  Well, we are taught to seek approval.  And it really starts from childhood.  If we behave well, our parents are happy with us.  If we do what the teacher tells us to, we get good grades.  If we work hard, our boss is happy with us.  Everything seems to be based on the obedience model.

So when there is no defined model to follow, we start seeking approval to “check in” and see if we “measure up”.  We ask ourselves if we are we doing okay?  if we are we on track?  if we fit in?  if we are accepted? ... 

Yet are we not really asking if we are good enough?

Approval is the acceptance as satisfactory.  The act of giving validity as we seek approval to satisfy OUR desire to be loved.  We crave the feeling of appreciation in hopes to tell ourselves “I did something and they are pleased”.

Yet what I have realized is that acknowledgement is different from approval.  Where seeking approval can paralyze your life because you become dependent on others to tell you whether you are doing the right thing at the right time, acknowledgement does not change who you are nor your spirit.

Asking yourself the following questions can put things into perspective:

• Do I know what I know now because someone gave me the knowledge or his approval?
• Why would I seek another’s approval when he/she is on a path of life that may not be the same as my own?

I have noticed that the more unique you are, the more disapproval you will you receive.  And even if people wish you the best, they don’t know you to the degree that they would be able to advise you of which direction to take.  Blindly following others will never make you happy. 

The soul never seeks approval, only man

Remember the people who criticize you are probably the most inhibited, sad souls that fear to express themselves.  Hence, if you do what feels right to you, you will reveal YOUR true expression.  

Trust your inner guidance

By releasing yourself from the approval-seeking mode, you hold no one but your authentic self responsible. So instead of relinquishing personal responsibility to others, own your life.

" Lose Yourself ... "

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity

To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment

Would you capture it or just let it slip? ...

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment

You own it, you better never let it go

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime you

(You better)

~ Eminem ~ Lose Yourself ~ 

***

Do you ever ask yourself what “role” you are playing in your life at this exact moment?  Do you ever think that you are not playing the role which you want to play in your life?  Do you ever feel like you are losing yourself?

The choices we make in our lives decide how we step onto our life stage, either as a lead actor or an understudy.  We are the author and actor of our own life story.  We decide what parts to play, what scenes to cut and what curtain calls to take.

Yet sometimes instead of playing the lead, we blend into the sidelines ... instead of acting in our story, we allow others to act on us.  Do we really want to turn the spotlight away from being the subject of the drama to being the object in the limelight?

And what about the number of roles we play in our lives ~ parent, spouse, child, sibling, employee, mentor, teacher, support person, coach ... and on and on.  We play several roles in the course of a day regardless to how important they may seem.  Also, it is very common to think your role is your purpose.  Mainly because it brings you great satisfaction and is so rewarding.  But when you think this is your purpose and you lose it, you may be in danger of losing yourself.  

But what if we use our role to find our purpose.  Find what motivates and empowers us.  Your life purpose is the thread that runs through your life ... the thing you do without thinking.  And the beauty is when you know what your life purpose is, you will change as your role changes with ease and grace.

So focus on the impact you are making on stage rather than the role you are playing.  And although your role may seem insignificant, its all in how you view the part you play.  Life is full of happiness and fulfilling when you believe YOUR role to be important and serve a purpose in life ... helping you to act in losing, finding and loving yourself.

"And if Hollywood made your life into a movie, would you even go see it?  

if not, then it's time to rewrite the script"