" Wide To Receive … "

Download something 

Useful, or useless 

Because I'm lying here 

Wide to receive 

Almost anything 

You'd care to give ...

Turn on, plug in 

Then just walk away 

Unlock, process 

And then just go 

And I've never felt quite so alone 

As I do right now 

I'm lying here 

Wide to receive 

Almost anything 

You'd care to leave 

Wide, wide, wide 

~ Morrissey ~ Wide To Receive ~ 

***

Quite a few years back, I made a resolution to NOT make a resolution.  Mainly because I had such a hard time keeping them.  I would but my best foot forward, all my efforts, only to get discourage quickly and quit.  Sounds familiar?

And I often wonder why ... why resolutions are hard to keep.  Maybe because we carry around a lot of stress and burdens of life.  Maybe because our goals are unrealistic ... So then maybe it is about becoming more grounded and authentic ... where resolutions are not necessary because you are LIVING your truth. 

 ☯Trust a man’s behaviour, not his words ☯

In 2013, I had to shed a lot of skin to become the person I am today.  Peeling back the layers … physically, spiritually and emotionally ... letting go of the person I thought I should be in order to be the person I really wanted to be ... and ready to receive.

 ☯Worrying is like praying for what you don’t want ☯

In 2014, I am ready to ... become more empowered and strong, continue to pursue what I truly want to do, go past the fear of the unknown, accept me just as I am, follow my heart, believe I am exactly where I need to be, and let go of what no longer serves me.

I am tired of spending so much of my life thinking everyone else is happier, more successful or better off than I.  Within my core, I know that my journey is unfolding perfectly for me.  The new year doesn’t deserve to be cheated on with my past.  

It is time to move on and tell a new story.  

Get ready to receive … 

" A Matter Of Trust … "

Some love is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
And they may not want it to end
But it will, it's just a question of when
I've lived long enough to have learned
The closer you get to the fire the more you get burned
But that won't happen to us
Because it's always been a matter of trust ...

Some love is just a lie of the soul
A constant battle for the ultimate state of control
After you've heard lie upon lie
There can hardly be a question of why
Some love is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
But that can't happen to us
Because it's always been a matter of trust

~ Billy Joel ~ A Matter Of Trust ~ 

***

Suffering a betrayal of trust can be one of the most difficult times in your life ... and depending on the severity, some never recover.  Yet as we know ... life goes on, with or with out your participation.  And most of us recover ... sadly a bit more wounded, thankfully a bit more wiser.

As we move forward we decide if we are willing to give those that violate our trust another chance.  And regardless if they remain in our lives, it starts with forgiveness, because this is what leads to healing and restoration.

I remind myself that when I choose to rebuild a relationship, I choose to forgive what was and therefore make room for new memories ...

Trust is such a challenging thing to gain and once you lost it, some say it is impossible to regain.  Probably because wounds we gain from being hurt by those we love and admire run deep ... and not easy to get over ... but nothing is “impossible”.

So how do you rebuild trust?  You accept that you cannot change or fix the other person.  You take responsibility and apologize for your role in the situation.  You make an effort to not break future promises.  You become an active listener.  You put yourself in their shoes, empathize.

And when you have made a commitment to work on a fragile relationship the worst thing you can do is bring up past events.  If you say you have forgiven, it is unfair to bring up past mistakes.  Leave the past where it is, the past.

And be patient.  Allow the other person time ... time to understand, time to choose, time to reconcile, because regaining trust is a healing process and if the relationship is worth it, this too shall come.

" Why ... "

How many times do I have to try to tell you

That I'm sorry for the things I've done

But when I start to try to tell you

That's when you have to tell me ...

That's why it hurts so bad to hear the words

That keep on falling from your mouth

Falling from your mouth

Falling from your mouth

Tell me ... Why

This is the book I never read

These are the words I never said

This is the path I'll never tread

These are the dreams I'll dream instead

This is the joy that's seldom spread

These are the tears...

The tears we shed

This is the fear

This is the dread

These are the contents of my head

And these are the years that we have spent

And this is what they represent ...

You don't know what I feel

~ Annie Lennox ~ Why ~

***

The meaning of Life and it’s impermanent nature.  We often contemplate life, death and the purpose of being here ... the why of it all.  Why the happiness, why the sadness, why the struggle, why the heartache ... and I don’t know if there is a solid answer I’ve found to satisfy the why ... I don’t know if the chase for a more promising tomorrow will ever end.

Some day, that goal ... it will all lead to happiness.  But we know better.  We know that we cannot stride through life as if we will live forever.  We know that we cannot treat time as a cheap commodity that we blindly waste.  We know that we cannot hide behind victim stories forever.  We know the signs to wake up and make a change.

So you learn to forgive, you learn to take responsibility, and you learn to let go of anxiety and stress ... but what happens when we make all those changes only to find our problems are still very present and very real?  You learn to live your life with courage, love and integrity.  You learn to slow down and appreciate the preciousness of whom you are and the beauty, wealth, abundance, love and opportunities that surround you.

it’s about what makes you come alive ... 

A blank canvas in front of you, you are the artist of your life 

and you are free to paint any picture that pleases you ... 

and change it at any time for that matter ... 

We may not be able to answer the infinite question of why ... but we can replace it with questions that motivate us ... what do you love in life? ... what would you stand for if you knew no one would judge you? ... what really inspires you?

Believe that the more you can implement your passions, strengths, values and desires into your days, the less you will be asking why because the most valuable knowledge that you will ever discover is, and always will be, within.

" Moment of Surrender ... "

At the moment of surrender

I folded to my knees

I did not notice the passers by 

And they did not notice me

I’ve been in every black hole

At the alter of the Dark star

My body's now a begging bowl

That's begging to get back

Begging to get back 

To my heart

To the rhythm of my soul

To the rhythm of my consciousness

To the rhythm that yearns

To be released from control

At the moment of surrender

Of vision over visibility 

I did not notice the passers by

And they did not notice me

~ U2 ~ Moment of Surrender ~

***

Surrender ... one of the most important aspects of spirituality.  Used synonymously with letting go, allowing or movement of energy.  With a nemesis named resistance.

So what is it to surrender, why is it so hard to practice?

Well in it’s traditional sense, surrender is to “include a sense of loss and defeat, a place of weakness and inability, a choice to end the experience and exit the journey ... to yield something to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand or under duress.”

Yet in a spiritual context, surrender means something very different.   It is the wholehearted cooperation with the inevitable.  As Eckhart Tolle says “ ... say YES to life and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.”

Personally, I am learning to let go of the concept of who I think I am suppose to be and actually being who I am.  For who I am is unlimited possibilities and surrendering to the idea is acceptance of my total self.  

Surrender is total internal non-resistance ... 

it allows you to let go of all beliefs and judgements ... 

it provides silence ... 

and the connection with the Divine.

So why is to surrender so difficult?  One word: Control.  Yet, I’ve noticed that things go much more smoothly when I give up control, allow them to happen instead of making them happen.  And this is difficult for most because we are a control freaks ... you know using perfectly good energy trying to plan, predict and prevent the world.

And where does the control come from ... Fear.  We try to control things because of what we think will happen if we don’t.  We get attached to a specific outcome instead of being open to all sorts of possibilities.  

When we trust that we’re okay no matter what circumstances come our way, we don’t need to micro-manage the universe ... 

The Art of Surrendering ... 

* Natural flow of things ~ Non Resistance ~ Accept What Is *

* Complete acceptance of what is + Faith that all is well even without my input *

Personally, this provides so much relief.  Just think life goes on with or without your input.  So don’t take on the pressure of sorting it all out.  And it is not about inaction.  It is about being in control and choosing to let go ~ consciously and on purpose.

And if you still struggle with surrendering ask yourself ~ what are you afraid will happen if you let go of control?  And when you narrow the fear, question its validity.  Is it true?  Another tip is to make sure you are minding your own business.  Most of the time when we are trying to control things outside of our business, it doesn’t go well.

Mental note: Loosen your grip and feel the freedom ...

Surrender to the highest unconditional love you can imagine and create an outpouring of goodness into your consciousness which gets downloaded into your life.  Know that it takes courage, focus and patience to trust it ... it takes a self loving voyage that is not egotistical or narcissistic ... it is returning home to the infinite Source.

" Safe ... "

You make me feel safe 

Someday 

My darkest fears will find their way 

After all 

Somebody loves me (loves me, loves me) 

All day 

My heart tells strangers how I feel 

And it's hard not to feel this way 

When you thought your future was on prescription 

You make me feel safe 

You make me feel safe

~ George Michael ~ Safe ~

***

How do you protect yourself?  How do you live, open hearted and free, if you don’t feel safe?  Are you safe?  Can you trust your world?  These days, sneaking up inside of me, I quietly ponder these questions ...

The world is your oyster ... isn’t that the popular saying ... but what happens when a variety of pressures feel like your world is closing in.  You feel like you are grasping for air, barely above water and unsure of what is next and anxious. 

So isn’t the real question ... where is this coming from?

Well, from an early age, we often seek another to keep us safe, free from harm.  We learn to expect this from our parents and loved ones.  And as we grow older, we look to our siblings, our friends, our spouse ... and possibly beyond ... anyone?

Truthfully, as a conscious adult, there are times I want to go back to that early age and have someone else “just take care of it”.  I want no part in the responsibility of making my life, creating my life.   

Why?  ... because I don’t want to be responsible for the consequences of my decisions 

Why? ... because, it scares the hell out of me.

Yep, hide my head in the sand and hope it will all just go away ... 

Sometimes it feels easier for someone else to decide ... but then I ask myself, are you truly a creator of your life?  And even though I write a great deal about empowerment and taking responsibility of my own needs, I still struggle with this because I have no guarantee of being safe.  But then I ask myself, who really is safe?

Living your life with an open heart and open arms requires you to take risks.  Yet with that comes setting good boundaries.  Which in my past, I haven't done a good job of ... take for example how I have allowed others to come into my world that perhaps didn’t deserve to.  Resulting in disrespectful and hurtful behaviours.  Upon reflection, I can only blame myself because I allowed it to happen *sigh ... dealing with consequences of inaction?

So how do you prevent pitfalls but still take risks?  Hmmm, not sure if that is even possible in complex human experiences.  But since the world is a mirror, the real process begins with working on yourself first.  

Say what you mean and mean what you say ...  if something doesn’t feel right, speak up, because the only reason for not communicating is because of fear.  And if they don’t understand and walk away, as painful as it is, they did you a massive favour.

So my mission ...

• to create a nurturing environment in my heart by listening, paying attention, and honoring my needs 
• to believe we are always protected
• to practice compassion towards myself 
• and to create a safe and open doorway so trustworthy people can enter my life

I have realized that no matter how much I try to dart it, safety and trust in my life is my responsibility.  So I need to let it scare me if it does, try to enjoy it if I can and then live my life by it which I intend to ...

" Are You There? ... "

Are you there? ...

Need to learn to let it go

I know you'd do no harm to me ...

And it couldn't be more wrong 'cause there's no one there

Unmistakably lost and without a care ...

And it's wearing me down

And it's turning me round

And I can't find a way now

To find it out

Where are you when I need you

Are you there?

Anathema ~ Are You There? ~

***

Do you remember the book “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret”.  Written in 1970 by Judy Blume, this novel was popular with young adults as they could relate to the sixth grade girl who had to confront many pre-teen female issues.  Margaret would have conversations with God.  One of my favourite books growing up.

I thought about this book recently, because of the constant conversations I have with Him.  I usually start with an introduction.  Which is odd, I know, because I am pret-ty sure He knows who I am.  And not for any other reason but the numerous times I try to connect with him ... every day.  He probably thinks, oh boy! here we go again ... seriously though, a creator knows his creation.

And my conversations have evolved.  Initially they were around “why me?” ... yet, now on month 18 of the Gerson Therapy, I ask “what is the plan?”, because I trust there is one.  

I remember in the past having a debate about God with a friend.  She couldn’t understand why I had “blind” faith.  She couldn’t understand why there is evil in the world if He exists.  Valid questions and stumbling blocks for many people.  Yet understanding He loves us and wants us to love Him back by choice ... giving US the freedom to choose.  And if we make this choice it is REAL love because it is a REAL choice.  The potential for love outweighs the existence of evil, as evil is only going to exist for a short time, but love is going to go on forever.  Perhaps all of the suffering and death that we see in the world today are the result of wrong choices made by man?

Many people are uncomfortable when is comes to talking about religion.  Perhaps it makes them feel vulnerable because they feel they can’t trust or don’t know what to believe.  I respect that we are in different places along our own spiritual journey.  Thankfully, I have the space to freely discuss spirituality ... with my family and some friends.  I feel safe.  And sometimes I share my conversations, and other times, I keep them close to my heart.

I take great solace in my conversations.  They are pure & honest.  They are REAL ... and they may not be pret-ty all the time, but they do end with great gratitude for life.  My Life.  

Thank-You God, It’s Me ...

" No Boundaries ... "

Seconds, hours, so many days

You know what you want but how long can you wait?

Every moment lasts forever

When you feel you lost your way

And what if my chances were already gone?

Started believing that I could be wrong

But you give me one good reason

To fight and never walk away ...

Just when you think the road is going nowhere

Just when you almost gave up on your dreams

They take you by the hand and show you that you can ...

Yeah! There are no boundaries

There are no boundaries!

~ Kris Allen ~ No Boundaries ~

***

I’ve been reading Deepak Chopra’s awesome new book, Spiritual Solutions.  Yet as fascinating his work is, I must admit it is extremely deep.  I usually have to read and re-read sections to understand his points.  There is a section in this book where Deepak answers letters ranging from health issues to relationship concerns.  One in particular got me thinking ~ Enabling Behaviours.

So what is to enable?  “In the true sense of the word, to enable is to supply with the means, knowledge, or opportunity to be or do something -- to make feasible or possible.”  Therefore enabling means something positive because it is our natural instinct to reach out and help someone we love when they are down or having problems.

Yet there is a fuzzy boundary between helping and enabling.  How so?

Well, when you help someone you are doing something that they cannot do for themselves ... but, if they can and still keep asking you and you are going out of your way to do it for them, then you are enabling them to be dependent on you.  Hence, when a person is capable, and their responsibilities are handled for them all the time, they are not being responsible.

Enabling prevents consequences, regardless of what they are.

So how do you stop enabling?  Enforcing boundaries is a good start ... draw the line when you need to and consider the following tips: 

• Do not lie for anyone
• Do not make excuses for others for not keeping their obligations
• Stand up for your self, but don’t say anything that you don’t mean
• Stop trying to fix others. Work on yourself

If you are quick to create a context in which another person can play out their script, you may trust too easily, have a poor sense of your own value and seek validation through your actions.  Ouch!  

Yet as harsh as that may sound, It is important to maintain one’s sense of oneself and place in the world within the context of our connections.  Relationships are not about compromise, they are about cooperation.  By definition, the enabling relationship is all about compromise - specifically, the compromise of self.  The attitude of cooperation and balance promotes mutual respect.  

So be vigilant about how much you are investing of yourselves in a relationship ... and honestly as if that investment is feeding you or bleeding you.

" Seasons In The Sun ... "

You gave me love and helped me find the sun.

And every time that I was down

you would always come around

and get my feet back on the ground ... 

We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.

But the hills that we climbed

were just seasons out of time ...

~ Terry Jacks ~ Seasons In The Sun ~

***

Do you have a BFF (Best Friend Forever) or is it your BFFN (Best Friend For Now)?  Sometimes it seems like the faster the friendship occurs, the faster it fizzles.  We experience, we get hurt and we do it all over again ... so how do we get caught in this cycle?  Well, instant best friends give you a sense of belonging ... but maybe ask yourself if they have what it takes to go the distance?

So what’s behind the need to attach immediately?  Sometimes if you are in a vulnerable situation, having a friend that you’re in 24/7 contact with can make you feel more stable ... constant contact.  It can be like a drug ... excessive interaction is a characteristic of fast friendships.  You feel so drawn to the person that you can’t get enough of them.  You end up spilling intimate secrets, abandoning old friends you no longer have time for, or obsessively calling your new pal.  And it doesn’t matter what age you are at, most females can idenify with this at some point in their life.  And why females?  Well we are more emotionally involved in our friendships than males.  This is not to stereotype, just on average, this is the case.

Social networks like Facebook and Twitter enable us to stay connected and facilitate fast friendships.  And you may be talking to each other all the time and feel like you are bonding, but you are not getting the closeness you do from in person contact.  Hence the term BFFN.

So if you’re not sure if they are BFF or BFFN, ask yourself ... does your bond have a solid foundation of trust?  It can take months, even years to figure out what someone is like, their true character.  So just because she is a blast to hang out with, doesn’t mean your bond has legs.  You may think you know a person, until she shows her true colors.  

But hey not all doom and gloom ... you gotta start somewhere and you CAN form a lasting bond.  A good start ... try to survive a brief absence.  And maybe proceeding cautiously and not disclosing intimate information until your new pal has proven themselves as trustworthy ... the last thing you want to do is give a false friend ammo to use against you.  Remember the saying, speak highly of your enemies, you created them.

And really just avoid having too-high expectations of your BFFN.  Take them at face value, and over time, you will be able to gauge whether she’s a fair-weather pal or a friend for all seasons.

" Respect ... "

I ain't gonna do you wrong while you're gone

Ain't gonna do you wrong (oo) 'cause I don't wanna (oo)

All I'm askin' (oo)

Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)

Baby (just a little bit) when you get home (just a little bit)

Yeah (just a little bit)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Find out what it means to me

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Take care, TCB

~ Aretha Franklin ~ Respect ~

***

Lately the topic of respect seems to be surfacing in conversations around me ... mutual respect, lack of respect, and disrespect within relationships.  All types of relationships too.  And yes It is true that all relationships are different, yet despite their differences, one essential element makes all relationships work in a healthy way for both paties ... RESPECT.  Putting up with disrespectful behaviour for fear of losing someone as a partner or friend is destructive to self-worth, but people often let this happen.  Why?  well they don’t know how to identify signs of disrespect.  And without respect, no true friendship can take root.  

Here are some signs that will red flag if you are in the midst of an unhealthy situation:

• Trust - A perfectly normal emotion felt by people in relationships is jealousy, but the issue is how the person reacts or deals with these feelings.  When one person doesnt’ trust the other to enjoy other friendships, trust is lacking.  Healthy connections allow everyone to maintain their own identities and do things independently of the other person, free of suspicion.   

• Honesty - This is fundamental to respectful, trusting relationships.  Being honest and openly communicating thoughts and feelings make your relationship stronger.  Being nonjudgemental, accepting and valuing each other’s opinions, beliefs and feelings.  Signs that respect is lacking include lying and situations in which one party belittles or is intolerant of the other for feeling or thinking a certain way.

• Fairness and Equality - This involves balance, and requires give and take from both sides ... this can be lacking when one person consistently excludes the other from decision making.  Also when one person is forced to compromise to satisfy the other, respect is lacking.

• Mutual Support - Being present when times are good AND bad.  A respectful relationship is a partnership in which people work together to achieve common goals as well as support each other when things get tough.  If you can’t count on them during these challenging times, these are signs of respect deficienty in the relationship.

We all have experiences we can share with each other when it comes to relationships.  We live and learn.  Remember to choose your relationships wisely and be the kind of person you want in return.  Lead by example.  And as hard as it may be, confront those who show you disrespect.  If you have someone whose level of respect does not meet your expectations and they refuse to consider your feelings, you must be willing to distance yourself from them.  

Seek those whom are more likely to pull you up then push you down ...

"Faith ..."

"Before this river 
Becomes an ocean
Before you throw my heart back on the floor
Oh baby I reconsider
My foolish notion
Well I need someone to hold me
But I'll wait for something more

Yes I've gotta have faith.."

~ George Michael ~ Faith ~

***

So we are now on week 19 of the Gerson Therapy ... yeah crazy how almost 5 months has passed on.  At times it feels quick and other times, it is so so slow.  Over the past weekend, I have been asked with care by friends "how much longer?".  I just smiled at them and said "as long as it takes".  Mainly because I don't know myself.  I struggle with this, wishing I could give a definitive answer, but the reality is that the therapy is a minimum of 18 months.  From what we have been told, the more toxins you have in your body, the slower your body heals because we need to detoxify first before we can rebuild our immune system.  It makes sense if you give it some thought, regardless if you agree with alternative treatments or not.  But I have blogged a great deal about the therapy, in detail, and the other areas of this blog provide more information for anyone that is interested - so I won't do that again today.  Because seriously, you do not have to be diagnosed with cancer to consider a form of nutritional therapy.   

At the moment I have been focusing on my FAITH.  And this is not a blog entry about a type of religion, or a representation of God ... I mean true FAITH  ... trust, hope and belief in the goodness, trustworthiness or reliability of a person, concept or entity.  Oddly, I have heard some say that Faith is the opposite of reason.  It is believing something you know isn't true.  That it is down in your heart, allowing yourself to accept something that you know with your mind could not be possible.  These are the same people that are so skeptical of the whole idea because they think of it as something not connected with the ordinary processes of the mind.  This whole viewpoint makes me sad for them ... closing themselves off from the experience of believing.  Maybe science has programmed them that seeing not feeling is the only believing.  But, just because you have faith, you do not put your intellect to sleep.  On the contrary, Faith is not an irrational thing ... it something we exercise every day in our lives and it began the moment we were born.  


You see when we are faced with challenges, adversities and difficulties, we will ALWAYS prevail IF we refuse to yield.  Society believes that when someone is diagnosed with an "incurable disease", the odds are stacked against them and a healthy life is next to impossible.  Statistics focus on mortality.  Why?  Because the core belief is that the universe is inherently evil.  Evil?  (Yeah ... stay with me on this one ..... )  
Yet, there is no inherent and permanent evil in the world ... infinite intelligence is GOOD all the time.  It is only when we turn away from infinite intelligence that the road becomes rocky.  So why do we like to "perceive evil" ... maybe it allows us to take the responsibility for our own destiny off our shoulders.  We choose to play the victim, you know the phrases "this always happens to me", "I knew this was coming", "I cannot do anything to change this" .... but for those of us that want to become healthy, happy and abundant, we must have no doubt that the universe is inherently good.  You see this realization can be difficult if you have allowed your lack-centered mind infect your subconscious mind.  At first you must believe it, then adhered to it, until it ripens into realization and knowing.


And I now know the sorrows of life can be great and at times, the universe is indeed dark - but sometimes we need the dark to appreciate the light.  Dark is not evil it is just ... well dark.  Our thoughts need organization and direction.  We must chose to supervise this process.  And when we do, our thoughts become obedient servants, leading us to the life we wish to live ... allowing us to tap into the natural order of the universe with is ... inherently good.  And when we stand face to face with truth, we understand that every challenge is a stepping stone to build character that allows us to ultimately triumph.    


Our sorrows can be conquered and used for greater good.  
When we accept these lessons for what they truly are, we manifest health, happiness and abundance we desire.  Evil is a mind virus.  For us to become strong, serene, and at peace, we must have no doubt that the universe is ruled by an Infinite Intelligence that is good.  


And for me this is accomplished by FAITH.