"Not givin' up ..."

"Are you looking for a way out? 
Are you looking for an exit?
It seems like all the fuss you're making
Is a sign that you're not quite sure

... I'm not giving up, no "

~ Natasha Bedingfield ~ Not Givin' Up"

***

After blogging about my birthday, last weekend and confessing, I have had feelings of giving up.  Yeah, I know me, Ms. Sunshine here all positive and peaceful having feelings of just "whats the use?".  There are many factors and events that have triggered these feelings and out of respect and privacy to my friends, I will keep those details to myself.  But what I can tell you, that when you are at a place of giving up, it is very dark.  And very lonely.  But you have to pull yourself up, and even though I have amazing family and friends around me, it is really up to YOU, and only you.  You have to decide if it is worth it ... and yes, thankfully, I have realized it is.  I blog a great deal on the blessings in my life and the opportunities that cancer has given me.  Yet day to day, this is hard, well actually brutally hard.  And I don't think any treatment would be.  Regardless of how you go about it, the fear and uncertainty can be overwhelming.  I see it in others eyes as they just get really quiet when I tell them what I am dealing with and what treatment I am in.  Would I like to be definitive and give a resounding YES this is working and YES I am healing and YES I will be cured ... of course!!  But again, what do we really know?  Just the present and every moment when the fear starts to take over, I tell myself that over and over ... the present is what you truly know so enjoy it.

So the harder you fall the higher bounce right? Let's just say, I bounced real hard lately.  

And during this process I found some reasons why to never, never give up.  My plan now, is to post this up in clear view just in case ;)

"1. As Long As You Are Alive Anything Is Possible
The only valid excuse you have to give up is if you are dead. As long as you are alive (and healthy and free) you have the choice to keep trying until you finally succeed.

2. Be Realistic
The chance of mastering something the first time you do it is almost non-existent. Everything takes time to learn and you will make mistakes. Learn from them.

3. Lance Armstrong
Lance was diagnosed with serious cancer that had spread throughout his entire body. He had cancer cells the size of golf balls in his lungs. Despite all odds he overcame the cancer and set out to win the Tour de France 6 Consecutive years in a row.

4. You Are Strong 
You are stronger than you think. One little setback is not enough to stop you from achieving your goals. Neither are 10 or 100 or 1000 setbacks.

5. Prove Yourself
You don’t want to be known as someone that is weak and gives up. Go out there and prove yourself to the world and to yourself. You CAN and WILL achieve what you set out to do. The only time you fail is when you give up.

6. Believe In Your Dreams
Don’t sell yourself short. In life there are going to be many people who will try to bring you down and tell you what you want to achieve is not possible. Don’t let anyone destroy your dreams.

7. Your Family and Friends.
Let the people you love and who mean the world to you be your inspiration to persist and persevere. Maybe you need to try a different angle, study more or practice more but don’t give up!

8. Improve Our World
When you achieve whatever you set out to achieve you can use your success to make a difference to the world or other peoples lives.

9. Inspire Others
Be an inspiration to others by refusing to give up. Who knows what someone else can achieve because you never gave up and in turn inspired them not to give up.

10. You Deserve To Be Happy
Don’t ever let anybody tell you otherwise. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to have success. Keep that mindset and never give up until you reach your destination"

"Faith ..."

"Before this river 
Becomes an ocean
Before you throw my heart back on the floor
Oh baby I reconsider
My foolish notion
Well I need someone to hold me
But I'll wait for something more

Yes I've gotta have faith.."

~ George Michael ~ Faith ~

***

So we are now on week 19 of the Gerson Therapy ... yeah crazy how almost 5 months has passed on.  At times it feels quick and other times, it is so so slow.  Over the past weekend, I have been asked with care by friends "how much longer?".  I just smiled at them and said "as long as it takes".  Mainly because I don't know myself.  I struggle with this, wishing I could give a definitive answer, but the reality is that the therapy is a minimum of 18 months.  From what we have been told, the more toxins you have in your body, the slower your body heals because we need to detoxify first before we can rebuild our immune system.  It makes sense if you give it some thought, regardless if you agree with alternative treatments or not.  But I have blogged a great deal about the therapy, in detail, and the other areas of this blog provide more information for anyone that is interested - so I won't do that again today.  Because seriously, you do not have to be diagnosed with cancer to consider a form of nutritional therapy.   

At the moment I have been focusing on my FAITH.  And this is not a blog entry about a type of religion, or a representation of God ... I mean true FAITH  ... trust, hope and belief in the goodness, trustworthiness or reliability of a person, concept or entity.  Oddly, I have heard some say that Faith is the opposite of reason.  It is believing something you know isn't true.  That it is down in your heart, allowing yourself to accept something that you know with your mind could not be possible.  These are the same people that are so skeptical of the whole idea because they think of it as something not connected with the ordinary processes of the mind.  This whole viewpoint makes me sad for them ... closing themselves off from the experience of believing.  Maybe science has programmed them that seeing not feeling is the only believing.  But, just because you have faith, you do not put your intellect to sleep.  On the contrary, Faith is not an irrational thing ... it something we exercise every day in our lives and it began the moment we were born.  


You see when we are faced with challenges, adversities and difficulties, we will ALWAYS prevail IF we refuse to yield.  Society believes that when someone is diagnosed with an "incurable disease", the odds are stacked against them and a healthy life is next to impossible.  Statistics focus on mortality.  Why?  Because the core belief is that the universe is inherently evil.  Evil?  (Yeah ... stay with me on this one ..... )  
Yet, there is no inherent and permanent evil in the world ... infinite intelligence is GOOD all the time.  It is only when we turn away from infinite intelligence that the road becomes rocky.  So why do we like to "perceive evil" ... maybe it allows us to take the responsibility for our own destiny off our shoulders.  We choose to play the victim, you know the phrases "this always happens to me", "I knew this was coming", "I cannot do anything to change this" .... but for those of us that want to become healthy, happy and abundant, we must have no doubt that the universe is inherently good.  You see this realization can be difficult if you have allowed your lack-centered mind infect your subconscious mind.  At first you must believe it, then adhered to it, until it ripens into realization and knowing.


And I now know the sorrows of life can be great and at times, the universe is indeed dark - but sometimes we need the dark to appreciate the light.  Dark is not evil it is just ... well dark.  Our thoughts need organization and direction.  We must chose to supervise this process.  And when we do, our thoughts become obedient servants, leading us to the life we wish to live ... allowing us to tap into the natural order of the universe with is ... inherently good.  And when we stand face to face with truth, we understand that every challenge is a stepping stone to build character that allows us to ultimately triumph.    


Our sorrows can be conquered and used for greater good.  
When we accept these lessons for what they truly are, we manifest health, happiness and abundance we desire.  Evil is a mind virus.  For us to become strong, serene, and at peace, we must have no doubt that the universe is ruled by an Infinite Intelligence that is good.  


And for me this is accomplished by FAITH.