You gave me love and helped me find the sun.
And every time that I was down
you would always come around
and get my feet back on the ground ...
We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.
But the hills that we climbed
were just seasons out of time ...
~ Terry Jacks ~ Seasons In The Sun ~
Do you have a BFF (Best Friend Forever) or is it your BFFN (Best Friend For Now)? Sometimes it seems like the faster the friendship occurs, the faster it fizzles. We experience, we get hurt and we do it all over again ... so how do we get caught in this cycle? Well, instant best friends give you a sense of belonging ... but maybe ask yourself if they have what it takes to go the distance?
So what’s behind the need to attach immediately? Sometimes if you are in a vulnerable situation, having a friend that you’re in 24/7 contact with can make you feel more stable ... constant contact. It can be like a drug ... excessive interaction is a characteristic of fast friendships. You feel so drawn to the person that you can’t get enough of them. You end up spilling intimate secrets, abandoning old friends you no longer have time for, or obsessively calling your new pal. And it doesn’t matter what age you are at, most females can idenify with this at some point in their life. And why females? Well we are more emotionally involved in our friendships than males. This is not to stereotype, just on average, this is the case.
Social networks like Facebook and Twitter enable us to stay connected and facilitate fast friendships. And you may be talking to each other all the time and feel like you are bonding, but you are not getting the closeness you do from in person contact. Hence the term BFFN.
So if you’re not sure if they are BFF or BFFN, ask yourself ... does your bond have a solid foundation of trust? It can take months, even years to figure out what someone is like, their true character. So just because she is a blast to hang out with, doesn’t mean your bond has legs. You may think you know a person, until she shows her true colors.
But hey not all doom and gloom ... you gotta start somewhere and you CAN form a lasting bond. A good start ... try to survive a brief absence. And maybe proceeding cautiously and not disclosing intimate information until your new pal has proven themselves as trustworthy ... the last thing you want to do is give a false friend ammo to use against you. Remember the saying, speak highly of your enemies, you created them.
And really just avoid having too-high expectations of your BFFN. Take them at face value, and over time, you will be able to gauge whether she’s a fair-weather pal or a friend for all seasons.