" Are You There? ... "

Are you there? ...

Need to learn to let it go

I know you'd do no harm to me ...

And it couldn't be more wrong 'cause there's no one there

Unmistakably lost and without a care ...

And it's wearing me down

And it's turning me round

And I can't find a way now

To find it out

Where are you when I need you

Are you there?

Anathema ~ Are You There? ~

***

Do you remember the book “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret”.  Written in 1970 by Judy Blume, this novel was popular with young adults as they could relate to the sixth grade girl who had to confront many pre-teen female issues.  Margaret would have conversations with God.  One of my favourite books growing up.

I thought about this book recently, because of the constant conversations I have with Him.  I usually start with an introduction.  Which is odd, I know, because I am pret-ty sure He knows who I am.  And not for any other reason but the numerous times I try to connect with him ... every day.  He probably thinks, oh boy! here we go again ... seriously though, a creator knows his creation.

And my conversations have evolved.  Initially they were around “why me?” ... yet, now on month 18 of the Gerson Therapy, I ask “what is the plan?”, because I trust there is one.  

I remember in the past having a debate about God with a friend.  She couldn’t understand why I had “blind” faith.  She couldn’t understand why there is evil in the world if He exists.  Valid questions and stumbling blocks for many people.  Yet understanding He loves us and wants us to love Him back by choice ... giving US the freedom to choose.  And if we make this choice it is REAL love because it is a REAL choice.  The potential for love outweighs the existence of evil, as evil is only going to exist for a short time, but love is going to go on forever.  Perhaps all of the suffering and death that we see in the world today are the result of wrong choices made by man?

Many people are uncomfortable when is comes to talking about religion.  Perhaps it makes them feel vulnerable because they feel they can’t trust or don’t know what to believe.  I respect that we are in different places along our own spiritual journey.  Thankfully, I have the space to freely discuss spirituality ... with my family and some friends.  I feel safe.  And sometimes I share my conversations, and other times, I keep them close to my heart.

I take great solace in my conversations.  They are pure & honest.  They are REAL ... and they may not be pret-ty all the time, but they do end with great gratitude for life.  My Life.  

Thank-You God, It’s Me ...

"Stretch ..."

Stretching out your tightness
good enough to make you grow
We are all in favour of this motion
stretching out your tightness
time to open up your whole


i'm a bird and i can fly away
i can shift in so many shapes
make it up as i go along
that way it is never wrong

~ Red Hot Chili Peppers ~ Stretch ~
***


Last night for the first time since my diagnosis I went to hot yoga.  Now I have been practicing yoga at home but this time I ventured to the studio with my girlfriend.  We figured if all else fails, I could lie there for one hour and pretend I was vacationing at a sunny resort far far away.  I was nervous about the whole thing too ... how would I handle the heat, would I remember any of the Vinyasa postures, would I feel ill, would I pass out ... all the crazy thoughts that go thru your mind.  But I was pleasantly surprised.  Not only did I make through the class and postures, I made it MY practice ... ding, ding, ding ... yep the key to yoga ~ the courage you bring to your practice.  And I was loving the heat, the warm embrace, and the comfort.  It felt like getting back on a bicycle after a wee bit of a break.  It felt good.


The studio is my favourite ~ Hot Yoga on Crowfoot.  They have put a great deal of time, knowledge and care into creating a wonderful atmosphere.  They have clay walls that are natural and full of great qualities so that you are breathing in all the good you can.  And believe me, you are really breathing hard during these classes.  They also have fresh air circulating through the studio and the flooring is ergonomically designed to prevent injuries.  If that isn't enough, they clean with environmentally friendly products and are eco friendly when it comes to their showers and toilets.  


Within this one hour class, I was visualizing the release of toxins and poisons from my body, flushing out ~ an overall cleansing effect.  Now the Gerson therapy cautions us to over exert ourselves, making sure our energy is used to fight our illness first and foremost.  I was fully aware of my limitations and listening to my body, making sure to meet myself where I was at that moment with no judgement.  And I was so concentrated with my breathing, concentrated in my practice and a times felt like I was the only one in the room.  So, I have set my intentions to once a week and am excited to re-introduce this in my life.  Yoga is the connects the mind and body with conscious breathing, without,  it is just a bunch of shapes and sorts on a mat.

As I continue on this journey, I realize that change is not something that we should fear, rather it is something we should welcome ~ otherwise nothing in this world would ever grow or blossom ... possibly missing the opportunity to move forward to become the person we're meant to be.

"Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape"

"What You Waiting For ..."

" Naturally i'm worried if i do it alone 
Who really cares cuz it's your life 
You never know, it could be great 
Take a chance cuz you might grow
What you waiting,What you waiting for!? "

~ Gwen Stefani ~ What You Waiting For ~

***

Over the last week, it's been full of visits and visits ....Mainly impromptu, I've had a chance to have some nice visits with friends *sigh* a HeartFULL week!  They really brighten up my days.  It's funny since I usually get settled in and look like I could be a "carnie" as my "costume" for the day ... extreeeeeemely comfortable. ... Not much matches in my clothing selection and I end up toodling around the house, napping, blogging and reading.  I guess I am still conscious of my look ... the grey hairs coming in fast and furious, no makeup, no hair products ... just simple, plain moi.  But these friends really don't give a damn about all that ... they just make a point to drop by and just be with me.  Especially when I shy away from being in public.  And this weekI noticed a message within our conversations ... and the message was loud and clear ... What You Waiting For?

Besides asking my friends these questions when they were looking for some direction, I started to ask myself too ... What Am I Waiting For? When is the time just right?  What Am I Putting Off till Later? ... Now by no means am I suggesting that you go for it all the time, forget any consequences and risk it all ... unless YOU want to.  I guess for me, there a few things I want to do.  I am limited by the Gerson Therapy as you know, but there are some things that I can do so what haven't I?  Coincidently, after watching a great movie this week, "Limitless" with Bradley Cooper, I realized that what's holding me back is maybe ... the fear of success?  or is it the fear of failure?  and are they one in the same ... I am starting to think they are.

Your see, most of us are often happy to travel the middle of the road, making conservative choices that allow us to get by without making waves.  This way we take less risks and have an even lesser chance of failure.  Success and failure can share the same symptoms in certain situations ... anxiety ... which is be crippling and leading the sufferer to take fewer risks and make only safe choices.  I guess for me I am learning that NOW is the time to move beyond limits ... the limits I have put on myself.  In the past I have had nicely organized boxes of preplanned excuses that I can access.  

I am learning that we need to give ourselves the PERMISSION to abolish these imaginary ceilings as the limits of our imaginations are only boundaries.  NOW is the time to take a closer look at all of the reasons to why not take action ... find out what is right for you, what is important to you and what you are waiting for?  I realize that if I am truly passionate, naturally motivated or purely driven about something that is MORE than enough to go for it.  

"What all of these limits really come down to is the difference between surviving and living.  Going through the motions instead of moving through life deliberately."