" Recovery ... "

I’m not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you’re not alone
Hola if you feel that you’ve been down the same road

~ Eminem ~ Recovery ~ 

***

At the end of the year most of us reflect on the going ons we have experienced.  2011 has been a wild ride to say the least for us.  With the start of the year ringing in my diagnosis, the remaining has been full of discoveries and lessons.  Those around me that are in a similar situation will attest to the personal transformation that occurs at a very rapid pace.  The "shift" that happens is not gentle ... it is abrupt.  Initially I felt that my life has turned upside down.  But upon reflection, it actually turned right side up.  The naive thought of being immortal faced me head on when I was dealt the dreaded C word .... And the most profound thought for me is that cancer is a word and not a sentence ... initiating my personal healing.  

Looking forward to 2012, a beginning of a new year full of success, adventure and possibility.  Instead of planning for a new car, new home or renovations, I choose to plan my life ~ what I want to achieve and how I want to grow as a person.  You know the saying that "Life is a journey” ... so are you the driver or a passenger? ... do you pick an adventurous route or snooze in the back?  Rather than life developing and me existing, I can choose to make things happen the way I design them instead of leaving it all up to chance.

So how I going to set my intentions for the new year?  

Well I figure I have to set the mood, a time for me to feel peaceful, relaxed and uninterrupted.  Once in a positive state and open to possibilities, I will write down my achievements for 2011 and then ... reflect on them.  One year ago my life was full of uncertainty, quiet chaos, anxiety and fear .... now I have peace, gratitude, confidence, and love.  I will allow myself to celebrate my success this year ... a tough year, but could have been worse and the best part, I am getting thru it.  I read recently that once you are diagnosed, at that moment, you are a survivor.  Such an empowering feeling.  

I have been checking in, asking myself questions around my year ~ who, what, when and where ... not why, because there are no definitive answers to that question.  That is where my strong faith kicks in ... I read today that “every sorrow has a spiritual lesson, if you get the lesson, life gets easier ... if you don’t, the sorrow gets tougher” (thanks Oprah!).  

Next, I will think about the areas of my life that are important such as spirituality, relationship with friends/family, personal development, career, etc ... and consider where I am with each right now, today ... then thinking about how I would like to positively change each area.  

Imagine ~ Dream ~ Design.  So powerful and effective to make it Real.  I may entertain the use of a dream board to paint a vivid picture of exactly how it will look for me.  Supporting this process, by prioritizing what areas need immediate action, setting dates, the importance around it, etc can be helpful as long as I am being true to myself.

I think the next step will be the most challenging.  I will ask myself who will share my intentions with me.  In the past, I have found that some do not always support my “new design” and try to burst my bubble.  And it is not intentional, they just like life to be the way it is and do not want change.  They fear that I may fail and are too protective of me ... as I experienced this year where others may think it’s best for me to take a more conventional route and do things the way they understand.  I have realized that each person is an unique individual with their own set of life situations and challenges ... if we listen to and take negative comments of others, we are bound to struggle to achieve our intentions.  

Valued Lesson: I will share my intentions with those who will support me, encourage me and be inspired by me ♥

In wrapping up 2011, one word comes to mind ... BLESSED.  At this moment, I feel healthy, loved, safe and secure.  I choose to live in abundance of all good things and know that I am exactly where I am suppose to be.  

And what will my 2012 dream board look like? ... 

• pictures of how my life is going to be, what I will have, and what is important to me
• words that inspire me to dream big and take action ... and I will imagine the feelings surrounding those dreams

So till next year my friends ... may the light shine brightly in your heart and the upcoming year be full of powerful changes allowing you to let go of the past so your life can be richer and fuller with room for multiple blessings and joy.

We are the light of the world ~ so let us share it willingly, lovingly and unconditionally ♥ R.Bankapur

" Get Real ... "

"What's up? 

What happened when I wasn't around? 

Who did what? 

What went down? 

Get real, Get real 

Think about myself it happens to me 

It happens in the tunnel when I let myself feel 

Get real, Get real"

~ David Bowie ~ Get Real ~

***

Hope everyone had a great Christmas and enjoying the holiday break.  We had an opportunity to visit with out of town family and friends.  Such a beautiful time to just be together with loved ones.  And this year in particular, I really enjoyed every moment.  Moments of laughter, silliness, joy, reflection, giving, receiving, sharing, love, bliss, tears, rememberance, and gratitude.  All these emotions and experiences jammed packed into 5 days can also bring on a truckload of expectations.  But this year, I managed those ... expectations that is.

You see, with expectations can come happiness but almost always comes disappointments.  And with disappointments comes anxiety and with anxiety comes stress ... and so on.  A stressful time no matter how you slice it.  In addition to the usual family issues to handle and all the reactions therein, the media tends to portray how our holiday “should” be.  Mix in the financial pressure and over spending issues ... this can be a challenging time.  

Reflecting back on my previous blogs about the “perfect gift” ... understanding that receiving what is provided with no expectations is just as important.  Not getting caught up in what the holiday should look like, how it should feel, and what you’re going to get or how people are going to react to a gift you are giving ... all of which can dominate our minds ... bringing so many feelings of deep anger and resentment.

So how do I keep it all in check but still make the most of this glorious time?  

First, I stay away from romanticizing the holidays.  I keep my levels of expectations quite low and accept what was right in front of me.  Light bulb moment ~ I have realized that instead of wishing what could be, I accept what is ... sometimes what is provided by those you love is all they can give.  Acceptance. 

Second, I Get Real.  I know that I am blessed to have those in my life who love, respect and support me.  I know that  at the moment, I cannot fully indulge in the delights of the season due to my therapy but my loved ones understand and work around it instead of feeling sorry for me.

Third, I have an Escape Plan.  Yes you read that right .... as you know I am all about detox! detox! detox! and that goes for my external environment just as much as my internal environment ... so if I find I am in a situation that I find overly critical, I remove myself from that environment emotionally and literally if need be.  Meditation, Hot Yoga and Writing are my outlets.  Find a safe place, a sanctuary, for you to retreat.  

Fourth, Breath.  Being mindful of your breathing ~ deliberate and deep.  Sometimes just letting it all out, a sigh of relief, can make a big difference.  Shallow breathing and fight or flight situations go hand in hand. 

I know that I am not alone when it comes to the potential stress holidays can bring.  Yet remembering that YOU have to take care of your emotional, physical and spiritual well being because if you don’t, who will?  

" Blessings ... "

During this busy time, my hope is you are able to take some time to find your inner voice, quiet your mind and reflect on what makes this time of year so special.  

Regardless of your choice of faith, honour the season and the powerful winter solstice by taking time to respect your body, rest, rejunvenate and eat wholesome foods ... 

be kind and give yourself the best gift of loving care.

May this time for you be filled with joy, peace, health, abundance, love and a deep sense of compassion for yourself and your fellow being.  

Blessings ♥ M&R

" Best of You ..."

"Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?
It's real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must confess"

~ Foo Fighters ~ Best of You ~

***

Ever heard the saying, find what you need, find what works ... and leave the rest.  Well, with the new year upon us, we have an opportunity to clean the slate, start over, re-do, and make some resolutions.  Now I am not a huge fan of resolutions but I love to write down my intentions to give them a chance to become reality.  

So how do I acknowledge the best of me? ... Well I follow the steps presented by Terri Cole, founder of Live Fearless and Free ... Terri suggests we start with three separate lists:

List#1: CRAP YOU ARE LEAVING IN 2011

Write down experiences, feelings, people, circumstances… anything that you do not want to drag with you into 2012. Share this list with a trusted friend who will witness without judgment. Then, burn the list so the energy attached to it can be released back into The Uni-verse and out of your experience.

List#2: GEMS YOU ARE KEEPING FROM 2011
Write down what you learned from your experiences, good and bad, but especially from the ones on list #1. Once you honor what you learned, you won’t need to repeat the crappy situation. Even the worst situation has a gem. You just have to be willing to look through the crap to find it. Hold onto this list.

List#3: WHAT YOU ARE CREATING IN 2012 (* this is my favourite list!) ...
Write what you want to create for yourself: how you want your life to look and feel. This list should be written in the present tense and include all areas of your life: love, health, family, wealth, friends, career, fitness, spirituality, etc. Marinate, meditate and think on what you have written. Put this list where you can see it on a daily basis. When you look at this list, feel the feelings of having these things. By conjuring the feelings, you become a magnet that will draw the experiences to you.

As Terri states, we are the architects and engineers of our life experience, so commit to creating your best life in 2012.  Remember, this is our time to decide, find what we need, find what works ... and leave the rest.  

"We attract abundance when we ask from a compassionate heart"

♥ Johnathan Lockwood Huie ♥

" Wrap It Up ... "

" No more will I shop around now 
You know I've got the best thing in town now
I've seen all I want to see
What your loving means to me now
Wrap it up, I'll take it"

~ Eurythmics ~ Wrap It Up ~

***

I was so excited to write this post today because I decided to wrap my christmas gifts in a different way this year.  With old magazines.  Yes, you read that right, old magazines.  I guess a classic old standby for many, but for me ... guilt free gift wrap ... Go Green!!

Considering half of the 100 million tonnes of paper products used each year in North America going to packaging, wrapping and decorating consumer goods, this year I decided to choose from the stylish options of my old mags.  Feeling quite "crafty", I customize the paper design, while cutting down on using new materials.  

It's really quite easy, fun and in-expensive.  Just look for articles spreads that reflect your recipient's tastes.  For large presents, I lay out the amount of selected pages needed to cover my gift on the floor and tape them together to achieve a cool patchwork design.  For smaller gifts that only require one page, I try to choose beauty spreads that feature multiple products scattered on one page.  And with ribbons from previous gifts given to me, that are still in really good shape, I make bows, topping it off ... voila, see my "masterpiece" (videos) ... remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder ;)

Supplies ...

Final Product ...

And just in case this is not your cup of tea but you are interested in some natural, eco and recycled wrapping ideas, here are some suggestions:

• Tie pine cones in to your gifts with thin ribbon on the base ... spray them with a natural pine oil scent to add to the experience

• For the men in your life, use old keys, nuts and bolts as an accessory

• Paper tablecloths are an ideal medium for wrapping large and awkward shapes.

• For a lovely aroma, use old oranges, slice them up and dry them in the oven or airing cupboard ... after a couple of days these can be tied in to gifts

• Tie any dazzling embellishments, like jewelry or buckles, with ribbons to bedazzle your gifts
  
• Paint cream, gold or brown dots on brown paper for a shabby chic finish

• Recycle last year's Christmas trimmings and tie them on to gifts instead of the tree

" I've Got the Urge (of Herbal) ... "

" I've got the urge ...
I can wait another minute
I've got the urge to herbal ...
Oh yeah yeah ..
I can wait another minute
I've got the urge to herbal
It's all so natural"

~ Britney Spears ~ I've Got the Urge (of Herbal) ~

***

After my diagnosis earlier this year, I found myself researching "alternative" therapies.  One of those that resonated with me is Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM).  Having the urge to go herbal, Chinese herbal medicine is the main treatment method within TCM.  As mentioned in one of my previous blogposts, I have had the opportunity to be educated from Dr. Perez, a phenomenal doctor at the Amatsu Clinic in Canmore, Alberta.

TCM is the world's oldest professional medicine that continues to be practiced.  It has gained wide acceptance in the West and is one of the most popular and effective alternatives therapies available.  Probably because it is based on an individualized pattern diagnoses as well as a dis-ease diagnosis.  Your pattern is made up of your signs and symptoms, your emotional temperament and the overall composition of your body.  Chinese medicine formulas are created to treat your entire pattern as well as the symptoms or dis-ease that prompted you to seek treatment.  These formulas may include 6 to 18 herbs to treat the symptoms or dis-ease as well as your entire pattern.

Chinese herbal medicine may include vegetables, animal and mineral ingredients, however, the majority of the ingredients are from vegetable sources ... leaves, flowers, twigs, stems, roots, and bark are among the parts of the vegetables used.  These herbs are adopted and incorporated from all over the world with 15-20% of the 500 ingredients considered standard originated from outside China.  There are few, if any, side effects, when prescribed prescribed to Chinese medical theory and a TCM pattern diagnosis ... only beneficial healing results.  Chinese herbal medicine is especially good for promoting the body's ability to heal and recover from illness. 

Of course first consult your preferred health practitioner when considering any form of medication, synthetic or herbal.  I for one am not in favour of self-medicating, yet am in favour of understanding your treatment plan.  Always, always, always do your research and know what you are ingesting in your body ... and know the benefits and side effects to determine if it is right for you. 

" The Perfect Gift ... "

" Close your eyes and I will sing a song for you
I will always be there
I will always love you
And while you’re dreaming I will row your boat ashore
I will always be there for you

... You gave me the perfect gift."

~ Canadian Tenors ~ The Perfect Gift ~

***

The Perfect Gift ... does it really exist?  Perhaps in the eyes of the gift giver ... but what about the gift receiver?  From my own experience, I have struggled with learning how to fully take in a gift.  Gratitude ... yes, but even when I am writing thank-you notes and lists, have I fully received, taking in and assimilated the gift I've been given.  If this sounds familiar to you as well, I recently read an article to help us in this process.  To start, we need to recognize that we are being given a gift.  Then we need to create enough openness to take it in.  Next we need to appreciate it, value it or the intentions of the giver.  Finally, we need to feel that we deserve it .. the gift is neither too much, too little or too out of line with who we are.  For me, this hits home ... the feeling that I deserve it, I am worthy ... I have definitely struggled with this.


Seems really simple right ... so why then do some of us still struggle with this?  One reason may be we feel resistant to receiving a gift that isn't "meant" for us.  Not everyone's energy is aligned with ours ... some gifts comes with so many strings and expectations that make us very uncomfortable.  If you identify with this, then you have probably learned how to receive by looking at the meaning behind any feelings of resistance.  Sometimes they are messages telling you that it isn't wise to accept the offering.  It is important to listen to you inner "no" or "yes" but remember to treat each gift and giver differently ... are you projecting your past experience on the present?


Going beyond receiving a gift ... are you a wide receiver in life?  Do you easily accept favours and compliments?  Does this create feelings of guilt or insecurity?  Do you have fear that you don't have the means to reciprocate?  Another reason we don't receive help is that, on a subconscious level, it may make us feel inferior.  In some cultures, the giver is in the power position ... while the receiver is representing neediness.  Even when we are truly in need, our ego will often resist the discomfort of fully receiving.  


So how do you become better "wide receivers"?  


"Create Presence.  When someone offers you a kind word, a present, a favour, be aware of your state of mind .. if you rushed, distracted or preoccupied, you have much less capability to fully receive.


Avoid Judgement.  Resist the urge to think about what kind of offering you would have preferred.  Instead consider that the giver might only have a loving intention.


See the Gift as Message.  Appreciate the insight presented to you, the energy and blessing taking place.


Consciously Open Yourself.  Remind yourself to cultivate openness to whatever form love takes ... what is offered to you & the grace supporting it"


"When we improve our ability to fully receive, we will begin to notice how many gifts are being offered to us at every moment ... and whatever we give back becomes a part of the same dance ... the dance of giving and receiving, in which we are all one another's partners" (YogaJournal, December 2011)

" Solitude ... "

" How many times have you told me you love her
As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth
How long have I stood here beside you
I live through you
You looked through me
Ooh, Solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, Solitude,
I can't stay away from you "

~ Evanescence ~ Solitude ~

***

During the Gerson Therapy, each day is predictable.  13 juices, 80 + supplements, 3-5 coffee enemas and loads and loads of preparation time.  Each day is the same schedule, same programme.  Variations occur after frequent consults, depending on your test results.  And during all this, there is a lot of solitude.  You may be thinking that I was going to say loneliness.  Well, if I'm honest, there is some of that too.  You see, from the outside, solitude and loneliness look a lot alike.  Both are characterized by solitariness.  But there is a difference.

Loneliness comes from isolation and is a negative state.  We usually feel something is missing even when we are surrounded by people ... which is the most bitter form of loneliness.  Isolation from being a part of daily life activities such as absence from work, absence of friendships and not having the ability to attend or participate. 

Whereas, solitude comes from the state of being alone and not being lonely ... leading to self-awareness. It is a positive and constructive state with oneself.  It is a desirable state where you provide yourself the best company, YOU.  So where does the self-awareness part fit in?  Well, solitude allows for a time that can be used for reflection, inner searching or growth & enjoyment of some kind.  An activity such as deep reading requires solitude, or experiencing the beauty of nature.  And, usually forms of creativity such as composing, writing or blogging requires solitude.  

Stemming from a state of inner richness, solitude suggests peacefulness ... it is refreshing ... an opportunity to renew or replenish ourselves.  Stemming from a state of discontent, loneliness is harsh, punishment and deficient.  Marked by a sense of estrangement, loneliness is an awareness of excess aloneness.  Solitude is something you choose.  Loneliness is imposed on you by others.

So you see, periods of solitude are essential, allowing a time to explore and know ourselves, a chance to regain perspective.  Solitude renews us for the challenges of life ... allows us to drive our own lives rather than having them run by demands from others.  So welcome solitude into your life ... it will help restore your body and mind ... it is the nest of your thoughts.

" Highs N Lows ... "

"I be high then I be low
I be low then I be high

I be high when I get what I couldn't before

I be low when I'm looking at a stressed face
It's like a battle knife to a gun fight
No need to worry this the story of my life ..."

~ Kid Cudi ~ Highs N Lows ~

***

Well, we are starting week 40 of the Gerson Therapy.  Yes incredible to think ... I remember talking to family and friends at week 1 wondering how we were going to do this, how we would manage.  And I am happy to report, we have and we are.  As mentioned in my prior posts, thanks to the kindness, generosity, love and support of what I like to call my earth angels.

Since my last post, I have experienced some real highs and some real lows.  Personally, I have been feeling stronger, better and more determined than ever to beat this horrid dis-ease.  I had a great healing session with my beautiful friend, Jolene of Coreporate Care, whom I mentioned in my last post.  Some great insight and affirmations.  Feeling like I am on the road to recovery and healing ... having worked really hard to get to this point, it feels good to feel this way.  And just when I was staying present in my world and my reality ... we had a dear friend of ours pass away.  Highs N Lows.

Vesna was a friend we met at the Gerson clinic in March 2011 and arrived a few days short of our 3 week stay.  She was accompanied by her husband.  The first day, we exchanged stories as to what brought us to the Tijuana.  Our commonality ... breast cancer.  There was a lot of shared frustration, anger, fear and curiosity.  Russell and I, having the majority of our visit under our belts, felt quite equipped to share our knowledge, understanding and beliefs around the therapy.  With Vesna, she was not new to a cancer diagnosis, as this being a reoccurrence, she had felt that a different option from what she had already experienced could work.  With our the severity of our diagnosis varying, our sense of desperation varied too.  I knew that look, that feeling ... I had it 2 weeks prior.  And so I tried to lend my support and encouragement around the therapy, why it works, why it is important to follow it as directed ... why we had to believe.  And we all believed, to some level, or we wouldn't have been there ... again, all of us desperately searching for the unattainable ... a sure thing, a guarantee. 

All of us at the clinic knew that in "theory" the Gerson Therapy works.  But, we also knew that we all respond differently, heal differently ... for some, our immune systems were not strong enough to endure the flare ups and healing reactions to come our way.  For others, we would continue on the therapy.  We all knew that we would do our best and also do what is takes to heal ... conventional, Gerson, or a combination of both.  Regardless of the choice of treatment, we all had the same intentions ... and provided unconditional support.

For Vesna, she left us this past weekend ... passing away peacefully.  I trust she IS at peace now.  All the frustration, anger and fear replaced with solace, harmony and love.  I trust our friend is looking down upon the rest of the Gersonators and cheering us on, believing in us ... knowing we all have our own journey to take.  

♥ Rest in Peace our beautiful friend ♥

" My Favourite Things ... "

"Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eye lashes
Silver white winters that melt into spring
These are a few of my favorite things!"

~ Julie Andrews ~ My Favourite Things ~

***

During my wild journey this year, I have had the opportunity to explore a variety of "things".  And since tis the season, I thought I would put together ... a few of my favourite things to share with you.  Hopefully you may appreciate them just as much as I do.

FRESH LOCAL PRODUCE at Co-op, Amaranth, Planet Organic, Community Natural Food Store and Kingsland Farmers Market 
~ we are so fortunate to have a variety of stores to select our produce from ... Go Organic!! ♥

TINY DEVOTIONS 
~ These mala beads are sacred necklaces that have been worn for thousands of years in traditions of yoga, Buddhism and Hinduism.  They are gorgeous, and so hard to choose from, but my favourite ones are the Turquoise Ocean Mala, African Jade Mala, African Turquoise Mala, Transition Mala and the Mala of Fire.  Check it out ... you'll see why it is hard to pick just one ♥

JUIL 
~ I love these funky sandals and what JUIL represents ... ♥
" Life is energy. Energy is life. It's that simple. But as technology has connected us to the world all around us, we're very often disconnected from the most powerful, most rejuvenating energy source on earth: the earth itself. Ordinary shoe soles block us from what our bodies need most" ..

LULULEMON 
~ everyone loves Lulu, yoga-inspired athletic apparel ... fits every body with no judgement and no competition ... just like my yoga practice.  Namaste ♥

HOT YOGA ON CROWFOOT 
~ an amazing workout with loving and supportive teachers, this is my favourite yoga studio where I take a journey through my heart and let my breath guide my path ♥

COREPORATE CARE THERAPY 
~ for over 10 years, my healing support and my beautiful friend, Jolene Tse, has gifted me with various healing modalities.  
Truly an angelic experience ♥

AMATSU Eastern Healing Arts Clinic
~ Dr. Christian Perez embraces an Eastern approach to healing that safeguards health and longevity with early intervention.  Providing an  environment that has allowed me to recuperate and heal on my wellness journey, words cannot describe my gratitude ♥

APPLE 
~ My everyday life line ... my MacBook Pro, the best investment I ever made ... and as we know gift cards are great for apps, add ons, upgrades .... iLOVE ♥

ALBA BOTANICA 
~ One of the recommended brands by the Gerson Institute, Alba uses pure plant proteins, natural botanicals, vitamins, advanced sea enzymes and tropical fruit, nut and plant essences from the Hawaiian islands ... SO good for you ♥

NATURAL ESSENTIAL OILS 
~ finest and purest natural products, essential oils are considered nature's effective tools for stimulating and storing positive energy, and supporting our quest for a balanced, healthy and harmonious life ♥

BE.OLOGY T-SHIRTS 
~ word and thoughts carry energy ... pick an phrase and express yourself ... just BE ♥

SALON FLI 
~ a funky hair salon with award winning stylist ... my girl Naomi made me feel so special at a time when I didn't feel that special ... Much Love ♥

HEALING RECIPE EBOOK 
~ fearless Jess Ainscough, my fellow Gersonator compiled this holiday recipe book ... the aim is not only to provide us with 30 amazing recipes to try out during the holidays, but also to show us that the process of healing does not have to be carried out with deprivation and guilt ♥

UGG CLASSIC SHORT SPARKLES 
~ just check these out ... oooo shiny sparkles ... everyone deserves to sparkle ♥

O MAGAZINE 
~ one word ... Oprah.  enough said ♥

YOGA JOURNAL 
~ le sigh ... one day I WILL be able to complete the posture on the cover of YJ ... in the meantime, dare to dream ♥

SHAKTI MAT 
~ a new design of an ancient tool, this mat uses effective acupressure points from pain and discomfort to a pleasant feeling of relaxation ♥

NUMI ORGANIC TEAS 
~ nothing beats a blissful cup of tea, Numi preserves our earth's resources and protects the health of the farmers ... ensuring that what is going into our bodies is 100% natural, made the way nature intended ♥

BsaB CANDLES
~ BsaB recognizes life is a fragile and beautiful balance ... providing 100% natural products, they are committed to positively affecting the environment and humans ♥

CANADIAN SHEEPSKIN GLOVES 
~ c-c-c-old Calgary winters, and I mean minus 30 degrees Celsius require some serious protection ... and these cuties caught my eye and promise to keep my digits nice and toasty ♥