" Support ... "

It feels like a while since I wrote a post.  That’s not to say I haven’t been writing as I am working on my personal story.  I started this a long time ago, but had to many triggers that were allowing me just put it away for another day.  But now, through my writing, a great deal of insights are appearing.  I am grateful for the realization that life truly is love.

Love.  How we express in many different ways.  One way is Support.  Supporting others when in need.  I have been so fortunate to have my family and friends that have been on this journey with me.  Their constant love, guidance and compassion is present and consistent.  And regardless of whatever is going on, they are familia.

Present and consistent.  We find ourselves helping others, altruistically.  No strings attached, yet deep down inside hoping that if we find ourselves facing a challenge, they may extend the same.  Yet, life goes on and things happen and people forget.  They forget the promise, when they are over the moon grateful how you have helped them.  So whose issue is it?  But wait … I ask myself, maybe MY actions weren’t altruistic after all.  

Because if they were, it really wouldn’t matter if it was reciprocated.

An interesting space to be in as I have been struggling with my own health.  Trying to sort whether it is a the flu, an infection or something that requires more attention.  But whatever it may be, that present and consistent support from those who haven’t given up on me, I am forever grateful.

When we fall ill, it is so easy to start running an unhealthy internal dialogue … I have found myself very tired.  Tired of dealing with all that is involved with this dis-ease.  I have found myself wanting to give up, but how can I when others haven’t given up on me?  I have found myself angry. Angry at reality.  I have found myself thinking life is passing me by.

So here today, with more insights and realizations … it is up to me.  To honour what I speak, what I advocate. Believing that anything is possible and miracles do happen.  Trusting in the unknown.  And walking the talk of all the previous blog posts I have written.  I thought I was, at least my ego kept telling me.  But somewhere in the subject matter of cancer, I wasn’t listening to my inner guidance.  

Support is available always, if we just look.  And by forgiving and lovingly releasing the past, others can step in and help. There is no baggage, drama, or unresolved feelings.  It is just a loving presence when it is so needed.  

Forced to slow down and just be has been a blessing in some way.  I don’t wish the pain and discomfort but when you slow down, things don’t seem as they might have at one time.  And so I am grateful for the realization that life is love … anything else is meaningless. 

www.walkstrong.ca

" Wandering ... "

On the eve of another birthday, my mind is wandering.  Wandering, wandering ... I never really thought I would get to the age of 46 ... not because I am a pessimist but because of being cancer-ed.  

Ah yes, for those who have had a similar experience, you don’t really forget.  All the memories of ‘that’ day, being diagnosed, can come rushing back at any moment, triggered by anything remotely to do with the dis-ease.  But rather than choosing this to be viewed as a weakness and being a ‘victim’ to the thought, I am opening to the insights offered.  

My most vivid ‘memory’, the one that did the most damage was my prognosis ... 5 years at best.  I have this attachment because I speak to it, still to this day.  And I write about it, as here present in these words.  Load on the intense programming, patterning and hypnosis of how, what, where, when and why an ill-ness is an ill-ness.  The triggers are present because my mind has been so deluded to the idea of being cancered.  

And so here we are ... on the eve of another birthday and 4.5 years being cancer-ed.  My mantra ... so far so good ... probably because it is a bit of a safety net, a precaution or a disclaimer.  With no claim to being “cured” because, I am not.  

So why back to the wandering mind ... well with an assigned dis-ease, you really are not sure what you will get.  AND cue insight ... that’s what life is all about.  Not really sure what what you will end up with right?  Whether it be an ill-ness you manage, a relationship you tolerate, a burden you carry, or a void within your heart ... pretty much anything can be your demise IF you allow it.  An ill-ness or dis-ease just has intense assumptions that go along with it.

In those moments of weakness, when I say aloud, I don’t know how much more of this I can take, I hear within, count your blessings, they will multiply.  But how?  Begin with breath.  Our sacred connection to the Divine.  And that is where my gratitude begins.  And so tomorrow at first light, I hope to graciously take my first breath, arms and heart wide open ... birth of a new day.

Blessings xx

MC

" Inflamed ... "

And now you turn to me and say

Is your heart on fire? ...

And now you look at me and say

Is your soul aflame? ...

Inflame my fantasy

Enhance my reality

Kindle the fire in my soul

Give me the energy

To face my own destiny

Give me the strength to keep moving on

Is your soul on fire? Is your heart on fire?

Is your soul on fire? Is your heart on fire?

~ Loudness ~ Inflamed ~ 

***

Here’s a warning ... the next time your doctor tells you “inflammation is cancer”, don’t take it as face value.  Trust me ... do your homework and check the facts.  There is a difference between acute and chronic inflammation ... and their implications.

Acute inflammation is a normal immune system response to injury in a localized area.  It is an essential part of the healing process as when the site becomes red, swollen, warm and/or painful, inflammation is at work.  This is when nutrient-rich blood rushes to the area and immune-system cells heal the injury and inflammation subsides.  This is good news.

Chronic inflammation isn’t limited to a specific area or amount of time.  And since there is no obvious symptoms it can harm the body over time.  Oxidative damage to cells caused by free radicals in the body, inflammatory foods and overactive immunity can initiate chronic inflammation.  And this is where degenerative dis-eases come into play.  

Anti-inflammatory diets can help ...

We can shift our bodies back into balance with what we consume.  Dietary components may modulate inflammatory responses within the body.  Eat lots of fruits, vegetables, and wild seafood.  Add generous portions of deeply-pigmented vegetables to every meal and snack for their fiber and natural anti-inflammatory compounds. Many herbs and foods such as oregano, garlic, green tea, blueberries, and ginger contain bioflavonoids and polyphenols that limit free-radical production in the body

Also, particular vitamins, minerals and phytochemicals may have therapeutic benefits in inflammatory diseases.  Studies show that certain spices such as turmeric (curcumin) and ginger may inhibit the pro-inflammatory pathways.  In addition to specific dietary components, achieving or maintaining a healthy body weight is important to prevent or control chronic inflammatory diseases. 

An anti-inflammatory diet begins with choosing the right foods, but it continues with using anti-inflammatory cooking methods to prepare those foods. You can undo a lot of the good in your healthy foods by cooking them the wrong way.  Avoid the microwave as it destroys the nutrients in the food due to high heat.  Try steaming, poaching, grilling, broiling or stir-frying instead.  Take care not to over cook your food.

Personally most of my food is in raw form to ensure I not only ingest the nutrients of the food but also those amazing enzymes to nourish my body.  And the food that we do cook is cooked slow to ensure that we retain as much goodness as possible.

As said before ... do your research.  It can be tough at first to make changes but the payoff is huge.  From experience, it can make a tremendous difference in how you feel in a surprisingly short period of time.  So take the time to tip the balance away from pro-inflammatory, toward anti-inflammatory and heal your body ...

" Royals ... "

And we'll never be royals (royals).

It don't run in our blood

That kind of luxe just ain't for us.

We crave a different kind of buzz.

Let me be your ruler (ruler),

You can call me queen Bee

And baby I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule.

Let me live that fantasy.

Ooh ooh oh

We're bigger than we ever dreamed,

And I'm in love with being queen.

Ooh ooh oh

Life is great without a care

We aren't caught up in your love affair.

~ Lordes ~ Royals ~

***

What does 50 years, Cabos San Lucas, Family time, All Inclusive, Beach, Sunshine and Holidays have in common?  
A vacation after 2.5 years ...

Considering Russell and I had not been away since March 2011 in Tijuana at the Gerson Clinic, the idea of going away was a huge treat, but also brought on a great deal of anxiety.  How was I going to continue my modified therapy? Medications, Enemas, Strict Diet ... seemed like a very tall order.

Well thanks to my parents, they had pre-planned with General Manager Sergio Benitz and Sous Chef Javier.  Upon arrival to the resort, we were greeted by the two to discuss my dietary restrictions.  Initially through some discussions, it was well understood as to my dietary restrictions ... all organic, all vegetarian, no added salt, no added sugar (maple syrup is OK), & fresh juices.

So whether it be breakfast, lunch or dinner, the Dreams Resort made no fuss and personally delivered every meal ... meals ranging from fresh fruit juices, fresh mangos & avocados, delicious greens, delicately poached eggs, homemade fresh bread, empanadas .... boy oh boy did I feel ROYAL!  And being someone who doesn’t like to make a fuss, be a bother, hates being high maintenance ... I just went with it and really enjoyed every moment.

The reality is that no matter where you go, anything is possible.  The Dreams Resort went above and beyond our expectations and truly made every meal wonderful.  Here are some photos of my amazing meals ... Bon Appetite!

" Shake, Rattle and Roll ... "

I get over the hill and way down underneath
I get over the hill and way down underneath
You make me roll my eyes, even make me grit my teeth
I said shake, rattle and roll, shake, rattle and roll
Shake, rattle and roll, shake, rattle and roll
Well, you won't do nothin' to save your doggone soul
Shake, rattle and roll!

~ Bill Haley ~ Shake, Rattle and Roll ~

***

Last week was a challenging one ... I had another diagnostic test followed with routine labwork done ... and then a review my results with my family doctor.  The good news my lump is smaller by 35% and my lab work is great.  Yet my doctor had an associate in the room and both expressed their “concern”.  Without getting into details, I received pressure to follow the aggressive treatment plan presented here a year ago.  They basically don’t believe in my treatment, it’s been over a year, and I think they feel that it is taking to long and time is of the essence.  

So I heard the same words and got the same looks.  

And it shook and rattle me to my core, AGAIN.

I thought I was stronger than this ... so it has brought up loads of negative emotions.  Enormous fear and intense sadness followed.  I told Russell I haven’t felt like this since my diagnosis back in February of last year.  And then anger ... how could I let this affect me, I thought I was stronger than this ... and then exhaustion.  I am tired.  Tired of the looks that I am crazy, tired of the pity, tired of the disbelief, tired of the lack of recognition that I truly am in a treatment ... once again, I felt like I had to justify my position by flying my Gerson flag.

And if I am being completely honest, I had expectations walking into the docs office.  I was expecting my doctors to be elated.  I was expecting a pat on the back.  “Good Job girl!”  So I was ill-prepared to deal with the reaction.  And it fed my fears.  You know that little voice inside of us, that little voice of doubt ... it got louder and louder and I started asking myself, am I doing the right thing?  am I crazy? am I off the mark here? am I going to die?

Thankfully I have amazing family and friends in my life ... guiding me as I lose my way.  And I sure did lose my way.  

So where am I today ... well, I am still on the Gerson Therapy - Month 15.  And I realize that I was looking for confirmation from places I won’t get it ... I need to continue to align myself with a medical team that takes the time to understand my treatment and then guide me on my current journey.  My Gerson doctors continue to be fully onboard ... monitoring and adjusting my treatment based on my results.  

I thought it was interesting that I had to re-read some of my blog entries just to get through some very troubling moments this past week ... and I recognize that I will have to continue to deal with the eternal conflict between my head filled with fear and my heart filled with love.  

The greatest mistake you can make in life 

... is to be continually fearing you will make one 

~ Elbert Hubbard

" From This Moment ... "

From this moment as long as I live

I will love you, I promise you this

There is nothing I wouldn't give

From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love

And you're the answer to my prayers from up above

All we need is just the two of us

My dreams came true because of you

~ Shaina Twain ~ From This Moment ~

***

"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity." 

~ Henry Van

Great quote and I only realized how each moment takes on a different dimension after being confronted with something like cancer.  When you are diagnosed with the disease and embark on a roller coaster of emotions, from anger to disbelief, you have the almost-stopped and dream like quality of time.

Living in the here and now ... the present.  Shifts you to live in the minute, moment by moment.  Since too much of our effort goes into wishing what was, or what is to be, we don't take the opportunity to live in the moment, whether it is good or bad. After all, time will never go faster or slower. It's only our perception of time that changes.

My current journey with breast cancer is primarily managed with a positive outlook on life.  Deep in my core, I always believed I would beat it ... with the odd doubt creeping in, I knew that this would not be the end of me.  And although not all my moments are nice ones, I realize that in those dark times and sad episodes, there has been opportunities.  There's the opportunity to really search inside my heart, mind and soul and sort through why this has happened ... leading to quite a personal transformation.  There's also the opportunity to make room for my loved ones and real friends ... enabling us to deepen our bond, cherish what we have, laugh, and rejoice.  

And then there's the most important opportunity of all. The realization that I can choose to appreciate every moment I have.  In between all that time I once wished away can be found so many small joys. There are little packages of happiness tucked away in all those little places that I wouldn’t have noticed if I was too intent on making my hurried way. And the realization of this is the gift that I, along with many other cancer survivors, share with you.  

There is a cliche saying “live life to the fullest.”  I’ve probably referred to this many times on this blog.  And although this saying is nice to state, it actually implies a deficiency in your life in the here and now.  How so?  Well we get caught up in what our lives could be or how much better our lives could be if only ... but my truth is living and knowing that my life is interesting just as it is right now.  

I often think If I were to view my life as a movie, I would be amazed of my internal struggles, my daily routines, my powerful potential, my interactions with others, my surroundings and my amazing growth.  My life is richer, I am stronger & I LOVE my life.

So celebrate these wonderful moments because every one of them is LIFE.  And as challenging as it may be, consciously choose to slow down, take in and appreciate them ... as we never know when it will be our last.

" Angry ... "

So scream you, out from behind the bitter ache

Heavy on the memory, you need most

Still want love, ugly, smooth and delicate

Not without affection, not alone

And instead of wishing that it would get better

Man you're seeing that you just get angrier

And it's good that I'm not angry

I just need to get over

I'm not angry, anymore

~ Matchbox 20 ~ Angry ~

***

Is it okay to feel angry?  Yes, because anger is a useful emotion.  It gives us feedback that something has happened ... our boundaries have been crossed or we have been violated in some way.  When we feel anger, we are more likely to do something about it .... the trick is to step back from the anger and make a rational decision about what you are going to do.  Yeah, easier said than done right?

You see, when we are in a state of emotional arousal, we don’t necessarily make the best decisions.  Our reasoning conscious mind can let our subconscious mind take control ... and our fight/flight response kicks in.  Why?  Because our brains treat any threats in the same manner ... we feel rage or fear, regardless of the situation.

Anger is a craving or grasping of beliefs around ourselves.  It is a normal emotion that all human beings feel, like sorrow and happiness.  Think about it ... from a young age, we feel anger ... like a newborn turning red and crying with a little twisted face or a two year old throws a temper tantrum.  It is obvious that they are experiencing intense anger and that they have not yet learned to manage their anger.  Sadly, many adults have never learned to manage their anger either.  They may not behave in quite the same manner as the two year old, but still harmful to self.

So is it better to express or suppress these emotions?  Studies have shown that people who are shy and non-assertive, have a greater prevalence of tumours than other personality types ... because shyness is associated with suppressing of emotions, particularly negative ones, like anger, resentment and bitterness.  Holding onto these emotions can literally eat away at you.  Now that doesn’t mean that every shy person will develop cancer, but it is definitely something to consider. 

My opinion?  Express yourself ... constructively.  Because life is energy in play and the more free flowing the energy is the more vibrant you feel.  Pockets of energy which are suppressed, or “held”, within you become sources of resistance to the free flow of your life expression.  They tend to lose their power over you and their ability to cause harm.

Realization: Forgiving is not about ‘giving’ something to the person who has wronged you.  It is about ‘giving’ yourself the permission to release the burden of carrying those emotions.

Learning to channel your feelings into words or actions that are not hurtful, positive and healthy will unburden you .... because managing anger destructively is actually allowing your anger to manage you. 

" Willing and Able..."

Said I'm willin' and I'm able 

I'm ready 2 place my cards on the table  

I been holdin' back this feeling 4 far 2 long 

And now that I'm willin'  It's a fact ?

it's truly mighty strong ...

Oh Lord, I'm willin', willin', able (Willin', able) 

I wanna dance and sing, somebody watch me do my thing...

~ Prince ~ Willing and Able ~

***

The other day I was having a conversation with an individual from the oil and gas industry, where I have spent the majority of my working career.  I found myself telling them that I have been on “dis-ability” for the last year ... immediately they responded with “I am sorry to hear this”, for which I replied “oh no that’s okay”.  

As solemn as they were, I was the opposite.  My upbeat, positive expression stemmed from all the that I have gained from my illness experience.  Good things always come out of bad.  Along with the valuable lessons I have shared, my cancer diagnosis is an “ability” or “this-ability” and not a “dis-ability”.  

Cancer has given me the ability to re-address what matters in my life.  It has shown me my husbands true unconditional love.  It has given me the opportunity to improve my relationship with my family.  It has helped me appreciate life and the beauty around me.  It has allowed me to learn and grow as an individual.  It has helped me face my fears.  It has allowed me to find acceptance, courage and strength I didn’t know I had.  It has given me new confidence.  It has helped me further build character.  It has made me grateful for every day.  It has increased my faith in a Higher Power.  It has given me the ability to enjoy a break from working.  It has given me the push I need to do the things I had been putting off.  It has made me not waste time.  It has allowed me to see things with more clarity for what they really are.  It has aligned me with the right people in my life ... blessings.

We are all one day closer to dying, yet the difference is that someone in their great wisdom has given me an expiry date.  So it begs to differ, is better to know when and how or is ignorance bliss?  If you knew your expiry date and more importantly believed it, would you do things differently?  Would you be willing and able?

Prior to my diagnosis, I was reluctantly living my life, easily accepting defeat, and believing that I was unable to be whom I wanted to be.  Looking back, that was when I was living a real “dis-abled” life. Now more than ever, I am ready, willing and able.

“Dis-ease is solely and purely corrective; it is neither vindictive nor cruel, but it is the means adopted by our own souls to point out to us our faults, to prevent our making greater errors, to hinder us from doing more harm, and to bring us back to the path of Truth and Light from which we should never have strayed.” 

~ Edward Bach, creator of Bach Flower remedies

" Wake Me Up ... "

Wake me up when the skies are clearing,

When the water is still,

'cause I will not watch the ships sail away so,

Please say you will ...

Wake me up when it's over,

Wake me up when it's done,

If it were any other day,

This wouldn't get the best of me.

~ Norah Jones ~ Wake Me Up ~

***

Wake-up calls ... we continue to experience these series of moments ... you know various events in and out of your life where maybe they didn’t immediately affect your actions, but left enough of an imprint that when combined with others, help stimulate your change.  Eventually and hopefully we connect the dots on these, trust our gut, follow our instincts and make the right decisions.  

Looking back, there were a series of events, but I just wasn’t paying attention.  I didn't connect the dots.  I needed the universe to stop me in my tracks, shake the ground to take notice.  My "this is your life calling" wake up call truly rang when I heard three words ...“You have cancer”.  It was scary, distressing and even nauseating.  Yet I quickly realised that being in that space wouldn’t get me anywhere and I’d only remove my own power if I tried to sort my life out by wallowing in negativity.  

Cancer diagnosis is always serious yet I believe waiting and becoming very aware that what I was being offered was not necessarily my best option, as I weighed up the risks from side effects against little benefits.  After I got over the shock of the diagnosis, I made the most critical decision of my life.  I did this by educating myself ... and choosing to support my immune system, rather than destroy it.

I recently read that “cancer is the body’s suicide note, and it will carry it out unless the person changes”.  Don't wait for desperation to force your hand.  Take a person inventory and if you need to, change what is dysfunctional in your life NOW.  Be honest with yourself, you will know what needs to change ............ just don’t wait for that "note" to wake you up.

Remember, It is not what life presents to us which defines who we are but who we choose to be in relationship to it.

" Humble Me ... "

 " What do you say
When it's all gone away
Baby I didn't mean to hurt you
The truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart
No matter how hard you resist it
It never rains when you want it to
You humble me lord
Humble me lord
I'm on my knees empty "

~ Norah Jones ~ Humble Me ~

***

Yesterday I had an opportunity to visit a girlfriend of mine that is to me, my hero.  Her personal story of courage, strength and determination leave me in awe every time we connect.  Besides being a medical miracle, she was also one of the first people I shared my diagnosis with as I knew she would get it.  She has been one of my angels, guiding and supporting me during my journey this year.  I feel so blessed to have her in my life ... thanks Mary ♥

We had a good talk about humbleness and humility.  Mainly because these negative energies came up for me this year ... along with resentment and anger, and I wasn’t proud of it.  And I was trying to understand why.  Knowing that these were “stuck” and had to surface first and then I could deal with it.  I realized my ideas around immortality and invincibility were shattered when faced with an "incurable" dis-ease as stated by the medical profession.  I realized that anything can happen ... and it did.  I was immediately humbled.  I realized that I had to make the choice if I was going to let the cancer have power, have control.  Never ... as I have said before ... life goes on.  For some, smoother than others.  For some, no cares in the world, life is easy ... at least that was my perception.  I was trying to understand why I was angry watching some coast while I struggle.  Enter resentment and anger.  And I think their lack of gratitude, lack of humbleness were the triggers.  Because for me, I view life completely different.  I really try to appreciate all that life has to offer, initially from a place of fear as I thought that I wouldn’t be around much longer.  Now that I have a fighting chance, gratitude, gratitude, gratitude resonates with me.  There are endless outcomes, endless possibilities and we have very little control as to what happens ... just what we do with it.

So back to humbleness or maybe even humility ... question: when you visualize someone that is humble do you see them as meek, hunched over and barely noticeable?  Be honest.  The funny thing is that humility is not an inferiority complex or lack of self-esteem.  Humility means “living with the reality that nothing matters except doing the right thing.”  

The humble person is totally dedicated to the pursuit of truth.  And because his self-esteem is not dependent on approval from others, his choice may be the right, not popular one.  The arrogant person is concerned with his own ego, pride, money and power.  Preoccupied with what others think of him.  So even though his appearance is friendly and charming, he is really manipulating things to suit his selfish needs.  

Think of it this way ... humility thinks “what’s greater than me counts” and arrogance thinks “I’m all that counts.”  And the most humble person of all can also be charismatic.  Because humility is freedom ... concern about truth, living by it and being free to express yourself in the most authentic way.  A quiet confidence, not rattled by critics, earning genuine respect.  A humble person knows his place and helps others, as there is no threat to his ego.

So start by doing some soul searching.  Check in with your life goals ... is it truly meaningful or just some abstract notion.  Are you losing clarity on what is ultimiately important?  Doing the right thing may be difficult, because we don’t always perceive it as providing a great source of pleasure.  Material pleasures are necessary and nice, but they don’t compare to the higher pleasures of life and meaning.  True charisma comes when we disengage ourselves from the need for outside approval ... very powerful.  

Humility can open us up to wisdom because we don’t get stuck in our own subjective reality.  Humbleness can generate truth, objectivity, and pleasure.  Because until you know what you are willing to die for, you have not yet begun to live.

"I Was Meant For The Stage ..."

"From the floorboards to the flys,
Here I was fated to reside.
And as I take my final bow,
Was there ever any doubt?
And as the spotlights fade away,
And you're escorted through the foyer,
You will resume your callow ways,
But I was meant for the stage."

~ The Decemberist ~ I Was Meant For The Stage ~

***

Over this past weekend, Russell and I has the opportunity to play at the Jack Singer Concert Hall in Calgary.  Definitely a dream come true.  This facility hosts many great acts, plays and performances year round.  As mentioned in a previous blog post, the east indian community held a cultural event, Diwali, and this year, we were one of many acts playing at the event. 

Differing from our usual band sound, we played with an author and classically trained singer, Mrs. Jayshree Bhatt.  Our item included Russell on bass, myself on keyboard, Harjitbhai on tablas, Vineet on sitar and a choir of 12.  Mrs. Bhatt chose 4 religious ragas to celebrate Diwali.  With the purity of her voice, the trance-like tabla sound, the angelic choir and our non-ethnic feel on bass and keyboard, we delighted the crowd with four songs.  

In between all this excitement, I had to carry around my juices, meds and potatoes to make sure I was on schedule.  Some spoke quietly to each other as they curiously wondered what "drugs" I was ingesting prior to performing ... I felt like a bit of a druggie, getting "ready" to perform.  And to my surprise, it made me laugh thinking ... hmmm what are they thinking.  As well, I had a few people who "know" about my diagnosis, and I know they know, but they don't know I know they know ... whatever, anyhow these few looked shocked that I was walking, talking and even performing on stage.  In their minds, cancer means weak, frail, and dying ... and in their defence, that is probably their experience with family and friends.  They were greeting me, cautiously, probably not sure what or how the conversation would go.  For me, it was life as usual.  I was more worried about my performance and my indian sari falling off then the impression I was making to the casual few.  At that moment, I really didn't bother with what others thought, and it was liberating.  

My parents said to me a few nights earlier, that they were proud of me, where I was, and what I had become.  What I represented and knew that I was beating this horrid dis-ease with a great deal of class.  I guess I had what I needed to be "seen in public". I had myself, my own sense of who I am.  I wasn't there to impress anyone but ... me.  And I did.  And it was awesome.  Once again, I had Russell on stage, beaming and glowing in the moment.  And every time I looked in his direction, his smiling face made me laugh.  He was meant to be on stage.  His emitted his passion and true love for music and it was contagious.  

Another moment of feeling I was exactly where I was suppose to be in my life ... and loving every musical moment.

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life" ~ B. Auerbach

"Soul Inside ... "

"and the beat of my heart
Marks the passing of time
And I just wanna scream to the sky
There are times when my mind is an explosion of feelings
I`m trying to hold on to the soul inside"

~ Soft Cell ~ Soul Inside ~

***

Another supplement prescribed on the Gerson Therapy is Coenzyme Q10 (CoQ10).  CoQ10 is a naturally-occuring vitamin-like nutrient found in every cell of the body.  It is present in highest concentrations in cell mitochondria or where energy is produced.  It's primary function is to help with the conversion of food and oxygen into energy.

You may be wondering if CoQ10 is "naturally-ocurring" why prescribe it?  Well as you know, those diagnosed with cancer and other life-threatening illnesses have a direct connection with weaken immune systems and require all the tools available to rebuild themselves.  And, anti-oxidants are important.  They are substances that protect cells from the damage caused by unstable molecules known as free radicals.  Free radical damage may lead to cancer.  Antioxidants interact with and stabilize free radicals.

So, back to Coenzyme Q10 .... it is a powerful antioxidant and provides additional help neutralizing damage-causing free radicals.  Studies have show that additional supplementation supports healthy blood pressure, cholesterol levels as well as promotes healthy immune-system functions.  Also, due to aging, levels of CoQ10 decline, resulting in less efficient organ function because of reduced energy supply.

As always, check with your health care practitioner prior to taking any supplements.  Inquire about the "type" of CoQ10 you are prescribed to ensure you are getting the highest quality, 100% natural form.  Some synthetic forms are processed using tobacco and other non-natural molecules of unproven effectiveness.  Making sure CoQ10 is produced by natural fermentation; the version identical to the human body's own CoQ10.

"A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his   illnesses" - Hippocrates 

"Patience ..."

"...little patience, mmm yeah, ooh yeah, 
I need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah
Some more pati... ence, yeah
I've been walking the streets at night
Just trying to get it right ... 
Need some patience, yeah

I ain't got time for the pain ..."

~Guns N' Roses ~ Patience ~

***

Patience.  An interesting word.  Used in many ways.  Taught from a young age ... we must be patient.  But really it has never been easy to be patient, and probably even harder now than ever.  I can attest to that, currently in a therapy that is recommended for a minimum of 18 months or 78 weeks ... we are on week 34, and always counting...

You see in a world where messages can be sent across the globe instantly, seemingly everything is available with a few clicks of the mouse.  It's very hard not to expect instant satisfaction.  But patience remains a valuable tool in our lives.  We don't always get instant gratification, and some of the best things in life require years of hard work and waiting.  And fortunately, "patience is a virtue" that can be cultivated and nurtured.  Yeah right?  how many times have you heard "I have no patience", or "I just want it now" ... well it is possible.  But it takes time to fulfill this goal ... isn't that ironic?  ... Yet, once you have conquered this, it will become second nature.  And the bonus is that you won't be disappointed at what life can offer you with some spare time.  You will be surprised by how boring, restless and lagging hours can evolve into a passing time of relaxation and peace of mind.

Curious?  yes!  read on ...

(1) Ask why you are in such a hurry?  It appears that we tend to lose our patience when we are multitasking or on a tight schedule, expecting the day to pass within only a few short minutes of busyness and chaos.  If you are stretching yourself too thin, re-do your to-do list before you attempt to change your natural reaction to an overwhelming situation.  Try to do your tasks one at a time, and delegate your responsibilities to share the load. 

(2) Try to recognize the triggers that often influence you to lose your patience.  Impatience is like a slow growth, it creeps up on you.  And if you feel anxious, worried or unhappy you may not even realize the underlying cause of these feelings is impatience.  Raise your awareness ... which events, people, phrases or circumstances trigger you.  At the core of most triggers is a reality that we have a hard time accepting.  But remember to ask yourself, whose realities are these?

(3) Overcome bouts of impatience.  Yes, one of the hardest things to do, but by developing patience, your outlook and attitude about life shifts.  Start by learning how to relax when you feel impatient.  Take a few deep breaths and clear your mind.  Concentrate on breathing and you'll start to get your bearings.

(4) If it is out of your control, let go.  Just let it go.  Easier said than done but it's the only healthy thing you can do.  Practice makes perfect and you will gradually develop the strength to remain patient in the most difficult situations.

(5) Mental note for self ... things take time.  Getting things done now and not wasting time doesn't apply to every situation.  Some things just can't be rushed.  I realize that almost anything really good in life takes time and dedication, and if you're impatient, you're more likely to give up on relationships, goals and other things that are important to you.  

(6) Expect the unexpected.  Ah yes, this has definitely been my journey.  I had plans and last I checked, they didn't include battling cancer.  Life lesson, things don't always work out as planned.  I accept the twist and turns in life ... gracefully.  And I keep my expectations realistic.  This not only applies to my current situation, but also to the behaviour within and around me.

(7) Remember what matters most.  Focusing on what matters most in this life fuels patience.  Move the world toward peace by being kind, generous in forgiveness of others, being grateful for what is, and taking full advantage of what matters most.  Take time to remember any one of these items can reduce our tendency to want something different right now.

(8) Have a positive outlook on life.  Remember that you will eventually get what you want.  Everything works out in the end, for a Higher Purpose.  Yes, this requires maturity and patience to understand and accept.  If you work hard at something, this may be the truth, but most of the time you have to be patient to get what you want.  Our destinations are constantly moving so remember that Life is a journey to be savoured each step of the way.

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