" Support ... "

It feels like a while since I wrote a post.  That’s not to say I haven’t been writing as I am working on my personal story.  I started this a long time ago, but had to many triggers that were allowing me just put it away for another day.  But now, through my writing, a great deal of insights are appearing.  I am grateful for the realization that life truly is love.

Love.  How we express in many different ways.  One way is Support.  Supporting others when in need.  I have been so fortunate to have my family and friends that have been on this journey with me.  Their constant love, guidance and compassion is present and consistent.  And regardless of whatever is going on, they are familia.

Present and consistent.  We find ourselves helping others, altruistically.  No strings attached, yet deep down inside hoping that if we find ourselves facing a challenge, they may extend the same.  Yet, life goes on and things happen and people forget.  They forget the promise, when they are over the moon grateful how you have helped them.  So whose issue is it?  But wait … I ask myself, maybe MY actions weren’t altruistic after all.  

Because if they were, it really wouldn’t matter if it was reciprocated.

An interesting space to be in as I have been struggling with my own health.  Trying to sort whether it is a the flu, an infection or something that requires more attention.  But whatever it may be, that present and consistent support from those who haven’t given up on me, I am forever grateful.

When we fall ill, it is so easy to start running an unhealthy internal dialogue … I have found myself very tired.  Tired of dealing with all that is involved with this dis-ease.  I have found myself wanting to give up, but how can I when others haven’t given up on me?  I have found myself angry. Angry at reality.  I have found myself thinking life is passing me by.

So here today, with more insights and realizations … it is up to me.  To honour what I speak, what I advocate. Believing that anything is possible and miracles do happen.  Trusting in the unknown.  And walking the talk of all the previous blog posts I have written.  I thought I was, at least my ego kept telling me.  But somewhere in the subject matter of cancer, I wasn’t listening to my inner guidance.  

Support is available always, if we just look.  And by forgiving and lovingly releasing the past, others can step in and help. There is no baggage, drama, or unresolved feelings.  It is just a loving presence when it is so needed.  

Forced to slow down and just be has been a blessing in some way.  I don’t wish the pain and discomfort but when you slow down, things don’t seem as they might have at one time.  And so I am grateful for the realization that life is love … anything else is meaningless. 

www.walkstrong.ca

" Truth ... "

“ ... Can't Believe how you set me free

The way you purify this soul don't you know

Ohh, Tell me what you want

Lose it all take the fall

Let it ride

As long as I have you at my side

Tired of singin to myself

I need a lesson

I need a blessing

Ohh, tell me what you want ... “

~ Bamboo ~ Truth ~

***

It can feel at times that our environment is one extreme or another.  It can feel busy, overwhelming and chaotic.  So what if we adopt the idea that the truth can be found in the middle, right in the heart of this chaos?  What if we can find stability and a sense of peace in the center of problems we encounter?

Emotionally charged conversations and opinionated views fill our lives.  With this, it is hard to distinct and understand what IS and many triggers can result in blaming others.  If powerful enough, it can damage and destroy years of connection ... or it can dissipate altogether from a lack of emotional energy or changing the environment surrounding it.

The middle way begins with courage and patience and can result in love, compassion and clear thinking.  This begins with probably the one of the most difficult things I am trying to practice ... not taking things personally.  When we are comfortable with who we are and our life, we become less affected than someone who is at odds with themselves and feels insecure.  Because when we are unsure, we feel the need to prove a point.  The more comfortable and secure we are within ourselves, our hearts and minds, the less we will let external events or the opinions of others affect who we are.

Patience and love for oneself and others can help us learn to step back and find that truth, that middle way.  The middle way  provides a means to the center of calm, that it is accessible, regardless of your challenge.  

... Spending time looking within has helped me to see the baggage I’ve been carrying around so long.  They are old and heavy and stuffed full of old habits and self doubt.  They cloud my vision and cause me to react before I’ve had a chance to look at a problem from another perspective ... 

And so the middle way is between the extremes of indulgence and self-denial, free from sorrow and suffering.  It is about learning to embrace the change rather than seeking resolution.  We let ourselves open and relax in the middle and we discover, life is manageable. We realize that it is not our task to create the ideal, it is our task to see how it is and to learn from the world as it is. And we understand that for the awakening of the heart, conditions are always good enough. 

www.walkstrong.ca

" Too Much ... "

“ ... Sorry about that. Honey, I love you too much

Need your lovin' too much

Want the thrill of your touch

Gee, I can't hold you too much

You do all the livin'

While I do all the givin'

Cause I love you too much

Ev'ry time I kiss your sweet lips

I can feel my heart go flip flip

I'm such a fool for your charms

Take me back baby in your arms

Like to hear you sighin'

Even though I know you're lyin'

Cause I love you too much ... “

~ Elvis Presley ~ Too Much ~

***

There is something that many of us have felt.  The fear of loving too much.  When you form an attachment to a living being, eventually one will die.  Perhaps why we feel life is so precious and unpredictable at the same time.  These attachments are always changing and the change it brings can result in fear.  

We choose to love and take the risk of loss.  I am understanding that the way we deal with loss has a lot to do with whether or not the loss heals and strengthens us or harms and weakens us.  Reactions and responses to loss are so individual where there is no place for judgement.  Allowing to be what it is, a process.

Dealing with loss in your own way is true to your being ... 

Dealing with loss in harmony with your deepest truth begins to diminish the mysticism and in turn the fear ... 

From a spiritual perspective, suffering and loss can open our hearts.  When we begin to look at it at a global level, suffering is a part of human incarnation, as is death.  Death is not the end, but part of a process.  

Asking for wisdom to understand 

and strength to continue is more purposeful ... 

So where is the fear coming from? ... Our ego.  To our ego, love is dangerous.  Rejection and conflict can be threatening and cause pain.  The idea of too much love is our ego’s way of protecting itself, shedding doubt, and becoming defensive or offensive.  Ego becomes uncomfortable and therefore reacts in a way of either attraction or aversion.  Ego fears we will abandon separation and self- protection and it fears its own undoing in love.

Yet the ability to love unconditionally and lose completely is necessary in our own spiritual growth.  The experience allows us to be aware of our own true being, our soul speak.  And this awareness is critical to our evolution.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Cosmic ... "

“ ... I put these things aside for years

'Til laughter took the place of tears

It's like I was asleep yet now I'm here

I'm here ... 

I put these things aside for years

'Til laughter took the place of tears

It's like I was asleep yet now I'm here

I'm here

I'm here (it's cosmic) ... “

~ Kylie Minogue ~ Cosmic ~

***

For those that believe in the concept of karma, believe that our loved ones appear in our life due to karmic debt.  At least that is the Buddhist view.

“At present, we are closely linked with our parents and our children.  We feel great affection for them and have incredible aspirations for them.  When they suffer, or anything undesirable happens to them, we are more upset than we would be if such things had happened to us personally.  All this is simply the repayment of debts for the harm we have done each other in past lives.”- Patrul Rinpoche

Imagine ... the person you love in this moment, may have been someone you loathed in a previous life.  And they may become your rival in the next life.  As my teacher explains to us, this is the cosmic joke.  The endless cycle of attachment and aversion that eventually causes suffering for everyone involved.  And if you aren’t sure, observe how children turn on their parents and how your greatest love can become your ex-partner.

Equanimity ... loving all sentient beings equally.  It is about boundless love, which has the power to heal and transform.  And you begin by consciously expressing your love to your special ones ... and spreading this outward to those in your life.  

A practice, with a sense of humour that helps to deal with life on life's terms.  Personally, I am finding that a sense of humour is essential.  It keeps me from taking myself too seriously.  It helps me realize it is a cosmic joke and not a serious affair.  When we get serious, we are praised, respected and honoured.  But are we having any fun?

A sense of humour seems to be far more sacred than some other practices.  It requires a presence of mind, and the ability to stay present.  When you laugh like like a child you are ego less.

And so the cosmic joke continues ... there seems to be nothing more valuable than laughter.  Laughter brings you to the earth.  Laughter bring you to reality as it is.  Life as it is should be enough of a reason to laugh ... ridiculous and beautiful, absurd and wonderful ... all sorts of things together ... a great cosmic joke.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Gifting ... "

" ... It's funny how it starts, just how it all begins
You get your sights on dreams, and man a thousand different things
You are on for yourself, you're chasing cool desire
You get addicted fast, but man you're playin' with fire

Then there's a day that comes to you
When you get all you want, but there's a space inside that's still as empty as it was
'Till an angel comes your way and man she's fallin fast
You know she's so in need but she is to afraid to ask

So you hold on out your hands and catch her best you can
And in givin' love you feel a better man

And the gift is what you get by givin' more than you receive
And you're learnin' fast that maybe this is how you'll be happy
'Cause in takin' everything you lost, the air you need to breath
But in givin' it away, you found the precious thing you see ... "

 

~ Blue ~ The Gift ~

***

Purchasing the perfect gift, tis the season … the practice of giving extends to all forms of giving.  Yet I believe there is no separation from givers, receivers or gifts.  I believe all of life is always giving and receiving at the same time. 

Yet, if a gift is not in material form, is it still a gift?  Can the gift of listening, the gift of love, the gift of creation, the gift of attention and the gift of effort satisfy?  Is that too easy, too simple, too trivial to be considered a gift …

There can be a few ways to practice unconditional giving … giving the gift of kindness, compassion and generosity … giving fully and without reservation the gift of your presence and respect.

My spiritual teacher told us recently that if you needed something you would have it … therefore if you don’t have it, you don’t need it … simple to consider but not so simple to practice.  Because we are told how, why, when and where to buy that special gift for that special someone … can your presence then simply be enough …. Yes!

Gifting those that have - have everything.  Have everything … everything they have.  Something to consider when fighting the crowds for a parking spot, or a sale item, or the latest gadget, or the newest trend.  Because you are enough and you always have been.  Realizations set in that you cannot buy love and friends.  You just need to be … be real and be present.  Gifting is a beautiful gesture if there are no strings attached … unconditional gifting.

And there it is … the gift is within YOU!

Do we give from the heart or give to get the best reaction … do we give because we love or give to win them over … questions best to be considered in stillness, where the answers are always available.  Regardless of your gifting choices, most of us know the more you give the more you receive as the opportunity is the gifting itself.

" No Harm ... "

I'm the true recluse, 

Blissful as a loner, 

And all that we have left

Is never lied for

Delivered on a word

Never near the target

Seen for what it was

And never eye to eye 

Baby there's no harm, 

There's no harm ... 

So watch what you say, 

There's a beast that's in me

~ Boxer Rebellion ~ No Harm ~

***

The more and more I hear the statement “do no harm, but take no shit”, I identify with it.  I realize that I am not that important, but what I do, matters.  And every single thought, intention or action has an effect.  Always.  

I always knew that life was too unpredictable to create bullshit, but learning not to take it from others is entirely different story.  And it is not about being a rude, inconsiderate, insensitive, impatient, angry ... ... it IS about choice.  

We equate peace with passivity and conflict with violence ... but how do we bring assertiveness within our peace and then how do we bring peace to personal conflicts?  How do we pause and wait out reactivity?  How do we give ourselves the opportunity to explore the infinities of other choices?

... practice non-action, remaining silent, taking a pause and letting things settle.  This may appear to be passive but it actually requires huge assertion, because it intercepts the expectations and anticipation of the outcome and focuses on the essence of what is ... 

A moment of hesitation, a moment of stillness, a moment of truth ... when you may respond avoiding regret.  We’ve all been there when as soon as it comes out of mouth, we wish it was still back in there. 

When our intentions come from a place of compassion, love, integrity and truth, no harm is possible.  This purity provides us a glimmer into the true essence of human nature.  We have it in us to do no harm when we operate from our higher self, rather than our ego.  

Plus there is always an opportunity to observe ego, yours or another, in action.  Indulgent feelings of righteousness as well as overbearing beliefs that “their” opinion must be shared and forced onto others.  Ironically, they don’t see this negative trait in themselves because they’re too focused on their belief that they are somehow justified and allowed to act that way.

Personally, I’d rather than be happy than right ...

www.walkstrong.ca

" Blessed … "

At the first sight of rays of light I hear the birds sing

It's a sign he's given me every thing will be OK

Sometimes when I wake up 

And I'm wondering how my life would have been if I didn't sing

I get a little stressed out every now and then

But problems come and problems go when I'm around him

Blessed in the morning

Blessed in the evening

And again I realize the reason why I sing

Every time, Always

I'm blessed, So blessed

~ Avicii ~ Blessed ~

***

Almost three years ago to the day, we met some very interesting people.  Under the circumstances, grasping for hope, these same people became our life long friends.  One of those friends was Charlie Hardin.

I always appreciated how openly Charlie expressed himself.  From our time in Tijuana till our last conversation, we would share, console, encourage and motivate.  Recently, Charlie had told me how he was getting back into daily activities and continuing to live his life in the present moment.  Charlie said that he felt an inner calmness and quiet peace.  He said “it’s not a state of euphoria, it’s an absence of the self induced inner torment I used to live with daily”.  Charlie's attitude was inspiring …

Charlie often spoke to me about gratitude and how grateful he was for his wife … as in his words “ my gratitude for her is off the charts and in a class all on its own”.  And also expressed his appreciation for earthly angels, friends and family, who were supportive of his choices.  

Charlie told me about his gratitude for understanding the principles of natural healing and how it helped him take control.  He mostly appreciated the peaceful life they had grown to love enjoying nature and outdoor activities in the rich natural environment of their region.  

And I always enjoyed our lengthy discussions, especially on the book “The Tibetan Book Of Living And Dying”, as it brought us both a sense of understanding as to who we really are and why we are really here.  We often talked about how we were tired of tests, doctors and thinking about “that stuff”.  Rather than revolving our lives around cancer, new therapies and new trials, we would rather just enjoy life instead.  Again, Charlie's attitude was inspiring ...

My life is so much more richer having known Charlie Hardin.  His wisdom, kindness, love and sincerity will stay with me till my journey ends.  Thank-you for blessing our lives Charlie, rest in peace friend … 

"On this life journey that I have chosen, I learned a lot, loved a lot and laughed a lot. I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams with a wonderful wife and children and family and friends. The more years I lived, the more tangible God's presence in my life became. That presence has enabled me to have a peaceful mind in this life and it enables me to embrace my transition into the next life without fear." 

 Charlie Hardin

" Living On A Prayer … "

She says we've got to hold on to what we've got 

'Cause it doesn't make a difference 

If we make it or not 

We've got each other and that's a lot 

For love - we'll give it a shot 

Whooah, we're half way there 

Livin' on a prayer 

Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear 

Livin' on a prayer 

We've got to hold on ready or not 

You live for the fight when it's all that you've got

 ~ Bon Jovi ~ Living On A Prayer ~

***

Emotionally, something to happen, something to become, something to have.  Waiting for something before I can really ??… Logically, battling why I hold myself back from activities, projects, opportunities … 

For a long time I felt that I couldn’t possibly bliss out in life without being perfect.  Perfectly healed that is.  Because perfection comes from hard work & dedication, because perfection is where you earn the rewards.  But I couldn’t be rewarded until ... I couldn’t  venture out until ... I couldn’t try new things until ... I couldn’t eat that until, I couldn’t (why, because they said so …), I couldn't (why, because that might happen) … 

I put so much pressure on myself to provide "proof" of my efforts 

because "just living with cancer" wasn't good enough ...

You see, when you face a life threatening situation, you make changes because you don’t have a choice.  To survive and thrive.  You develop routines and schedules so that you have some certainty.  Absolutely everything in your life revolves around the challenge.  AND, this FEEDS your FEARS!!! ... if you alter your new lifestyle, it will be detrimental to your health because of what ifs … what if, what if, what if?

You live yourself into a nice, pretty bubble and then guess what happens, you just stop living and THAT in itself is ungrateful.

Ungrateful because we are gifted life, here and now, not when things are just perfect according to what we want.  Life is perfect as it is, as it should be according to the Divine ...

And then it happens ... awakening ... every single day is where the gratitude lies.  You realize that you don’t have to wait to LIVE, travel, explore, take a course, make new friends, nurture present relationships and cultivate what really matters to you NOW.  Things seem clearer, old seems new, take a chance, think outside (no box required) and get out of your comfort zone.  

NOW ask yourself, what small step can you take today to start living your (miracle) life?

" How Long … "

I heard your voice through a photograph
I thought it up and brought up the past
Once you know you can never go back
I gotta take it on the other side...

Century's are what it meant to me
A cemetery where i marry the sea
A stranger thing that never changed my mind
I gotta take it on the other side
I gotta take it on take it on...

How long, how long will I slide
Separate my side ...

~ Red Hot Chili Peppers ~ How Long ~

***

From a place of honestly, ask yourself how long you hold on to grudges?  Rather than speak of how it is important to let go, move on and release ... maybe we need to understand how love, forgiveness and holding grudges support each other.

Most grudges stress us out, wreak havoc on our bodies, inhibit release of anger and taxes our immune system ... 

So how can a grudge work for you?  Well, this depends on the type of grudge.  You see some people will hold a bitter grudge against anyone who looks at them funny.  A full plate armour response to a playful slap.  But the problem is that you may use up all your negative energy before you have a real battle to endure.  So if you are in a constant rage, then there may be other underlying issues you may want to consider.  Otherwise, if you mood dips once in a while when it comes to that certain someone, than maybe holding a grudge is a good thing.

So can a grudge be good?  Yes ... because it is an acknowledgement of another person’s behaviour which keeps you at a safe emotional distance from people who mess with your head.  

And can a grudge be bad?  Yes ... because it can be used as a crutch, excuse or reason to hold on, to express anger, resentment, and blame someone else.

If you are not here, where are you ... grudge-holding is a relic from our caveman days, when people relied on each other for survival and remembering who slighted whom was crucial for success.  

Looking for resolution ... the key is to figure out what’s making you dwell on the issue in the first place and recognizing its negative effects.  Because in whatever form forgiveness comes, remember that it’s not the same as forgetting, which is something that might never happen. The memory can last, but if you’ve truly forgiven someone, its ties to residual anger should be severed leaving no room for grudges ...

" Dear No One … "

I like being independent

Not so much of an investment

No one to tell me what to do

I like being by myself

Don’t gotta entertain anybody else

No one to answer to

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold

Someone to give me their jacket when its cold

Got that young love even when we’re old

Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand

You’ll be here, but for now

Dear no one, this is your love song

~ Tori Kelly ~ Dear No One ~

***

February 4, 2014 ... World Cancer Day ... a day to raise awareness of cancer and to encourage its prevention, detection and treatment ... a day to “support” cancer patients worldwide.  In honour of this “day”, I decided to write an open letter for those who are newly diagnosed or living with this condition.  

Dear Friend,

Although we have never met, I wanted to share with you my thoughts in hopes to help you in your brave journey.  You may not be feeling to brave at the moment.  And that is okay.  You may have no clue what to do next.  And that is more than okay.  First, take this moment and just breathe because you are OKAY.

From my experience, 

... do your research.  Understand your condition and treatment options available.  And remember, just because they don’t have any other options, doesn’t mean sh*t.

... surround yourself with supportive, loving and compassionate practitioners whom respect your choice of treatment.

… unconditional love from my husband and family carries me through my journey.  I am grateful every day for them as I would not be here today.

... close friends may distance themselves and distant friends will become closer.  It’s all in how you handle it, let them help you when you need it.  Recognize your anger and resentment may be about your condition and not about about a person.

... people will say odd things to you because they don’t know how to deal with it.  Decide how important it is for you to discuss it with them or to just let it go.  

... others will just “check in” to see how you are and possibly if you still have a pulse.  Don’t take it personally, it is what it is.  Know who you can trust, know who you can share with, know who you can kindly decline.

... decide if your diagnosis is punishment or a blessing.  It took a lot of work, time, sweat and tears before I could see the gift.  Keep searching, however dire the situation, you will find it.

... change how you speak to yourself about your condition.  your body has cancer, not you, not your soul.  you created it, you can release it ... it is not a battle as it is a part of you which requires the same compassion and kindness as all of you.

... don’t believe the prognosis.  No one has a crystal ball, no one knows the future, no one knows for sure.  You have the power to within you to live or die, you.

… faith, spirituality and meditation have provided so much depth, perspective and clarity in my life.  Take this opportunity to nurture your soul and activate your inner healing.  

... there is more urgency in this moment so make a decision to live your life NOW.  Don’t wait.  Don’t procrastinate.  Ask yourself what are you waiting for? whats holding you back?

... now you have been put into a category, label or group.  there is a stigma and people now view you as a “cancer patient”, but you get to decide where you put your focus.  Focus on thriving, not just surviving. 

And, never let anyone tell you it is too late because I believe it is only too late when you decide to give up.  Now, ask yourself, do you believe this is your wake up call or your death sentence?

Sincerely,

your new friend