" Humble Me ... "

 " What do you say
When it's all gone away
Baby I didn't mean to hurt you
The truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart
No matter how hard you resist it
It never rains when you want it to
You humble me lord
Humble me lord
I'm on my knees empty "

~ Norah Jones ~ Humble Me ~

***

Yesterday I had an opportunity to visit a girlfriend of mine that is to me, my hero.  Her personal story of courage, strength and determination leave me in awe every time we connect.  Besides being a medical miracle, she was also one of the first people I shared my diagnosis with as I knew she would get it.  She has been one of my angels, guiding and supporting me during my journey this year.  I feel so blessed to have her in my life ... thanks Mary ♥

We had a good talk about humbleness and humility.  Mainly because these negative energies came up for me this year ... along with resentment and anger, and I wasn’t proud of it.  And I was trying to understand why.  Knowing that these were “stuck” and had to surface first and then I could deal with it.  I realized my ideas around immortality and invincibility were shattered when faced with an "incurable" dis-ease as stated by the medical profession.  I realized that anything can happen ... and it did.  I was immediately humbled.  I realized that I had to make the choice if I was going to let the cancer have power, have control.  Never ... as I have said before ... life goes on.  For some, smoother than others.  For some, no cares in the world, life is easy ... at least that was my perception.  I was trying to understand why I was angry watching some coast while I struggle.  Enter resentment and anger.  And I think their lack of gratitude, lack of humbleness were the triggers.  Because for me, I view life completely different.  I really try to appreciate all that life has to offer, initially from a place of fear as I thought that I wouldn’t be around much longer.  Now that I have a fighting chance, gratitude, gratitude, gratitude resonates with me.  There are endless outcomes, endless possibilities and we have very little control as to what happens ... just what we do with it.

So back to humbleness or maybe even humility ... question: when you visualize someone that is humble do you see them as meek, hunched over and barely noticeable?  Be honest.  The funny thing is that humility is not an inferiority complex or lack of self-esteem.  Humility means “living with the reality that nothing matters except doing the right thing.”  

The humble person is totally dedicated to the pursuit of truth.  And because his self-esteem is not dependent on approval from others, his choice may be the right, not popular one.  The arrogant person is concerned with his own ego, pride, money and power.  Preoccupied with what others think of him.  So even though his appearance is friendly and charming, he is really manipulating things to suit his selfish needs.  

Think of it this way ... humility thinks “what’s greater than me counts” and arrogance thinks “I’m all that counts.”  And the most humble person of all can also be charismatic.  Because humility is freedom ... concern about truth, living by it and being free to express yourself in the most authentic way.  A quiet confidence, not rattled by critics, earning genuine respect.  A humble person knows his place and helps others, as there is no threat to his ego.

So start by doing some soul searching.  Check in with your life goals ... is it truly meaningful or just some abstract notion.  Are you losing clarity on what is ultimiately important?  Doing the right thing may be difficult, because we don’t always perceive it as providing a great source of pleasure.  Material pleasures are necessary and nice, but they don’t compare to the higher pleasures of life and meaning.  True charisma comes when we disengage ourselves from the need for outside approval ... very powerful.  

Humility can open us up to wisdom because we don’t get stuck in our own subjective reality.  Humbleness can generate truth, objectivity, and pleasure.  Because until you know what you are willing to die for, you have not yet begun to live.

"We Are Family ..."

" Ev'ryone can see we're together
As we walk on by
(FLY!) and we fly just like birds of a feather
I won't tell no lie
(ALL!) all of the people around us they say
Can they be that close
Just let me state for the record
We're giving love in a family dose
We are family"
~ Sister Slege ~ We Are Family ~
***


We just had 3 full weeks of great family time ... Russell's Mum and her husband Ron were visiting us during their cross Canada tour.  They live in New Zealand, Russell's birthplace.  Usually it just the two of us in the house, so with Mum, Ron, and brother Tim over the house was full of energy.  Family dynamics can play a factor but fortunately we are all pretty laid back.  No expectations, just wanting to spend time together.  So we had a chance to experience all the local attractions in the city.  Most of the time, I took part in parts of the events, other times I stayed at home restricted by my therapy schedule.  And yes that was tough not being able to participate, but I know that this is temporary.  I enjoyed experiencing the love and support on a daily basis in our home.   Of course we have this already by my side of the family and friends that live here and are constantly connected to us.  It is just a little different when its in your space.  You never feel really alone.  It like a security blanket with you at all times.  And it's not smothering, it is there just in case you need it.


When you get a chance to spend some time together, you learn about each others preferences, opinions, differences and similarities.  Being in a respectful environment, you can learn a more about each other even after so many years.  And what doesn't change is the unconditional love a mother has for her son.  I could feel the strong bond Mum and Russ have.  The opportunity Mum had to see with her own eyes the sacrifices Russ makes on a daily basis to assist me on my wellness journey.  Definitely some very proud moments.  Realizing that family is love beyond words.  


During the past three weeks, I stopped and just took in all senses to remember that specific time.  Etching in my mind, remembering all that it offered.  Staying very present and still.  Allowing me to be very content.  Feeling very fortunate to have so much love in our combined families, overflowing and in abundance from parents, siblings and friends.


I know that if these were my last moments, they would be a glorious ones, a memorable ones and a happy ones.  Yet wanting more moments to reflect on, fuelling my motivation to continue winning the biggest fight of my life.

All is well in my world, all is very well.