" Support ... "

It feels like a while since I wrote a post.  That’s not to say I haven’t been writing as I am working on my personal story.  I started this a long time ago, but had to many triggers that were allowing me just put it away for another day.  But now, through my writing, a great deal of insights are appearing.  I am grateful for the realization that life truly is love.

Love.  How we express in many different ways.  One way is Support.  Supporting others when in need.  I have been so fortunate to have my family and friends that have been on this journey with me.  Their constant love, guidance and compassion is present and consistent.  And regardless of whatever is going on, they are familia.

Present and consistent.  We find ourselves helping others, altruistically.  No strings attached, yet deep down inside hoping that if we find ourselves facing a challenge, they may extend the same.  Yet, life goes on and things happen and people forget.  They forget the promise, when they are over the moon grateful how you have helped them.  So whose issue is it?  But wait … I ask myself, maybe MY actions weren’t altruistic after all.  

Because if they were, it really wouldn’t matter if it was reciprocated.

An interesting space to be in as I have been struggling with my own health.  Trying to sort whether it is a the flu, an infection or something that requires more attention.  But whatever it may be, that present and consistent support from those who haven’t given up on me, I am forever grateful.

When we fall ill, it is so easy to start running an unhealthy internal dialogue … I have found myself very tired.  Tired of dealing with all that is involved with this dis-ease.  I have found myself wanting to give up, but how can I when others haven’t given up on me?  I have found myself angry. Angry at reality.  I have found myself thinking life is passing me by.

So here today, with more insights and realizations … it is up to me.  To honour what I speak, what I advocate. Believing that anything is possible and miracles do happen.  Trusting in the unknown.  And walking the talk of all the previous blog posts I have written.  I thought I was, at least my ego kept telling me.  But somewhere in the subject matter of cancer, I wasn’t listening to my inner guidance.  

Support is available always, if we just look.  And by forgiving and lovingly releasing the past, others can step in and help. There is no baggage, drama, or unresolved feelings.  It is just a loving presence when it is so needed.  

Forced to slow down and just be has been a blessing in some way.  I don’t wish the pain and discomfort but when you slow down, things don’t seem as they might have at one time.  And so I am grateful for the realization that life is love … anything else is meaningless. 

www.walkstrong.ca

" Conditional ... "

“ ... Try to try to try to forget 

To change the things about me 

You can not accept 

Any day that you have regret 

Just let it recede 

It's conditional 

Not for free 

There are strings attached 

Tied to me 

I'll want something back 

If you agree 

To be in love with me ... “

~ Tracy Chapman ~ Conditional ~

***

Love, unconditionally, no matter what, for eternity.  We intend for our intimate relationships to reflect this yet what they are based on need or something deeper ... what if subconsciously, we are eroding our relationships ...

Love doesn’t have to be earned

Love doesn’t have to be proved

When you love unconditionally.  it means exactly that ... no conditions ... not based on what you do or what you’ve done ... or what they do, or what they’ve done.  It is based on who you are because authentic love is consistent.  You may express your opinions, you may disagree, but underneath it, that love never stops.  

Love means you are responsible for your own happiness ...

When we are raised with conditional love, we have this deep need to seek approval, and people pleasers are born.  But, we will always come up short because the constant strive to earn love will never end.  

Love is a grace we give one another ...

When we love others simply for who they are, we accept what is.  We love naturally, we share this gift ... it is why we are here.  Expressing unconditional love is a practice.  A practice involving reflection, empathy, forgiveness and compromise.  Life doesn’t go as planned ... people don’t behave as expected ... all we can do is adapt.

Chaos will always reveal true colours ... will they still love you unconditionally. if you don’t agree ... will they still love you unconditionally. if you choose to do something different ... will they still love you unconditionally.

To love unconditionally is to love with absolutely no boundaries, even when it hurts, because unconditional love is limitless.  This type of love looks beyond faults, struggles, and whatever pain and hardships that life may bring.  This type of love is what’s called unconditional.

www.walkstrong.ca

" The Hurry and The Harm ... "

“ But why are we so worried more about the hurry 

and less about the harm?

Always trying to conquer that which does not offer 

anything more than a broken heart.

Oh what a cost for love ...

Only want oh simple things, 

mourning the loss and what could have been.

When did I let go to all that I use to know 

this grave mistake has left an absence of hope.

I'm going back to the start “

~ City And Colour ~ The Hurry And The Harm ~

***

We all have it in us to behave in the ways we judge others.  That is why we judge, because we are judging a part of us.  A dark part of us that we keep hidden.  That no one sees.  But it is still there.  Lurking.  Waiting.  Wondering what will be the trigger. 

Recently, we watched a great movie, The Dhamma Brothers, in our weekly meditation crew.  Highly recommended, we had an opportunity to see transformations occur within people who had been written off by society.  Truly a powerful movie.

And it made me think ... is someone bad or did they behave badly?  Do we shame people in our lives, for what they did, by labelling them rather than the act?  There are always consequences to our actions as the actions themselves carry power.  What we do and say has this power, meaning and purpose.  

And sometimes ... we just make 

really. poor. choices.

But as it is being explained to me ... to harm another individual, you have to experience harm personally.  That is how you know the difference.  A terrorist has been terrorized.  A rapist has been violated.  It is learned, taught, shown, explained ... it is EXPERIENCED first ... that is if you believe this way.  Some don’t so whatever floats your boat.

Yet, we are judged very quickly on what we do wrong, rather than all the things we do right.  And many don’t want to believe or accept that someone can change.  I have heard many times ... “A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots” ... but isn't that because he was born with them on his skin?  Rather, we can change our behaviour ... how we respond, act and do.

We learn that nothing out “there” will make us happy ... chasing after something that doesn't last.  All is temporary.  All is impermanent.  And this can provide a sense of chaos or relief in your life ... depending on where you are in your journey.  

The bad news is, all things are temporary

The good news is, all things are temporary

Perspective is what will give you a chance to consider another possibility.  Another way because maybe your road can be less bumpy.  And really that is where I am at.  When cancer lives with you, there is a shit of stuff that comes to the surface.  And you have sift through, process and let it go.  In the beginning, you are venturing into unknown territory.  But when the fear of the unknown turns into curiosity for what is, the dark parts don’t seem as ... dark.  When the time is as it should be, a crack appears, which allows the light to shine out.  The light that was and always is within all of us.

If you took a selfie of your soul, 

you’d see how beautiful you really are ...

We forget to practice the most important practice ... loving kindness towards ourselves.  It is time to believe in yourself.  It is time to listen within.  

BE in stillness ... the answers are all there.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Deserve ... "

Ooh, yeah, yeah, well, well, well
Do you mind if I tell the truth for a second y'all? ...
I don't like it but I know, I gotta trust you
It ain't cool 'cause I know, it's true

For me to ask you, who the hell you trying to impress?
For you to laugh it off like it ain't nothing
I know it's something maybe just maybe

But we do the same shit

~ Tank ~ Deserve ~

All you want is a little honesty ... a little truthfulness.  Perhaps too much to ask from some.  Yet what hurts more is not the lying, but that they didn’t think you deserved the truth.  Yeah ... that ones hurts deep, real DEEP.

So again, the lesson is being served (enter crazy scream sound effect) .... to find out who you can count on again ... and to find out who you can’t count on ... to find out if you are a priority ... or if you are a second thought ... to find out if their lives are so busy ... or find out they just don’t have time for you.  And it is not about “expecting” things to crap out, or paranoia ... it is about treating each other with respect, love and trust.  Ahhhhhh yes ... TRUST, the kicker ... you can win some but you sure can loose some.  So perhaps they didn’t trust you ENOUGH ... so then what is the foundation of your relationship?

Ranting, raving, bitching and complaining ... not worth the time.  Therapy?  Well that is what blogging is for, an outlet, a means to express.  So I find myself asking the question AGAIN... what do YOU think you deserve?  Sitting in zen meditation, grateful for the stillness which allows for answers to arise ... and they always do.  

You know your worth, you know who you are, nothing and no one defines you ...

Loud and clear.  Then why the suffering?  why the sadness?  why the tears?  because the lesson is being served AGAIN.  WTF ... AGAIN!!  Clearing away the ego-based negative energy ... I ask myself, what is there for me to learn this time?  what did I miss the last time?  where is the gift?  where is the blessing?  

I am open and I am ready to receive the message ...

Yes, there is always a message.  Or a sign.  Waiting and wondering for it.  I know the insight will present itself, when it needs to.  So I sit with this, discomfort et al, and know that I need to get out of my own way.  Let it unfold as it will.  Let it happen as it will.  It doesn’t require your assistance.  It doesn’t require your approval.  

I get it, it makes sense ... but it doesn’t make it any harder ... 

Allowing myself to feel all the emotions that come with it.  I let them come and go.  I make efforts not to grasp.  Not to attach.  Not to get a hold of ... but to allow them to be as they are.  Just stepping out of the way ... at times feels like losing control, but then control of what, with so much uncertainty what is real and what is an illusion?

Yet, I thought it was real ... and at a time, it probably was ... but we change and accepting you are just an option is the first step.  The empowerment comes with what you DO with it.  Not being a doormat, not making excuses for others.  

Rather live by example ... beautiful mantra and hard to apply ... but trying.  And even still, shit happens ... and this is one of those times.  So this too shall pass, because it always does.  Turning it around to gratitude and being thankful for the revelation, to know where and whom to focus energy and time on.  

Assuming that the relationship will recover is someone else making an ass of themselves.  Forgiveness is always available  ... and so are memories.  People ALWAYS remember how you treat them, not what you DO for them.  A good reminder and perhaps a new mantra to adopt going forward because a half truth is still a full lie.

www.walkstrong.ca

" The Walk Home ...

The walk home
Was cold
But I'm wrapped in a soft blanket of self-satisfaction ...
Take note
Renewed hopes
Catch myself smiling at the people passing by as I pass em by

How did time pass me by
It's not that I was wasn't breathing just not living ...

And well just let time go by
Enjoy the feelings of each other breathing
Never compromise
Find that one love
The one you dream of and never let go

~ Stephen Covell ~ The Walk Home ~

***

Ram Dass said “we are all just walking each other home” ... a good reminder.  Why?  ... because it is so easy to feel disheartened by those who cause issues in our lives, whether purposely or otherwise.  Yet, these people actually have so much to offer us.  It is a reminder that they too are fighting a hard battle.

We all want to be loved, supported and free to be who we really are.  So focus on how alike we are to one another rather than being right about the idea that we are so different.  Wonderful in theory but oh so difficult to practice.

Another way to reflect on this is we are all just here to help each other find our way back to our heart, our authentic self and to live the life we were born to live.  And thankfully we can learn from children.  Children don’t wonder who they are, they just are.  It is when we grow up and learn to lead socially acceptable lives we part away from simple and effortless knowing.  The connection is lost.  We then yearn from within, to find ourselves and find our way back to our soul.  A time of crisis ... similar to a mid-life one.

who am I ... why am I here ... what is my purpose ...

Family, friends and even adversaries are either meant to be with us for life or rather a finite period of time, fulfilling very specific purposes, before our paths diverge again.  As we are all to familiar with people come in our lives for a blessing, purpose or lesson.

I have learned that there are no coincidences, detours or accidents in this life.  Instead they are very much a part of our path, even if the experiences while going through them are painful.  Yes painful ... experiencing hardship is by virtue a walk for us to gain clarity about who we are and what we want even if it’s through the contrast of reflecting back to us who we are not or do not want to become, and what we do not want to experience.

You begin to recognize your intelligence, your potential, your strength, your beauty, your perfection ... 

So now a moment to ponder who has walked you home, professionally and personally, currently and previously.  Some may make you happy, others sad, but each and everyone of them deserves a thank-you.  Massive gratitude because they helped you pull back the layers and find YOU ... and yes, a work in progress because every one you meet has the opportunity to do just that.

Ultimately the challenge is to forgive those who hurt you and allow yourself to heal.  Their gift to assist you in your transformation would not have occurred unless you endure the experience ... a blessing, purpose and lesson.

“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light“ 

~ Helen Keller

thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you* thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you* thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you* thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you * thank-you* 

" Fading Away ... "

If I can't see what's in front of me
It's a mystery
Well than apparently

Things just ain't the same ...
Can't you see that your fading
And I finally realized ...
You're fading away

~ Rihanna ~ Fading Away ~

***

I read something powerful today ... “Running away from any problem only increases the distance from the solution ... the easiest way to escape from a problem is to solve it.”

Right ... now who is going to voluntarily sign up for conflict?  Well I guess if we view a problem  as measurable milestones than it isn’t the monumental tasks it originally appears to be?

Believing that almost all challenges and problems can be overcome is the key ... and then comes determination, focus, discipline, execution and ... patience.  Yet most people have problems with conflict and will avoid disagreements at all costs.  And the issue is that never talking things through and resolving differences is also unhealthy for other relationships.

... becoming flooded with conflict and prone to struggle with how to remain in difficult conversations in calm and productive ways ...

Scenario 1: some people directly refuse to discuss an issue and will use comments like “You are being unreasonable and I refuse to talk with you about this” or “We never get anywhere when we argue and I am not going to talk anymore.”

Scenario 2: Other people might actually leave the room or leave the conversation emotionally and it is clear that the conversation is one-sided. 

... avoiding a lengthy give-and-take conversation does not lead to “buying in” to a decision ...

It is easy to imagine that it will take too long to solve a situation/problem and go into an experience of helplessness and gloom.  But realizing that this is self manipulation to not take responsibility and face your reality.  You know the decisions that lead to a prompt leave from responsibility ... direct yourself to seek a way out ... creating a point of easy way out by finding excuses of what you need to do, a distraction from what you could give energy to.

So stop and breathe ... and believe that resolution is possible.  And be selfish about it ... it is better for you to confront so you can heal.  You don’t want to be swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.  Because if you are unforgiving, you may subconsciously bring left over negative emotions into new experiences, you may lose joy in the present moment, you may feel your life lacks meaning or purpose.

Forgiveness is a doorway for change.  

And think about a time when you were in their situation ... 

practice empathy.

Begin by reflecting on facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being.  Then when you are ready, actively choose to forgive the person who offended you.  The key is to move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life.  Letting go of grudges gives you the allowance to no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt, rather by who you truly are.

" Where do we go from here ... "

We're at the crossroads my dear

Where do we go from here

Maybe you wont go maybe you'll stay

I know I'm going to miss you either way

Its such a lonely road

Usually not the kind of girl who's lost and looking for direction

Who could this be staring at me

When I'm looking in the mirror trying find the resolution

Were to far gone to find our way home

Where do we go from here ...

Follow the tracks of my tears ...

~ Alicia Keys ~ Where do we go from here ~

***

You know the saying “think before you speak”, well is it just a quote?  I ask because it is so hard to practice.  Sometimes when you make a spontaneous decision, you look back at the consequences and have regrets.  So how do you limit the consequences ... by learning to think before you act. 

Just think about it ... a strong opinion, the tone of voice, the look across the table, body language ... anything that can set you off to think you are being judged.  And instantly you react.  Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.  But is it true or is it your own insecurity?  And is it necessary?

The art of conflict is just that ... an art.  Some are good at it others not so much.  It can provide clarity or complications.  It can resolve issues or create new ones.  Nothing test our character like an emergency or crisis.  It is moments like these when our reactions or actions becomes increasingly crucial to the outcome.

And really can’t the whole spectrum of human behaviour can be put between two bookends of action and reaction.  Everything we do is either one or the other ... spaced out by time.  We fluctuate between the two with degrees of control of ourselves or the situation.  

The more we shift towards action, the more we are in control.  

We are decisive and have purpose.  

We know what we want and how to get it.

The more we shift towards reaction, the more we are being controlled.  

Reaction is an effect that follows a cause.  

It lacks decisions with clear thought and is selfish.

Being single-minded in one’s goal should not lead to being close-minded to everything else.

When it feels that the problems just keep coming and there is never an end to the troubles that plague us, where do we go from here?  

Finding the root cause.  Effects are seldom aware of the causes that trigger them because troubleshooting can provide immediate solutions to apparent symptoms but what’s to prevent it from showing up again.  

“It’s like putting a finger through a leaking hole to stop the whole dam from collapsing. Soon enough another leak breaks and before you know it you’ve used up all your fingers.”

Fear, panic, anger, envy, jealousy, false pride lead us to say and do now and regret later because they provide us instant relief to our pain.  A thoughtless comment from you sets off biting remarks from another which in turn irritates you to the point of doing something rash and the other person naturally retaliates.  Down the line it becomes a full blown hostility and neither of you probably don’t remember what started it in the first place.

When it feels that the problems just keep coming and there is never an end to the troubles that plague us, where do we go from here?  

Pause, reflect and take a deep breath.  Then ask yourself ... what am I doing and why am I doing it?  We can only take control of a situation when we take control of ourselves.  

Understanding the self is a start.  When you know who you are then you know what you want and from there clear decisions and productive actions follow.  Obstacles become secondary and are details that simply need to be worked out instead of main concerns that preoccupy our mind and dictate our every move.  Acting involves making a choice, reacting allows someone else to do that for you.

“A tactician may only see the battle in front of him, 

a strategist sees the whole battlefield.”

But we are only human.  And we will probably find ourselves in situations where we are forced to react.  There will be times when we can’t help but give in to a negative emotion.  But there is always an opportunity to start again.  It is whether or not you have the will to do so.

So instead of feeling like a failure when you make a mistake, use the failure as a tool to take back control of your life.  Do not make excuses and allow your failures to be reasons to continue making mistakes.  Just deal the best way you can and accept it does happen ... the more shocking your circumstances, the great the opportunity to learn ॐ

" Spirit ... "

To live with grace, to ride the swell

To yet be strong of will

To love the wind, to learn its song

And empty space to fill ...

A winters journey from the moon

To reach the summer sun

To rise again, to sing for you

A song that's yet unsung ...

His spirit joined and so was formed

Ten thousand years ago

Between the swan and Hercules

Where even dark clouds glow

~ John Denver ~ Spirit ~

***

It seems that there is more and more information available about detoxifying your physical body.  Cleanses, shakes, supplements and foods.  But what about your spirit?  

Our spirit is suppose to be perfect and divine.  Yet sometimes we need to cleanse our essence after experiences.  You see each one leaves an imprint and therefore the impact remains, perhaps at a subtle level.  

If we were perfect, we would be in alignment with our true self at all times, even after difficult events.  But we know that this isn’t the case as the life happens and our emotional reactions occur.  We generate thoughts and they mingle into our emotions which create thoughts and patterns ... muddling our spirit.  And our soul expresses itself through our energy field with the brightest presence being our essence.  Hence when our energy field can affect the clarity of our light.

Recognize and Let go of Things That No Longer Serve You ...

Analyze your attitude and behaviours ... how do you view the world?  do you need to take out pettiness and cultivate generosity instead?  try to drop the negative and grow a positive outlook.

Analyze your relationships ... what is causing you stress? can you fix the issue?  are you willing to renew your commitment or is spiritually strong to let go?

Analyze your time ... what activities occupy you?  do you receive strength from what you do?  do yo burden yourself with too much senseless activity?  make more time to nurture yourself.

Analyze unfinished business ... do you have long-standing issues with someone?  can you approach them with love, warmth and honesty?  can you share a solution?  can you let go of grievances?

Analyze your abilities ... do you have unrealistic expectations of yourself?  do you compete against others or yourself?  strive for personal best that are in tune with your talents and let others shine where you can’t.

Analyze what will quiet your mind ... can you make peace with the past?  can you seek joy in the future?  forgiveness allows miracles to occur.

Cleansing our spirit allows us to embrace what is present, here and now, for our enrichment.  We release patterns that clog our aura.  And when we reach inside ourselves for strength to live each day to the its fullest our world shines a little brighter and our soul flourishes.  

" Bully ... "

She takes the long way home

Fighting her emotions

She's a loner but tonight

She won't go unnoticed

If she can't remember when

She loses her temper

Nobody knows her but tonight

The silence is over ...

Blame the family

Blame the bully

Blame it on me

~ Three Days Grace ~ Bully ~ 

***

I’ve heard the expression “hurt people hurt people” but I really didn’t understand it until recently.  Hurt people’s behaviour is rooted into their own emotional wounds and can turn them into bullies.

You see, a hurt person or bully, pretends to be a victim in order to manipulate others.  They gain the compliance of other nave, compassionate people.  They exaggerate their pain, suffering and impact of others on them.  They replay their pain and never seem to get over things.  They say they are tired of doing all the compromising and suggest others are always ganging up on them.  They do all this because they hurt and so they want others to hurt. 

I suspect if we are honest with ourselves, most of us can identify moments when we acted thoughtlessly from a place of sorrow or anger.  Most of us have felt pain burning like a hot coal in our hands, and felt desperate to unload it, somehow, somewhere.  We have a right to set boundaries and communicate when something is not okay. But the world is a better place when we choose to do that from a place of love and compassion, instead of righteousness and judgment.  

Often we don’t mean to hurt each other ... we just don’t know how to stop hurting ourselves.  So how do we help hurt people and prevent the cycle from repeating itself?

The best way is not to just ignore the offense and silently hold a grudge, or to pretend the offense never happened because neither of those help heal the offender.  Rather it can be seen as a passive-aggressive way of condoning hurtful behaviour.  So instead, making the effort to aid in the healing of that person could enrich their life, and prepare them to be a healthier contributor for the future.

The irony is that what they need the most is LOVE ...

Personally, what I am learning is to first allow myself the grace to know that however the offense made me feel, that my reaction is perfectly okay.  Feeling hurt is good rather than suppressing my emotions.  I need to give my emotions freedom to exist and instead of trying to fix the situation while it is still raw.

Next is forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness ... and this takes time.  I realized that when I was ready to open my heart to forgiveness, miracles follow.  And forgiveness is not conditional on the offender’s willingness to make amends.  For me, this was HUGE because forgiveness is NOT two ways or a trade.  They owe me nothing because forgiving someone doesn’t let them off the hook but off of my hook.  So accept the apology you never got.

As time has passed, I have been able to look at hurtful situations and figure out why, specifically, these offenses were so hurtful.  It is important that I can explain how the other person’s words or actions affected me.  This helps me establish boundaries and hopefully prevent it from happening again.  

And probably the most important lesson learned is to release the situation.  Just as the offender owes me nothing, I owe them nothing.  I decide if they will be allowed back in my life.  They decide if they want to heal themselves.  My only responsibility is to take care of me and remove myself from the situation entirely if I so desire.

I was the type of person who allowed herself to be hurt over and over again, because I was too afraid to upset the offender to risk pushing for healing.  I have learned along the way that I can’t sacrifice my emotional health so that someone else doesn’t have to bear the responsibility of their behaviour.  

It takes understanding that even with the relationships we value the most, we might just be one small brick in the path to that person’s restoration, and never actually see the person fully restored and emotionally healthy.  Healing needs to happen ... and it is important for each of us to do our part, regardless of whether or not we get to see the healing through to it end. 

There is a huge amount of freedom that comes 
to you when you take nothing personally ~Don Miguel Ruiz 

" Angry ... "

So scream you, out from behind the bitter ache

Heavy on the memory, you need most

Still want love, ugly, smooth and delicate

Not without affection, not alone

And instead of wishing that it would get better

Man you're seeing that you just get angrier

And it's good that I'm not angry

I just need to get over

I'm not angry, anymore

~ Matchbox 20 ~ Angry ~

***

Is it okay to feel angry?  Yes, because anger is a useful emotion.  It gives us feedback that something has happened ... our boundaries have been crossed or we have been violated in some way.  When we feel anger, we are more likely to do something about it .... the trick is to step back from the anger and make a rational decision about what you are going to do.  Yeah, easier said than done right?

You see, when we are in a state of emotional arousal, we don’t necessarily make the best decisions.  Our reasoning conscious mind can let our subconscious mind take control ... and our fight/flight response kicks in.  Why?  Because our brains treat any threats in the same manner ... we feel rage or fear, regardless of the situation.

Anger is a craving or grasping of beliefs around ourselves.  It is a normal emotion that all human beings feel, like sorrow and happiness.  Think about it ... from a young age, we feel anger ... like a newborn turning red and crying with a little twisted face or a two year old throws a temper tantrum.  It is obvious that they are experiencing intense anger and that they have not yet learned to manage their anger.  Sadly, many adults have never learned to manage their anger either.  They may not behave in quite the same manner as the two year old, but still harmful to self.

So is it better to express or suppress these emotions?  Studies have shown that people who are shy and non-assertive, have a greater prevalence of tumours than other personality types ... because shyness is associated with suppressing of emotions, particularly negative ones, like anger, resentment and bitterness.  Holding onto these emotions can literally eat away at you.  Now that doesn’t mean that every shy person will develop cancer, but it is definitely something to consider. 

My opinion?  Express yourself ... constructively.  Because life is energy in play and the more free flowing the energy is the more vibrant you feel.  Pockets of energy which are suppressed, or “held”, within you become sources of resistance to the free flow of your life expression.  They tend to lose their power over you and their ability to cause harm.

Realization: Forgiving is not about ‘giving’ something to the person who has wronged you.  It is about ‘giving’ yourself the permission to release the burden of carrying those emotions.

Learning to channel your feelings into words or actions that are not hurtful, positive and healthy will unburden you .... because managing anger destructively is actually allowing your anger to manage you.