" Inner Search ... "

You've got a right to take what life offers you

don't let others mark out your scope

You better break out from all what chained you up

there is more to be than they said

The inner search needs more than words

Just hear the call for the inner search

You can hear a lot, but to understand

let the confusing voices die first

blow the flickering light out that's in your head

see the one that's always been there ...

Get up for a sense, take your life in your own hands

hear your inner voice leading you to the right choice

That you are is yours, belongs just to you ...

~ Rage ~ The Inner Search ~

***

Sometimes I just need to get my Kali on.  Kali, being the Hindu Goddess of empowerment and shakti (strength).  Sometimes I just need to be strong and stand up for myself.  And this is hard when striving for a non-violent, yogic lifestyle.  

The yogic calm can at times be a mask that is covered with difficult emotions, knotty feelings and desires that feel socially unacceptable.  Yet the deeper I reflect on my yoga practice, I learn to confront those parts of myself that may be suppressed by fear, trauma, or social conditioning.  I uncover what squelches my joy, undercuts my confidence, an sabotages my health.  

So where is the gift in all this ... bringing forth repressed passion and purifying it into energy ... accessing sublimated anger and wisdom that is now owned and channeled to renew my mind, body and soul.

“Invoking deity energy is a way of opening yourself to energies within that can support, protect, and act with a kind of numinous power ... “

The goddess Kali can be found in yogic art and is suppose to have arisen out of the warrior-goddess Durga during fierce battle with demons.  This would explain her association with spiritual and psychological liberation.  Kali symbolizes enlightenment ... freedom from conditioned beliefs, false personal identities and preconceived notions that keep you from recognizing your true identity.  Kali represents the power to release that which is true in you.  

Personally, I am finding that Kali in my daily life often means tuning in to aspects of myself that I normally don’t have access to.  I don't become free just by going with the flow. I become free by knowing when to say no, fighting for what is right, and engaging with the fiercer forms of grace.  So by “getting my Kali on”, I seek out permission ... to realize in those moments when suppressed anger or fear is threatening to overwhelm me, I can look to discover and integrate Kali, my energy.  

You see we seek Kali when we feel like we are living in dissonance with parts of ourselves we may not fully understand or know.  Kali helps us by pointing toward those parts of you that you have rejected, feared, or ignored.  Kali inspires you to transform your identity over again, letting go of the old rigid ideas of who you are, stretching your emotional range, your mind, and life itself in beautiful ways.

So explore your daily dose of Kali and bring an extra dose of ferocity ... just what is needed to keep growing through this wild journey called life.

" Angry ... "

So scream you, out from behind the bitter ache

Heavy on the memory, you need most

Still want love, ugly, smooth and delicate

Not without affection, not alone

And instead of wishing that it would get better

Man you're seeing that you just get angrier

And it's good that I'm not angry

I just need to get over

I'm not angry, anymore

~ Matchbox 20 ~ Angry ~

***

Is it okay to feel angry?  Yes, because anger is a useful emotion.  It gives us feedback that something has happened ... our boundaries have been crossed or we have been violated in some way.  When we feel anger, we are more likely to do something about it .... the trick is to step back from the anger and make a rational decision about what you are going to do.  Yeah, easier said than done right?

You see, when we are in a state of emotional arousal, we don’t necessarily make the best decisions.  Our reasoning conscious mind can let our subconscious mind take control ... and our fight/flight response kicks in.  Why?  Because our brains treat any threats in the same manner ... we feel rage or fear, regardless of the situation.

Anger is a craving or grasping of beliefs around ourselves.  It is a normal emotion that all human beings feel, like sorrow and happiness.  Think about it ... from a young age, we feel anger ... like a newborn turning red and crying with a little twisted face or a two year old throws a temper tantrum.  It is obvious that they are experiencing intense anger and that they have not yet learned to manage their anger.  Sadly, many adults have never learned to manage their anger either.  They may not behave in quite the same manner as the two year old, but still harmful to self.

So is it better to express or suppress these emotions?  Studies have shown that people who are shy and non-assertive, have a greater prevalence of tumours than other personality types ... because shyness is associated with suppressing of emotions, particularly negative ones, like anger, resentment and bitterness.  Holding onto these emotions can literally eat away at you.  Now that doesn’t mean that every shy person will develop cancer, but it is definitely something to consider. 

My opinion?  Express yourself ... constructively.  Because life is energy in play and the more free flowing the energy is the more vibrant you feel.  Pockets of energy which are suppressed, or “held”, within you become sources of resistance to the free flow of your life expression.  They tend to lose their power over you and their ability to cause harm.

Realization: Forgiving is not about ‘giving’ something to the person who has wronged you.  It is about ‘giving’ yourself the permission to release the burden of carrying those emotions.

Learning to channel your feelings into words or actions that are not hurtful, positive and healthy will unburden you .... because managing anger destructively is actually allowing your anger to manage you.