" Frustrate … "

I want to scream
Clenched fist, ground teeth
A bad dream, feeling so mean
Stumble across my piece ...

Quiver the index, sweat between the skin and the steel
All of the sudden it feels so real
The bang, the smoke, the blood ... 

A release to stay insane

~ Flotsam and Jetsam ~ Frustrate ~

***

Frustration can get the best of anyone ... and it happens when we are trying to do something in our own strength that we cannot do.

It can happen when we feel like we are in a rut ... a dead-end job, in survival mode, in a toxic relationship ... all while being unhappy achieving none of your goals or dreams.  As we age, we start to reflect, and if we feel like we have not much to show for it ... frustration sets in.

Let go or be dragged ...

Frustration brings on a mixture of anger and sadness as a result of interactions with people, events or circumstances.  How we react and our emotional response determines our level of frustration, when things don’t go according to plan. In other words, we don’t get what we want.

Let’s get some perspective ... are your current problems and issues of major consequence in the long run?  Ask yourself if it will even matter 5 or 10 years from now … Personally, my frustrations were an excuse to prevent me from achieving my goals and living my life to the fullest.  I was unrealistic and impatient.  I was full of pride, narcissism & ego and then there was a major shift ...

I started to count my blessings and appreciate what I have in my life rather than worry about what I didn’t have.  

I started to become clear about what I wanted in my life and who I wanted in my life.

I started to speak my truth and follow my path, even if it is alone.

And it is easy to slip back into old patterns, old scripts and old ways.  But it is how easily we get ourselves out of that place ... how easily we “unstuck” ourselves.

REALIZATION … 

frustration and confidence are both within my control, 

but only one will help me achieve the life I crave.

www. walkstrong.ca

" Fading Away ... "

If I can't see what's in front of me
It's a mystery
Well than apparently

Things just ain't the same ...
Can't you see that your fading
And I finally realized ...
You're fading away

~ Rihanna ~ Fading Away ~

***

I read something powerful today ... “Running away from any problem only increases the distance from the solution ... the easiest way to escape from a problem is to solve it.”

Right ... now who is going to voluntarily sign up for conflict?  Well I guess if we view a problem  as measurable milestones than it isn’t the monumental tasks it originally appears to be?

Believing that almost all challenges and problems can be overcome is the key ... and then comes determination, focus, discipline, execution and ... patience.  Yet most people have problems with conflict and will avoid disagreements at all costs.  And the issue is that never talking things through and resolving differences is also unhealthy for other relationships.

... becoming flooded with conflict and prone to struggle with how to remain in difficult conversations in calm and productive ways ...

Scenario 1: some people directly refuse to discuss an issue and will use comments like “You are being unreasonable and I refuse to talk with you about this” or “We never get anywhere when we argue and I am not going to talk anymore.”

Scenario 2: Other people might actually leave the room or leave the conversation emotionally and it is clear that the conversation is one-sided. 

... avoiding a lengthy give-and-take conversation does not lead to “buying in” to a decision ...

It is easy to imagine that it will take too long to solve a situation/problem and go into an experience of helplessness and gloom.  But realizing that this is self manipulation to not take responsibility and face your reality.  You know the decisions that lead to a prompt leave from responsibility ... direct yourself to seek a way out ... creating a point of easy way out by finding excuses of what you need to do, a distraction from what you could give energy to.

So stop and breathe ... and believe that resolution is possible.  And be selfish about it ... it is better for you to confront so you can heal.  You don’t want to be swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.  Because if you are unforgiving, you may subconsciously bring left over negative emotions into new experiences, you may lose joy in the present moment, you may feel your life lacks meaning or purpose.

Forgiveness is a doorway for change.  

And think about a time when you were in their situation ... 

practice empathy.

Begin by reflecting on facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being.  Then when you are ready, actively choose to forgive the person who offended you.  The key is to move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life.  Letting go of grudges gives you the allowance to no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt, rather by who you truly are.

" Into The Void ... "

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

talking to myself all the way to the station

pictures in my head of the final destination all lined up

(all the one's that aren't allowed to stay)

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

tried to save a place from the cuts and the scratches

tried to overcome the complications and the catches

nothing ever grows and the sun doesn't shine all day

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

~ Nine Inch Nails ~ Into The Void ~

***

One of my favorite shows is The Biggest Loser.  I think because I empathize with the participants.  I get it.  I was there for the majority of my life.  I was overweight from a very young age and used food as my vice, my fix to fill the void in my life.  Even after developing an eating disorder, I still believed I was in control of it that I could stop at any moment.  It was the farthest from the truth because that empty feeling just didn’t go away and neither did my addiction.

Most of us can identify with that emptiness.  Life can be great most of the time, but that underlying feeling remains.  We try to find a way to manage it but the truth is it never gets filled ... you can’t run from it, you just have to face it.

So do you recognize your void?  

Usually we attempt to “fill the void” with either positive or negative people or activities.  Some people grew up in homes where love was conditional based on performance, achievement and productivity.  Others, in abusive homes and never received approval or acceptance from their parents.  Therefore emotional voids evolve and as children we find a way to cope, survive.

Reflecting back, I had an AHA! moment ... I use to be a “giver”, a "people pleaser". Constantly doing things for friends and people, being there for them and draining myself in the process.  And even though I said I had no expectations, we all do.  And mine were never fulfilled.  I never received as much as I gave.  Maybe because I gave in unrealistic ways ... maybe because my expectations were too high ... maybe because my giving was conditional.  Maybe.  But really my epiphany came when I realized that it was because I didn’t feel I deserved it.  I didn’t feel that I was good enough.  I didn’t think I was equal to others.  So, I think I set myself up, self fulfilling prophecy if you will ... my expectations would never be met and I would always end up disappointed.  This I expected, this was familiar and therefore this I created.  I wasn’t open or ready to receive.  Yikes!

So how do you fill your void? 

As previously shared, I filled my void with food.  And there is a price that comes with filling a void with food.  Besides the obviously health issues, it comes on slowly.  It is likely that the rut you are stuck in has also developed with time.  And it stems from a feelings of inadequacy and imbalance.  I was unhappy, depressed and probably not a barrel of laughs to be around (I apologize to my loved ones and am so grateful for their presence still in my life!)  Thankfully, now I have a my renewed sense of excitement and purpose in life which makes me feel full.  I turned my negative into a positive.

So if you are unsure if you have a void in your life, listen to your heart.  Feelings of emptiness, hollow, nothingness, meaninglessness ... you know as you go through it, you experience an undesirable state of being.  You are existing and surviving, not living.

Voids are mainly caused by terrible loss and experience of inadequacy in life.  When joy, security and self-realization is lost, a vacuum is created within.  Life becomes empty without a point of reference or a common thread as Oprah shared.  The bigger the investment on the source of meaning, the more hollow the void is after its loss.  

The key is to live your life in its “fullness” ... 

I read that the universe hates voids and always finds ways to fill empty spaces.  So as part of this vast universe, you are also enabled to fill this void starting from your own.

Recognize that you are a person with depth and serious search for meaning in life ... 

Be grateful that if you feel the void, you are in touch with your inner self.  And once you have this awareness, you can change.  So go back to your most important values in life and recover what you consider most precious because as human beings we all need HOPE, essential for us to truly live our lives as they are meant to be lived ... 

" Change ... "

I watch the ripples change their size

But never leave the stream

Of warm impermanence

So the days float through my eyes ...

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

(turn and face the strain)

Ch-ch-changes

Don't want to be a richer man

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

(turn and face the strain)

Ch-ch-changes

Just gonna have to be a different man

Time may change me

But I can't trace time

Strange fascination, fascinating me

Ah changes are taking the pace I'm going through ...

Pretty soon now you're gonna get a little older

Time may change me

But I can't trace time

~ David Bowie ~ Change ~

***

There are times when things move slowly and don’t seem to change much.  Then, suddenly, things change quickly.  We learn to accept that change is a part of life.  And that life is a process of beginnings and endings.  But how do we cope?

We live in a culture that has taught us to be 

uncomfortable with uncertainty. 

Life changes are challenging because they force us out of our comfort zone.  They force us to let go of the familiar.  They force us to face the future with a feeling of vulnerability.  This in turn makes us fearful and anxious and this is normal because now your future is filled with questions.  Questions with variable answers.  

Fear ... are we born with it or taught it?

Whether positive or negative, life changes cause us to leave behind the familiar and force us to adjust to new ways of living.  Looking at the bright side, transitions can allow us to learn about our strengths and to explore what we really want out of life.  This can be a time of reflection bringing a sense of renewal, stability and new balance. 

Having the confidence in knowing you can and will move forward helps.  Start by identifying your purpose in life and the things that fulfill you.  Quiet your mind and focus on what you can control.  Convince yourself that the experience you are facing is just a temporary defeat rather than a huge failure.  Surround yourself with positive and friendly associations.  And spend your time and energy on creating a positive future.

Take advantage of the fork in the road 

and explore what your ideal life would look like.  

Every life transition provides a learning opportunity that can be so profound it changes your perspective on life after you have moved through it.  So whether life transition evolves slowly or is forced by an unexpected event, remember this period of time doesn’t have to be purgatory.  

Realize that you don’t have to wait to get through it so you can reach your desired destination.  Have faith you are planting the seeds for a glorious new phase of your life.  Trust me, some days these are the only thoughts that keep me going ...

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, 

we are challenged to change ourselves” 

~ Viktor E. Frankl

" Sweet Inspirations ... "

I need your sweet, sweet inspiration

I need you here on my mind every hour of the day
Without your sweet, sweet inspiration
The lonely hours of the day just don’t go my way
Inspiration, yeah, oh what a power
And I got the power every hour of the day
I need your sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet inspiration, yeah
To go on living, to keep on giving this way

~ The Temptations ~ Sweet Inspirations ~ 

***

I am humbled when I hear that I inspire others.  Being able to positively affect just one person is such a rewarding experience.  I truly desire to inspire the people around me by focusing on some fundamental principles of character and make them a part of my daily life.  

The beauty is that we all have the ability to positively impact the lives of others.  We can start by the way we carry ourselves and interact with others.  This directly impacts how much inspiration is drawn from being around us and is irrelevant to your place of employment, your salary or the way you look.

You see, it is a mistake to try and change others; real change can only come from within.  When we seek to ‘change’ others we are only met with frustration. However, we can inspire others if we lead by example ... 

Practice Sincerity ~ Sincerity means we act with honesty and integrity.  We can unmistakeably notice the difference between a sincere person and an insincere person.  An insincere person is driven by the winds of social attitudes.  A sincere person has faith in their actions  

Practice Encouragement ~ Encouragement is the best way to inspire others to do the right thing and become the right person.  Encouragement is infinitely more powerful than denigration.

Practice Humility ~ To act without expectation of reward.  To speak without trying to impress others. To be humble and able to follow our self.

Practice Happiness ~ Happiness is infectious because it is something we all aspire for.  We are inspired by those who brush aside difficulties and retain a cheerful attitude to the world.

Practice Detachment ~  Detachment means we are concerned and thoughtful, but not demanding.  We do not expect other people to behave in a certain way, instead we give others freedom to make their own choices.  All we can do is support and inspire others to do the right thing without being attached to the result. 

Practice Kindness ~ Acting with kindness is the easiest and smallest of acts ... it makes a world of difference, and people are inclined to follow our lead.

Practice Selflessness ~  To be selfless means putting other people first.  When we give of our self, we encourage others to do the same. We don’t want to emulate selfish people, but people with selfless motives.

Most of us will rise to the expectations of the people who believe in us.  And one of the best ways to help each other live meaningful, significant lives, is to set an example by living that kind of a life yourself. 

" Under Pressure ... "

Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking

Can't we give ourselves one more chance?

Why can't we give love that one more chance?

Why can't we give love, give love, give love..?

'Cause love's such an old-fashioned word

and love dares you to care for

The people on the edge of the night

And love dares you to change our way of

Caring about ourselves

This is our last dance, this is ourselves

Under pressure, Under pressure

~ Queen ~ Under Pressure ~

***

Stress.  We all know it.  But when people say that stress can kill you are they exaggerating?  I don’t think so.  Stress kills people every single day.  And sure you don’t seem them dropping like flies from it because it takes a long time for it to really do some damage to you.  But the cornoner’s report rarely list “stress” as the cause of death.  This is because stress itself doesn’t kill you ... stress leads to a wide range of other health problems that will.

Think about it ... you are living a otherwise positive and happy life and suddenly you develop unexplained symptoms.  Your quality of life diminishes ... good chance they are related to stress.  But what is “stress” exactly.  

Stress is an explaination of a series of negative effects and emotions ... such as anxiety, worry, fatigue, laziness, agitation, concentration problems, mood swings, lack of motivation, insomnia, depression, isolation, anger, depression, paranoia, and possibly suicidal.

Yet the greatest damage is to our immune system.  Research has shown that stressing over a long period of time raises our cortisol levels.  Corisol is a hormone that the body produces and one which naturally suppresses the immune system.  There is a lot of research regarding the immunosuppression and it's correlation with different types of diseases. An immunosuppressed person is more likely to catch the common cold and flu, as well as more likely to get serious life-threatening diseases.  

I recently read the following 5 steps, which I try to adapt ... 

EXPECT IT ~ Be prepared by taking good care of yourself; you never know what the day will bring.  Life is an adventure so approach it as such.  Be your own cheerleader.  Spend time with God everyday, be confident in what you believe, and draw strength from it.

EMBRACE IT ~ Get a new attitude towards life ... a determined stance to ride the waves of life and succeed through the storms. I decided long ago I would not live a life of regret. Now, as I get ready for the day, I say a prayer for strength to face with confidence what comes my way, and the courage to get help and support when overwhelmed. 

EVALUATE IT ~ Be honest and real about what pressures occupy your thoughts, consume your energy or cause you grief.  Are you exaggerating the importance of a stressor: will it really matter one year from now, or five years from now?

ENGAGE IT ~ It’s time to take action.  If you can change it, do it now.  Procrastination is one of your worst enemies, stealing precious moments of your life. 

EMERGE FROM IT ~ Process the pressure and pain to get through it, and emerge successful and free. This requires effort, whether it is to brush off the stress of the day, or to push through the weight of a significant loss.   

Face the strong currents of life with a defiant attitude and intention to achieve your goals, regardless of your circumstances.  Decide that life is worth living ... we all have a purpose, and we will succeed if we manage the stress in our life in a healthy manner. 

" Shiny Happy People ... "

Shiny happy people laughing

Meet me in the crowd

People people

Throw your love around

Love me love me ...

Everyone around love them, love them

Put it in your hands

Take it take it

There's no time to cry

Happy happy

Put it in your heart

Where tomorrow shines

~ REM ~ Shiny Happy People ~

***

What comes to mind when you think of the word “reinvention”?  New beginnings or to remake or redo completely?  For me, a major transition is the perfect opportunity for reinvention.  Reinvention allows me to move totally out of what I am known for into something I have always wanted to do.  Kind of like a life makeover if you will.  

Most of us identify with “reinvention” when we are unhappy with our current situation.  It takes place for variety of reasons, some in our control, but most out of our control.  Yet, it is actually a fairly simple idea.  

Fundamentally, most of us don’t change behaviours that are difficult to change.  We change the easy, superficial ones.  But that is okay, because these can lead to drastic transformations.

Personally, I have witnessed this type of easy reboot.  Watching others wipe the slate clean in a new social content.  Adopting new behaviours that they were always capable of but couldn't in the previous social context because they felt trapped in a given social identity.  Trapped because of created expectations and beliefs.  Some believe that our social lives are governed externally, not internally ... that our change will only be successful if our friends, enemies and acquaintances buy in.   And even if they genuinely want to support us they may struggle ... because our social lives are based on the fiction that people are constants rather than changing entities.  Once this belief is disturbed, instability is perceived.  But accept that as you transform, only some will support your journey.  For the others, let them and the resentment go.  

Reinvention is a renaissance; it’s not just buying new clothes and getting a new hairstyle, it’s a re-birth as a different person and it is never easy.   And, whenever our lives modify – be it a new job, the end of a relationship, shifting base, or losing a love one – we have to alter accordingly to keep up with the changes.  The key is to take control of the situation instead of letting the situation take over.  Otherwise you may never reach your full potential and find yourself lost in the tides of time. 

For me, reinventing myself means learning about myself ~ profound growth.  What I do and how I do it is up to me, but I cannot forget to dream, to work hard to achieve my dreams, and to be open to discovering a wee bit more on my way there.

We can't go back and start a new beginning, but we can start today and make a new ending ॐ

" Lose Yourself ... "

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity

To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment

Would you capture it or just let it slip? ...

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment

You own it, you better never let it go

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime you

(You better)

~ Eminem ~ Lose Yourself ~ 

***

Do you ever ask yourself what “role” you are playing in your life at this exact moment?  Do you ever think that you are not playing the role which you want to play in your life?  Do you ever feel like you are losing yourself?

The choices we make in our lives decide how we step onto our life stage, either as a lead actor or an understudy.  We are the author and actor of our own life story.  We decide what parts to play, what scenes to cut and what curtain calls to take.

Yet sometimes instead of playing the lead, we blend into the sidelines ... instead of acting in our story, we allow others to act on us.  Do we really want to turn the spotlight away from being the subject of the drama to being the object in the limelight?

And what about the number of roles we play in our lives ~ parent, spouse, child, sibling, employee, mentor, teacher, support person, coach ... and on and on.  We play several roles in the course of a day regardless to how important they may seem.  Also, it is very common to think your role is your purpose.  Mainly because it brings you great satisfaction and is so rewarding.  But when you think this is your purpose and you lose it, you may be in danger of losing yourself.  

But what if we use our role to find our purpose.  Find what motivates and empowers us.  Your life purpose is the thread that runs through your life ... the thing you do without thinking.  And the beauty is when you know what your life purpose is, you will change as your role changes with ease and grace.

So focus on the impact you are making on stage rather than the role you are playing.  And although your role may seem insignificant, its all in how you view the part you play.  Life is full of happiness and fulfilling when you believe YOUR role to be important and serve a purpose in life ... helping you to act in losing, finding and loving yourself.

"And if Hollywood made your life into a movie, would you even go see it?  

if not, then it's time to rewrite the script"

" I Hold No Grudge ... "

Yes I’m the kind of people

You can step on for a little while

But when I call it quits

Baby that’s it

I’m the kind of people

You can hurt once in a while

But crawling just ain’t my style

I hold no grudge

Deep inside me there’s no regrets

But a gal who’s been forgotten may forgive

But never once forget

~ Nina Simone ~ I Hold No Grudge ~

***

Grudges ... defined as “resentment strong enough to justify retailiation”.  Personal injustice ignites resentment in our hearts, which in turns into a grudge.  And everyone has, at some time or other, been hurt deeply by someone, so this is a natural human reaction  Yet when we want revenge instead of focusing on what we need to solve the problem, we  halt our healing.  And why do we want revenge?  Because we have developed bitterness about that person or situation.

You see when someone hurts you, your instant reaction is to hurt them back.  Our very nature spurs us to settle the score, to get even.  And the person who hurts us might not even know how angry and bitter we feel ... these emotions continue to aggravate at their supposed indifference.  Yet at all health levels the only one we hurt is ourselves.

Holding a grudge will only devour you from the inside out because YOU refuse to forgive the one who hurt you.  The price to pay is too high because life keeps running on rewind.  We allow ourselves to be handcuffed to the negative past, causing us to irrationally dwell, and allowing us to find blame for our present failures.

So how do you even begin to let go?  Start by altering how you view the situation.  You can’t change what happened, but you can change our attitude about it and reduce the power it has over you.  Of course you cannot fully erase the memory banks of your mind but you do have the power to refuse to think on past injustices, once forgiven. 

Ask yourself : At present, what purpose is holding onto that grudge serving you? 

It has probably poked holes in your energy bucket as fatigue is the faithful companion of a grudge.  You see we waste so much unconscious energy maintaining our grudge.  Instead we can choose to release it and welcome a new surge of  positive emotional and physical energy.  

Grudges are the domain of petty people, not YOU.  Why spend another moment being hung up on hate while present on earth.  Make the decision to kick it out of your life  ... the most it will cost you is happiness in the long run.

"Patience ..."

"...little patience, mmm yeah, ooh yeah, 
I need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah
Some more pati... ence, yeah
I've been walking the streets at night
Just trying to get it right ... 
Need some patience, yeah

I ain't got time for the pain ..."

~Guns N' Roses ~ Patience ~

***

Patience.  An interesting word.  Used in many ways.  Taught from a young age ... we must be patient.  But really it has never been easy to be patient, and probably even harder now than ever.  I can attest to that, currently in a therapy that is recommended for a minimum of 18 months or 78 weeks ... we are on week 34, and always counting...

You see in a world where messages can be sent across the globe instantly, seemingly everything is available with a few clicks of the mouse.  It's very hard not to expect instant satisfaction.  But patience remains a valuable tool in our lives.  We don't always get instant gratification, and some of the best things in life require years of hard work and waiting.  And fortunately, "patience is a virtue" that can be cultivated and nurtured.  Yeah right?  how many times have you heard "I have no patience", or "I just want it now" ... well it is possible.  But it takes time to fulfill this goal ... isn't that ironic?  ... Yet, once you have conquered this, it will become second nature.  And the bonus is that you won't be disappointed at what life can offer you with some spare time.  You will be surprised by how boring, restless and lagging hours can evolve into a passing time of relaxation and peace of mind.

Curious?  yes!  read on ...

(1) Ask why you are in such a hurry?  It appears that we tend to lose our patience when we are multitasking or on a tight schedule, expecting the day to pass within only a few short minutes of busyness and chaos.  If you are stretching yourself too thin, re-do your to-do list before you attempt to change your natural reaction to an overwhelming situation.  Try to do your tasks one at a time, and delegate your responsibilities to share the load. 

(2) Try to recognize the triggers that often influence you to lose your patience.  Impatience is like a slow growth, it creeps up on you.  And if you feel anxious, worried or unhappy you may not even realize the underlying cause of these feelings is impatience.  Raise your awareness ... which events, people, phrases or circumstances trigger you.  At the core of most triggers is a reality that we have a hard time accepting.  But remember to ask yourself, whose realities are these?

(3) Overcome bouts of impatience.  Yes, one of the hardest things to do, but by developing patience, your outlook and attitude about life shifts.  Start by learning how to relax when you feel impatient.  Take a few deep breaths and clear your mind.  Concentrate on breathing and you'll start to get your bearings.

(4) If it is out of your control, let go.  Just let it go.  Easier said than done but it's the only healthy thing you can do.  Practice makes perfect and you will gradually develop the strength to remain patient in the most difficult situations.

(5) Mental note for self ... things take time.  Getting things done now and not wasting time doesn't apply to every situation.  Some things just can't be rushed.  I realize that almost anything really good in life takes time and dedication, and if you're impatient, you're more likely to give up on relationships, goals and other things that are important to you.  

(6) Expect the unexpected.  Ah yes, this has definitely been my journey.  I had plans and last I checked, they didn't include battling cancer.  Life lesson, things don't always work out as planned.  I accept the twist and turns in life ... gracefully.  And I keep my expectations realistic.  This not only applies to my current situation, but also to the behaviour within and around me.

(7) Remember what matters most.  Focusing on what matters most in this life fuels patience.  Move the world toward peace by being kind, generous in forgiveness of others, being grateful for what is, and taking full advantage of what matters most.  Take time to remember any one of these items can reduce our tendency to want something different right now.

(8) Have a positive outlook on life.  Remember that you will eventually get what you want.  Everything works out in the end, for a Higher Purpose.  Yes, this requires maturity and patience to understand and accept.  If you work hard at something, this may be the truth, but most of the time you have to be patient to get what you want.  Our destinations are constantly moving so remember that Life is a journey to be savoured each step of the way.

1. 
   

"Make That Connection ... "

"Oh what would I do...
I have this feeling...
It's never ever ever explained...
Yeah I'm afraid a part of my heart...
You know there's nothing I would not do...

I want to make that connection, that connection to you

I want to make that connection, that connection to you"

~ Tom Petty ~ Make That Connection ~

***

Relationships, friendships and other "connections" are dynamic.  Constantly changing.  Sometimes we handle the change, other times we welcome them, but most of the time it hits us up side the head and we are like ... what the heck was that?  Scratching your head you ask what do you do now, how do you handle it now and where do we go from here ... basically what does it "look" like ...

For me, my old patterns and habits were not very ahem ... mature.  In the past, when my relationships would change, I would immediately retreat back into my shell, and feel victimized.  And once I came out of my shell, watchout!  I was angry and wanted to hurt back to those who hurt first.  And I never gave it a thought that maybe they didn't hurt first?  Maybe they didn't really mean to make me feel left out, bad, sad, lonely, neglected and just not needed anymore?  Maybe, just maybe, it's not all about me ... LOL!  What? Really?  okay, okay just being a bit silly ... but seriously, we, and I mean the collective "we" usually think "we" have done something wrong.  And in some instances maybe we did.  

Now, with a different mindset, change is more satisfying.  And I use the changes I have endured in the this year as a template for change in other aspects of my life.  First, I take some time to myself, wrap my head around the situation and decide if, in a recent example, I still want this relationship in my life.  How important is it to me ... and when I listen to my heart, really listen, I KNOW my truth.  It is not a dependency, it is a true desire to have the person in my life.  That it is so worth the effort ~ I decide to reach out, reconnect and in some cases extend the olive branch ... making sure the olives are still on it!  I take responsibility of my own actions, not theirs.  Now, I express myself authentically.  I tell them I miss them.  I tell them I appreciate them.  I let them know I truly care and that I am okay with change.  Their change.  I accept them for who they are now and who they were.  I am there for them ...

So how does this all come about ... well here are a few mental notes help me to navigate gracefully ...

Relationships change happens to all of us ~ change happens every day, to everyone; it's the one constant in life, the thing that connects us all.  And when a relationship changes, it's natural to find it difficult. 

Something good will come ~ people who are good at relationship change always focus on the positive that will inevitably come from any transition.  Change may lead you to new people, help you develop a stronger faith and belief in yourself, give you new opportunities, or inspire you to live a healthier life. 

Turn to your change support team ~ One of the quickest ways to embrace change and move through it is to surround yourself with a team of supportive people.  These people are there to listen, support, and encourage you. They will keep you on a path of hope and optimism as you move through the transition.

Use your Spiritual strength ~ When everything is changing, it's important to find the part of yourself that doesn't change--your calm, centered, spiritual side, your higher self. It's the part that's connected to something greater and uses your intuition as a guide.

Accept change and take action ~ Go in the direction life is taking you and focus on re-aligning yourself with a plan of optimism on the future and not the past, with or without that relationship.  Make a plan that feels right, realistic and hopeful ~ something that resonates with YOU.

There is an opportunity to have some clearing, a new perspective ... for some to start over, others a "re-do".  A new friendship, a new relationship ... that has evolved to meet you both where you are today that is newly defined, mutually serving and with a fulfilling purpose.