" Attached ... "

“ ... I've tried and tried again to let you go

Even though you're the only have I have in this world

If you leave, what do I do?

Now what do I do? ... 

Heaven, will you let it rain?

I want to hid my tears in the rain

Because I was attached, I was foolishly attached

And even to this day, I love you ... “

*** Brown Eyed Girl ~ Attached ~ 

***

Practicing non-attachment can be liberating but it is yet another practice.  A practice when you learn to relate to your emotions differently ... understanding their impermanence.

Practicing non-attachment allows you to have the ability detangle from emotional states of aversion for the negative or wanting to extend the positive.  The emotions rise and dissolve.  There is perspective.

When you understand the true meaning of non-attachment expectations no longer rule your life ... and the emotions that arise, you have space for.  You relate to the world as it is rather than to your concepts about it.  And you are able to allow life to unfold without needing to control everything.  The sense of spaciousness and freedom felt brings a genuine contentment that starves in temporary experiences.  

And it is good to remember that non-attachment differs from detachment.  Detachment is unresponsive and removed from emotions.  Non-attachment allows us to feel the emotions but not become trapped by them.  Hence when we are non-attached, we still care but we no longer discriminate, feeling love for this person and aversion for another.  

“ ... Neither do we "detach from the body." 

We wisely realize it is not permanent 

and that it is not our true self. 

It is a temporary dwelling for this lifetime. 

But we still need to take care of it 

and treat it with respect as we try to find the balance 

between hedonism and asceticism ... “

So it really isn’t about just “letting go”, the usual cliche used in meditation and yoga classes.  Because detachment and non-attachment differ ... and when we think of letting go, we are programmed to believe that it is something to get rid of or throw out.  Rather than get rid of attachment, we can experience the non- attachment ... simply not holding on, not grasping ... ultimately, we experience PEACE.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Circular … "

We are alive, to see the end of us 

Struggling to reach the finish line 

To designate our time to questionable lives 

So called meaningless, still there's no answer 

For this vulnerable reality comes 

Can't we break the cycle in which we reside? 

Objective achieved, the perfect machine 

We're drawing circles every day 

It takes only one step to be on your way 

Reflection, our time's up 

And over and over again 

Again, again 

~ Textures ~ Circular ~

***

Being human equates being emotional.  Experiences generate feelings & emotions that become excessive, or are repressed and turned inward.  This is when they can become pathological and cause dis-ease.  Once we understand this connection, we can begin to balance our bodies back to wellness … one modality,Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), offers some insight.

We consider emotions of joy, sadness and anger to be normal, normal in every day experiences.  And, sometimes even an organ within our body can be out of balance and produce emotional imbalances.  TCM believes that balancing the organ associated with the emotion will balance the emotion.  The difference is important to the practitioner, as well as you, in preventing a recurrence of the problem.  The practitioner will ask many questions to evaluate all aspects, not just the physical, with the intention that once the imbalance is corrected, the environment that created that imbalance no longer exists.  Yet we do have free will, and if we choose to continue in the environment, the imbalance will likely return as we are creatures of habit.

... emotions that do not have avenues for expression and release can create dis-ease and dis-harmony in the body manifesting as physical symptoms ...

TCM relies on a circular rather than a liner approach ... cause and effect ... balance and flow.  Therefore stuck emotions can lead to a blockage of the flow or a stagnation resulting in dis-ease.  How the dis-ease manifests is completely individualized depending on many factors, and your practitioner will assist you in determining the how.  It is believed that releasing emotions can release dis-eases.

The following related organs show symptoms when imbalance occurs ...

	HEART	SPLEEN	LUNGS	KIDNEY	LIVER
emotion	joy	worry	sadness	fear	anger
emotion out of balance	Lack of enthusiasm and vitality, mental restlessness, depression, insomnia, despair, confusion, anxiety, fidgeting, easily startled	Dwelling or focusing too much on a particular topic, excessive mental work	Excessive sadness, grief, or detachment, uncontrolled crying	Fearful, no willpower, insecure, aloof, isolated	Explosive anger, resentment, frustration, irritability, bitterness, moodiness
function	Regulates the heart and blood vessels, responsible for even and regular pulse, influences vitality and spirit. Connected to the tongue, complexion and arteries	Food digestion and nutrient absorption, the first step in the formation of Blood and Qi, holds blood in the vessels, connected to the muscles, mouth and lips, involved in thinking, studying and memory	Respiration, controls sweat and body hair, creates energy (Qi) from air and redistributes it throughout the body, works with Kidney to regulate the water metabolism, important part of the immune system and helps protect the body from viruses and bacteria, provides moisture to skin	Responsible for reproduction, growth and development & maturation, connected with lungs in water metabolism and respiration, responsible for bones, teeth, hearing and head hair	Stores the blood, responsible for the smooth flow of Blood and Qi throughout the body, regulates the secretion of bile, connected with the tendons, nails and eyes
symptoms indicating imbalance	insomnia, heart palpitations, irregular heartbeat, excessive dreaming, poor memory and concentration, dizziness, spontaneous sweating	Tired, loss of appetite, mucous discharge, poor digestion, abdominal distension, loose stools or diarrhea, weak muscles, pale lips, bruising easily, excessive menstrual blood flow, other bleeding disorders	Shortness of breath, fatigue, cough, catching colds easily, fever with chills, sore throat, runny nose, headache, asthma, chest oppression, pale complexion, dry skin	Frequent urination, urinary incontinence, vertigo, night sweats, dry mouth, poor short term memory, low back pain, sore or weak knees, ringing in the ears, hearing loss, hair that turns grey prematurely, hair loss and osteoporosis, lowered libido	chest distension, red face, bitter taste in the mouth dizziness, ringing in the ears, jaundice, menstrual problems (cramps, irregular or heavy periods), headaches, tendinitis, nausea, vomiting, sighing, breast tenderness, swelling and/or itching of the genitals, blurred vision, floaters, dry skin and hair

When we live in a fast paced world full of stresses on both our minds and our bodies.  Hence it is important to remember again that the cause of an imbalance may be occurring from events in your life and a practitioner cannot can’t remove the stress, only you can.  

Staying healthy isn’t easy but it is possible if you make it a priority.  Imbalance is everywhere.  Hence finding whatever brings you happiness and makes you feel good are the small things that are the keys to wellness.

“ Life is the journey we all share, and if we live it with mindfulness and wisdom, that journey will always lead to balance and happiness ... “

" Instinct ... "

Do you recognize the nervous twitch
That exposes the weakness of the myth
When your turn comes 'round
And the light goes on ...

And you feel your attraction again
Your instinct can't be wrong
Separate the fiction from the fact
Been a little slow to react ...

But it's nearly time to flip the switch
And I'm hanging by a single stitch
Laughing at the stony face of gloom
When your turn comes 'round ...

Where the true present lies are
Calling down
Laughing at the stony face of gloom
When your turn comes 'round ...

~ Crowded House ~ Instinct ~

***

How many times have you been caught up in a head spin of trying to make a decision or difficult choice?  And did anyone ask you what your “gut” was telling you?  Did you follow it?  Or was it so tough for you to figure out the right decision that you never made the decision at all?

I know for me, it is hard sometimes to “trust my gut” even though gut feelings represent my instinct, my intuition ... and isn’t this the key to overcoming a stalled decision-making process?

Intuition is an inner knowing

I know that intuition exists without a doubt and regardless of your viewpoint, head or heart, there is some mechanism that produces feelings within us to help guide us in making choices.  This I get ... yet it seems easier to get caught up in weighing any infinite number of options, resulting in the inability to make a decision ... also known as “analysis paralysis”.

“Analysis Paralysis is the result of trying to make important decisions solely based on your logical mind”.  Thankfully our logical mind is great for sorting out the facts .  Yet the problem is understanding the implications of our decision is more than our logical mind can handle.  Decisions brings pros and cons.  We usually weigh them out and sometimes seek counsel.  Then our logical mind ties itself up in knots trying to sort out which pros are the best and which cons are the worst!  

Arghhhhhhhh ... so where does this leave us?  Since feelings isn’t really the logical minds “speciality”, making decisions with the whole self is the key.  The more we are in contact with our “inner feeling self”, the more we will be in touch with it.  Intuition or instinct is a way of knowing without being given verbal information.  It is a knowing that comes from feeling.  It is the intelligence behind feeling.  And we frequently lose it due to the lack of use and the over use of rationality.

We start to learn whether it is our intuition speaking to us or simply anxiety.  It is obviously intuition when it is a feeling.  Feelings are felt in our entire body, they are genuine, real and trustworthy.  Emotions are reactions to what is happening and carry around a sack of memories from past situations where we have been unable to effectively express our self.  

So identify if you have cleared outstanding issues, and that what you are dealing with is the present one.  Make sure you use your logical mind to gather the facts while checking in with your gut.  

Head or Heart ... Ego or Gut

And even I may not be further ahead in making some decisions, I do know that "I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I failed to do" ...

" Sweet Emotion ... "

Sweet emotion

Sweet emotion

You talk about things that nobody cares

You're wearing out things that nobody wears

You're calling my name but I gotta make clear

I can't say baby where I'll be in a year

Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Said my get up and go must've got up and went ...

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Sweet emotion

Sweet emotion

~ Aerosmith ~ Sweet Emotion ~

***

I have to admit that lately, my emotions are all over the place.  Triggered by physical healing reactions, throw in random interactions with acquaintances and friends, and top it off with anxiety ... the result, a  mess.  And trying to get a handle on it is literally an hourly, not even a daily task.  Soooooo frustrating because I know that I am better than this, stronger than this and I got this ... I think?

To add some more stress to the mix, my week included a mandatory functional assessment by the insurance company who is funding my disability claim.  A two-day episode of irrelevant tasks ... I was told “just because you are busy and diagnosed doesn’t mean you are disabled” and “you are going to have to figure out your own therapy schedule, move it around or miss something because this is mandatory ... if you don’t attend, you are out of compliance”.  Yeah I know, can’t you feel the compassion and kindness (enter sarcasm here) ... on the upside, the physio therapist administering the task was very accommodating and understanding to my therapy schedule.  She did everything possible to do her job and let me do mine.  For this I am so grateful and know that there was a LOT of help from above.

Next came meeting up with old friends and acquaintances, whom I hadn't seen in years ... interesting for me as prior to my diagnosis, I use to have some anxiety around it and really not much has changed.  Before I didn’t know why but I had these feelings but this time, I was more aware of my emotions around it ... shame and guilt surfaced, as I was fearful that there would be some judgement ... “cancer? how could you let this happen to you?”  Yet something quite significant happened ... I practiced empathy instead of expecting it.  How difficult it must be for them to be around me.  Maybe they just don’t know what to say.  And this was quite obvious as one person kept their distance ... but that is “their” stuff, not mine.  Why should I carry around these feelings of awkwardness?  It doesn’t mean they don’t care ... and it’s not all about me.  I started to feel quite liberated with drop of wisdom.  I started to let go and let be ... 

question for you: Have you ever taken yourself out of a social gathering as an active participant and become an observer?  I did just that with the above meeting ... and waves different emotions took over.  Some sweet, some sour ... I started to feel sorry for myself ... sorry I couldn’t participate in the lovely meal, sorry I couldn’t participate in the conversation surrounding parenting, sorry I couldn’t be “just like everyone else”.  But what does that really look like?  I read somewhere that “If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.”  You see, the grass may seem greener on the other side but until you go to the other side and look for yourself, you will always believe the situation you are currently in is worse that the one you see from afar.   

As Russell says, this is part of the human experience ... at the moment, I feel vulnerable and uncomfortable.  A time for me to sit with this, to truly understand why I am struggling with the courage to live and cope with life ... yet there is some peace in knowing “just like everyone else", we are all trying to maintain the full potential of just being human.

" Help ... "

Help, I need somebody
Help, not just anybody
Help, you know I need someone, help

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me

~ The Beatles ~ Help ~

***

This blog is a collection of thoughts, experiences and emotions about my natural, wholistic journey beating cancer.  I am not a physician, nor legally able to tell you how to cure yourself of cancer.  What I choose to share is what works for me, so please take it for what it’s worth.

Today’s post stems from a conversation this past weekend with a friend.  A friend that is facing the possibility of an “official” diagnosis.  I felt like I was looking in the mirror, understanding the flooding of emotions that are all too consuming.  

For her and others facing cancer, here what I suggest ...

Tip #1: Let go of your prognosis.  Being given an expiry date is damaging on all levels ... emotionally, physically and spiritually.  I believe expert practitioners should be prohibited from delivering death statements.  People all over the world have cured themselves of cancer ... you have the option to believe and it is critical to your survival you do so.

Tip #2: Maximize your nutrition.  You are what you digest.  Currently, I am vegan, meaning my diet is plant-based and I have cut out all meat, poultry, seafood, eggs, and dairy.   Studies have shown that a diet high in animal products and dairy, which is full of hormones and saturated fat, can cause cancer ... while organic, vegan diets can help prevent and even reverse it.  

According to The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, "People consuming a low-fat vegetarian diet tend to have higher levels of natural killer cells, which appear to make the immune system more effective in destroying tumors."

Tip #3: Invest in a quality juicer.  Digesting food, even healthy food, can be taxing to the body.  Juicing and proper food combinations minimize the load on the body, easily allowing it to assimilate nutrients and spend its energy on healing.  

Tip #4: Coffee Enemas.  As unpleasant as this may sound, coffee enemas are a necessity for the very ill because the liver may be too weak to rid the body of toxins.  As tumors are broken up and absorbed by the body, they also create toxins. If I were carrying a heavy toxic load and my body could not eliminate the toxins, I would die due to a overburdened, toxic liver.  (My Gerson Therapy schedule, prescribed by a medical doctor, decides my frequenty and duration based on my illness and toxicity level.  Consult with a supporting physician whenever engaging in a new protocol).  

Tip #5: Seek a professional natural treatment.  Of course I am an advocate for the Gerson Therapy, yet there are many clinics in Mexico and Europe that are governed by medical doctors and use exceptional natural ways to treat and cure cancer.  My journey has allowed me to connect with many people who have successfully treated their illnesses.  Research these places and search one that you feel comfortable with.

Tip #6: Do what you love to do.  Cancer is a sign telling you that you are not doing what you love.  Loud and clear.  I started to modify my life by doing things that bring me joy and comfort.  Resulting in an abundance of blessings during a very difficult and challenging time.  View this sign as an opportunity to make the rest of your life, the best of your life.

" Angry ... "

So scream you, out from behind the bitter ache

Heavy on the memory, you need most

Still want love, ugly, smooth and delicate

Not without affection, not alone

And instead of wishing that it would get better

Man you're seeing that you just get angrier

And it's good that I'm not angry

I just need to get over

I'm not angry, anymore

~ Matchbox 20 ~ Angry ~

***

Is it okay to feel angry?  Yes, because anger is a useful emotion.  It gives us feedback that something has happened ... our boundaries have been crossed or we have been violated in some way.  When we feel anger, we are more likely to do something about it .... the trick is to step back from the anger and make a rational decision about what you are going to do.  Yeah, easier said than done right?

You see, when we are in a state of emotional arousal, we don’t necessarily make the best decisions.  Our reasoning conscious mind can let our subconscious mind take control ... and our fight/flight response kicks in.  Why?  Because our brains treat any threats in the same manner ... we feel rage or fear, regardless of the situation.

Anger is a craving or grasping of beliefs around ourselves.  It is a normal emotion that all human beings feel, like sorrow and happiness.  Think about it ... from a young age, we feel anger ... like a newborn turning red and crying with a little twisted face or a two year old throws a temper tantrum.  It is obvious that they are experiencing intense anger and that they have not yet learned to manage their anger.  Sadly, many adults have never learned to manage their anger either.  They may not behave in quite the same manner as the two year old, but still harmful to self.

So is it better to express or suppress these emotions?  Studies have shown that people who are shy and non-assertive, have a greater prevalence of tumours than other personality types ... because shyness is associated with suppressing of emotions, particularly negative ones, like anger, resentment and bitterness.  Holding onto these emotions can literally eat away at you.  Now that doesn’t mean that every shy person will develop cancer, but it is definitely something to consider. 

My opinion?  Express yourself ... constructively.  Because life is energy in play and the more free flowing the energy is the more vibrant you feel.  Pockets of energy which are suppressed, or “held”, within you become sources of resistance to the free flow of your life expression.  They tend to lose their power over you and their ability to cause harm.

Realization: Forgiving is not about ‘giving’ something to the person who has wronged you.  It is about ‘giving’ yourself the permission to release the burden of carrying those emotions.

Learning to channel your feelings into words or actions that are not hurtful, positive and healthy will unburden you .... because managing anger destructively is actually allowing your anger to manage you. 

" Deep ... "

On the edge

Of a know-nothin' town

Feelin' quite superior

The aged come

To the sky above

He just ain't nothin'

But he's got a great view...

Can't touch the bottom

In too deep

~ Pearl Jam ~ Deep ~

***

Have you ever been told you are “too sensitive”?  Have you ever heard someone equate your feelings to an ocean of emotions?  I have ... many times, along with “you take things too personally are are too emotional”.  And even though I use to think of it as a flaw, now I know it is an advantage. 

Deep feelings, straddled between the area of conscious and subconscious.  Think of them as emotional residue coming up at any time and affecting you, your thoughts, your judgement, and your relationships.  Often we are unaware how our emotional residue impacts our thoughts, decisions and behaviours.   

You see many of our poor reactions to situations, circumstances and communications stem from the deep areas within us that we are not necessarily consciously aware of.  And it is the emotions down deep that we don’t see ... that hinder us the most and effect how we treat others.

In my past, I had the tendency to think that things were not going to get better because I had memories, associated feelings and thoughts that said things are just not going to work out.  I would feel as if what was happening is just more of the same old ways, and that would give me the same old outcomes as they always had.  My past memories contributed to my feelings of defeat and doubt before anything had happened ... because I didn’t see the bubble ... those old feelings that came up in the midst of my opportunity.  

Prepared to deal with it, I started to uncover the underlying deep feelings of hurt.  For a long time, it was buried down deep and I wanted to leave it there.  Yet similar to a bubble that comes up to the surface of the water, I needed to recognize and understand the source of the feeling before I let it burst. 

Now I use my "advantageous flaw" and look at where those feelings come from, why those feelings are still there, and then how I can let them go.  I recognize they come from some area of disappointment where something didn’t work out the way I had hoped for.  For me, I now realize that no matter how screwed over I feel, life is not a broken record playing the same outcome every time ... it’s only my feelings and associated thoughts that are playing that repeated outcome.   

True healing comes at the source or root of the pain.  And for me, I am willing to open up to my personal constraints with humility.  Deep feelings of hurt are within us, whether you see them or not ... yet how they are affecting you is for you and your honest self to deal.