Wednesday, November 9, 2011

" Feed Your Ego ... "

"Love's only here for a while
Make up your mind
This is the last time
Oh the last time
I feed your ego
I'm not feeding your ego "
~ Feed Your Ego ~ Angel Taylor

Feeding your ego in illness.  How do we do it?  If we complain, feel self-pity, or resent being ill, our ego becomes stronger.  And when we make the illness a part of our identity, then we feed our ego in illness ... "I am a sufferer of such and such a dis-ease".  Oh, well thank-you for clearing that up and letting us know who you really are.

We all know someone in our lives that has a big ego and lives a grand life ... and then suddenly they become gentle, kind and humble when they are ill.  They gain insight, they access their inner truth and speak words of wisdom ... until they get better and with the return of their energy, so does their ego.  Did they get the lesson or??

Regardless, our ego burns up considerable amounts of energy when we constantly feed it instead of managing it.  When we are ill, our energy level can be quite low.  We use most of our energy for the healing of the body, so there is considerable less for egoic thinking and emotions.  Yet in some cases, the ego retains the energy it needs for its own purposes ... and these people who experience a strengthening of the ego in illness take much longer to recover.  And unfortunately, some never do .. the illness becomes chronic and a permanent part of their false sense of self.

My experience with illness has been humbling.  Those moments I have in my journey when I don't feel like I have the energy to get back up, I mange to do so.  I have had to find the energy, courage and strength to get back up.  I look for empathy and not sympathy.  I reaffirm my intention to practice loving, kindness and compassion.  I remind myself each day to work at letting go of ego clinging, selfishness, controlling behaviour, negative thoughts, possessiveness, aggression, resentment and confusion.  I resolve each day to find one small way that I can change a frozen behaviour pattern and try to do so.  

By continuing to use my awareness to genuinely understand my ill patterns and behaviours, I have a fair chance to release them by assessing how fruitful they actually are.  I stop feeding them and as a result take the ego out of illness.

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