" Willing and Able..."

Said I'm willin' and I'm able 

I'm ready 2 place my cards on the table  

I been holdin' back this feeling 4 far 2 long 

And now that I'm willin'  It's a fact ?

it's truly mighty strong ...

Oh Lord, I'm willin', willin', able (Willin', able) 

I wanna dance and sing, somebody watch me do my thing...

~ Prince ~ Willing and Able ~

***

The other day I was having a conversation with an individual from the oil and gas industry, where I have spent the majority of my working career.  I found myself telling them that I have been on “dis-ability” for the last year ... immediately they responded with “I am sorry to hear this”, for which I replied “oh no that’s okay”.  

As solemn as they were, I was the opposite.  My upbeat, positive expression stemmed from all the that I have gained from my illness experience.  Good things always come out of bad.  Along with the valuable lessons I have shared, my cancer diagnosis is an “ability” or “this-ability” and not a “dis-ability”.  

Cancer has given me the ability to re-address what matters in my life.  It has shown me my husbands true unconditional love.  It has given me the opportunity to improve my relationship with my family.  It has helped me appreciate life and the beauty around me.  It has allowed me to learn and grow as an individual.  It has helped me face my fears.  It has allowed me to find acceptance, courage and strength I didn’t know I had.  It has given me new confidence.  It has helped me further build character.  It has made me grateful for every day.  It has increased my faith in a Higher Power.  It has given me the ability to enjoy a break from working.  It has given me the push I need to do the things I had been putting off.  It has made me not waste time.  It has allowed me to see things with more clarity for what they really are.  It has aligned me with the right people in my life ... blessings.

We are all one day closer to dying, yet the difference is that someone in their great wisdom has given me an expiry date.  So it begs to differ, is better to know when and how or is ignorance bliss?  If you knew your expiry date and more importantly believed it, would you do things differently?  Would you be willing and able?

Prior to my diagnosis, I was reluctantly living my life, easily accepting defeat, and believing that I was unable to be whom I wanted to be.  Looking back, that was when I was living a real “dis-abled” life. Now more than ever, I am ready, willing and able.

“Dis-ease is solely and purely corrective; it is neither vindictive nor cruel, but it is the means adopted by our own souls to point out to us our faults, to prevent our making greater errors, to hinder us from doing more harm, and to bring us back to the path of Truth and Light from which we should never have strayed.” 

~ Edward Bach, creator of Bach Flower remedies

" Deep ... "

On the edge

Of a know-nothin' town

Feelin' quite superior

The aged come

To the sky above

He just ain't nothin'

But he's got a great view...

Can't touch the bottom

In too deep

~ Pearl Jam ~ Deep ~

***

Have you ever been told you are “too sensitive”?  Have you ever heard someone equate your feelings to an ocean of emotions?  I have ... many times, along with “you take things too personally are are too emotional”.  And even though I use to think of it as a flaw, now I know it is an advantage. 

Deep feelings, straddled between the area of conscious and subconscious.  Think of them as emotional residue coming up at any time and affecting you, your thoughts, your judgement, and your relationships.  Often we are unaware how our emotional residue impacts our thoughts, decisions and behaviours.   

You see many of our poor reactions to situations, circumstances and communications stem from the deep areas within us that we are not necessarily consciously aware of.  And it is the emotions down deep that we don’t see ... that hinder us the most and effect how we treat others.

In my past, I had the tendency to think that things were not going to get better because I had memories, associated feelings and thoughts that said things are just not going to work out.  I would feel as if what was happening is just more of the same old ways, and that would give me the same old outcomes as they always had.  My past memories contributed to my feelings of defeat and doubt before anything had happened ... because I didn’t see the bubble ... those old feelings that came up in the midst of my opportunity.  

Prepared to deal with it, I started to uncover the underlying deep feelings of hurt.  For a long time, it was buried down deep and I wanted to leave it there.  Yet similar to a bubble that comes up to the surface of the water, I needed to recognize and understand the source of the feeling before I let it burst. 

Now I use my "advantageous flaw" and look at where those feelings come from, why those feelings are still there, and then how I can let them go.  I recognize they come from some area of disappointment where something didn’t work out the way I had hoped for.  For me, I now realize that no matter how screwed over I feel, life is not a broken record playing the same outcome every time ... it’s only my feelings and associated thoughts that are playing that repeated outcome.   

True healing comes at the source or root of the pain.  And for me, I am willing to open up to my personal constraints with humility.  Deep feelings of hurt are within us, whether you see them or not ... yet how they are affecting you is for you and your honest self to deal.

"Patience ..."

"...little patience, mmm yeah, ooh yeah, 
I need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah
Some more pati... ence, yeah
I've been walking the streets at night
Just trying to get it right ... 
Need some patience, yeah

I ain't got time for the pain ..."

~Guns N' Roses ~ Patience ~

***

Patience.  An interesting word.  Used in many ways.  Taught from a young age ... we must be patient.  But really it has never been easy to be patient, and probably even harder now than ever.  I can attest to that, currently in a therapy that is recommended for a minimum of 18 months or 78 weeks ... we are on week 34, and always counting...

You see in a world where messages can be sent across the globe instantly, seemingly everything is available with a few clicks of the mouse.  It's very hard not to expect instant satisfaction.  But patience remains a valuable tool in our lives.  We don't always get instant gratification, and some of the best things in life require years of hard work and waiting.  And fortunately, "patience is a virtue" that can be cultivated and nurtured.  Yeah right?  how many times have you heard "I have no patience", or "I just want it now" ... well it is possible.  But it takes time to fulfill this goal ... isn't that ironic?  ... Yet, once you have conquered this, it will become second nature.  And the bonus is that you won't be disappointed at what life can offer you with some spare time.  You will be surprised by how boring, restless and lagging hours can evolve into a passing time of relaxation and peace of mind.

Curious?  yes!  read on ...

(1) Ask why you are in such a hurry?  It appears that we tend to lose our patience when we are multitasking or on a tight schedule, expecting the day to pass within only a few short minutes of busyness and chaos.  If you are stretching yourself too thin, re-do your to-do list before you attempt to change your natural reaction to an overwhelming situation.  Try to do your tasks one at a time, and delegate your responsibilities to share the load. 

(2) Try to recognize the triggers that often influence you to lose your patience.  Impatience is like a slow growth, it creeps up on you.  And if you feel anxious, worried or unhappy you may not even realize the underlying cause of these feelings is impatience.  Raise your awareness ... which events, people, phrases or circumstances trigger you.  At the core of most triggers is a reality that we have a hard time accepting.  But remember to ask yourself, whose realities are these?

(3) Overcome bouts of impatience.  Yes, one of the hardest things to do, but by developing patience, your outlook and attitude about life shifts.  Start by learning how to relax when you feel impatient.  Take a few deep breaths and clear your mind.  Concentrate on breathing and you'll start to get your bearings.

(4) If it is out of your control, let go.  Just let it go.  Easier said than done but it's the only healthy thing you can do.  Practice makes perfect and you will gradually develop the strength to remain patient in the most difficult situations.

(5) Mental note for self ... things take time.  Getting things done now and not wasting time doesn't apply to every situation.  Some things just can't be rushed.  I realize that almost anything really good in life takes time and dedication, and if you're impatient, you're more likely to give up on relationships, goals and other things that are important to you.  

(6) Expect the unexpected.  Ah yes, this has definitely been my journey.  I had plans and last I checked, they didn't include battling cancer.  Life lesson, things don't always work out as planned.  I accept the twist and turns in life ... gracefully.  And I keep my expectations realistic.  This not only applies to my current situation, but also to the behaviour within and around me.

(7) Remember what matters most.  Focusing on what matters most in this life fuels patience.  Move the world toward peace by being kind, generous in forgiveness of others, being grateful for what is, and taking full advantage of what matters most.  Take time to remember any one of these items can reduce our tendency to want something different right now.

(8) Have a positive outlook on life.  Remember that you will eventually get what you want.  Everything works out in the end, for a Higher Purpose.  Yes, this requires maturity and patience to understand and accept.  If you work hard at something, this may be the truth, but most of the time you have to be patient to get what you want.  Our destinations are constantly moving so remember that Life is a journey to be savoured each step of the way.

1. 
   

"Not givin' up ..."

"Are you looking for a way out? 
Are you looking for an exit?
It seems like all the fuss you're making
Is a sign that you're not quite sure

... I'm not giving up, no "

~ Natasha Bedingfield ~ Not Givin' Up"

***

After blogging about my birthday, last weekend and confessing, I have had feelings of giving up.  Yeah, I know me, Ms. Sunshine here all positive and peaceful having feelings of just "whats the use?".  There are many factors and events that have triggered these feelings and out of respect and privacy to my friends, I will keep those details to myself.  But what I can tell you, that when you are at a place of giving up, it is very dark.  And very lonely.  But you have to pull yourself up, and even though I have amazing family and friends around me, it is really up to YOU, and only you.  You have to decide if it is worth it ... and yes, thankfully, I have realized it is.  I blog a great deal on the blessings in my life and the opportunities that cancer has given me.  Yet day to day, this is hard, well actually brutally hard.  And I don't think any treatment would be.  Regardless of how you go about it, the fear and uncertainty can be overwhelming.  I see it in others eyes as they just get really quiet when I tell them what I am dealing with and what treatment I am in.  Would I like to be definitive and give a resounding YES this is working and YES I am healing and YES I will be cured ... of course!!  But again, what do we really know?  Just the present and every moment when the fear starts to take over, I tell myself that over and over ... the present is what you truly know so enjoy it.

So the harder you fall the higher bounce right? Let's just say, I bounced real hard lately.  

And during this process I found some reasons why to never, never give up.  My plan now, is to post this up in clear view just in case ;)

"1. As Long As You Are Alive Anything Is Possible
The only valid excuse you have to give up is if you are dead. As long as you are alive (and healthy and free) you have the choice to keep trying until you finally succeed.

2. Be Realistic
The chance of mastering something the first time you do it is almost non-existent. Everything takes time to learn and you will make mistakes. Learn from them.

3. Lance Armstrong
Lance was diagnosed with serious cancer that had spread throughout his entire body. He had cancer cells the size of golf balls in his lungs. Despite all odds he overcame the cancer and set out to win the Tour de France 6 Consecutive years in a row.

4. You Are Strong 
You are stronger than you think. One little setback is not enough to stop you from achieving your goals. Neither are 10 or 100 or 1000 setbacks.

5. Prove Yourself
You don’t want to be known as someone that is weak and gives up. Go out there and prove yourself to the world and to yourself. You CAN and WILL achieve what you set out to do. The only time you fail is when you give up.

6. Believe In Your Dreams
Don’t sell yourself short. In life there are going to be many people who will try to bring you down and tell you what you want to achieve is not possible. Don’t let anyone destroy your dreams.

7. Your Family and Friends.
Let the people you love and who mean the world to you be your inspiration to persist and persevere. Maybe you need to try a different angle, study more or practice more but don’t give up!

8. Improve Our World
When you achieve whatever you set out to achieve you can use your success to make a difference to the world or other peoples lives.

9. Inspire Others
Be an inspiration to others by refusing to give up. Who knows what someone else can achieve because you never gave up and in turn inspired them not to give up.

10. You Deserve To Be Happy
Don’t ever let anybody tell you otherwise. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to have success. Keep that mindset and never give up until you reach your destination"