"Priority … "

Steer the course make a way
And come ashore on a greater day
Home grown from the greatest grain
Full flavor in the native strain

Peace before anything
God before everything
Love before anything
Real before everything

Home before anyplace
Style and state radiate
Love power slay the hate, priority
Love power

~ Mos Def ~ Priority ~

***

Priority ... something that is regarded as more important than another.  Now think of your relationships, are they are priority in your life?  Is there someone that is for you but you not for them, and how do you know?

… in some instances, if we had to know if the other person felt the same degree of compassion and consideration as we do for them, then we would probably never even speak ...

In a perfect world, relationships are suppose to be “equal” and fully committed to the process of developing and growth ... suppose being the key word.  Yet we find ourselves in situations where we are giving our all to someone but not getting the same in return.  And we keep going back for more, and more knowing that relationships are risky. 

So how do you know when you are an option instead of a priority in someone’s life?  Well besides the obvious behaviour, they 

• magically appear when they need something
• call to see how you are but rant about themselves instead
• bail on things that are important to you
• share important life details with others and not you.

And interestingly, some people think this is the “norm”.  They get use to these types of relationships.  They are troubled by the fact that they are involved with someone who treats them like “an option” and yet they still can’t seem to terminate the relationship.

The beauty is, the choice is YOURS.  It is much better to live peacefully than to have those in your life that take you for granted.  Stop making excuses for poor behaviour, don’t accept less than what you deserve, and weed out the ones who only care about their own needs being met because a relationship should complement, not complicate ...

" Habit … "

Seen it happen to a couple of friends

Seen it happen and the message it sends

Taken up for what's an obvious fault

Just to see what all the fuss is about

It's not your way...not your way

It's not your way ...

Another habit says it's long overdue

Another habit like an unwanted friend

I'm so happy with my righteous self

It's not your way...not your way

It's not your way

Never thought you'd... habit

Never thought you'd... habit

Never thought you'd... habit

I never thought you, never thought you...

~ Pearl Jam ~ Habit ~

***

I love the new year with fresh starts and new beginnings.  It is a chance to be more intentional with life.  And it is also an opportunity to cultivate good habits.  

Some may call it a “routine”, other’s a behaviour, but what makes a habit is consistency.  For a habit to be a habit, we would subconsciously repeat the same actions or activity.  You don’t have to think about it, it is just what you do.  Plus a habit won’t cultivate or fade on it’s own ... and when you establish a habit, the mind doesn’thave to work so hard, allowing you to create new ones easily.  

It takes an act of will to create a new habit ...

And we can begin by finding the habits that achieve your desired goal.  Start by finding people whose circumstances are similar to yours but who've achieved the success you desire. They are your pattern, they are your lesson plans.  

Once these habits or behaviours have been determined, then it is time to assess the time needed for them.  Resistance, procrastination and excuses will play their role, but it is about managing the dark with light & the negative with the positive.  Replace old habits that no longer serve you with new ones and calendar your new routines.

“We form our habits, and then our habits form us." ...

Take on one step at a time, one habit at a time.  Personally, I form the habit in my mind first which helps me perform it outwardly.  By seeing yourself performing the action in the places and circumstances you expect to perform in, you cultivate the expectations you want, not what you fear.  A process athletes utilize all the time.  

And watch the company you keep.  By spending more time with people who have the habits you want, you’lll see the possibility of forming those habits and be encouraged to create them.  This directly honours you and those around you by becoming the better human you may be longing to be.

" Where do we go from here ... "

We're at the crossroads my dear

Where do we go from here

Maybe you wont go maybe you'll stay

I know I'm going to miss you either way

Its such a lonely road

Usually not the kind of girl who's lost and looking for direction

Who could this be staring at me

When I'm looking in the mirror trying find the resolution

Were to far gone to find our way home

Where do we go from here ...

Follow the tracks of my tears ...

~ Alicia Keys ~ Where do we go from here ~

***

You know the saying “think before you speak”, well is it just a quote?  I ask because it is so hard to practice.  Sometimes when you make a spontaneous decision, you look back at the consequences and have regrets.  So how do you limit the consequences ... by learning to think before you act. 

Just think about it ... a strong opinion, the tone of voice, the look across the table, body language ... anything that can set you off to think you are being judged.  And instantly you react.  Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.  But is it true or is it your own insecurity?  And is it necessary?

The art of conflict is just that ... an art.  Some are good at it others not so much.  It can provide clarity or complications.  It can resolve issues or create new ones.  Nothing test our character like an emergency or crisis.  It is moments like these when our reactions or actions becomes increasingly crucial to the outcome.

And really can’t the whole spectrum of human behaviour can be put between two bookends of action and reaction.  Everything we do is either one or the other ... spaced out by time.  We fluctuate between the two with degrees of control of ourselves or the situation.  

The more we shift towards action, the more we are in control.  

We are decisive and have purpose.  

We know what we want and how to get it.

The more we shift towards reaction, the more we are being controlled.  

Reaction is an effect that follows a cause.  

It lacks decisions with clear thought and is selfish.

Being single-minded in one’s goal should not lead to being close-minded to everything else.

When it feels that the problems just keep coming and there is never an end to the troubles that plague us, where do we go from here?  

Finding the root cause.  Effects are seldom aware of the causes that trigger them because troubleshooting can provide immediate solutions to apparent symptoms but what’s to prevent it from showing up again.  

“It’s like putting a finger through a leaking hole to stop the whole dam from collapsing. Soon enough another leak breaks and before you know it you’ve used up all your fingers.”

Fear, panic, anger, envy, jealousy, false pride lead us to say and do now and regret later because they provide us instant relief to our pain.  A thoughtless comment from you sets off biting remarks from another which in turn irritates you to the point of doing something rash and the other person naturally retaliates.  Down the line it becomes a full blown hostility and neither of you probably don’t remember what started it in the first place.

When it feels that the problems just keep coming and there is never an end to the troubles that plague us, where do we go from here?  

Pause, reflect and take a deep breath.  Then ask yourself ... what am I doing and why am I doing it?  We can only take control of a situation when we take control of ourselves.  

Understanding the self is a start.  When you know who you are then you know what you want and from there clear decisions and productive actions follow.  Obstacles become secondary and are details that simply need to be worked out instead of main concerns that preoccupy our mind and dictate our every move.  Acting involves making a choice, reacting allows someone else to do that for you.

“A tactician may only see the battle in front of him, 

a strategist sees the whole battlefield.”

But we are only human.  And we will probably find ourselves in situations where we are forced to react.  There will be times when we can’t help but give in to a negative emotion.  But there is always an opportunity to start again.  It is whether or not you have the will to do so.

So instead of feeling like a failure when you make a mistake, use the failure as a tool to take back control of your life.  Do not make excuses and allow your failures to be reasons to continue making mistakes.  Just deal the best way you can and accept it does happen ... the more shocking your circumstances, the great the opportunity to learn ॐ

" Intentions ... "

The intent. I intend. The intentions of one will guide.

I strive to speak what I have learned 

and learn from those I see.

To step out of this life is my ambition.

To speak out and show you what I have seen ...

Stand with me and see what my eyes have seen.

Take my hand and let me show you what it is to love.

The intent. I intend. The intentions of one will guide ...

For you cannot love one until you have learned to love all.

~ We Came As Romans ~ Intentions ~

***

We get a vibe or a feeling ... we question if it is curiosity or care ... we don’t know if we should have faith or if we are being played.  True colours always prevail in the end.  As the best of intentions can just get in the way.

How so?   Just take a look at self-proclaimed motivational speakers, fitness “professionals” and religious leaders who strive to “inspire” you.  Yet their behaviour dictates otherwise and they don't practice what they preach.  Thankfully you can choose to release and move on into a more authentic environment.

So it begs to differ ... do you know what YOUR intentions are?  You see there are personal intentions and also intentions with regards to others.  I think it is best to consider your own intentions because the rest will fall into place.  Clear intentions have a way of assisting you to take greater control of your life ... and all the forces of the universe can align to have a miracle happen ... IF your intentions are pure.

Hope >>>> Possibility >>>> Actions >>>> Results

Some feel that intentions are too dream like and it is important to be realistic.  Because dreaming clouds our present reality, where we are at this moment, Here & Now.  But if you combine them ~ where we are (reality) and where we want to be (dreams and intentions) ~ we can make it happen.  And the beauty is, you don’t have to get anyone’s permission, you just have to allow yourself to receive.

Setting intentions every day is a great exercise ... as when you focus less on the unknowns and more on what you want to manifest.  An example for me is last year when I was faced with my disability claim ending, a job I didn’t want to go back to and the financial impact ... with clear and pure intentions, I put forth what I wanted, I set my intentions and made it happen.  

Freedom >>>> Flexibility >>>> Happiness

You see we are never too old to make a dream come true because when you set an intention and then act on it to demonstrate your commitment, AMAZING things occur ... Personally intention has helped me maintain composure & sanity, provided me fortitude ... and most importantly, a sense of humour.  Because sometimes you just got to have a good belly laugh and know all is well & life has, does and will go on.

You don’t need a major life goal to set intentions.  Intentions can be set on a daily basis.  I set mine in the morning when I wake up ... like to have a fun day, spend quality time with my loved ones, have a safe journey, learn something new, excel at a new song with the band, make a great presentation, be grounded .... it really can be as monumental or as simple as you want.

And I follow up with action ... demonstrating my commitment to my intention.  I acknowledge I did what I said I would ... making it clear to me and others just what I plan to do.  That not only can they can count on me but I can count on me.  So next time you set an intention, redefine what it means to be serious about your dreams ... don’t just act the part, be it.

"mean what you do, do what you say"

" Angry ... "

So scream you, out from behind the bitter ache

Heavy on the memory, you need most

Still want love, ugly, smooth and delicate

Not without affection, not alone

And instead of wishing that it would get better

Man you're seeing that you just get angrier

And it's good that I'm not angry

I just need to get over

I'm not angry, anymore

~ Matchbox 20 ~ Angry ~

***

Is it okay to feel angry?  Yes, because anger is a useful emotion.  It gives us feedback that something has happened ... our boundaries have been crossed or we have been violated in some way.  When we feel anger, we are more likely to do something about it .... the trick is to step back from the anger and make a rational decision about what you are going to do.  Yeah, easier said than done right?

You see, when we are in a state of emotional arousal, we don’t necessarily make the best decisions.  Our reasoning conscious mind can let our subconscious mind take control ... and our fight/flight response kicks in.  Why?  Because our brains treat any threats in the same manner ... we feel rage or fear, regardless of the situation.

Anger is a craving or grasping of beliefs around ourselves.  It is a normal emotion that all human beings feel, like sorrow and happiness.  Think about it ... from a young age, we feel anger ... like a newborn turning red and crying with a little twisted face or a two year old throws a temper tantrum.  It is obvious that they are experiencing intense anger and that they have not yet learned to manage their anger.  Sadly, many adults have never learned to manage their anger either.  They may not behave in quite the same manner as the two year old, but still harmful to self.

So is it better to express or suppress these emotions?  Studies have shown that people who are shy and non-assertive, have a greater prevalence of tumours than other personality types ... because shyness is associated with suppressing of emotions, particularly negative ones, like anger, resentment and bitterness.  Holding onto these emotions can literally eat away at you.  Now that doesn’t mean that every shy person will develop cancer, but it is definitely something to consider. 

My opinion?  Express yourself ... constructively.  Because life is energy in play and the more free flowing the energy is the more vibrant you feel.  Pockets of energy which are suppressed, or “held”, within you become sources of resistance to the free flow of your life expression.  They tend to lose their power over you and their ability to cause harm.

Realization: Forgiving is not about ‘giving’ something to the person who has wronged you.  It is about ‘giving’ yourself the permission to release the burden of carrying those emotions.

Learning to channel your feelings into words or actions that are not hurtful, positive and healthy will unburden you .... because managing anger destructively is actually allowing your anger to manage you.