" Words ... "

“ ... Let's start a brand new story

Now my love, right now 

There'll be no other time 

And I can show you how, my love

Talk in everlasting words

And dedicate them all to me

And I will give you all my life

I'm here if you should call to me

You think that I don't even mean

A single word I say

It's only words, and words are all I have

To take your heart away ... “

~ Bee Gees ~ Words ~

***

By listening to and analyzing the words I use on a regular basis, I can learn to stop unconsciously programming myself to have limitations.  My own words tell a tale.  And listening to the words I say, explains a lot about what’s going on inside my head.  

Mindfulness practice helps me to gain the ability to pay attention to these words.  I am discovering that I often use self-limiting words before I even had a chance to think about them.  My subconscious chooses safe words that make unimportant things feel huge, and words that allow me wiggle room to procrastinate safely.  Simply put ... weak language is a subconscious attempt to avoid responsibility.

And I am called out on it, frequently, by my teacher.  Words that make me weak.  Words that make me sound like a victim.  Words that give me an easy way out to blame someone else when it all falls apart.

... clear speech means clear thinking.  And clear thinking means clear execution ... 

Need, Can’t, Try and Bad ... within these words tell you different than reality.  An unconscious box around solutions, limiting my creativity and failing to accomplish anything useful. Unaware of how I may be robbing myself of my power or destroying any hope for innovative thinking.  

... setting yourself up for learned helplessness ... 

I am learning that unconsciously our brains listen and because it cannot understand context, it creates confusion and subtle stress.  I am learning that using words that mean the same thing to my conscious brain and my unconscious brain, feels good.  

... words, actions and thoughts matter ... 

My ego took a good bruising last night when I got called out on the specific word, try.  Try seems to be a word that has two meanings.  Growing up, we were told to learn something, practice it and keep trying.  Seemingly a ‘normal’ way to encourage to do better.  Now, trying seems to presuppose a likelihood of failure, subconsciously planning to fail.  The advice ... don’t try, DO  

The language we use is a part of our software.  So using it consciously and with precision can allow us to achieve things that we didn’t know we could. We begin to shift that internal monologue, chatter, script to a more compassionate path.  We begin to believe we are capable.

www.walkstrong.ca

" New Year's Day ... "

All is quiet on New Year's Day

A world in white gets underway ...

Under a blood red sky

A crowd has gathered in black and white

Arms entwined, the chosen few

The newspapers says, says 

Say it's true it's true...

And we can break through

Though torn in two 

We can be one

And so we're told this is the golden age

And gold is the reason for the wars we wage ...

Nothing changes 

On New Year's Day

On New Year's Day

~ U2 ~ New Year’s Day ~ 

***

Happy New Year and welcome to 2013.  An opportunity to start fresh and possibly turn a new leaf ... depending on your perspective ... are you an optimist or a cynic?  

Well last night we had an opportunity to ring in the new year with many little ones at our house party.  So my perspective ... optimist.  Experiencing the simple joy of children, dancing and partying, uninhibited, is truly amazing.  I feel children provide a healing energy.  Pure love.

Now there may be some reading this rolling you eyes.  To each their own ... but I guess it is safe to say that the eye rollers are cynics?  

Cynicism stems from an issue of trustworthiness ... 

believing others are more selfishly motivated 

and less helpful than they really are.

I believe experience breeds optimism or cynicism.  Your positive experiences have to out weigh the negative ones.  And we all have negative ones ... betrayal tends to make you avoid trusting others.  But you never find out how trustworthy people in general really are.  As a result, our estimation of others is governed by fear ... we don’t want to be vulnerable ever again.

You know the saying ... what you put out there you receive ten-fold.  What is the energy you are giving off?  What are you attracting in your life?  If it is working for you, you are content and happy with your relationships, your career and the direction you are headed, congratulations you have figured it out.  But I think most of us are looking for improvements ... just take all the resolutions out there.  Are not some of them unrealistic though, setting ourselves up, knowing full well that they cannot be attained ... a self full-filing prophecy with the opportunity to say “I told you so, or I knew that would happen”.  

Maybe you know what is going to happen because 

subconsciously you already asked for it ...

For me ... I’ll try and try again.  Some may think foolish and others may think child like.  But after witnessing one of the best New Year Eve’s ever, I’ll continue to take my chances and put myself out there ... with hopes that another year's positive experiences will out weigh the negative ones.

" Angry ... "

So scream you, out from behind the bitter ache

Heavy on the memory, you need most

Still want love, ugly, smooth and delicate

Not without affection, not alone

And instead of wishing that it would get better

Man you're seeing that you just get angrier

And it's good that I'm not angry

I just need to get over

I'm not angry, anymore

~ Matchbox 20 ~ Angry ~

***

Is it okay to feel angry?  Yes, because anger is a useful emotion.  It gives us feedback that something has happened ... our boundaries have been crossed or we have been violated in some way.  When we feel anger, we are more likely to do something about it .... the trick is to step back from the anger and make a rational decision about what you are going to do.  Yeah, easier said than done right?

You see, when we are in a state of emotional arousal, we don’t necessarily make the best decisions.  Our reasoning conscious mind can let our subconscious mind take control ... and our fight/flight response kicks in.  Why?  Because our brains treat any threats in the same manner ... we feel rage or fear, regardless of the situation.

Anger is a craving or grasping of beliefs around ourselves.  It is a normal emotion that all human beings feel, like sorrow and happiness.  Think about it ... from a young age, we feel anger ... like a newborn turning red and crying with a little twisted face or a two year old throws a temper tantrum.  It is obvious that they are experiencing intense anger and that they have not yet learned to manage their anger.  Sadly, many adults have never learned to manage their anger either.  They may not behave in quite the same manner as the two year old, but still harmful to self.

So is it better to express or suppress these emotions?  Studies have shown that people who are shy and non-assertive, have a greater prevalence of tumours than other personality types ... because shyness is associated with suppressing of emotions, particularly negative ones, like anger, resentment and bitterness.  Holding onto these emotions can literally eat away at you.  Now that doesn’t mean that every shy person will develop cancer, but it is definitely something to consider. 

My opinion?  Express yourself ... constructively.  Because life is energy in play and the more free flowing the energy is the more vibrant you feel.  Pockets of energy which are suppressed, or “held”, within you become sources of resistance to the free flow of your life expression.  They tend to lose their power over you and their ability to cause harm.

Realization: Forgiving is not about ‘giving’ something to the person who has wronged you.  It is about ‘giving’ yourself the permission to release the burden of carrying those emotions.

Learning to channel your feelings into words or actions that are not hurtful, positive and healthy will unburden you .... because managing anger destructively is actually allowing your anger to manage you. 

" Deep ... "

On the edge

Of a know-nothin' town

Feelin' quite superior

The aged come

To the sky above

He just ain't nothin'

But he's got a great view...

Can't touch the bottom

In too deep

~ Pearl Jam ~ Deep ~

***

Have you ever been told you are “too sensitive”?  Have you ever heard someone equate your feelings to an ocean of emotions?  I have ... many times, along with “you take things too personally are are too emotional”.  And even though I use to think of it as a flaw, now I know it is an advantage. 

Deep feelings, straddled between the area of conscious and subconscious.  Think of them as emotional residue coming up at any time and affecting you, your thoughts, your judgement, and your relationships.  Often we are unaware how our emotional residue impacts our thoughts, decisions and behaviours.   

You see many of our poor reactions to situations, circumstances and communications stem from the deep areas within us that we are not necessarily consciously aware of.  And it is the emotions down deep that we don’t see ... that hinder us the most and effect how we treat others.

In my past, I had the tendency to think that things were not going to get better because I had memories, associated feelings and thoughts that said things are just not going to work out.  I would feel as if what was happening is just more of the same old ways, and that would give me the same old outcomes as they always had.  My past memories contributed to my feelings of defeat and doubt before anything had happened ... because I didn’t see the bubble ... those old feelings that came up in the midst of my opportunity.  

Prepared to deal with it, I started to uncover the underlying deep feelings of hurt.  For a long time, it was buried down deep and I wanted to leave it there.  Yet similar to a bubble that comes up to the surface of the water, I needed to recognize and understand the source of the feeling before I let it burst. 

Now I use my "advantageous flaw" and look at where those feelings come from, why those feelings are still there, and then how I can let them go.  I recognize they come from some area of disappointment where something didn’t work out the way I had hoped for.  For me, I now realize that no matter how screwed over I feel, life is not a broken record playing the same outcome every time ... it’s only my feelings and associated thoughts that are playing that repeated outcome.   

True healing comes at the source or root of the pain.  And for me, I am willing to open up to my personal constraints with humility.  Deep feelings of hurt are within us, whether you see them or not ... yet how they are affecting you is for you and your honest self to deal.