"Birthday ..."

We gonna come together, We gonna celebrate
We gonna gather round, like it’s your birthday
I don’t wanna know, just what I’m gonna do
I don’t care where you’re going, I’m coming along with you
~ Kings of Leon ~ Birthday ~
***


Yesterday, it was Russell's birthday.  And anyone that knows me, knows that I LOVE birthdays.  LOVE LOVE LOVE Birthdays.  What's not to LOVE?  Birthdays give you the opportunity to celebrate someone's life, their being, their uniqueness, their expression, their humour, their love .... we have a chance to give happiness.  What a beautiful thing - giving happiness.  Making sure we were still staying on my therapy schedule, we spent the day together outdoors and toodled around.  We had fun just spending time being.  


I remember in the past, between hectic work schedules, I would plan a dinner, or a party or some surprise with others.  I would miss the entire point, to frustrated, tired or anxious regarding the planned event.  Two years ago, we celebrated Russell's 40th with a party with his invite list.  When I say that I mean there were people on the list that I didn't really care for.  People that were "friends" when it was a party, but otherwise, you wouldn't hear a peep from.  But I remember thinking to myself, this isn't about you so suck it up.  Russ felt that they somehow affected his life thus far and wanted to include them in his celebration.  So, along with my Mom, we planned the food and drinks, holding it a the local community club.  Funny, I was so concerned on how I would look, if it was good enough, and how I would be judged.  See, absolutely nothing to do with the fact that it was his birthday.  And actually I admit now, so self-absorbed.  So this year was progress for me .... haha, not to make it about me (yikes again!), but privately I reflected on how things have changed in two years - how things have shifted.  And I am happier for it.  I will remember it more fondly than any other birthday we celebrated together.  


And yes it has everything to do with my current situation.  Of course it does ... again forces you to be in the present, really here and NOW.  Today my facebook status is Sorrow looks back ... Worry looks around ... FAITH looks up ♥  Makes sense doesn't it?  Looking up and excited about another chance and another year to live.  Birthdays are an opportunity to end one cycle and begin another.  Perhaps reflect on the previous year, focusing on our accomplishments and understanding our setbacks.  Establishing new goals and navigating on how to pursue them.  Although it wasn't MY birthday, Russell and I have many conversations about where we came from, and meeting ourselves where we are.  As well, where we want to go, what we want to do and how we will get there.  It is awesome to have your best friend and life partner on the same page.  I firmly believe we were meant to be together and in a past life, were as well.  Anyone one reading this, understands that connection.  It's a beautiful thing.


So, Russell and I shared the day, enjoying times of little chatter, and other times of laughter and love.  With lots of well wishes and joy from others, it was a memorable day for both of us.  Feeling blessed and know that life maybe unpredictable, but so precious and to be celebrated each and every day.

"Summertime ..."

"Summer, summer, summertime
time to sit back and unwind
Here it is the groove slightly transformed
just a bit of a break from the norm
just a little somethin' to break the monotony"
~ Will Smith ~ Summertime ~ 
***


We just hit our first day of Summer here in Calgary, June 21.  Thankfully, it was a gorgeous, sunny day with minimal clouds.  It reminded me of summer when I was a kid.  Those summers were hot, real hot.  We use to get outside in the yard and have the sprinkler watering to and fro, you remember the one that would water in a half moon pattern and required frequently placement to access the entire yard.  I remember jumping thru the sprinkler, the anticipation of the cold water on our warm bodies.  We were just kids, not giving a care about our hair and clothes, just enjoying the moment and the next splash!

The first day of Summer, Summer Solstice 2011, Sol + Stice derives from a combination of Latin words meaning "Sun" + "To Stand Still".  As the days lengthen, the sun rises higher and higher until it seems to stand still in the sky.  Just like that memory when I was a kid.  Summer also means vacations.  Friends have told us of their plans to get out to the mountains - stay in a cabin, RV, camp, vacationing at a summer home in Invermere, Phoenix or Palm Springs ... others have shared the experience of grand beach vacations, some going to Las Vegas, others getting further away to Asia ... I love hearing of these wonderful plans.  Yet for me, I feel like life is standing still, my days are the same, nothing changes, no breaks, in therapy.  Monotony.  Looking for just a bit of break from the norm.  No such luck.

Russell and I would vacation a couple of times a year, this year our plans were SouthEast Asia - Thailand.  A trip we have been putting off, due to work, money, family obligations ... now, we have to put if off until I am off the therapy.  Just completing week 16 / month 4.  How much longer?  Well that is the million dollar question ... no one can say.  For me, I feel stronger, better, healthier than I was 6 months ago.  That in itself is encouraging.  In the meantime, I have had thoughts of missing a vacation, missing flexibility, missing aspects of my life I took for granted.  Things like visiting with a friend, going to a brunch after our scheduled walks, having a latte, travelling out to the Rocky Mountains ... not that this is all taboo, BUT it is around my therapy schedule, which at times feels restrictive and confining.  And yes, I tell myself that this too shall pass, blow over ... it is just such a long process.  I can understand how others find it hard, give up and think it is not achievable.  It is possible, just takes everything in you to commit.  And at times, you feel committed yourself!

I have had a couple of days of what I like to call "Pity Parties" ... I may have blogged about this already .. but it is a party where the only person invited is YOU.  Funny how that is, misery LOVES company, but company doesn't care for misery.  During my Pity Parties, my emotions range from loneliness, frustration, anger and sorrow.  Feeling disconnected.  Feeling life is passing me by.  But the reality is that, this is my life, our life at the present.  And actually it is pretty good, pretty great.  After I leave the party, I reflect on what I have in my life ... a loving and dedicated husband (so blessed), amazing family, loving and supportive friends, beautiful surrounding we call our home, fresh and healthy organic food ... and the list goes on.  Every morning, my ritual before I get out of bed is to thanks those in my life and ask God to bless them.  I realize that it really is perception isn't it?  How we perceive a situation is the key.  So this soapbox blog I have, well that is what is all about.  And I appreciate all that follow and support this blog, giving me the allowance to express myself - high and low energies.

So, out of my control is my current diagnosis but in my control is how I handle it, my perception.  And as this shift happens, and it continuously is occurring for me, I realize my wealthy life - full of abundance and joy.  Blessed and Loved.  My vacation is every day, unwinding, healing, transforming and living.  No get-away paradise compares.

"Royal Flush ..."

"Got a royal flush...
Just another crush
I got my head read in the shed once again, my friend
Inside, outside, upside, downside,
See my face, wanna take me home ..."
~ Stereophonics ~ Royal Flush ~ 
***


Well this morning was a doozy.  I mean one of the first days since on the Gerson Therapy were I felt like I was truly sick.  As most of you know, I have written about my lovely (insert sarcasm here) castor oil experiences - every other morning I wake up to orally take 2 oz of castor oil with strong coffee and a small amount of sugar ... well this morning was one of those mornings but I also had an opportunity to experience the "Niacin Flush".  First let me explain what Niacin is and why we take it ...


Niacin, also known as nicotinic acid or vitamin B3 ~ one of the water soluble B-complex vitamins.    During the initial phase of the therapy, normal dosages for cancer patients is six 50 mg tablets daily, this dosage differs for advance cancer cases.  The Gerson Therapy uses Niacin to improve blood circulation, elevate skin temperature, increase oxygenation, promote cellular nutrition and produce an overall detoxification effect.  So, when the blood vessels are dilated they create a sensation of warmth ~ i.e. Niacin Flush.  This is often accompanied by blushing of the skin and this "flush" or sensation of heat indicates a temporary saturation of Niacin.  You can experience redness of the cheeks, ears, neck, forearms and perhaps elsewhere.  Although this is harmless, it is extremely uncomfortable.

So just for a moment, visualize this ... frequent uncomfortable trips to the loo, looking beat red like a tomato and truly feeling this is the death of me ... yes too funny, NOW, hours after I experienced it.  I really didn't know what to do with myself, so I went outside, barefoot and stood in the yard, admiring our starter raised beds and tried to ignore the fact that I was so uncomfortable in my skin.  Thankfully, it soon passed.  I had an opportunity to visit with a good friend this afternoon (thanks Ally) who knew exactly what I was talking about ... she had experienced the Niacin Flush too!!

It made me think about how many of you out there have had the pleasure to be crawling in your own skin.  For me, I have had that feeling triggered emotionally ~ deep feelings that are poked to the surface when an unexpected event happens, provoked by someone out of the blue ...but never in a physical sense as described above, well, maybe during my engineering days when peer pressure forced us to drink too much awful draft beer, but I digress!

Yet the benefits of Niacin outweigh the discomfort, so bring on the flush ... who knows, maybe it can be mistaken for getting a bit of "extra" sun in the summer and give those self-tanners a run for their money!

"Ironic ..."

"It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures"
~ Alanis Morissette ~ Ironic ~ 
***


Well here's a health update ... on week 15 and another consultation with the doctors.  Laboratory results look good, they are really happy with my levels and numbers and slightly tweaked m programme.  Big news, I get lentils twice a week now - oh yeah!!  that is SO exciting for me ... variety!!  My next consultation is in two months now ~ August ~ 6 month mark.  I asked about my ultrasound and when I should schedule it.  The doctors in Mexico explained once again how I am detox mode, intense detox.  How the tumour has been aggravated, is probably inflamed and if any diagnostic testing is done at this time, the tumour could be bigger, tumour marker could be high and ...it would lead to depression, and pressure to take on a more severe treatment (i.e. cut, poison and burn ...) ... but after some discussion, they indicated that it would be "okay" to have the ultrasound results for the next consult.  So my plan now?  well, continue on the therapy as directed, and continue to heal my body.  Yes there is anxiety, yes there is fear, but do I choose to live in a what if world?  Absolutely not ... all we know is NOW.  So overall, I focus on the positive and encourage myself every day because for the believer, there is no question and for the non-believer, there is no answer ...♥


But, Today my thoughts are with one of my inspirations during my current journey .... The Wellness Warrior, Jess Ainscough.  Jess was diagnosed with a very rare, very aggressive cancer called Epithelioid Sarcoma in her left hand and arm.  She has endured an amazing journey to health and wellness, and I am in awe of her.  Currently, Jess is on month 14 of the Gerson Therapy and was looking forward to the 18 month mark to start easing back into regular life, a better life.  Along the way, she has also become a Holistic Health Counsellor ...And as I read her blog EVERYDAY, I felt my stomach drop when I read her blog title "Two Years of Gerson Therapy suddenly becomes Three" ...the irony is that her Mother was just diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  Unbelievable!  Her parents have been her support, her pillars, and specifically her Mother has been her primary caregiver.  My heart just hurt when I read her blog ... how can life be so cruel, how can this be happening, have they not endured enough ... yet there is a part of us that know, things happen for a reason, what the reason is, is for us to find out.  So once Jess is off her therapy, roles will be reversed, and she will be her Mother's primary caregiver.  At the present time, her father has stepped in to help Jess and her Mom on the therapy.  Jess is a wonderful example as to how our bodies heal, cancer is curable, and this horrendous dis-ease can be driven out of our bodies naturally.  Her Mother is armed with the best possible knowledge and will battle the disease with the help, grace and guidance of her.  

Prayers and Love go out to your family right now Jess 

... keeping the faith and knowing that there is a cure, you are living proof. 

♥ we must have courage, whatever the test, however many times we fall, stand up just once more ♥ 

"Soul Meets Body ... "

" I want to live where soul meets body,
And let the sun wrap its arms around me,
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing,
And feel, feel what it's like to be new, 
... Where soul meets body"
~ Death Cab For Cutie ~ Soul Meets Body ~ 
***


This week I have been practicing my visualizations I learned from ADAM, whom I wrote about in my last blog.  In the past I have used these visualizations, but not on a daily basis and not with the same focus and intention.  It is common knowledge that what you think can affect your body.  Some refer to this as the mind body soul body connection.  Science has proven this over and over again, studies focusing on the placebo effect.  We have the capacity to control physical reactions.  


So it is all in your mind?  With intention, if you can bring in wellness, can you bring in illness as well?  Something to ponder, which is exactly what I have been doing.  I recently read about The Wellness Formula of Life.  Intrigued, I thought I would explore exactly what this was.  


The Wellness Formula of Life ~ Mind Body Soul Connection, is described as a chain of command, starting with your soul, your spirit, your higher self or your guide, whatever you choose to identify with. Your guide will tell you ... if you listen to your intuition and meditation.  But if you are not paying attention or acting on the messages, you may need some assistance in listening.  This message then goes thru your mind and heart depending on the situation.  You may have random thoughts, lose focus or just can't get conversations out of your head.  These are the signs and coincidences trying to raise a flag, get noticed and give you a heads up to pay attention by pointing you in the right direction.  Next you get feelings or a sense of what is not real, when something is not right, anxiety ... this is your heart getting involved, and leads to stress.  And if you are not paying attention still, the message gets louder and louder and build up ... similar to a whisper, to a loud talk, to tap on your shoulder, to a hit in the arm, to finally knocking you down ... the universe is really trying to get your attention!


You can decide where in the process you want to pay attention ... your guide uses the mind body soul connection and gets more and more physical with each step described above. Physical can not only mean your body, but also material world ~ property, money, relationships, traffic, losing keys, computers crashing ~ losing "something" in your material world tends to get your attention quickly!


When it comes to dis-ease or loss, there are many aspects that affect your life, not just missed messages, this is just one of them.  In the case of illness, your actual physical body is the connection to consider ~ energetic messages so as the messages get stronger, more energy moves thru your mind and heart ... energy can start showing up as pain, discomfort, damage, infection, etc ... We often are "too busy", obsessed with other things until we are forced to take time rather than taking it when you first realize you need a break ... S-L-O-W-D-O-W-N.



So with all these messages and signs how can we keep track?  Well maybe write down each day what you did or didn't do instead of just marking it off which energetically is not as effective.  

• Track Body ~ write notes on what you did and where you are improving
• Track Heart ~ affirm how well you are doing and/or what emotions are coming up and restate your intentions
• Track Soul ~ give thanks for the assistance and give appreciation for having another day to continue your development.

Trust yourself, you know more than you give yourself credit for ....You may need to build up that trust by following through on everything you promise - this means not promising what you feel you shouldn't do!  And making sure that what you are committing to is in alignment with your higher self/guide/spirit.  


So, before you start anything - be very clear on your intention = the what and why you are committing to your self.  Then, honor your promise.

"Dream Weaver ... oh, Dream Healer"

"Dream weaver 
I've just closed my eyes again 
Climbed aboard the dream weaver train 
Driver take away my worries of today 
And leave tomorrow behind 
Ooh dream weaver"

~ Reo Speedwagon ~ Dream Weaver ~
***


Yesterday, I had a chance to go to the DreamHealer session in Calgary.  For some of you, you already know what this is all about.  ADAM is the DreamHealer.  He is a gifted individual who helps you with visualization tools and energy healing.  Now for all the skeptics out there, he does not have a magic wand, nor does he heal you ... YOU HEAL YOURSELF.  


I had a great deal of anxiety and excitement the entire day.  As my friend Joelle said, you could feel the energy and the healing already taking place prior to Adam's appearance.  Initially, we saw a video about Ronnie Hawkins who was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer and given minimal time.  Adam had an opportunity to perform individual healing sessions on Ronnie, remotely, and soon after Ronnie was cancer-free.  His doctors have no explanation and have called it a Miracle.  Along with this story, other testimonials were shown of people whom have fully recovered from serious illnesses.  It was emotional to watch as you could feel the empathy within the crowd.  Soon after, Adam appeared.  He explained that he has been speaking to crowds now for almost 10 years.  He no longer does individual sessions as he has less time and energy.  And his intention is to show how we can heal ourselves.  We just need tools, and he was here to show us how.  How our bodies know to heal itself.


Adam re-affirmed what I have come to understand and what resonates with me.  In the past, I had heard that our bodies talk to us .. but I didn't pay attention.  Adam talked in length about universal energy, our energy and energy healing and medicine.  Since he finished his degree in Molecular Biology and now studying to become a Naturopath Doctor, he provided scientific information explaining the power of intention - How our intentions affect our metabolism?  How do such intentions directly heal ourselves most effectively and efficiently?  He discussed our internal influences ~ Beliefs, Emotions, Intentions, Perception of Time, Cellular Memory and Mind-body connection.  He discussed our external influences ~ Healthcare Practitioner, Media, Education, Family and Friends, Diet, Exercise and Habits.

We learned about DNA and proteins, epi-genetics, gene expression and how our environment affects our healing process.  We also had a chance to participate in group healing sessions.  You could feel the energy in the crowd even before the healing session began.  With that much positive intention, it was simply Powerful.  We had to imagine drawing in energy from our feet, from Mother Earth, and expanding our auras.  Then, we had to imagine our auras merging with our fellow participants.  Next we had to practice our visualizations, or if that was difficult, project positivity ... as Adam said be "ridiculously positive".  

Our intentions to heal and/or heal others.    

So how do I explain the group healing sessions?  Well, everyone was so different ... My experience was powerful, I felt movement, I felt protected, I felt some twitches, pains, presence, dizziness.  Then, I felt empowered ... my intentions were strong, loud and clear.  The room was dark, silent yet full of warm healing energy.  Adam takes everyone's combined aura and works from a hologram to energetically affect our bodies.  It really is hard to explain, it has to be experienced to truly get it.  And, once they sessions were over, I was exhausted.  I needed to sleep and just let the process unfold.  

It will continue to unfold, as healing is a process, a unique journey.

"Practicing these affirmations and visualizations every day is essential.  Our thoughts and intentions are constantly influencing our health and our conscious intention must be synchronized with our subconscious intention.  We need to ask ourselves "What do I want?" and limit ourselves to one desired outcome - state it aloud and let it sit with you, feel it, know it, understand it and emit it.  This is what you want to expect, and focus on this to make it happen.  Our perception of our outcome makes a huge difference to our outcome" 
~ ADAM

(Reference: Intention Heals ~ a guide and workbook ~ ADAM, Author of DreamHealer)

"Apologize ..."

"I'm holding on your rope, 
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me 
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say..."

~ OneRepublic ~ Apologize ~ 

***

My last post I talked about the Five Love Languages.  After more researching, I found that there are Five Languages of Apology.  How IMPORTANT is this considering since we have become experts in wronging each other.  When we blame others, we give up our power and when we give up our power, there is little to no chance of resolution.  Saying I'm sorry isn't just a matter of will, it is a matter of how we say sorry.

So what makes up how we say we are sorry?  Well, the Five Languages of Apology are: Expressing Regret, Accepting Responsibility, Making Restitution, Genuinely Repent, and Requesting Forgiveness.  

Expressing Regret

The admission of guilt and shame for the pain we have caused someone else.  For some, the words "I'm sorry" is all they need to accept the apology.  It is direct, requires no other action and doesn't try to deflect blame.  It is a powerful language when used authentically, reflecting sincerity.

Accepting Responsibility

Admission of being wrong is difficult for many of us, as it makes us doubt ourselves and feel like failures.  Yet accepting responsibility can be sufficient for those we have hurt.  Saying "I am wrong" tells others we are able to overcome our larger "self" and admit our fault.  Owning your mistakes, showing your vulnerability and setting aside your ego displays sincerity in our apology.

Make Restitution

Some feel that for sincere apologies, actions should be justified.  Demonstrating the apology such as flowers, a card, a grand expression of regret can help.  Strong efforts to make amends are required for those that believe in this type of language.  Assurance of love, respect and desire to right your wrong are welcomed.

Genuinely Repent

This language displays not only a sincere apology but the desire to modify behaviour to avoid the situation in the future.  This stems from the heart in order to truly change.  A glimpse of true self, showing vulnerability, the desire to change and a plan to make it happen is assurance to those that accept this language of apology.

Request Forgiveness

For some, a verbal request for forgiveness is wanted.  Assurance that forgiveness is recognized and they are still loved.  Requesting forgiveness is also requesting the relationship to be fully restored, because you are proving that you truly sorry for what has occurred.  Also, you are wiling to put the future of the relationship in the hands of the other person, leaving the final decision to them - forgive or not to forgive.  Not an easy situation because you are opening yourself to rejection, or alternatively an opportunity to grow and heal from the situation regardless of the outcome.

It is important to understand that forgiveness should not be treated lightly.  

It is precious and needs to be cherished and appreciated.  

The act of forgiveness is hard on both sides 

~ for the person who is asking and for the person who is accepting.  

Try remembering that and practicing empathy when you next opportunity for forgiveness arises.