"Summertime ..."

"Summer, summer, summertime
time to sit back and unwind
Here it is the groove slightly transformed
just a bit of a break from the norm
just a little somethin' to break the monotony"
~ Will Smith ~ Summertime ~ 
***


We just hit our first day of Summer here in Calgary, June 21.  Thankfully, it was a gorgeous, sunny day with minimal clouds.  It reminded me of summer when I was a kid.  Those summers were hot, real hot.  We use to get outside in the yard and have the sprinkler watering to and fro, you remember the one that would water in a half moon pattern and required frequently placement to access the entire yard.  I remember jumping thru the sprinkler, the anticipation of the cold water on our warm bodies.  We were just kids, not giving a care about our hair and clothes, just enjoying the moment and the next splash!

The first day of Summer, Summer Solstice 2011, Sol + Stice derives from a combination of Latin words meaning "Sun" + "To Stand Still".  As the days lengthen, the sun rises higher and higher until it seems to stand still in the sky.  Just like that memory when I was a kid.  Summer also means vacations.  Friends have told us of their plans to get out to the mountains - stay in a cabin, RV, camp, vacationing at a summer home in Invermere, Phoenix or Palm Springs ... others have shared the experience of grand beach vacations, some going to Las Vegas, others getting further away to Asia ... I love hearing of these wonderful plans.  Yet for me, I feel like life is standing still, my days are the same, nothing changes, no breaks, in therapy.  Monotony.  Looking for just a bit of break from the norm.  No such luck.

Russell and I would vacation a couple of times a year, this year our plans were SouthEast Asia - Thailand.  A trip we have been putting off, due to work, money, family obligations ... now, we have to put if off until I am off the therapy.  Just completing week 16 / month 4.  How much longer?  Well that is the million dollar question ... no one can say.  For me, I feel stronger, better, healthier than I was 6 months ago.  That in itself is encouraging.  In the meantime, I have had thoughts of missing a vacation, missing flexibility, missing aspects of my life I took for granted.  Things like visiting with a friend, going to a brunch after our scheduled walks, having a latte, travelling out to the Rocky Mountains ... not that this is all taboo, BUT it is around my therapy schedule, which at times feels restrictive and confining.  And yes, I tell myself that this too shall pass, blow over ... it is just such a long process.  I can understand how others find it hard, give up and think it is not achievable.  It is possible, just takes everything in you to commit.  And at times, you feel committed yourself!

I have had a couple of days of what I like to call "Pity Parties" ... I may have blogged about this already .. but it is a party where the only person invited is YOU.  Funny how that is, misery LOVES company, but company doesn't care for misery.  During my Pity Parties, my emotions range from loneliness, frustration, anger and sorrow.  Feeling disconnected.  Feeling life is passing me by.  But the reality is that, this is my life, our life at the present.  And actually it is pretty good, pretty great.  After I leave the party, I reflect on what I have in my life ... a loving and dedicated husband (so blessed), amazing family, loving and supportive friends, beautiful surrounding we call our home, fresh and healthy organic food ... and the list goes on.  Every morning, my ritual before I get out of bed is to thanks those in my life and ask God to bless them.  I realize that it really is perception isn't it?  How we perceive a situation is the key.  So this soapbox blog I have, well that is what is all about.  And I appreciate all that follow and support this blog, giving me the allowance to express myself - high and low energies.

So, out of my control is my current diagnosis but in my control is how I handle it, my perception.  And as this shift happens, and it continuously is occurring for me, I realize my wealthy life - full of abundance and joy.  Blessed and Loved.  My vacation is every day, unwinding, healing, transforming and living.  No get-away paradise compares.