" Where Is The Love … "

What's wrong with the world, mama

People livin' like they ain't got no mamas

I think the whole world addicted to the drama

Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma ...

But if you only have love for your own race

Then you only leave space to discriminate

And to discriminate only generates hate

And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah

Madness is what you demonstrate

And that's exactly how anger works and operates

Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight

Take control of your mind and meditate

Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

People killin', people dyin'

Children hurt and you hear them cryin'

Can you practise what you preach

And would you turn the other cheek ...

Where is the love (The love)

Where is the love (The love)

Where is the love, the love, the love

~ Black Eyed Peas ~ Where Is The Love? ~

***

Why do we spend so much of our life wasting time on people that don’t deserve our energy?  You know the moments when we feel completely exhausted, drained and shut down.

Energy grows or diminishes based on what you are doing and who you surround yourself with.  There are people, places and things that make us feel like we are building our energy banks, rejuvenate us and help us to do our best.  And there are others that zap the energy right out of you.  People are exceptional and our number one resources but not all people are helpful.

Understanding how people affect you means that you can do a better job matching what you need to what your energy requires.  Sometimes we need to be more judicious about reducing time with people who don't match our energy.

It’s not about whether or not the person is a good or bad person … 

it’s about whether or not they are the right energy type for you ... 

Defining personality types helps to understand why we leave feeling out of sorts from some interactions and inspired by others.  It has helped me decide what to do and who I choose to spend time with in the future.

Here is an exert from an article I recently read that defined energy types … 

do you identify with one?

“The Positives

• Buzzers. These are excited electrons. People who are so thrilled to be around other people and in the world, talking with them is like getting a burst of inspiration.  They can be your muses, your inspirations, your 
• Happys. Generally positive, seem to be happy almost all the time. People you would skip with, laugh with, enjoy being with.  They aren’t as physically excited as the Buzzers, but they are generally happy and have a positive attitude about most things.
• Wonder Listeners. People who can hear what you are saying without you saying it; who seem to listen to you with both their bodies and their ears, and who exude a positive radiance without necessarily saying or doing anything, are your Wonder Listeners. 
• Coaches and Mentors. These are people who seem to have endless stores of hope and inspiration designed just for you. People who are genuinely interested in what you have to offer and how you are doing. The coaches and mentors are usually a check-in, once a week or once a month, and they offer their advice and wisdom to you in their interactions.

The Middle Balance (Balancers and Grounders)

• Quiet Stabilizers. People who are refreshing, rejuvenating, and inspiring without being showy or ostentatious. Someone you can sit quietly in a park with, without talking very much, and leave happier. These people don’t toot their own horn, and likely don’t know how cool they are. Yet being around them is satiating, relaxing, restorative.
• Feedbacks. People who tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear. These people can be mistakenly labeled as negatives, but they still have your best interests in heart and are actually looking out for you in the long run. Keep them around, but note the times when you aren’t up for receiving feedback and need encouragement instead – and seek them out when you need smart advice.
• The Strugglers and Changers. There are people who are struggling, working towards change, and are sometimes frustrated or caught in-betweens. They are on their way towards becoming the person they want to be, and conversations with them are raw, open, inspiring, hard, and generally variable.  

Negatives

• The Repetitives and Non-Changers. People who are stuck in a problem that you’ve listened to for years. Their complaints are the same, over and over again, and they don’t bring anything new to the table. Each time, it feels like you’re stuck in déjà-vu, because you’re still talking about how to deal with their terrible relationships, bad work situation, or general malaise. To deal with these types, tell them, politely and firmly, that you don’t want to talk about their ____ problem anymore. “I appreciate all the struggles you are having with your job situation, but I’d like to not talk about that anymore. I know you are working hard on it. Let’s focus and talk about new things when we meet.”
• The Fakes. There are people who masquerade as positives – the words they use are cheery, they tell you what they think you want to hear; they quote inspirational things and bits. But the substance is not there. And, more importantly, you are not rejuvenated by the words or the ideas in the way you are around Quiet Wonders or Listeners or Buzzers. Some people are obviously fake; others not so obviously. At the end of the day, what’s most important is how you respond when you’re around them.
• Negative Influences. There are people who are wonderful, interesting, bright, and creative. And yet, for some reason, you are negatively influenced when you are around them. It’s not that they themselves are bad people – it’s that you make bad choices when you are around them. These are the trickiest people to identify, because there’s nothing about them that’s bad or easy to rationalize avoiding. It’s how they influence you that tells you about whether or not it’s a good person to have in your life.
• Toxic. These are the people who make you feel like shutting down when you’re around them. The people that drain you, that zap your energy, that are filled with negativity and cutting remarks. Most of us quickly eliminate these people from our lives after just a few interactions. They are easy to spot and identify. If you still have them around, ask yourself why? What do you benefit from being with a toxic person?”

" So Small … "

What you got if you ain't got love
The kind that you just want to give away
It's ok to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
And when you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else seem
So small

~ Carrie Underwood ~ So Small ~
***

Ever think about the first time you ever felt small?  You know an activity where you weren’t included, or bullied, or a time when something was said to you that ingrained itself into your moral fiber.  But what if what was said was just words and meant nothing?  What you were the one responsible for how you feel?  What if you are the one that gave them your consent?

We all know people who feel included by knowing rumours, empowered by knowing more information, and feel big by making someone else feel or look small in front of others.  

We all know people who don’t have a genuine belief in others, assume people can’t instead of can, assume people won’t rather than will, and see problems instead of potential.

And just think about the self talk.  What are we constantly telling ourselves?  What tapes keep running?  What movies are on replay?  Evaluating our self talk may be a start to not allowing ourselves to treat ourselves smaller.  As with all insecurities, thought patterns and habits take a lot of work, practice, and self-forgiveness to teach yourself to genuinely see your own awesomeness. For some of us it will be our life’s work.

Personally this is a struggle.  I have to work very hard not to give into every opportunity to criticize myself.  I am trying to give myself space before reacting, and see whether I can resolve it alone before asking for reassurance.  A very different approach but looking for better results.  I remind myself that I am loved, I am worthy and that I have my own strengths and own beauty ... and that everything gets easier with practice, even resisting the urge to make myself feel smaller.

" Yellow … "

Look at the stars, 

Look how they shine for you, 

And everything you do, 

Yeah they were all yellow, 

So then I took my turn 

Oh all the things I've done 

And it was all yellow 

I drew a line 

I drew a line for you 

Oh what a thing to do 

And it was all yellow 

Its true look how they shine for you 

look how they shine for you 

look how they shine for you 

~ ColdPlay ~ Yellow ~

***

There seems to be no shortage of the flu vaccinations in our city.  I guess with the “season” upon us, everyone is doing what they can to stay healthy.  And a recent discussion with a health practitioner made me wonder about these shots ... I was told that the vaccinations are 3 to 4 years behind the latest strain.  So there is a good chance even with the shots you can still get sick.  Thankfully there are other options that can support your wellness plan.

Personally, I have been taking a herbal tincture called Astragalus.  Astragalus is a plant native to Asia.  The Chinese name of the herb is huang qi, which means yellow leader, because the root is yellow and it is considered to be one of the most important herbs in traditional Chinese medicine.  One of the key uses for Astragalus is to improve immune function, as it increases the production of immune cells.  Astragalus is one of the most potent and restorative food plants you can consume to “strengten the exterior” as spoken in the ancient Chinese.  It is believed that Astragalus helps boost energy levels, regenerate tissue, inhibit the growth and spread of cancer, and strengthen the heart, liver, and lungs, among other functions.

Astragalus has the presence of a particular class of polysaccharides, which help to reduce inflammation, regulate blood flow and activate immune cells.  It also has antioxidant effects, protecting cells against damage by free radicals, as well as adaptogenic effects, meaning it helps the body respond and adapt more positively to environmental stress factors, both physiological and psychological.

When used properly and at the appropriate dosages, Astragalus appears to offer maximum health benefits with very low risk for side effects.  But decide on your line of defense when dealing with seasonal illnesses … and like always consult with your health care practitioner and do your research.

" A Matter Of Trust … "

Some love is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
And they may not want it to end
But it will, it's just a question of when
I've lived long enough to have learned
The closer you get to the fire the more you get burned
But that won't happen to us
Because it's always been a matter of trust ...

Some love is just a lie of the soul
A constant battle for the ultimate state of control
After you've heard lie upon lie
There can hardly be a question of why
Some love is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
But that can't happen to us
Because it's always been a matter of trust

~ Billy Joel ~ A Matter Of Trust ~ 

***

Suffering a betrayal of trust can be one of the most difficult times in your life ... and depending on the severity, some never recover.  Yet as we know ... life goes on, with or with out your participation.  And most of us recover ... sadly a bit more wounded, thankfully a bit more wiser.

As we move forward we decide if we are willing to give those that violate our trust another chance.  And regardless if they remain in our lives, it starts with forgiveness, because this is what leads to healing and restoration.

I remind myself that when I choose to rebuild a relationship, I choose to forgive what was and therefore make room for new memories ...

Trust is such a challenging thing to gain and once you lost it, some say it is impossible to regain.  Probably because wounds we gain from being hurt by those we love and admire run deep ... and not easy to get over ... but nothing is “impossible”.

So how do you rebuild trust?  You accept that you cannot change or fix the other person.  You take responsibility and apologize for your role in the situation.  You make an effort to not break future promises.  You become an active listener.  You put yourself in their shoes, empathize.

And when you have made a commitment to work on a fragile relationship the worst thing you can do is bring up past events.  If you say you have forgiven, it is unfair to bring up past mistakes.  Leave the past where it is, the past.

And be patient.  Allow the other person time ... time to understand, time to choose, time to reconcile, because regaining trust is a healing process and if the relationship is worth it, this too shall come.

" Why ... "

How many times do I have to try to tell you

That I'm sorry for the things I've done

But when I start to try to tell you

That's when you have to tell me ...

That's why it hurts so bad to hear the words

That keep on falling from your mouth

Falling from your mouth

Falling from your mouth

Tell me ... Why

This is the book I never read

These are the words I never said

This is the path I'll never tread

These are the dreams I'll dream instead

This is the joy that's seldom spread

These are the tears...

The tears we shed

This is the fear

This is the dread

These are the contents of my head

And these are the years that we have spent

And this is what they represent ...

You don't know what I feel

~ Annie Lennox ~ Why ~

***

The meaning of Life and it’s impermanent nature.  We often contemplate life, death and the purpose of being here ... the why of it all.  Why the happiness, why the sadness, why the struggle, why the heartache ... and I don’t know if there is a solid answer I’ve found to satisfy the why ... I don’t know if the chase for a more promising tomorrow will ever end.

Some day, that goal ... it will all lead to happiness.  But we know better.  We know that we cannot stride through life as if we will live forever.  We know that we cannot treat time as a cheap commodity that we blindly waste.  We know that we cannot hide behind victim stories forever.  We know the signs to wake up and make a change.

So you learn to forgive, you learn to take responsibility, and you learn to let go of anxiety and stress ... but what happens when we make all those changes only to find our problems are still very present and very real?  You learn to live your life with courage, love and integrity.  You learn to slow down and appreciate the preciousness of whom you are and the beauty, wealth, abundance, love and opportunities that surround you.

it’s about what makes you come alive ... 

A blank canvas in front of you, you are the artist of your life 

and you are free to paint any picture that pleases you ... 

and change it at any time for that matter ... 

We may not be able to answer the infinite question of why ... but we can replace it with questions that motivate us ... what do you love in life? ... what would you stand for if you knew no one would judge you? ... what really inspires you?

Believe that the more you can implement your passions, strengths, values and desires into your days, the less you will be asking why because the most valuable knowledge that you will ever discover is, and always will be, within.

" Willing ... "

I wake with the wings of morning

To the light of a new day

Now my eyes are open

Through the darkest times

I find you

I find you always ...

I could break

Fall back into sorrow

Give me life

Make my faith much stronger ... 

Though I stumble ...

Though I fall

I'm willing

~ Times of Grace ~ Willing ~ 

***

Recently I heard a definition of the word Will and it resonated with me.  Understanding your personal will or willingness was defined as “the moment you realize that nothing outside of you can make you small”.  How powerful that statement really is ...

You hear about people losing their will to live, when they couldn’t hang on anymore, when there had no “reason” to go on, or when they lost their appetite for life.  I think if we are really honest with ourselves, we have all experienced times of despair, doubt and desperation.

So how do you get the space described above ... how do you regain the will to live?

By starting with acceptance.  Resistance to what is IS the source of suffering, therefore allow the natural flow of life to occur.  The reality is that it will occur with or without your participation.  And trust that there is nothing “wrong” with you.  The Divine did not place us here to suffer ... consider every experience a lesson, where victims are replaced with students.

The past is just a memory, a thought in the present.  The future is just anticipation, a thought in the present.  The only moment we have is this one, and this, and this and ...

Those who survive the most threatening situations find a reason to live ... they dig deep and have the will to carry on.  They realize the reason is not external and not temporary.  They understand unattached, unconditional joy.  And, they make a choice because in essence, life is a choice.  A choice to participate or sit this one out ... similar to walking in an amusement park without entering any of the attractions.  

Living day by day allows you to become less concerned about why you are here and what to do next ... and more appreciative about the NOW experience.  

There are two ways to live ... 

you can life as if nothing is a miracle; 

you can life as if everything is a miracle 

~ Albert Einstein 

" Wounded ... "

... It's like walking with the wounded 

Carrying that weight way too far 

The concrete pulled you down so hard 

Out there with the wounded ... 

You tell 'em, that's just my battle scar ...

And knock 'em down like we used to 

You're the marigold ...

Well nobody took your pride away ...

You say you don't know 

You say you can't grow 

All I know is we're missing you 

Show up, show up wounded 

Show up, show up wounded

~ Third Eye Blind ~ Wounded ~

***

We all have had experiences that create a sense of pain or discomfort ... welcome to Life.  In truth, we are all wounded ... emotionally, physically and spiritually ... and these wounds are what allow us to evolve into our true self.

As we continue on this amazing journey of Life, we interact with people that act as angels or lessons.  And we develop “battle scars” along the way.  But we also get to choose if we are going to be wounded wounders or wounded healers ... either we use our wounds to wound others or take the energy, lessons and compassion gained from being wounded and help others heal.

“May we all become more loving, less fearful; more forgiving, less vengeful, more compassionate, less judgmental, 

more healing, less wounding ...”

Shifting from fear to love, we choose from hurting to healing.  We realize our connection and oneness ... and therefore when we would hurt others we would hurt ourselves and we cannot heal another without experiencing healing ourselves.  Moving into a more loving, more patient, and more gentle space in our life.

The path of the wounded healer is not an easy one, yet one with the greatest of rewards ... providing the ultimate service by helping another soul through their unique experiences ... giving the ultimate gift by sharing their time and knowledge to someone in need.  

" Quest For Certainty ... "

This world's like a dream, it's not what it seems. 

You think it's solid but it fades instead. 

I know so far I've been looking real hard, 

and I'm trying to get a grip on reality. 

If there was a place where you didn't lie, cry, die, 

would you come with me? 

It's my quest, my quest for certainty. 

In an age that's plagued with absurdity. 

A quest I'll try my best, to manifest sincerity. 

What more do they want from me? 

~ Shelter ~ Quest For Certainty ~

***

We have a need to be certain about what we know, what we do and what we say.  We feel that when we are certain about the world around us, we understand things, we can be in control, we can sustain our safety and we can predict what will happen.  And when predictions come true, we continue to be certain about what we know.  

But what if certainty is nothing but spin?  

When you don’t accept the proof of impermanence in life, you fear uncertainty.  Yet when you reflect and rise up to it, it can enhance your life.  Knowledge about impermanence can reveal many truths and lead to a fundamental understanding of the nature of the universe.  Our best teach is nature itself.  Nature shows us the impermanence of seasons.

So with all the uncertainty around us, how do we live a life without anxiety and dis-comfort?  By accepting what is ... accepting that all things change and are impermanent.  Once we free ourselves from grasping at the ungraspable, we free ourselves from destructive views of permanence, along with the false notion of security.  

The notion of letting go of what you think you will always have but always has a shelf life too.  Not a depressive thought but a motivating one ... to appreciate life as it is ... in this very moment.  Because this very moment will never happen the same way again.  Similar to a snowflake, different every time.

A structured period of time where learning is to occur ... A life lesson ... teaching us about impermanence ... bringing us closer to the truth ... and challenging our faith in the process ... this I know for certain.

" Salvation ... "

To all those people doin' lines, 

Don't do it, don't do it. 

Inject your soul with liberty, 

It's free, it's free ...

Salvation, salvation, salvation is free. 

Salvation, salvation, salvation is free. 

Ah, ah, ah, ah ...

Salvation, salvation, salvation is free. 

Salvation, salvation, salvation is free. 

Ah, ah, ah, ah ...

~ The Cranberries ~ Salvation ~

***

According to a generic definition, salvation is being saved or protected from harm or being saved or delivered from some dire situation.  In religion, it is the saving of the soul from sin and its consequences.  

What if salvation was considered as a continual process ... when one stage is complete, another is entered ... where one welcomes the Divine to teach her/him.  Teachings of love and compassion, inspiring and empower new patterns of reaction and interaction.  Teachings that involve breaking old habits of ego protection and negative behaviours.  Teachings of forgiveness.

You see most people think that “when this happens, my life will be complete, fulfilled and purposeful”.  They wait for something external to make them happy or free them from feeling fear or lack.  And this search for salvation from a state of dissatisfaction or insufficiency is perceived as a heightened sense of aliveness and psychological gratification.  The problem is that this type of satisfaction is short lived so the sense of fulfillment will once again be projected on an imaginary point away from the here and now.  An illusion of salvation in the future.

Some feel that true salvation mean life in all it fullness.  As Eckhart Tolle explains “It is to be who you are, to feel within you the good that has no opposite, the joy of Being that depends on nothing outside itself. It is felt not as a passing experience but as an abiding presence. In theistic language, it is to "know God" ― not as something outside you but as your own innermost essence. “

Salvation is not a doing but an undoing ...

Instead of looking towards a “time” where salvation will occur, living in the present is where we hold our power.  I believe to be saved is to stop supporting our illusions and to cease the fire within us of anger, attack, and guilt that has consumed our minds.  I believe salvation means we stop inventing excuses of why we are not worthy.  I believe salvation is freedom to express pure love ... freedom from suffering, freedom from fear, freedom from attachment, and freedom from lack ...

" Enjoy The Silence ... "

Vows are spoken

To be broken

Feelings are intense

Words are trivial

Pleasures remain

So does the pain

Words are meaningless

And forgettable

All I ever wanted

All I ever needed

Is here in my arms

Words are very unnecessary

They can only do harm

~ Depeche Mode ~ Enjoy The Silence ~

***

The beauty of Silence ... brought into our monkey minds, clarity arises.  Perhaps a sense of being alive, perhaps a divine vision.

Silence ... tranquil wordlessness ...

In a world where noise pollution is so great, silence keeps one from going crazy.  A break in the chaos of sound.  A time where quiet and calm are welcomed, a time when a serene moment is available to collect your thoughts and regroup your senses, a time when a pause gives a noiseless second look at the blur of the world around you.  

Although I have always understood the importance of communication .. the ability to talk, listen, explain and comprehend.  I think there is also a real need to be quiet, because if we never rest our mouths, never retreat into silence, we can never coherently think.  The constant attack of sound grates upon our subconscious, filling our minds with words & thoughts that may not be ours.

The precious moment of stillness, of pure serenity ... the break  in the battle of words ... letting the numbness fill the room ... nothing is everything ... having the courage to put the world on pause and let the quiet stillness permeate our thoughts.

In bringing in silence, a sense of extraordinary is found within the ordinary, yet it remains unnoticed.  Perhaps true wisdom is found in the silence underlying the words.  In bringing in silence, judgement and comparison are absent and the appreciation of beauty inherent in all things is naturally realized.  We may stumble upon the treasure we all seek ... if we let the silence do the talking.

" Man On The Moon ... "

Mott the Hoople and the game of Life ...

Andy Kaufman in the wrestling match ...

Monopoly, Twenty one, checkers, and chess ...

Mister Fred Blassie in a breakfast mess ...

Let's play Twister, let's play Risk ...

I'll see you heaven if you make the list ...

Now, Andy did you hear about this one?

Tell me, are you locked in the punch?

Andy are you goofing on Elvis? Hey, baby

Are we losing touch?

If you believed they put a man on the moon

Man on the moon

If you believe there's nothing up his sleeve

Then nothing is cool

~ R.E.M ~ Man On The Moon ~

***

I use to believe I think, therefore I am ... I am what I think, but what I am realizing is what I think is not always so great.  And instead of blaming the tricks and techniques for not working, I am realizing it is my core beliefs about myself.

So who really runs the show ... our subconscious mind has incredible power over our lives.  It leads us to take action that sabotage the best intentions of our conscious mind.  Our subconscious also tells all our the cells in our body how to live, breathe, grow, reproduce and die.  Our thoughts, whether consciously or subconsciously, transmit through our neural network to the rest of our body.  And what drives your subconscious ... your core beliefs.

Think about it ... there are times when we believe that no action will change the outcome ... we don’t have a core belief that we will become the person we want to be.  It simply depends on what you believe ... so so simple, but hard to practice.

WE are not a victims ... 

WE have power over our lives by controlling our beliefs and environment ...

I have written a great deal on the experience of dis-ease.  From my own health journey I have learned that your body tells you what your thoughts and beliefs are, regardless of what your conscious mind thinks.  If your life is full of things you don’t want, know that you’re living out some unwanted and unproductively beliefs.  The idea is if you don’t believe it, your body won’t manifest it.  This is hard to consider that you are solely responsible ... you and your core beliefs.

Identifying unwanted beliefs is a great place to start ... figure out what positive belief you can embed into your subconscious instead.  Challenging your core beliefs can be uncomfortable because to this point in your life, those have been the rules.  But ask yourself, what your life will be like in five, ten and twenty five years if you change your current belief about situation you are dealing with.  What will you have accomplished?  How will you feel about yourself?  Will you still be here?

Master your mind instead allowing your mind to master you ...

It IS a practice ... I am learning as I change my belief, I open myself up for a new one, perhaps one that supports my highest good.  I am learning to consider the feeling of pain in my old belief versus the pleasure waiting in my new beliefs.  It is taking all the courage and strength within me to challenge my patterning and programming, because it is all I know till now ... but as I create new pathways where I begin to re-wire my subconscious, my life is transforming and bringing closer to harnessing my power and living the life I am meant to live ... 

" False Pretense ... "

All along you know you thought you got the best of me ...

I can't seem to understand it how you turned out to be so cold

You tried but were caught red handed, are you happy with your role? ...

It's sacrifice

False pretense you'll hurt again

Stop pretending to deny

False pretense you'll hurt again ...

So play the game until you run out

And play the game into my hand ...

Don't sweat it - it's set on false pretense ...

~ Red Jumpsuit Apparatus ~ False Pretense ~

***

Today I thought I would address something that affects us all.  I thought I would address knowing the difference from behaviours that exhibit authenticity versus false pretense.  Why?  Well I think it is important to recognize key characteristics that undermine the whole concept of upholding ones integrity ... mainly because there are those that will push your personal boundaries and take advantage of your generosity and kindness ... only until they get what they need.

We have all encountered people who take on the “appearance” and perform the actions characteristic of a humble person but do not believe in being humble as a heart conditioned decision.  Perhaps a form of pretentiousness (hmmm ... pre-tense?), which is difficult to detect because they are fence-sitters that seem agreeable in the presence of an audience and yet in their heart they will do anything to get what they can get out of you.  They care more about their reputation than upholding their integrity because they lack moral standards and choose to be deceitful as a way of life. 

In the past I have written about the roles we play and the masks we wear, but those behaviours do not have the intention to operate on “how far can I go” and never think of the consequences of their actions.  Those behaviours are usually to cope, deal and manage ... and is completely based on the lack of self confidence, self worth and self love.  

Sadly, when a hypocrite gets detected, they are not necessarily sorry for their false actions, but sorry for being caught, because false humility is about preservation.  It’s all about keeping up appearances ... yet you know the saying “ you maybe able to fool a lot of people most of the time, but you can’t fool everyone ALL of the time.”

But there is a bright side ... 
These experiences are similar to stumbling blocks that try to keep those of us from achieving our dreams.  As we know, life is full of choices ... and this is a choice.  Simply by not entertaining those operating on false pretense, you will save yourself unnecessary pain and suffering.  The key is your intuition.  If it doesn’t feel right, find out why.  Remember you CAN live with an open heart and mind.

“A great deal of intelligence can be invested in ignorance when the need for illusion is deep.” 

~ Saul Bellow