" Willing ... "

I wake with the wings of morning

To the light of a new day

Now my eyes are open

Through the darkest times

I find you

I find you always ...

I could break

Fall back into sorrow

Give me life

Make my faith much stronger ... 

Though I stumble ...

Though I fall

I'm willing

~ Times of Grace ~ Willing ~ 

***

Recently I heard a definition of the word Will and it resonated with me.  Understanding your personal will or willingness was defined as “the moment you realize that nothing outside of you can make you small”.  How powerful that statement really is ...

You hear about people losing their will to live, when they couldn’t hang on anymore, when there had no “reason” to go on, or when they lost their appetite for life.  I think if we are really honest with ourselves, we have all experienced times of despair, doubt and desperation.

So how do you get the space described above ... how do you regain the will to live?

By starting with acceptance.  Resistance to what is IS the source of suffering, therefore allow the natural flow of life to occur.  The reality is that it will occur with or without your participation.  And trust that there is nothing “wrong” with you.  The Divine did not place us here to suffer ... consider every experience a lesson, where victims are replaced with students.

The past is just a memory, a thought in the present.  The future is just anticipation, a thought in the present.  The only moment we have is this one, and this, and this and ...

Those who survive the most threatening situations find a reason to live ... they dig deep and have the will to carry on.  They realize the reason is not external and not temporary.  They understand unattached, unconditional joy.  And, they make a choice because in essence, life is a choice.  A choice to participate or sit this one out ... similar to walking in an amusement park without entering any of the attractions.  

Living day by day allows you to become less concerned about why you are here and what to do next ... and more appreciative about the NOW experience.  

There are two ways to live ... 

you can life as if nothing is a miracle; 

you can life as if everything is a miracle 

~ Albert Einstein 

" Guilty ... "

I swear to tell the truth

The whole truth and nothing but the truth

I said

Right hand high, tell a lie ...

Lets go

Right hand to the sky

Strike me down if I lie ...

Should have let me be

I'm balling against the law shorty go on arrest me then ...

Tired of your little games, I take the blame

I did it, guilty.

~ Usher ~ Guilty ~

***

We can be sure that there is nothing we can do to change the past.  Life is all about making decisions, taking risks and remembering what doesn’t work ... in our attempt to find out what does.  So why then do we continue to dwell on our mistakes, feel guilty so that we can feel guilty?

Well it seems that each generation has taken on guilt and then passed it down to their children.  Humans have used guilt for behaviour modification, punishment and revenge.  Guilt is so much a part of our culture, like a plague, causing pain, suffering and despair.  

Life doesn’t run smoothly and we don’t live in a perfect world ... combine that with not accepting reality.  We hope for a better change to how things should be, only to constantly disappointed.  Acceptance breeds understanding and not guilt.

Guilt is a foreign substance that tags along on our emotions like an infection.  And therefore doesn’t allow the natural flow to occur within us.  We feel the feeling and then it’s gone ... leaving a space for another ... but with guilt, we get stuck and hurt.  

Anger without guilt feels like power ...

Fear without guilt feels like anticipation ...

Remember a good conscience does not depend on guilt but rather on a self-assured sense of what is right and wrong.  Guilt erodes conscience by degrading self-esteem and even causing self-hatred.  Guilt makes us feel obliged to prove just how bad we are.  

Think back to a situation that makes you feel guilty and now realistically look at the situation you were in at the time, how much you knew, your circumstances, your state of health and ask if you could have done things any better ... because when you know better you do better.

And if someone is using their own insecurities to make you feel guilty, ask if they are justified ... no one is perfect so accept and work with the imperfections rather than pretending they don’t exist.

“When it is in us, it is guilt. When it is in someone else, it is blame. Guilt we feel impossible to own ourselves becomes blame when it is projected out onto another ... “

Real healing comes when guilt is confronted and removed ... releasing the judgements that confine us.  We are here to learn, trial and error, a part of growing and evolving.  Believe mistakes are feedback.

“The secret is simply to decide again ... 

take back your original judgement, 

change your mind, un-decide, un-judge ...”

Every choice we make is valid when used as a learning experience.  So when you release judgement you are free to decide again about how you will feel and act in a similar situation ... and you are free to let go of what was and look forward to what can be.

" Rise Up ... "

(Rise up rise up) Oh rise and show your power
(Rise up rise up) Were dancing into the sun
(Rise up rise up) It's time for celebration
(Rise up rise up) Spirits time has come ...

We want lovin' we want laughter again
We want heartbeat
We want madness to end
We want dancin'
We wanna run in the streets
We want freedom to live in this peace
We want power
We want to make it ok
Want to be singin' at the end of the day
Children to breathe a new life
We want freedom to love who we please
It's time for a celebration ...

(Rise up rise up) Everbody's time has come
Spirits time has come
Spirits time has come
(Rise up rise up) Oh rise and show your power.

~ The Parachute Club ~ Rise Up ~

***

The definition of “get a rise out of” is to make very angry, to bother, to egg on, to enrage, to fire up, to get under one’s skin, to inflame, and/or to infuriate.  Either we have been the one reacting or the one looking for the reaction.  Not our proudest moments, but perhaps familiar ...

So how do you know if you have a button pusher (B pusher) in your life?  

B pushers drape their tone with sarcasm so that they can get their point across with intent to convince you ... and make you feel as if you are wrong or your opinion isn’t worthwhile. 

B pushers taunt you into debating on silly, petty topics.  They lure you into an argument with the intent to offend.  An argument they have already won in their minds.

B pushers feel their opinion is the only right one.  They insert their voice into every conversation because they feel everyone else is off in left field somewhere.  They choose to dominate all interactions.

B pushers hog up the whole conversation talking about themselves or what they think, like, dislike or feel.  They don’t let you get a word in edgewise.  They think you are their sounding board and they must be in control, always.

So how do you deal with the B pusher in your life?

First, you have to acknowledge that you are tired of having your buttons pushed.  This intention will allow you to feel better and help you get in touch with your personal power.  Being honest about the fact you don’t like having your buttons pushed will help motivate you to look for solutions.

Second, take this empowerment and do something about it.  Confront you B pusher, politely.  You could give them the benefit of the doubt, assuming they are unaware of their behaviour.  Explain your reasoning and offer a solution.

Third, if the behavior doesn’t stop, take matters into your own hands.  You choose who is in your life and you allow people to treat you in the manner you wish to be treated.

Last, focus more on what you do like about the person than what you don’t like.  Put their behaviour in perspective.  Is it intentional?  What is the logic behind their actions?  Try to understand their motives instead of jumping to conclusions.  

Remember you might just be pushing their buttons as well ... 

" What Happens Tomorrow ... "

You've got to believe 

it'll be alright in the end 

Fighting, because we're so close 

There are times we punish those who we need the most 

No, we can't wait for a saviour 

Only got ourselves to blame for this behaviour

And nobody knows what's gonna happen tomorrow 

~ Duran Duran ~ What Happens Tomorrow ~

***

How do you define motivation?  Is it what makes things happen?  Without it, is there any desire or drive to accomplish or create?  Once I understood what was moving me in one direction or holding me back in another, I started to understand my motivation triggers.  And started to make things happen.  For me, motivation affects everything I do and every choice I make. 

We usually can slot into one of the below motivation types ...

Achievement ... pursuing & attaining goals ... this kind can be combined with the drive to be good at something.  Achievement motivated people like work, responsibility and take pride in solving problems.  

Affiliation ... strong desire for love and acceptance ... there is a drive to relate to people on a social basis.  Having a support system is crucial.  Compliments, good attitude and cooperation are valued.

Security ... essentially a deep concern for the future.  The feeling that accumulating money and material possessions eases and shelters the pathway to the future.  Change and risk-taking is stressful.  Having steady work and dependable income is comfort.

Nuture ... need to give support, help, service and gifts to others with no strings attached.  Important factor is knowing you are lending comfort or a listening ear.  This is associated with the ability to empathize and respond to the needs of others.

Fear ... often imposed from an external source.  Creates worry and stress.  Internally, the feeling of need for change, due to pain and fear of remaining in a situation is often a catalyst for this type.

Power and Influence ... intensely driven to put in an extra effort to accomplish goals for this promise.  Competition with others is evident.  Influence, leadership, desire to control and responsibility for others are by-products of a power position.  Positively, results are achieved, negatively, power used for personal aggrandizement.

So what motivates you? Unlocking your motivation type(s) can help you understand your personal values ... what truly energies and excites you.  Once you know what these values are, then you can plan your goals around them.  If you are still unsure, study the some of the most successful people.  They understand what their values are and live their lives in accordance with them.  

You’d be surprised how many of us though, live our lives according to other people’s values. We end up devoting a large amount of time to things that genuinely don’t matter to us which results in those feelings of de-motivation & sluggishness. 

Some of my personal values are health, innovation, learning and insight, fun and adventure.  I make a concerted effort to ensure I am factoring in these values every day in some way.  I am careful not to confuse my values with ‘pleasurable activities’ ... values are not always about instant gratification – but they assist you to grow as a person in the long run.

“Never let the things that matter to you most be at the mercy of those that do not”

" Balance ... "

" Just open your eyes,
And realize, the way it's always been.
Just open your mind
And you will find
The way it's always been.
Just open your heart
And that's a start ...

And he felt the earth to his spine,
And he asked, and he saw the tree above him, and the stars,
And the veins in the leaf,
And the light, and the balance ..."

~ The Moody Blues ~ Balance ~

***

Finding balance in life ... is it a myth or obtainable?  Well for something to be out of balance, there must have first been a balancing point.  Therefore, whatever is out of balance can be rebalanced ~ obtainable.  Just as we all have a breaking point, we all have the ability to find our balancing point.  

Our balance point comes from expressing our truth in our life.  One approach is to rid ourselves of the emotions and situations that caused initially caused the imbalance.  Yet it may be unrealistic to assume that a magic wand can be waved to bring things back into that balancing point ... many imbalances occur slowly over many years.  Inner balance is a sense of well-being ... a feeling of contentment and peace, as it should be and calmness.  Ironically, everything is always as it should be, even when we are facing difficult situations.  

So start by taking responsibility of yourself ... the key to finding balance.  To accept full responsibility for how you are feeling, what you are thinking and what you are doing.  Balance comes from YOU.  It is important to not confuse comfort with balance ... others can advise, support and encourage but you keep you in balance, and you allow this for yourself.  So it makes sense the next thought is to quit taking responsibility for others.  Stop taking on everyone else's problems.  At times, this can be a detriment to your well-being.  Again, remember help, advice, assistance, compassion and understanding can be given freely, but when other peoples issues take over your life, you need to take a step back.  This will help them learn how to be responsible for themselves.  

When you feel balanced, stepping forward in your life isn't dating.  You have complete trust in yourself.  You become fully acknowledged in those things that throw you out of balance, preparing you for the next time you encounter them.  It is not an easy task but once you do, you can take ownership of it and then it is yours to re-balance.  If it helps, you can start by writing down an imbalance list ... everything which you feel is bringing you down.  And recognize if you start blaming others or feel stuck with some items, you are not taking responsibility.

It takes commitment from ourselves to re-balance.  Consistent effort.  And as soon as we think we've dealt with and worked through all of our triggers, something else comes along which bowls us over and knocks us out of sync again.  But if practice the above, we will find it easier to recover from these as they occur and recovering from the same knocks will take less time ... eventually our foundations are solid and we can react from a point of balance, the ultimate goal.