" So Small … "

What you got if you ain't got love
The kind that you just want to give away
It's ok to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
And when you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else seem
So small

~ Carrie Underwood ~ So Small ~
***

Ever think about the first time you ever felt small?  You know an activity where you weren’t included, or bullied, or a time when something was said to you that ingrained itself into your moral fiber.  But what if what was said was just words and meant nothing?  What you were the one responsible for how you feel?  What if you are the one that gave them your consent?

We all know people who feel included by knowing rumours, empowered by knowing more information, and feel big by making someone else feel or look small in front of others.  

We all know people who don’t have a genuine belief in others, assume people can’t instead of can, assume people won’t rather than will, and see problems instead of potential.

And just think about the self talk.  What are we constantly telling ourselves?  What tapes keep running?  What movies are on replay?  Evaluating our self talk may be a start to not allowing ourselves to treat ourselves smaller.  As with all insecurities, thought patterns and habits take a lot of work, practice, and self-forgiveness to teach yourself to genuinely see your own awesomeness. For some of us it will be our life’s work.

Personally this is a struggle.  I have to work very hard not to give into every opportunity to criticize myself.  I am trying to give myself space before reacting, and see whether I can resolve it alone before asking for reassurance.  A very different approach but looking for better results.  I remind myself that I am loved, I am worthy and that I have my own strengths and own beauty ... and that everything gets easier with practice, even resisting the urge to make myself feel smaller.

"Shake ... "

... Shake it like a bowl of soup
And make your body loop de loop 
Put your hands on your hips 
And kinda let your backbone slip 
Move your body like a whip 
And just shake! 

And if you wanna really roll 
You got to do the thing with soul 
Shake the shake with all your might 
Oh, if you do it, do it right 
Just make your body loose and light 
And kinda shake ...

Shake! 
Shake! 
Shake! 
Shake! ...

~ Sam Cooke ~ Shake ~

***

You’ve probably heard someone say “just shake it off”.  I have plenty of times.  And today had an experience where I literally did.  

During a work meeting, I met an individual for the first time.  So naturally I introduced myself and immediately felt the cold vibe on the other side of the hand shake.  Nonetheless, I didn’t read into it cause it usually has nothing to do with you and everything with them.  Next came a compliment from one of my team members about my years of experience with reference to former employer.  I smiled only to hear from the newly met fellow “whatever, that means nothing to me, I am from company X, a competitor”.

Huh?  I sat there a bit dumbfounded.  Did this guy just openly “judge” me in the first 5 minutes of meeting me?  Could he be so obviously rude?  And how are we going to proceed with the meeting on that note?  Well, the meeting did continue and needless to say, his attitude got worse and worse ... he had basically antagonized the rest of the attendees.  Funny how some people can just dig themselves a hole.  Yeah sure, we’ll get right on your next request buddy, no problem!

After the dust settled, there was some discussion among the rest of us on what had transpired.  But instead of dwelling on it, I realized that this was simply projection on his part.  This was personal, for him!  Something must be pret-ty off for him to behave in this manner.  Still unacceptable but provides some insight.

Projection is a defense mechanism that involves taking our own unacceptable qualities or feelings and ascribing them to other people.  Projection works by allowing the expression of the desire or impulse, but in a way that the ego cannot recognize, therefore reducing anxiety.  Yup sure does sound like Mr. Not-So-Nice-Guy doesn’t it?

Don't dwell or linger on what went wrong ...

Regardless I made the choice to shake it off.  Sure sharing the story is one thing but using it to feed my own insecurities I choose NOT to do.  That is what I use to do.  Didn’t work then, and won’t work now.  Instead I focused on where the joy was.

No matter what happens today, 

shake it off and stay focused on where joy is found ...

And even if your day goes from bad to worse and you still can't "shake it off", remember the next best thing you can do is start over, ANYTIME.  You can reboot your day whenever you what, where ever you want because it is up to you.  Your life is what you make of it so decide to make it the best of it.

Now Shake! Shake! Shake! Shake! ...