Tuesday, February 26, 2013

" Into The Void ... "

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

talking to myself all the way to the station
pictures in my head of the final destination all lined up
(all the one's that aren't allowed to stay)
tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

tried to save a place from the cuts and the scratches
tried to overcome the complications and the catches
nothing ever grows and the sun doesn't shine all day
tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

~ Nine Inch Nails ~ Into The Void ~

One of my favorite shows is The Biggest Loser.  I think because I empathize with the participants.  I get it.  I was there for the majority of my life.  I was overweight from a very young age and used food as my vice, my fix to fill the void in my life.  Even after developing an eating disorder, I still believed I was in control of it that I could stop at any moment.  It was the farthest from the truth because that empty feeling just didn’t go away and neither did my addiction.

Most of us can identify with that emptiness.  Life can be great most of the time, but that underlying feeling remains.  We try to find a way to manage it but the truth is it never gets filled ... you can’t run from it, you just have to face it.

So do you recognize your void?  

Usually we attempt to “fill the void” with either positive or negative people or activities.  Some people grew up in homes where love was conditional based on performance, achievement and productivity.  Others, in abusive homes and never received approval or acceptance from their parents.  Therefore emotional voids evolve and as children we find a way to cope, survive.

Reflecting back, I had an AHA! moment ... I use to be a “giver”, a "people pleaser". Constantly doing things for friends and people, being there for them and draining myself in the process.  And even though I said I had no expectations, we all do.  And mine were never fulfilled.  I never received as much as I gave.  Maybe because I gave in unrealistic ways ... maybe because my expectations were too high ... maybe because my giving was conditional.  Maybe.  But really my epiphany came when I realized that it was because I didn’t feel I deserved it.  I didn’t feel that I was good enough.  I didn’t think I was equal to others.  So, I think I set myself up, self fulfilling prophecy if you will ... my expectations would never be met and I would always end up disappointed.  This I expected, this was familiar and therefore this I created.  I wasn’t open or ready to receive.  Yikes!

So how do you fill your void? 

As previously shared, I filled my void with food.  And there is a price that comes with filling a void with food.  Besides the obviously health issues, it comes on slowly.  It is likely that the rut you are stuck in has also developed with time.  And it stems from a feelings of inadequacy and imbalance.  I was unhappy, depressed and probably not a barrel of laughs to be around (I apologize to my loved ones and am so grateful for their presence still in my life!)  Thankfully, now I have a my renewed sense of excitement and purpose in life which makes me feel full.  I turned my negative into a positive.

So if you are unsure if you have a void in your life, listen to your heart.  Feelings of emptiness, hollow, nothingness, meaninglessness ... you know as you go through it, you experience an undesirable state of being.  You are existing and surviving, not living.
Voids are mainly caused by terrible loss and experience of inadequacy in life.  When joy, security and self-realization is lost, a vacuum is created within.  Life becomes empty without a point of reference or a common thread as Oprah shared.  The bigger the investment on the source of meaning, the more hollow the void is after its loss.  

The key is to live your life in its “fullness” ... 

I read that the universe hates voids and always finds ways to fill empty spaces.  So as part of this vast universe, you are also enabled to fill this void starting from your own.
Recognize that you are a person with depth and serious search for meaning in life ... 

Be grateful that if you feel the void, you are in touch with your inner self.  And once you have this awareness, you can change.  So go back to your most important values in life and recover what you consider most precious because as human beings we all need HOPE, essential for us to truly live our lives as they are meant to be lived ... 

No comments:

Post a Comment