... There won't be sun on my face
And not one smile to be seen
There will be salty lemon cuts
All over every inch of me
Cause I am lost
And I am used ...
There will be ice on the moon
Glass in my eyes
Thorns in my heart
And broken bits inside ...
~ Jann Arden ~ Cuts
So you think you have dealt with it ... that’s why they call them old wounds. But then something happens ... you hear a story, you see an old photo, you hear a song, or you actually see the person. And boom, you find yourself right back to that place. That place when you had to deal with the rejection, the hurt, and the pain.
Don’t you believe that “time heals all wounds” or
“this too shall pass”?
Consider a physical cut ... this cut if not cleaned out nor applied with a salve, will probably develop an infection ... but the wound will most likely close and leave a scar. Now, every time you look at the scar, it reminds you about the cut. Using the same analogy, when our heart is wounded, we feel as if we have been torn open. Now the developed scar can be seen as our anger, fear, resentment and doubt.
“healing is an active process, not a passive one”
Is it harder to deal with the one that chose to leave versus the one that naturally passed away? Death is a part of our life cycle, but rejection is just so different.
Looking at the meaning of healing through loss, the phrase heal comes from ... “to be whole”, derived from the belief that when we become sick, we lose our wholeness. We have allowed something or someone to break through our wholeness.
“Returning to wholeness often means that we must somehow
integrate what is no longer identified as a threat” ...
How do you define "threat"? Maybe a deep scar signifying a feeling of unworthiness ... were you not good enough, strong enough or fun enough? Although it may not sound right they seem like real thoughts, real emotions, real heartache and real threats.
Yet the wonderful thing is that life goes on ... and you start to put it all together, one piece at a time, one foot in front of the other and just move on. Because trying to make sense of the something that doesn’t is a colossal waste of time ... realize that it is no longer a struggle or a a threat, it just IS.
Upon reflection, I believe that people come in and out of our lives all the time ... leaving to make room for the new. So that lesson has been taught, hopefully loud and clear ... but if not, no worries, there is sure to be another cut to experience ... here's just hoping that the next time around, you get to decide how deep it is ...