" Manage ... "

“ …Created time,

Now this ones mine,

Gave pictures frames …

Created man gave him woman,

Why did you do that for me?

These are the questions asked before 

i lay me down and go to sleep, 

Sometimes i wonder why you decided to keep you hands on me.

Of all the miracles, signs and wonders,

There's still one mystery,

How did you manage to love me?

How did you manage to love me? … “

~ R.Kelly ~ Manage ~

***

Recently, I was sharing a painful experience with a friend.  I shared my sadness regarding someone who is no longer a part of my life.  It wasn’t about re-living the experience, it was about sharing the load.  It wasn't about romanticizing the past ... it was simply about sharing the load .... 

And my friend said something that just made sense.  She said, you just got tired of managing the relationship.  Bam!! - yes, that’s it --- she had the wisdom to stop me from spiralling into self-doubt and self-pity.  She let me know that it was okay and that I was not alone.

So ever wonder what you are managing, who you are tolerating, what are you putting up with to get through, get by, not rock the boat and let sleeping dogs lie?  Do you give a special pass to family and friends versus acquaintances?  Are you filled with resentment and/or envy?  Do you suppress your emotions?  What’s it all worth?

Questions to ask yourself, quietly, 

when you are challenged, pushed to the limit, tested … 

Grateful this time it is different.  It didn’t take much to get out of a negative head space, the blame and shame game … did I do enough and could I do more?  Realization to what is present and available … focusing on what is not what isn’t … and trusting it is part of their journey, not yours.  

Gentle reminder … it is my job to love myself, not theirs.

It is liberating to focus on what is available in the present moment.  

Regrets from the past are great reference points.  

The future is open to strive for a goal.  

Words are just letters on a paper unless they are supported by action.  They have power, they have resonance and they have purpose.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Blessed to have real love present now.

Ask yourself do you manage or are you being manage?

Managing a relationship involves nurturing and growth, love and compassion, disagreements and respect … two sides.  When people view the same situation differently, it is an opportunity for multiple perspectives.  Yet, relationship problems often arise when power dynamics are unbalanced.  Reflect and release … letting go of what no longer serves you.  Each connection provides a deeper insight into who we really are, serving a purpose regardless how painful it may seem.

“Rejection is an opportunity for your selection.” 

- Bernard Branson

www.walkstrong.ca

" Conditional ... "

“ ... Try to try to try to forget 

To change the things about me 

You can not accept 

Any day that you have regret 

Just let it recede 

It's conditional 

Not for free 

There are strings attached 

Tied to me 

I'll want something back 

If you agree 

To be in love with me ... “

~ Tracy Chapman ~ Conditional ~

***

Love, unconditionally, no matter what, for eternity.  We intend for our intimate relationships to reflect this yet what they are based on need or something deeper ... what if subconsciously, we are eroding our relationships ...

Love doesn’t have to be earned

Love doesn’t have to be proved

When you love unconditionally.  it means exactly that ... no conditions ... not based on what you do or what you’ve done ... or what they do, or what they’ve done.  It is based on who you are because authentic love is consistent.  You may express your opinions, you may disagree, but underneath it, that love never stops.  

Love means you are responsible for your own happiness ...

When we are raised with conditional love, we have this deep need to seek approval, and people pleasers are born.  But, we will always come up short because the constant strive to earn love will never end.  

Love is a grace we give one another ...

When we love others simply for who they are, we accept what is.  We love naturally, we share this gift ... it is why we are here.  Expressing unconditional love is a practice.  A practice involving reflection, empathy, forgiveness and compromise.  Life doesn’t go as planned ... people don’t behave as expected ... all we can do is adapt.

Chaos will always reveal true colours ... will they still love you unconditionally. if you don’t agree ... will they still love you unconditionally. if you choose to do something different ... will they still love you unconditionally.

To love unconditionally is to love with absolutely no boundaries, even when it hurts, because unconditional love is limitless.  This type of love looks beyond faults, struggles, and whatever pain and hardships that life may bring.  This type of love is what’s called unconditional.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Count On You … "

Don't hurt me

Desert me

Don't give up on me

What would I wanna do that for?

Don't use me

Take advantage of me

Make me sorry I ever counted on you

Understand I've been here before ...

But I'm willing to put my trust in you ...

I really hope you understand ...

I promise to be careful from the start ...

Never been so vulnerable ...

~ Count On You ~ Big Time Rush ~

***

In the past, when asked “who do you count on?”, I would go into an egotistical monologue about so and so, and so and so ... really a false sense of security.  

Because the only person you can count on is YOU.

We come into this life alone and we depart, alone.  You yourself are the only person that you can and out to rely on.  This is not a depressing thought, yet a realistic one.  You may say to yourself that you have that support you and that you have family that is there to help you when you need help.  This may be true ... but it does not change the fact that when push comes to shove and the end is nigh, you are alone — completely. 

Friends are very important in our lives and if we are lucky enough, they love us.  When required, they are there, but would they sacrifice ANYTHING for you?  Of course not ... only YOU can do that for you … 

Follow my heart and intuition ... Don’t be pushed by your problems ... 

Be led by your dreams ... Live the life you want to live ... 

Be the person you want to remember years from now .. 

Make decisions and act on them ... Make mistakes, fall and try again ... 

Be your own best friend ... and your own biggest critic ... 

act as if what you do makes a difference ... Express gratitude ...

Make your time count ... Be honest with, yourself ...

Be good to those you care about ... Know what unconditional love feels like ...  

Forgive yourself ... Forgive others ...

Take full accountability for your life ...Be with who makes you smile ... 

Laugh as much as you breathe ... Love as long as you live ... 

Let go of the things you can’t control

I for one, will not give anyone the power over my happiness anymore.  That is the one thing I can control, and so it is empowering ... but I still desire to have support.  Sometimes you just need that cheering section don't you?  So perhaps it is about having a healthy interdependence on people you care about, but not depending on them for everything.  

Back to Balance ... the difference between interdependence and unhealthy dependence is you aren’t worried about losing these people’s help.   Basically, you haven’t placed all your happiness and well-being on them ... and you’ll survive if they don’t come through. 

www.walkstrong.ca

" Thank You Mom ... "

And all the times we laughed with you, 

and all the times that you stayed true to us ...

There's nothing I won't do, 

to say these words to you 

That you're beautiful forever ...

And even when the times got hard, 

you were there to let us know...that we'd get through ...

You showed me how to love my God, 

you taught me that not everyone knows the truth ...

And I thank you, I'll always thank you 

More than you could know, than I could ever show 

And I love you, I'll always love you 

There's nothing I won't do, to say these words to you 

That you will live forever 

Always, always and forever 

~ Good Charlotte ~ Thank You Mom ~

***

It may seem odd to write about Mother’s Day when I am not a Mom because I don’t know the first thing about being one.  But I do understand the bonds and influence of Mothers from family and friends.  And of course have experience the unconditional love from my own Mother.

Mother’s Day is a celebration.  We honour motherhood.  But where did it get started? 

Well in North America it dates back to the early 20th century.  And although it is not related, the Greek cult of Cybele, the Roman festival of Hilaria and the Christian Mothering celebration, they have all become synonymous with it.

So back in 1908, a woman named Anna Jarvis held a memorial for her mother in West Virginia.  She began a campaign to make a recognized holiday in honour of Mothers.  By 1914 she was successful, only to be further commercialized by the 1920s.  Soon other countries adopted the holiday and as we know it is pretty much celebrated around the world.  Mothers, grandmothers and maternal figures are all remembered on this special day.

Where would we be without our Mothers?  

Well not here ... 

no matter what your relationship with her, 

she gave you life.  

And many of the females tell me that although Dad’s are just as important, they do most of the child rearing during the early years.  Just think about it ... there is something special about the bond between Mother and child.  Probably because she carried us around in her womb for nearly 10 months.  Mother’s take care of all our needs when we are infants.  They heal our wounds by offering gentle comfort when we are hurting.  They lend an ear when we need it the most.  They know us all to well at times when we don’t know ourselves.  And they will do pretty much anything to make our lives better than their own.  

As we get older, it doesn’t stop.  In their eyes no matter what age we are, we are still their child.  Once a mother, always a mother ... 

And for those whose Mother’s are no longer with us, say a little prayer for them.  Spend a few moments reflecting on all she did for you when she was alive, which keeps her memory alive.  A Mother’s ... love, care, help, worry, energy, encouragement, sacrifice, compassion, kindness and warmth ... never leaves us.  She is always with us as we are with her, deep in our hearts, unconditional love.

My message to my Mom ... I’ve silently celebrated YOU for the last 364 days because I don’t need a “special” day to know that I love you EVERY day ...

♥ Happy Every Day MOM ♥