" Where do we go from here ... "

We're at the crossroads my dear

Where do we go from here

Maybe you wont go maybe you'll stay

I know I'm going to miss you either way

Its such a lonely road

Usually not the kind of girl who's lost and looking for direction

Who could this be staring at me

When I'm looking in the mirror trying find the resolution

Were to far gone to find our way home

Where do we go from here ...

Follow the tracks of my tears ...

~ Alicia Keys ~ Where do we go from here ~

***

You know the saying “think before you speak”, well is it just a quote?  I ask because it is so hard to practice.  Sometimes when you make a spontaneous decision, you look back at the consequences and have regrets.  So how do you limit the consequences ... by learning to think before you act. 

Just think about it ... a strong opinion, the tone of voice, the look across the table, body language ... anything that can set you off to think you are being judged.  And instantly you react.  Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.  But is it true or is it your own insecurity?  And is it necessary?

The art of conflict is just that ... an art.  Some are good at it others not so much.  It can provide clarity or complications.  It can resolve issues or create new ones.  Nothing test our character like an emergency or crisis.  It is moments like these when our reactions or actions becomes increasingly crucial to the outcome.

And really can’t the whole spectrum of human behaviour can be put between two bookends of action and reaction.  Everything we do is either one or the other ... spaced out by time.  We fluctuate between the two with degrees of control of ourselves or the situation.  

The more we shift towards action, the more we are in control.  

We are decisive and have purpose.  

We know what we want and how to get it.

The more we shift towards reaction, the more we are being controlled.  

Reaction is an effect that follows a cause.  

It lacks decisions with clear thought and is selfish.

Being single-minded in one’s goal should not lead to being close-minded to everything else.

When it feels that the problems just keep coming and there is never an end to the troubles that plague us, where do we go from here?  

Finding the root cause.  Effects are seldom aware of the causes that trigger them because troubleshooting can provide immediate solutions to apparent symptoms but what’s to prevent it from showing up again.  

“It’s like putting a finger through a leaking hole to stop the whole dam from collapsing. Soon enough another leak breaks and before you know it you’ve used up all your fingers.”

Fear, panic, anger, envy, jealousy, false pride lead us to say and do now and regret later because they provide us instant relief to our pain.  A thoughtless comment from you sets off biting remarks from another which in turn irritates you to the point of doing something rash and the other person naturally retaliates.  Down the line it becomes a full blown hostility and neither of you probably don’t remember what started it in the first place.

When it feels that the problems just keep coming and there is never an end to the troubles that plague us, where do we go from here?  

Pause, reflect and take a deep breath.  Then ask yourself ... what am I doing and why am I doing it?  We can only take control of a situation when we take control of ourselves.  

Understanding the self is a start.  When you know who you are then you know what you want and from there clear decisions and productive actions follow.  Obstacles become secondary and are details that simply need to be worked out instead of main concerns that preoccupy our mind and dictate our every move.  Acting involves making a choice, reacting allows someone else to do that for you.

“A tactician may only see the battle in front of him, 

a strategist sees the whole battlefield.”

But we are only human.  And we will probably find ourselves in situations where we are forced to react.  There will be times when we can’t help but give in to a negative emotion.  But there is always an opportunity to start again.  It is whether or not you have the will to do so.

So instead of feeling like a failure when you make a mistake, use the failure as a tool to take back control of your life.  Do not make excuses and allow your failures to be reasons to continue making mistakes.  Just deal the best way you can and accept it does happen ... the more shocking your circumstances, the great the opportunity to learn ॐ