" Bully ... "

She takes the long way home

Fighting her emotions

She's a loner but tonight

She won't go unnoticed

If she can't remember when

She loses her temper

Nobody knows her but tonight

The silence is over ...

Blame the family

Blame the bully

Blame it on me

~ Three Days Grace ~ Bully ~ 

***

I’ve heard the expression “hurt people hurt people” but I really didn’t understand it until recently.  Hurt people’s behaviour is rooted into their own emotional wounds and can turn them into bullies.

You see, a hurt person or bully, pretends to be a victim in order to manipulate others.  They gain the compliance of other nave, compassionate people.  They exaggerate their pain, suffering and impact of others on them.  They replay their pain and never seem to get over things.  They say they are tired of doing all the compromising and suggest others are always ganging up on them.  They do all this because they hurt and so they want others to hurt. 

I suspect if we are honest with ourselves, most of us can identify moments when we acted thoughtlessly from a place of sorrow or anger.  Most of us have felt pain burning like a hot coal in our hands, and felt desperate to unload it, somehow, somewhere.  We have a right to set boundaries and communicate when something is not okay. But the world is a better place when we choose to do that from a place of love and compassion, instead of righteousness and judgment.  

Often we don’t mean to hurt each other ... we just don’t know how to stop hurting ourselves.  So how do we help hurt people and prevent the cycle from repeating itself?

The best way is not to just ignore the offense and silently hold a grudge, or to pretend the offense never happened because neither of those help heal the offender.  Rather it can be seen as a passive-aggressive way of condoning hurtful behaviour.  So instead, making the effort to aid in the healing of that person could enrich their life, and prepare them to be a healthier contributor for the future.

The irony is that what they need the most is LOVE ...

Personally, what I am learning is to first allow myself the grace to know that however the offense made me feel, that my reaction is perfectly okay.  Feeling hurt is good rather than suppressing my emotions.  I need to give my emotions freedom to exist and instead of trying to fix the situation while it is still raw.

Next is forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness ... and this takes time.  I realized that when I was ready to open my heart to forgiveness, miracles follow.  And forgiveness is not conditional on the offender’s willingness to make amends.  For me, this was HUGE because forgiveness is NOT two ways or a trade.  They owe me nothing because forgiving someone doesn’t let them off the hook but off of my hook.  So accept the apology you never got.

As time has passed, I have been able to look at hurtful situations and figure out why, specifically, these offenses were so hurtful.  It is important that I can explain how the other person’s words or actions affected me.  This helps me establish boundaries and hopefully prevent it from happening again.  

And probably the most important lesson learned is to release the situation.  Just as the offender owes me nothing, I owe them nothing.  I decide if they will be allowed back in my life.  They decide if they want to heal themselves.  My only responsibility is to take care of me and remove myself from the situation entirely if I so desire.

I was the type of person who allowed herself to be hurt over and over again, because I was too afraid to upset the offender to risk pushing for healing.  I have learned along the way that I can’t sacrifice my emotional health so that someone else doesn’t have to bear the responsibility of their behaviour.  

It takes understanding that even with the relationships we value the most, we might just be one small brick in the path to that person’s restoration, and never actually see the person fully restored and emotionally healthy.  Healing needs to happen ... and it is important for each of us to do our part, regardless of whether or not we get to see the healing through to it end. 

There is a huge amount of freedom that comes 
to you when you take nothing personally ~Don Miguel Ruiz 

"Moment For Life ... "

I fly with the stars in the skies,

I can no longer try to survive,

I believe that life is a prize,

But to live doesn't mean you're alive ...

This very moment I bring

Put it on everything, that I will retire with the ring ...

We done did everything they can think of

Greatness is what we on the brink of ...

I wish that I could have this moment for life, for life, for life

Cuz in this moment I just feel so alive, alive, alive

~ Nicki Minaj ~ Moment For Life ~

***

On the eve of an annual one-day festival celebrated by South Asian women, I felt the urge to blog about why.  Why we do it.  Why we take this moment in our lives to fast from sunrise to moonrise.  And if you are not aware of what this festival is ..... it is called Karva Chauth.

Karva is another word for “diya” or a small earthen oil lamp.  Chauth means “fourth” in Hindi, referring to the festival falling on the fourth day of the dark night.  So the festival, Karva Chauth, is a time when married women from North India and parts of Pakistan fast for the safety and longevity of their husbands ... and sometimes even unmarried women observe the fast for their finances or desired husbands.

As I researched about the festival, it was difficult to find how it originated except that the festival coincides with the “wheat-sowing time”.  It seems that big earthen pots in which wheat is stored are also sometimes called “karvas”, so the fast may have been initiated as a prayer for good harvest in some regions.

So besides the fast, what else is involved?  Well many women prepare for Karva Chauth in advance by buying cosmetics, henna, jewelry and a decorated plate, also known as “puja thali”.  

My experience ... we usually prepare our plates, which is used on the day of the festival.  And just before sunrise on the day of Karva Chauth, my mom, sister and I awake to feast.  A side note is that traditionally, this feast or “sargi” is given by your mother-in-law.

And so the fast then begins with dawn ... with no food or water during during the day.  Usually we pass the day, by spending time together the ceremony, which is usually held at our local Hindu temple.  And believe me, this is the time when you will find some of the best dressed women ... in marital clothing, expensive jewellery and beautiful henna designs.

The ceremony itself requires us to sit in a circle with our puja thali while the story of Karva Chauth is narrated, usually by an older woman or a priest.  There are regular pauses and that is when the puja song is sung collectively by the women and we pass our puja thalis around in the circle.  Upon conclusion, we await the rising of the moon.  And once the moon is visible, with our husbands nearby, we view the its reflection, offer water and secure its blessings ... a brief prayer in asking for your husband’s longevity.  The husband then gives his wife her first sip and feeds her with the first morsel of the day ... the fast is now broken and a complete meal can be had.

So ... you may still be pondering why?  And believe me I have had lengthy conversations from both sides.  Critics wonder what role the men play in all this?  Supporters say it symbolizes true love, like Valentines Day!

Interestingly, there have been calls to modify or eliminate the festival as some feel it to be anti-women, perpetuating the dependency of women on men.  Some even feel Karva Chauth is a symbol of cultural repression of women.  

But isn’t up to the individual to decide what gesture of love is right for them?  Just take the following top three gestures I found, where some may think is “over the top” ...

• Richard Burton bought Elizabeth Taylor a 69.42 carat diamond
• Shah Jahan, Indian emperor, built the Taj Mahal for his wife Mumtaz Mahal
• After Marilyn Monroe’s death, Joe DiMaggio placed a 20 year standing order with a local flower shop to have long-stemmed roses placed on her grave three times a week

So my parting thoughts?  You decide what is right for you because as long as your intentions are pure, it doesn’t matter how people judge your actions.

To my lovelies 

♥  may the moon light fill your life with peace, love and harmony ♥ 

Happy Karva Chauth 

" Judge Not ... "

Don't you look at me so smug

And say I'm going bad

Who are you to judge me

And the life that I live?

I know that I'm not perfect

And that I don't claim to be

So before you point your fingers

Be sure your hands are clean

Judge not

Before you judge yourself

Judge not

If you're not ready for judgement-Whoa oh oh!

~ Bob Marley ~ Judge Not ~ 

***

We all do it.  Every one of us.  We tell ourselves that we don’t want to and maybe we don’t really mean to.  But we do.  We judge people ... especially when someone keeps on doing the same annoying thing day after day.  We point out their faults and therefore judge.

To promise we won’t, In practice, it is easier said than done, yet if we honestly monitor our minds, we realize how difficult or even impossible it may be to judge nothing that occurs.  

So what is it about judging that makes it so hard to let go of?

Considering that to judge, drains our energy, is debilitating and makes us tired ... why do we feel compelled to pronounce our judgement and correct the errors of the world around us?  

Perhaps conflict and judgement are connected, and our conflict with authority is the source of all our judgements.  First, consider the authority figures in our lives ... boss, parents, teachers, etc ... then determine how we feel about them.  If they express an opinion that affects us and carries some weight with us, they can be considered an authority figure.  And depending on if we respect, fear, admire, resist or resent them, directly affects how much we value their opinion.

Oh and of course, we inadvertently learn from them too.  If their opinion matters, when they judge us, we judge us.  Then we issue our proclamation, and determine the true nature of reality ... 

but is reality truly up to us?  

So we continue the cycle and ultimately we judge others because we want to.  It establishes us as superior and validates our independent authority.  Just as previously done to us.  Basically, it builds up our ego by allowing us to perceive differences.  Allowing us to maintain our place as the ultimate authority.  We evaluate to justify our own autonomy and feel we must judge against all competitors.  We play the judgement game ... but how is our rule better than others? 

Instead, prior to judging, maybe we could ask ourselves  “Am I choosing not to know him?”.  Maybe we can chose to know the true worth of others instead of perceiving wrong in them.  

Isn’t it our choice of judgement that causes our perception? 

Realize that when you judge you are trying to be the author of reality.  Judgement imprisons you by making you into something you are not.  Striving for a peaceful existence, you can live this simply by knowing who you are ... the freedom of total acceptance just as you are, as you are in reality.

" Lessons ... "

Sweet memories
Flashing very quickly by
Reminding me
And giving me a reason why
I know that
My goal is more than a thought
I'll be there
When I teach what I've been taught
And I've been taught...

~ Rush ~ Lessons ~

***

Instead of asking what I have learned about blogging, I ask what has blogging taught me about life.  In some cases, confirmation of what I already knew, and in others, something helpful to share with those that follow.  

Here are some thoughts ...

Inspiration happens ... you cannot wait to become inspired.  Sometimes you have to work, think and come up with ideas.  And not all of them will be stellar, some will just suck.  Just know somewhere along the journey, it will happen.

Walk the talk ... people talk a lot about what they are going to do, but actions speak louder than words.  I try not to get stuck in analysis mode as then I get stuck in my head.  We don’t know much until we do and get some real experience ... so do more, learn from your failures and try again.

Learn from those who can teach ... learning from people who have real experience has helped me improve quickly and avoid wasting time.  My favourite blogs motivate me to explore and become informed.

Focus on what is important ... when you cut out the less important stuff you mind clears up.  You become more focused, allowing light to shine.  From experience, when I let go of the negative in my life, the positive came flooding in.  Con mucho aprecio y amor!

You get what you give ... exchanging positive feelings and giving some kind of value to each other is the key.  Respect, compassion and kindness is contagious ... remember, karma is a bitch if you are.

External validation is overrated ... there are times when I have received awesome feedback via comments, email, twitter and Facebook.  So blessed, yet I realized that when there is none of that, it didn't matter because I have created inner validation of myself.  Sometimes you need to be your own hero.

Don’t worry about others opinions ... no one has walked in my shoes, only I have.  So when I blog, it is from my heart and I really try not to let other people’s judgement get in the way.  You can’t never please everyone, so focus on what you think is right and just getting approval from yourself.

"Stretch ..."

Stretching out your tightness
good enough to make you grow
We are all in favour of this motion
stretching out your tightness
time to open up your whole


i'm a bird and i can fly away
i can shift in so many shapes
make it up as i go along
that way it is never wrong

~ Red Hot Chili Peppers ~ Stretch ~
***


Last night for the first time since my diagnosis I went to hot yoga.  Now I have been practicing yoga at home but this time I ventured to the studio with my girlfriend.  We figured if all else fails, I could lie there for one hour and pretend I was vacationing at a sunny resort far far away.  I was nervous about the whole thing too ... how would I handle the heat, would I remember any of the Vinyasa postures, would I feel ill, would I pass out ... all the crazy thoughts that go thru your mind.  But I was pleasantly surprised.  Not only did I make through the class and postures, I made it MY practice ... ding, ding, ding ... yep the key to yoga ~ the courage you bring to your practice.  And I was loving the heat, the warm embrace, and the comfort.  It felt like getting back on a bicycle after a wee bit of a break.  It felt good.


The studio is my favourite ~ Hot Yoga on Crowfoot.  They have put a great deal of time, knowledge and care into creating a wonderful atmosphere.  They have clay walls that are natural and full of great qualities so that you are breathing in all the good you can.  And believe me, you are really breathing hard during these classes.  They also have fresh air circulating through the studio and the flooring is ergonomically designed to prevent injuries.  If that isn't enough, they clean with environmentally friendly products and are eco friendly when it comes to their showers and toilets.  


Within this one hour class, I was visualizing the release of toxins and poisons from my body, flushing out ~ an overall cleansing effect.  Now the Gerson therapy cautions us to over exert ourselves, making sure our energy is used to fight our illness first and foremost.  I was fully aware of my limitations and listening to my body, making sure to meet myself where I was at that moment with no judgement.  And I was so concentrated with my breathing, concentrated in my practice and a times felt like I was the only one in the room.  So, I have set my intentions to once a week and am excited to re-introduce this in my life.  Yoga is the connects the mind and body with conscious breathing, without,  it is just a bunch of shapes and sorts on a mat.

As I continue on this journey, I realize that change is not something that we should fear, rather it is something we should welcome ~ otherwise nothing in this world would ever grow or blossom ... possibly missing the opportunity to move forward to become the person we're meant to be.

"Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape"