" Bother … "

Never had a voice to protest

So you fed me shit to digest

I wish I had a reason;

my flaws are open season

For this, I gave up trying

You don't need to bother;

I don't need to be

I'll keep slipping farther

But once I hold on,

I'll never live down my deceit

~ Stone Sour ~ Bother ~

***

Never fails ... there is always that certain someone you’ll find who is just uber irritating in your world.  And as much as you try to filter them out of your life, another one just pops right up.  Rather than asking why does this “always”, realize there is a reason they keep showing up in your world ...

It is inevitable, we’ve all been bothered or are the one that is bothering in.  Let’s face it, people can be irritating, annoying and bothersome at best.  They can be rude, obnoxious and mean at worst.  And sometimes you can’t simply walk away.  It’s not always a matter of associating with different people, it is just circumstances.  So what do you do?  

Personally ... stop spiraling.  When someone is really getting under my skin, I’ve had the tendency to think excessively about why that person is doing so.  I would spiral and spiral.  I would think of all the ways they are a pain in my a** and I’d wait for them to do the next annoying thing that would throw me over the edge when they finally did so ... allowing me to say “I knew that would happen” ... yes, a self-full filling prophecy.  

Personally ... stop creating stories in your head.  These are the ideas that are so harmful because you start to imagine as to why someone is doing something to you.  Golden rule, when you assume you make an a** of you and me.

Personally ... this ones a big one for me ... start thinking about how you’re seeing yourself in that person.  We are most bothered by the things in others that we recognize in ourselves ... what we are most attuned to (OUCH!).

Every time I find myself challenged by behaviours 

I have to remind myself of the above.  Yes, today is one of those days.  

I have to remind myself to have room for grace for others, have allowance for growth, and patience with understanding and empathy.  I have to remind myself that others will walk at their pace as I do mine.  And I have to remind myself that it is always “10% of what happens to you, and 90% of how you react to it”.  

" Salvation ... "

To all those people doin' lines, 

Don't do it, don't do it. 

Inject your soul with liberty, 

It's free, it's free ...

Salvation, salvation, salvation is free. 

Salvation, salvation, salvation is free. 

Ah, ah, ah, ah ...

Salvation, salvation, salvation is free. 

Salvation, salvation, salvation is free. 

Ah, ah, ah, ah ...

~ The Cranberries ~ Salvation ~

***

According to a generic definition, salvation is being saved or protected from harm or being saved or delivered from some dire situation.  In religion, it is the saving of the soul from sin and its consequences.  

What if salvation was considered as a continual process ... when one stage is complete, another is entered ... where one welcomes the Divine to teach her/him.  Teachings of love and compassion, inspiring and empower new patterns of reaction and interaction.  Teachings that involve breaking old habits of ego protection and negative behaviours.  Teachings of forgiveness.

You see most people think that “when this happens, my life will be complete, fulfilled and purposeful”.  They wait for something external to make them happy or free them from feeling fear or lack.  And this search for salvation from a state of dissatisfaction or insufficiency is perceived as a heightened sense of aliveness and psychological gratification.  The problem is that this type of satisfaction is short lived so the sense of fulfillment will once again be projected on an imaginary point away from the here and now.  An illusion of salvation in the future.

Some feel that true salvation mean life in all it fullness.  As Eckhart Tolle explains “It is to be who you are, to feel within you the good that has no opposite, the joy of Being that depends on nothing outside itself. It is felt not as a passing experience but as an abiding presence. In theistic language, it is to "know God" ― not as something outside you but as your own innermost essence. “

Salvation is not a doing but an undoing ...

Instead of looking towards a “time” where salvation will occur, living in the present is where we hold our power.  I believe to be saved is to stop supporting our illusions and to cease the fire within us of anger, attack, and guilt that has consumed our minds.  I believe salvation means we stop inventing excuses of why we are not worthy.  I believe salvation is freedom to express pure love ... freedom from suffering, freedom from fear, freedom from attachment, and freedom from lack ...

" Where do we go from here ... "

We're at the crossroads my dear

Where do we go from here

Maybe you wont go maybe you'll stay

I know I'm going to miss you either way

Its such a lonely road

Usually not the kind of girl who's lost and looking for direction

Who could this be staring at me

When I'm looking in the mirror trying find the resolution

Were to far gone to find our way home

Where do we go from here ...

Follow the tracks of my tears ...

~ Alicia Keys ~ Where do we go from here ~

***

You know the saying “think before you speak”, well is it just a quote?  I ask because it is so hard to practice.  Sometimes when you make a spontaneous decision, you look back at the consequences and have regrets.  So how do you limit the consequences ... by learning to think before you act. 

Just think about it ... a strong opinion, the tone of voice, the look across the table, body language ... anything that can set you off to think you are being judged.  And instantly you react.  Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.  But is it true or is it your own insecurity?  And is it necessary?

The art of conflict is just that ... an art.  Some are good at it others not so much.  It can provide clarity or complications.  It can resolve issues or create new ones.  Nothing test our character like an emergency or crisis.  It is moments like these when our reactions or actions becomes increasingly crucial to the outcome.

And really can’t the whole spectrum of human behaviour can be put between two bookends of action and reaction.  Everything we do is either one or the other ... spaced out by time.  We fluctuate between the two with degrees of control of ourselves or the situation.  

The more we shift towards action, the more we are in control.  

We are decisive and have purpose.  

We know what we want and how to get it.

The more we shift towards reaction, the more we are being controlled.  

Reaction is an effect that follows a cause.  

It lacks decisions with clear thought and is selfish.

Being single-minded in one’s goal should not lead to being close-minded to everything else.

When it feels that the problems just keep coming and there is never an end to the troubles that plague us, where do we go from here?  

Finding the root cause.  Effects are seldom aware of the causes that trigger them because troubleshooting can provide immediate solutions to apparent symptoms but what’s to prevent it from showing up again.  

“It’s like putting a finger through a leaking hole to stop the whole dam from collapsing. Soon enough another leak breaks and before you know it you’ve used up all your fingers.”

Fear, panic, anger, envy, jealousy, false pride lead us to say and do now and regret later because they provide us instant relief to our pain.  A thoughtless comment from you sets off biting remarks from another which in turn irritates you to the point of doing something rash and the other person naturally retaliates.  Down the line it becomes a full blown hostility and neither of you probably don’t remember what started it in the first place.

When it feels that the problems just keep coming and there is never an end to the troubles that plague us, where do we go from here?  

Pause, reflect and take a deep breath.  Then ask yourself ... what am I doing and why am I doing it?  We can only take control of a situation when we take control of ourselves.  

Understanding the self is a start.  When you know who you are then you know what you want and from there clear decisions and productive actions follow.  Obstacles become secondary and are details that simply need to be worked out instead of main concerns that preoccupy our mind and dictate our every move.  Acting involves making a choice, reacting allows someone else to do that for you.

“A tactician may only see the battle in front of him, 

a strategist sees the whole battlefield.”

But we are only human.  And we will probably find ourselves in situations where we are forced to react.  There will be times when we can’t help but give in to a negative emotion.  But there is always an opportunity to start again.  It is whether or not you have the will to do so.

So instead of feeling like a failure when you make a mistake, use the failure as a tool to take back control of your life.  Do not make excuses and allow your failures to be reasons to continue making mistakes.  Just deal the best way you can and accept it does happen ... the more shocking your circumstances, the great the opportunity to learn ॐ

" Drama! ... "

One rule for us, for you another

Do unto yourself as you see fit for your brother

Poor unfortunate you

Myriad of things that you can do

We all have the ability

Our freedom is fragile

We all laugh and we cry, don't we?

~ Erasure ~ Drama! ~

***

When you’ve been working to lessen drama in your life by creating a sense of peace and calm, drama can be very noticeable.  It can be a real challenge to even be around those that are addicted to drama.  You know the ones ... they create drama, stir up energy and conflict, add fuel to the fire ... hence the name “Drama Queen”.

It becomes uncomfortable to be in that environment  ... the other day I noticed the woman in line at the mall, rude and obnoxious to the sales clerk and I wondered ... are you really that important that you shouldn’t wait like the rest of us?  do you really need to be so loud and attack? I felt sad for her ... because obviously waiting in line had nothing to do with what was really going on in her life.  She was just projecting her emotions on to someone and something else ... she was trying to create drama and engage everyone around her to participate.

If you are undertaking a healing journey to achieve more balance and peace within your life, drama comes up and really challenges you.  A test ... to see whether you choice to engage or move on.  And just like happiness, you can make any choice on your path.  In the above example, I did not engage, I just left that environment, not to be influenced by her infecting my atmosphere.  You see if you feel it is not for you, then you have the choice to move right on by it.  

But what do you do when it is coming from your own circle of loved ones.  Not so easy then.  There are more emotionally charged patterns.  You may know them better than they know themselves.  And what usually happens is we slip right into a role playing dynamic when we are around them.  Why?  well for one it is familiar.  Yet if it isn’t really working for you, it probably isn’t really working for them.  It takes a great deal of courage to speak from your heart, but when you do, you have now given the allowance for others to do the same.  

What about unconscious drama, when you buy into the drama so easily that you don’t even notice that you did it.  Your unconscious habit slids into place and it just happened without you realizing it.  And even after the fact, you may not even notice it.  Yet regardless of how long it takes to figure it out, you catch it ... and you bought into it ... whoops, what now?

Well, awareness is the first step ... becoming conscious to your surroundings and relationship dynamics.  You need to pay attention.  Try to become an observer and watch how they relate to one another and to you, without getting too involved in the outcome.  A witness not a participant.  A helpful way to begin to recognize when drama addiction is happening.  

So what about drama addicts?  Well they are not much different than other addicts.  When drama is happening in a relationship dynamic, excitement happens, and our bodies produce adrenaline ... and then comes the rush of energy.  The thrill.  Recognize that for some that lead a very uninteresting or monotonous life, that rush of adrenaline helps them feel alive.  Think of it as a thrill seeker trapped in a mundane life.  Once replacing the boredom with another thrill seeking activity, the need to stir up drama, conflict and blowing things out of proportion will be less desirable for them.

So back to the idea of buying in or moving by ... it is a choice.  Drama takes a back seat when you are looking to create peace and calm within your life ... tranquility vs. drama ... meditation helps me as the energy high that comes from knowing I am connected and one with the flow of the universe is more than enough to know that I am alive.