" Keep Your Word ... "

" ... and so you're talking to me today,

like everyday

for hours on

i think of when your first spoke to me

and how far our friendships gone

the texts, the winks, the subtle things you said,

confusing me

i'm glad we sorted out what's in your head, cause now i see

so keep your words and keep your problems

i've got enough of mine to solve them ... "

~ Bethan Mary Leadley ~ Keep Your Word ~ 

***

You keep your word and I’ll keep mine.  Sounds pretty easy but doesn’t seem to apply.  You say you’ll meet up and you don’t.  You say you’ll call and you don’t.  You say “we should really get together” and you don’t.  Not so easy anymore is it … So what is it with being a flake?  Now this definitely not a rant … not worth the energy to drum up anger and frustration because someone’s made you an option and not a priority.  Yeah, it may seem direct, and a bit harsh … but it’s the truth.  Because every time you make up an excuse to not do something without a reasonable explanation … you’re being a flake.  And don’t worry, we’ve all been there, thankfully some of us have not only worked on this issue, but weeded out the necessary flakes in our lives so that it doesn’t rub off.

Let this one sit with you for a while before you decide to react … be honest with yourself.  Because unless you are honest with you first, no one else with know the truth.  And maybe you’ve outgrown a connection and hoping for it to fade away, it happens.  But in the meantime, do not commit to what you cannot commit to.  Period.  Otherwise you’re lying.  Period.

I think we can all agree that it is a pretty good idea to keep our word.  And there are many benefits … you are instantly trusted, because sadly it is rare.  You see, keeping your word means you are reliable and is the foundation for others to take risks on your behalf in the name of change.  And with this trust brings comfort.  A genuine feeling … plus keeping your word is one behaviour that earns you respect, instantly, and your reputation.

if you can’t keep your word, 

you’re better off keeping your mouth shut.

So where does THIS all come from … a recent “lesson learned” … 

Without airing dirty laundry, it is about time to hold others accountable for their actions.  But remember, you may lose that connection in the process as it may be considered rude.  So you decide.  Are you willing to put up with being treated like plan B, or do you know your worth? 

The last few days I experienced some interesting interactions, insights and for lack of a better word, awakenings … as if epiphanies were popping up all over the place.  It is what you do NOW, matters with consequences to your actions.  

So the next time you wonder why you can’t seem to count on others … 

look within and answer if you can count on yourself, first.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Deserve ... "

Ooh, yeah, yeah, well, well, well
Do you mind if I tell the truth for a second y'all? ...
I don't like it but I know, I gotta trust you
It ain't cool 'cause I know, it's true

For me to ask you, who the hell you trying to impress?
For you to laugh it off like it ain't nothing
I know it's something maybe just maybe

But we do the same shit

~ Tank ~ Deserve ~

All you want is a little honesty ... a little truthfulness.  Perhaps too much to ask from some.  Yet what hurts more is not the lying, but that they didn’t think you deserved the truth.  Yeah ... that ones hurts deep, real DEEP.

So again, the lesson is being served (enter crazy scream sound effect) .... to find out who you can count on again ... and to find out who you can’t count on ... to find out if you are a priority ... or if you are a second thought ... to find out if their lives are so busy ... or find out they just don’t have time for you.  And it is not about “expecting” things to crap out, or paranoia ... it is about treating each other with respect, love and trust.  Ahhhhhh yes ... TRUST, the kicker ... you can win some but you sure can loose some.  So perhaps they didn’t trust you ENOUGH ... so then what is the foundation of your relationship?

Ranting, raving, bitching and complaining ... not worth the time.  Therapy?  Well that is what blogging is for, an outlet, a means to express.  So I find myself asking the question AGAIN... what do YOU think you deserve?  Sitting in zen meditation, grateful for the stillness which allows for answers to arise ... and they always do.  

You know your worth, you know who you are, nothing and no one defines you ...

Loud and clear.  Then why the suffering?  why the sadness?  why the tears?  because the lesson is being served AGAIN.  WTF ... AGAIN!!  Clearing away the ego-based negative energy ... I ask myself, what is there for me to learn this time?  what did I miss the last time?  where is the gift?  where is the blessing?  

I am open and I am ready to receive the message ...

Yes, there is always a message.  Or a sign.  Waiting and wondering for it.  I know the insight will present itself, when it needs to.  So I sit with this, discomfort et al, and know that I need to get out of my own way.  Let it unfold as it will.  Let it happen as it will.  It doesn’t require your assistance.  It doesn’t require your approval.  

I get it, it makes sense ... but it doesn’t make it any harder ... 

Allowing myself to feel all the emotions that come with it.  I let them come and go.  I make efforts not to grasp.  Not to attach.  Not to get a hold of ... but to allow them to be as they are.  Just stepping out of the way ... at times feels like losing control, but then control of what, with so much uncertainty what is real and what is an illusion?

Yet, I thought it was real ... and at a time, it probably was ... but we change and accepting you are just an option is the first step.  The empowerment comes with what you DO with it.  Not being a doormat, not making excuses for others.  

Rather live by example ... beautiful mantra and hard to apply ... but trying.  And even still, shit happens ... and this is one of those times.  So this too shall pass, because it always does.  Turning it around to gratitude and being thankful for the revelation, to know where and whom to focus energy and time on.  

Assuming that the relationship will recover is someone else making an ass of themselves.  Forgiveness is always available  ... and so are memories.  People ALWAYS remember how you treat them, not what you DO for them.  A good reminder and perhaps a new mantra to adopt going forward because a half truth is still a full lie.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Dear No One … "

I like being independent

Not so much of an investment

No one to tell me what to do

I like being by myself

Don’t gotta entertain anybody else

No one to answer to

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold

Someone to give me their jacket when its cold

Got that young love even when we’re old

Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand

You’ll be here, but for now

Dear no one, this is your love song

~ Tori Kelly ~ Dear No One ~

***

February 4, 2014 ... World Cancer Day ... a day to raise awareness of cancer and to encourage its prevention, detection and treatment ... a day to “support” cancer patients worldwide.  In honour of this “day”, I decided to write an open letter for those who are newly diagnosed or living with this condition.  

Dear Friend,

Although we have never met, I wanted to share with you my thoughts in hopes to help you in your brave journey.  You may not be feeling to brave at the moment.  And that is okay.  You may have no clue what to do next.  And that is more than okay.  First, take this moment and just breathe because you are OKAY.

From my experience, 

... do your research.  Understand your condition and treatment options available.  And remember, just because they don’t have any other options, doesn’t mean sh*t.

... surround yourself with supportive, loving and compassionate practitioners whom respect your choice of treatment.

… unconditional love from my husband and family carries me through my journey.  I am grateful every day for them as I would not be here today.

... close friends may distance themselves and distant friends will become closer.  It’s all in how you handle it, let them help you when you need it.  Recognize your anger and resentment may be about your condition and not about about a person.

... people will say odd things to you because they don’t know how to deal with it.  Decide how important it is for you to discuss it with them or to just let it go.  

... others will just “check in” to see how you are and possibly if you still have a pulse.  Don’t take it personally, it is what it is.  Know who you can trust, know who you can share with, know who you can kindly decline.

... decide if your diagnosis is punishment or a blessing.  It took a lot of work, time, sweat and tears before I could see the gift.  Keep searching, however dire the situation, you will find it.

... change how you speak to yourself about your condition.  your body has cancer, not you, not your soul.  you created it, you can release it ... it is not a battle as it is a part of you which requires the same compassion and kindness as all of you.

... don’t believe the prognosis.  No one has a crystal ball, no one knows the future, no one knows for sure.  You have the power to within you to live or die, you.

… faith, spirituality and meditation have provided so much depth, perspective and clarity in my life.  Take this opportunity to nurture your soul and activate your inner healing.  

... there is more urgency in this moment so make a decision to live your life NOW.  Don’t wait.  Don’t procrastinate.  Ask yourself what are you waiting for? whats holding you back?

... now you have been put into a category, label or group.  there is a stigma and people now view you as a “cancer patient”, but you get to decide where you put your focus.  Focus on thriving, not just surviving. 

And, never let anyone tell you it is too late because I believe it is only too late when you decide to give up.  Now, ask yourself, do you believe this is your wake up call or your death sentence?

Sincerely,

your new friend

" Amazing Grace ... "

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost, but now I'm found

'Twas blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear

And grace my fears relieved

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed ...

~ John Newton ~ Amazing Grace ~

***

Grace ... is it something we deserve or is it a gift?  And does giving grace to other guarantee that they will offer you the same?  Probably not ... but the one thing you will receive is peace of mind because the energy we expend on frustration and anger is a colossal waste of time.

This becomes apparent in various situations ... driving in traffic, dealing with co-workers, strangers we pass on the street, and of course our closets relationships.  People frustrate us because they don’t do what we think they should, say the proper things or just rub us the wrong way. It’s easy to get angry, real easy.

Perhaps believing that part of unlocking our best selves has to do with how we treat others.  It is just so hard at times to extend grace, to recognize that others, ourselves included, are not perfect, will not be perfect.  So for that reason exactly, we need to start to give them a little extra room. 

People need room ... room to account for their imperfection, room that chooses to forgive and forget, room that accounts for the fact that they irritate us but are still worthy of respect, kindness and love.  When people cross our paths, we don’t know where they are coming from ... their background, history, personality or story.  Practicing grace allows us to be merciful or compassionate in nature ... show an act of kindness, courtesy and an exemption. 

It is just as important to give ourselves grace.  Be kind with your words as the power of the tongue can actually bring things into being amazing.  We have the power to build ourselves up or tear ourselves down.  Remembering that everyday we can choose to step down so someone else can step up.  That is, to be kind and merciful towards others. To forgive someone, ourselves and just let go of the past.

" No Boundaries ... "

Seconds, hours, so many days

You know what you want but how long can you wait?

Every moment lasts forever

When you feel you lost your way

And what if my chances were already gone?

Started believing that I could be wrong

But you give me one good reason

To fight and never walk away ...

Just when you think the road is going nowhere

Just when you almost gave up on your dreams

They take you by the hand and show you that you can ...

Yeah! There are no boundaries

There are no boundaries!

~ Kris Allen ~ No Boundaries ~

***

I’ve been reading Deepak Chopra’s awesome new book, Spiritual Solutions.  Yet as fascinating his work is, I must admit it is extremely deep.  I usually have to read and re-read sections to understand his points.  There is a section in this book where Deepak answers letters ranging from health issues to relationship concerns.  One in particular got me thinking ~ Enabling Behaviours.

So what is to enable?  “In the true sense of the word, to enable is to supply with the means, knowledge, or opportunity to be or do something -- to make feasible or possible.”  Therefore enabling means something positive because it is our natural instinct to reach out and help someone we love when they are down or having problems.

Yet there is a fuzzy boundary between helping and enabling.  How so?

Well, when you help someone you are doing something that they cannot do for themselves ... but, if they can and still keep asking you and you are going out of your way to do it for them, then you are enabling them to be dependent on you.  Hence, when a person is capable, and their responsibilities are handled for them all the time, they are not being responsible.

Enabling prevents consequences, regardless of what they are.

So how do you stop enabling?  Enforcing boundaries is a good start ... draw the line when you need to and consider the following tips: 

• Do not lie for anyone
• Do not make excuses for others for not keeping their obligations
• Stand up for your self, but don’t say anything that you don’t mean
• Stop trying to fix others. Work on yourself

If you are quick to create a context in which another person can play out their script, you may trust too easily, have a poor sense of your own value and seek validation through your actions.  Ouch!  

Yet as harsh as that may sound, It is important to maintain one’s sense of oneself and place in the world within the context of our connections.  Relationships are not about compromise, they are about cooperation.  By definition, the enabling relationship is all about compromise - specifically, the compromise of self.  The attitude of cooperation and balance promotes mutual respect.  

So be vigilant about how much you are investing of yourselves in a relationship ... and honestly as if that investment is feeding you or bleeding you.