" Conditional ... "

“ ... Try to try to try to forget 

To change the things about me 

You can not accept 

Any day that you have regret 

Just let it recede 

It's conditional 

Not for free 

There are strings attached 

Tied to me 

I'll want something back 

If you agree 

To be in love with me ... “

~ Tracy Chapman ~ Conditional ~

***

Love, unconditionally, no matter what, for eternity.  We intend for our intimate relationships to reflect this yet what they are based on need or something deeper ... what if subconsciously, we are eroding our relationships ...

Love doesn’t have to be earned

Love doesn’t have to be proved

When you love unconditionally.  it means exactly that ... no conditions ... not based on what you do or what you’ve done ... or what they do, or what they’ve done.  It is based on who you are because authentic love is consistent.  You may express your opinions, you may disagree, but underneath it, that love never stops.  

Love means you are responsible for your own happiness ...

When we are raised with conditional love, we have this deep need to seek approval, and people pleasers are born.  But, we will always come up short because the constant strive to earn love will never end.  

Love is a grace we give one another ...

When we love others simply for who they are, we accept what is.  We love naturally, we share this gift ... it is why we are here.  Expressing unconditional love is a practice.  A practice involving reflection, empathy, forgiveness and compromise.  Life doesn’t go as planned ... people don’t behave as expected ... all we can do is adapt.

Chaos will always reveal true colours ... will they still love you unconditionally. if you don’t agree ... will they still love you unconditionally. if you choose to do something different ... will they still love you unconditionally.

To love unconditionally is to love with absolutely no boundaries, even when it hurts, because unconditional love is limitless.  This type of love looks beyond faults, struggles, and whatever pain and hardships that life may bring.  This type of love is what’s called unconditional.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Nice … "

... A careless smile and it begins to snow 

And it hurts me to think 

That you might never know 

That I've got this thing about you 

In case you don't understand 

There's something else I meant to tell you 

There is nothing better 

Than being with you 

And I'm feeling so nice 

There is nowhere better 

Than here with you 

And it's feeling so nice 

Did I already say 

'Cause you make me forget 

I might as well be brave and tell 'ya 

~ Duran Duran ~ Nice ~

***

Are you a people pleaser?  Do you have a hard time saying no?  Do you then find that rather than feeling good, you feel used?  Could just be that you are just “too nice” .... 

Too nice?? How is that even possible?  How can you be too much of something good?  Yes, I have been through this conflict a number of times in my life.  You see, through our struggles and challenges, we develop a sense of sympathy towards others.  We understand everyone has a story and if we take the time to learn about them, we will enrich our lives that much more.  And we also do something for someone and expecting nothing in return.  This how we continue to nurture our relationships for what they are, not what they can give you.  

When you say yes to others don’t say no to yourself...

The “too nice” nature can land us in trouble because we end up being too good for our own good.  We all know that it is never a good idea to let people walk all over you and take advantage of you.  Just think ... if your whole life is spent doing things for everyone around you, where is the time for yourself?

Emotional Chaos ... exhausted, defeated and discouraged ...

Personally, I don’t believe there are “wrong” people.  I believe there are people who make poor choices.  And those choices can apply to a person that is too nice.  How so?  well, a poor reason to be nice to someone is so that they thank you, accept you and raise your social standing.  And I feel that feeling superior when you help others out misses the purpose entirely.

So how do you stop being “too nice”?  

• You and those in your life realize that you cannot be available for them every single time they need you
• You start being “too nice” to YOU 
• Decide who and what is important in your life & put your energy towards it
• If you have to decline, say it confidently, genuinely and respectfully

Understand that the moment you settle for less in your life, you will get exactly what you asked for ... directly affecting your own well-being in mind, body and spirit.  Learn the difference between being nice and being too nice because in the end, it can be for your own good.  

" Teacher … "

I've had enough of danger
People on the streets
I'm looking out for angels
Just tryin' to find some peace

Teacher, there are things that I still have to learn
But the one thing I have is my pride ...
Who just isn't willing to try
I'm so cold inside
Maybe just one more try

~ George Michael ~ Teacher ~

***

Over the last year, I have embarked on my spiritual journey with teachers, classes, seminars and techniques.  Unsure where to look and what I would find.  Unsure how to practice spirituality.  And, there are no guidebooks or manuals that can tell me how to make the journey, which is part of the beauty of the rite of passage.  So with no traditions or ceremonies to follow, I had to learn what steps to take on my own.  Hence, I believe we are our own spiritual teachers because the greatest teacher you could ever want is always with you ... your life.

“ ... floating on an iceberg that broke of the glacier, stranded on a desert island in the middle of the ocean and wandering in an infinite wilderness without a compass ... “

Our daily interaction with people and situations can teach us when we are open to receiving wisdom.  Yet we don’t recognize when our greatest teacher is within.  We only need our own approval.  What a liberating thought!

Brutal honesty alert!! ... previously in my pursuits of gaining knowledge from others, I would hope they would do the job for me or perhaps put a spell on me to experience bliss.   But there are no short cuts or Coles notes.

“ ... your thoughts become a tangled ball of yarn, throughout your life, until you gain awareness. Then, thread-by-thread, carefully and patiently you begin to untangle the threads and weave them into a beautiful scarf, which will keep you warm and comfortable and make your life better ... “

Oddly enough, I find myself less alone then when I had others telling me what to believe and how to proceed.  I am thankful for the sharing but I know have my own path to follow.  I realize that is what they have learned but don’t not necessarily know what is best for me.  And to proceed is to know my higher self, where I can find answers to the unanswerable, a way from hopelessness to bliss.  

Only you know the how's and why's of your life.  

The answers that you seek can be found when you start answering your own questions …

Patience, compassion, perseverance, honesty and letting go ... topics in the classroom of my life ... I am an observer ... I am an onlooker ...

" I Deserve It … "

Many miles many roads I have traveled

Fallen down on the way

Many hearts many years have unraveled

Leading up to today ...

I have no regrets

There's nothing to forget

All the pain

Was worth it

Not running from the past

I tried to do what's best

I know that I deserve it

***

~ Madonna ~ I Deserve It ~

***

Have you ever thought about what you deserve in your life?  

And do you believe you deserve it?  

I love the saying, “What other people think of me is none of my business.” by Wayne Dyer, because we tend to get caught up in others opinions.  And this leads to making excuses as to why we don’t deserve the very best.  Think about it ... we don’t try to improve our relationship with our spouse rather we compare to much worse relationships and therefore we figure it is good enough.  Or we don’t reach for our dreams because we feel it may project selfishness.  

Realize that the only thing holding YOU back is YOU .... 

Personally, I started to make a list ... a list as to what I think I deserve, in hopes to live this code, and focus on what & whom I accept in my life.  This provides clarity, alignment and a release of what is blocking and propels me forward.  This, I believe, is in full support of the Universe.

The following is my list which I continue to add to … I Deserve ...

• GOOD HEALTH ~ my journey for the last 3 years has allowed me to take care of my body from the inside out.  I have learned a wealth of information regarding wellness, continue to do so and hope to continue to pay it forward

• LOVE ~ I am blessed to have meaningful friendships dating back to over 30 years, while others are still budding.  I am excited to meet more beautiful souls.

• PEACE ~ I support my mental health with meditation & yoga, as I am committed to keeping my practice going on my personal growth journey.

• HAPPINESS  ~ the key is to learn to live you dream ... love what you do and do what you love

• RESPECT ~ there is no room for relationships in my life that are not respectful as the serve you no purpose

• ABUNDANCE ~ I’ve developed the self-worth to know in my heart that I deserve success and abundance as equally as others

Knowing what you deserve and practicing what you deserve are two totally different things.  The bridge is ... commitment.  A commitment to yourself.  This involves times when you have to have the ability to speak up and stand your ground, say your truth because YOU now know what YOU deserve … 

" Why ... "

How many times do I have to try to tell you

That I'm sorry for the things I've done

But when I start to try to tell you

That's when you have to tell me ...

That's why it hurts so bad to hear the words

That keep on falling from your mouth

Falling from your mouth

Falling from your mouth

Tell me ... Why

This is the book I never read

These are the words I never said

This is the path I'll never tread

These are the dreams I'll dream instead

This is the joy that's seldom spread

These are the tears...

The tears we shed

This is the fear

This is the dread

These are the contents of my head

And these are the years that we have spent

And this is what they represent ...

You don't know what I feel

~ Annie Lennox ~ Why ~

***

The meaning of Life and it’s impermanent nature.  We often contemplate life, death and the purpose of being here ... the why of it all.  Why the happiness, why the sadness, why the struggle, why the heartache ... and I don’t know if there is a solid answer I’ve found to satisfy the why ... I don’t know if the chase for a more promising tomorrow will ever end.

Some day, that goal ... it will all lead to happiness.  But we know better.  We know that we cannot stride through life as if we will live forever.  We know that we cannot treat time as a cheap commodity that we blindly waste.  We know that we cannot hide behind victim stories forever.  We know the signs to wake up and make a change.

So you learn to forgive, you learn to take responsibility, and you learn to let go of anxiety and stress ... but what happens when we make all those changes only to find our problems are still very present and very real?  You learn to live your life with courage, love and integrity.  You learn to slow down and appreciate the preciousness of whom you are and the beauty, wealth, abundance, love and opportunities that surround you.

it’s about what makes you come alive ... 

A blank canvas in front of you, you are the artist of your life 

and you are free to paint any picture that pleases you ... 

and change it at any time for that matter ... 

We may not be able to answer the infinite question of why ... but we can replace it with questions that motivate us ... what do you love in life? ... what would you stand for if you knew no one would judge you? ... what really inspires you?

Believe that the more you can implement your passions, strengths, values and desires into your days, the less you will be asking why because the most valuable knowledge that you will ever discover is, and always will be, within.

" The Best Of What's Around ... "

Hey my friend 

It seems your eyes are troubled 

Care to share your times with me 

Would you say you're feeling low and so 

A good idea would be to get it off your mind ...

... Whatever tears at her 

Whatever holds her down 

And if nothing can be done 

She'll make the best of what's around 

~ Dave Matthews Band ~ The Best Of What’s Around ~

***

Ever heard the saying “you are a product of your environment?”  I believe so.  You may recall recently I wrote about how excited I was to receive “The Biology Of Belief” By Bruce H. Lipton.  Specializing in cell biology, Dr. Lipton is an internationally recognized leader in bridging science and spirit; a key voice in new biology ... linking mind and matter and the profound effects it has on our lives.  

Science ... more and more evidence is showing that cells respond to environmental cues and these signals engage processes that can alter gene expression and thereby control the fate of the cells ... movement, survivial and even death.  Now some of you maybe thinking, but what about all the study supporting the correlation between genetics and dis-ease?  Yes, there are dis-eases that can be accounted for by a faulty gene, but they affect < 2% of the population.  

Dr. Lipton further explains this by “consider genes as molecular blueprints used in the construction of cells, tissues and organs.  The environment is a contractor, who reads and engages those genetic blueprints and is ultimately responsible for the character of the cell’s life.  It is a single cell’s awareness of the environment that primarily sets into motion the mechanisms of life”.

This hits home for me.  You see, when it came to my breast cancer diagnosis, there is no history of it in my family.  And at the time, my doctor casually stated that 5% of cases are heredity.  Therefore I strongly believe my environment and belief system played the greatest role in my health.

Spirit ... so is it possible that what happens throughout our lifetime can determine whether we develop many of the dis-eases our society faces today ... heart disease, diabetes and cancer.  The health of our cells are influenced greatly by our unconscious belief system ... one of the biggest environmental determinants.  These beliefs can either create an environment of growth or protection within our bodies.  Fear-based or love-based.  Stunting or empowering our cells to reach their full potential.  Our cells are always listening to our thoughts and beliefs.

Most of us have limiting beliefs that have accumulated through our childhood and the course of our lives.  Yet we can release these limits by changing the view of our world to a healthy one ... safe and loving, creating a sense of appreciation and respect for ourselves and others.  Believing we are loved, worthy, and cared for.  A new perspective to take you from a victim position to a co-creator of your destiny ... and from experience, trust me, it works.

" Lessons ... "

Sweet memories
Flashing very quickly by
Reminding me
And giving me a reason why
I know that
My goal is more than a thought
I'll be there
When I teach what I've been taught
And I've been taught...

~ Rush ~ Lessons ~

***

Instead of asking what I have learned about blogging, I ask what has blogging taught me about life.  In some cases, confirmation of what I already knew, and in others, something helpful to share with those that follow.  

Here are some thoughts ...

Inspiration happens ... you cannot wait to become inspired.  Sometimes you have to work, think and come up with ideas.  And not all of them will be stellar, some will just suck.  Just know somewhere along the journey, it will happen.

Walk the talk ... people talk a lot about what they are going to do, but actions speak louder than words.  I try not to get stuck in analysis mode as then I get stuck in my head.  We don’t know much until we do and get some real experience ... so do more, learn from your failures and try again.

Learn from those who can teach ... learning from people who have real experience has helped me improve quickly and avoid wasting time.  My favourite blogs motivate me to explore and become informed.

Focus on what is important ... when you cut out the less important stuff you mind clears up.  You become more focused, allowing light to shine.  From experience, when I let go of the negative in my life, the positive came flooding in.  Con mucho aprecio y amor!

You get what you give ... exchanging positive feelings and giving some kind of value to each other is the key.  Respect, compassion and kindness is contagious ... remember, karma is a bitch if you are.

External validation is overrated ... there are times when I have received awesome feedback via comments, email, twitter and Facebook.  So blessed, yet I realized that when there is none of that, it didn't matter because I have created inner validation of myself.  Sometimes you need to be your own hero.

Don’t worry about others opinions ... no one has walked in my shoes, only I have.  So when I blog, it is from my heart and I really try not to let other people’s judgement get in the way.  You can’t never please everyone, so focus on what you think is right and just getting approval from yourself.

" Respect ... "

I ain't gonna do you wrong while you're gone

Ain't gonna do you wrong (oo) 'cause I don't wanna (oo)

All I'm askin' (oo)

Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)

Baby (just a little bit) when you get home (just a little bit)

Yeah (just a little bit)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Find out what it means to me

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Take care, TCB

~ Aretha Franklin ~ Respect ~

***

Lately the topic of respect seems to be surfacing in conversations around me ... mutual respect, lack of respect, and disrespect within relationships.  All types of relationships too.  And yes It is true that all relationships are different, yet despite their differences, one essential element makes all relationships work in a healthy way for both paties ... RESPECT.  Putting up with disrespectful behaviour for fear of losing someone as a partner or friend is destructive to self-worth, but people often let this happen.  Why?  well they don’t know how to identify signs of disrespect.  And without respect, no true friendship can take root.  

Here are some signs that will red flag if you are in the midst of an unhealthy situation:

• Trust - A perfectly normal emotion felt by people in relationships is jealousy, but the issue is how the person reacts or deals with these feelings.  When one person doesnt’ trust the other to enjoy other friendships, trust is lacking.  Healthy connections allow everyone to maintain their own identities and do things independently of the other person, free of suspicion.   

• Honesty - This is fundamental to respectful, trusting relationships.  Being honest and openly communicating thoughts and feelings make your relationship stronger.  Being nonjudgemental, accepting and valuing each other’s opinions, beliefs and feelings.  Signs that respect is lacking include lying and situations in which one party belittles or is intolerant of the other for feeling or thinking a certain way.

• Fairness and Equality - This involves balance, and requires give and take from both sides ... this can be lacking when one person consistently excludes the other from decision making.  Also when one person is forced to compromise to satisfy the other, respect is lacking.

• Mutual Support - Being present when times are good AND bad.  A respectful relationship is a partnership in which people work together to achieve common goals as well as support each other when things get tough.  If you can’t count on them during these challenging times, these are signs of respect deficienty in the relationship.

We all have experiences we can share with each other when it comes to relationships.  We live and learn.  Remember to choose your relationships wisely and be the kind of person you want in return.  Lead by example.  And as hard as it may be, confront those who show you disrespect.  If you have someone whose level of respect does not meet your expectations and they refuse to consider your feelings, you must be willing to distance yourself from them.  

Seek those whom are more likely to pull you up then push you down ...

"Definite Choice ..."

"Take your pick and make a stand,

With no regrets or change of plan,
Keep your head, don't be afraid,
Be proud of the choice you've made.
Support your scene, you must believe,
Never stop just move ahead
Oh Oh Oh! Definite Choice!"

~ 7 Seconds ~ Definite Choice ~

***

I never blogged about Steve Jobs.  When he passed on, I was sad, really sad.  Sad for his family, sad for his friends and for the rest of us, sad for society because a true tech iCon had left us.  Immediately after his death, there was a great deal of talk about how he died of cancer.  Yes, of course, whenever anyone dies of cancer now, and it is in the media, it triggers a lot of emotions for me.  Probably for others to -  whether they have lost someone to this dis-ease, their loved ones are battling it at the moment, or they themselves are.  So, for me, there were tears, and a lot of them.  Odd you don't know someone but this type of reaction can occur.  I guess you just identify.  You see photos of the loved ones and their grief.  You visualize yourself in that situation.  The pain you can cause, it feels real and it can be so overwhelming.  

Soon after, I read an article written by the Natural News group, and their perspective on his death.  Yep you guessed it, that conventional therapy is what caused his death and not the cancer itself.  So I merrily sent this to family and a few friends.  I guess if I am honest, to prove a point.  To show that see! see! the treatment plan is what did him in ... not the cancer.  Aha! ..... but then .... no one responded ... maybe because they didn't read it, didn't agree or just didn't bother.  Regardless, we thought it was interesting.  And it felt good to have something else confirming to hold on to.  Mental note to self, maybe only share when others welcome it, instead of bombarding them with controversial stuff ... point taken.

So that brings me to what has happened over the last couple of days.  I have been blogging about other happenings, but looming articles on Mr. Job's death have been playing on my mind.  And finally I had to blog.  Surprise surprise?! .... 

Now I know with his fame, absolutely everything is going to be analyzed, dissected and re-phrased.  But the latest round of articles on "his fight with cancer" has been ... well interesting?  Probably for anyone that is battling cancer the "alternative way", it strikes a chord.  You see, biographer Walter Issacson"outlines Mr. Job's struggle with pancreatic cancer ... offers new insight and details."  Basically stating that when he was diagnosed, he refused conventional treatment and instead tried "exotic" treatments involving diet, juicing and detox.  Hmmmm sounds vaguely familiar?  But does it?? ... I have been trying to find out exactly what "exotic" treatment he followed.  And I will tell you, Gerson is far from exotic.  It is routine, boring, restrictive and difficult.  Just ask Russ, exotic is not the verb we would use.   So, did Steve Job's follow Gerson?  Did he ingest 13 juices a day?  Did he do 5 coffee enemas a day?  Did he take over 80 supplements (not herbs!) a day?  Did he stay on the therapy for a minimum of 18 months as directed?  I am still searching for confirmation on this ...

Also, Mr. Issacson writes about how Steve Job's upset his family because he refused surgery and chemotherapy, that he was a bit of a hippie, contacted "spiritualist" instead and was foolish to not follow the treatment plan provided because if and only if he did, he would be alive today.   Wow, that is amazing eh?  I really wish I had his conventional medical team on my side that could give me a DEFINITE answer telling me that I would be cured and live a long healthy life IF I follow the treatment plan they have presented.  

You see not one doctor I have consulted with ~ conventional, gerson, holistic, traditional chinese, homeopath or ayurvedic has told me for sure, definitely, without any doubt, that the treatment I follow will work.  Why ... because they can't ... ethically and otherwise.  No one knows.  No one knows if Steve Job's truly followed initially conventional treatments that he would be alive today.  They can, did and are speculating at best.  We do what we can with what we know.  I don't think any one would purposely risk their life ~ we all want to live.  And with the abundance of wealth this man had, he did put all his money into saving his life.  But was it too late when he "finally" did what "they" told him would work.  I don't know.  No one does.  

At the end of it all, they world lost a great man who made a difference.  

A visionary.  He lived a life worth remembering.

Rest in Peace Steve Jobs.  

iRespect.

"We Are Family ..."

" Ev'ryone can see we're together
As we walk on by
(FLY!) and we fly just like birds of a feather
I won't tell no lie
(ALL!) all of the people around us they say
Can they be that close
Just let me state for the record
We're giving love in a family dose
We are family"
~ Sister Slege ~ We Are Family ~
***


We just had 3 full weeks of great family time ... Russell's Mum and her husband Ron were visiting us during their cross Canada tour.  They live in New Zealand, Russell's birthplace.  Usually it just the two of us in the house, so with Mum, Ron, and brother Tim over the house was full of energy.  Family dynamics can play a factor but fortunately we are all pretty laid back.  No expectations, just wanting to spend time together.  So we had a chance to experience all the local attractions in the city.  Most of the time, I took part in parts of the events, other times I stayed at home restricted by my therapy schedule.  And yes that was tough not being able to participate, but I know that this is temporary.  I enjoyed experiencing the love and support on a daily basis in our home.   Of course we have this already by my side of the family and friends that live here and are constantly connected to us.  It is just a little different when its in your space.  You never feel really alone.  It like a security blanket with you at all times.  And it's not smothering, it is there just in case you need it.


When you get a chance to spend some time together, you learn about each others preferences, opinions, differences and similarities.  Being in a respectful environment, you can learn a more about each other even after so many years.  And what doesn't change is the unconditional love a mother has for her son.  I could feel the strong bond Mum and Russ have.  The opportunity Mum had to see with her own eyes the sacrifices Russ makes on a daily basis to assist me on my wellness journey.  Definitely some very proud moments.  Realizing that family is love beyond words.  


During the past three weeks, I stopped and just took in all senses to remember that specific time.  Etching in my mind, remembering all that it offered.  Staying very present and still.  Allowing me to be very content.  Feeling very fortunate to have so much love in our combined families, overflowing and in abundance from parents, siblings and friends.


I know that if these were my last moments, they would be a glorious ones, a memorable ones and a happy ones.  Yet wanting more moments to reflect on, fuelling my motivation to continue winning the biggest fight of my life.

All is well in my world, all is very well.