" Conditional ... "

“ ... Try to try to try to forget 

To change the things about me 

You can not accept 

Any day that you have regret 

Just let it recede 

It's conditional 

Not for free 

There are strings attached 

Tied to me 

I'll want something back 

If you agree 

To be in love with me ... “

~ Tracy Chapman ~ Conditional ~

***

Love, unconditionally, no matter what, for eternity.  We intend for our intimate relationships to reflect this yet what they are based on need or something deeper ... what if subconsciously, we are eroding our relationships ...

Love doesn’t have to be earned

Love doesn’t have to be proved

When you love unconditionally.  it means exactly that ... no conditions ... not based on what you do or what you’ve done ... or what they do, or what they’ve done.  It is based on who you are because authentic love is consistent.  You may express your opinions, you may disagree, but underneath it, that love never stops.  

Love means you are responsible for your own happiness ...

When we are raised with conditional love, we have this deep need to seek approval, and people pleasers are born.  But, we will always come up short because the constant strive to earn love will never end.  

Love is a grace we give one another ...

When we love others simply for who they are, we accept what is.  We love naturally, we share this gift ... it is why we are here.  Expressing unconditional love is a practice.  A practice involving reflection, empathy, forgiveness and compromise.  Life doesn’t go as planned ... people don’t behave as expected ... all we can do is adapt.

Chaos will always reveal true colours ... will they still love you unconditionally. if you don’t agree ... will they still love you unconditionally. if you choose to do something different ... will they still love you unconditionally.

To love unconditionally is to love with absolutely no boundaries, even when it hurts, because unconditional love is limitless.  This type of love looks beyond faults, struggles, and whatever pain and hardships that life may bring.  This type of love is what’s called unconditional.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Understanding … "

You hold the answers deep within your own mind.

Consciously, you've forgotten it.

That's the way the human mind works.

Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us

to entertain, we reject it.

We erase it from our memories.

But the imprint is always there.

Can't wash it all away

Can't Wish it all away

Can't hope it all away

Can't cry it all away

In our mutual

Shame we hide our eyes

To blind them from the truth

That finds a way from who we are ...

~ Evanescence ~ Understanding ~

***

Why is it that trying to understand the behaviour of some people is like trying to smell the color 9?  Seriously.  I recently saw some one whom I knew for a very very long time.  We were good friends, some may have even thought best friends ... we have a lengthy history but we no longer are in each others lives.  And what happened ... I got ignored.  Yep, ignored.

But I think the interesting thing was the environment.  Their energy was odd and the scenario was random.  And once I realized who this person was, they had sailed by, pretending to not know me and who I was.  Really if you think about it they were right ... they don’t know me, not anymore.  And, perhaps they never did.  Afterwards, I felt unsettled, with a physical sensation of nausea and fear.  My body was shaking and speaking to me ... and I listened.

I listened because I now understand.  I understand how difficult behaviour can manifest itself as rudeness, open anger and even aggression.  And like all negative forces, these attitudes and behaviour tend to be contagious.  They drain collective energy, foster misconceptions, bring out the worst in others and spark conflict … no thanks.

Perhaps the randomness was the universes way of saying ... 

• be grateful for what was and appreciate what is
• see how far you have come
• don’t look back, there is nothing there for you
• you made the right decision
• don’t settle
• you deserve better

There is no unfinished business when there is no business.  We tend to romanticize the past, wish, hope or cry for what was instead of accepting what is.  For me, acceptance is not the issue ... it is the lack of general consideration, kindness and compassion for another human being ... reminder: what they think of me is none of my business.

Ultimately, it is a true test of oneself when you can still have grace and compassion for someone who treats you poorly ... a measure as to how far you have come and perhaps how far they still need to go.

" Bully ... "

She takes the long way home

Fighting her emotions

She's a loner but tonight

She won't go unnoticed

If she can't remember when

She loses her temper

Nobody knows her but tonight

The silence is over ...

Blame the family

Blame the bully

Blame it on me

~ Three Days Grace ~ Bully ~ 

***

I’ve heard the expression “hurt people hurt people” but I really didn’t understand it until recently.  Hurt people’s behaviour is rooted into their own emotional wounds and can turn them into bullies.

You see, a hurt person or bully, pretends to be a victim in order to manipulate others.  They gain the compliance of other nave, compassionate people.  They exaggerate their pain, suffering and impact of others on them.  They replay their pain and never seem to get over things.  They say they are tired of doing all the compromising and suggest others are always ganging up on them.  They do all this because they hurt and so they want others to hurt. 

I suspect if we are honest with ourselves, most of us can identify moments when we acted thoughtlessly from a place of sorrow or anger.  Most of us have felt pain burning like a hot coal in our hands, and felt desperate to unload it, somehow, somewhere.  We have a right to set boundaries and communicate when something is not okay. But the world is a better place when we choose to do that from a place of love and compassion, instead of righteousness and judgment.  

Often we don’t mean to hurt each other ... we just don’t know how to stop hurting ourselves.  So how do we help hurt people and prevent the cycle from repeating itself?

The best way is not to just ignore the offense and silently hold a grudge, or to pretend the offense never happened because neither of those help heal the offender.  Rather it can be seen as a passive-aggressive way of condoning hurtful behaviour.  So instead, making the effort to aid in the healing of that person could enrich their life, and prepare them to be a healthier contributor for the future.

The irony is that what they need the most is LOVE ...

Personally, what I am learning is to first allow myself the grace to know that however the offense made me feel, that my reaction is perfectly okay.  Feeling hurt is good rather than suppressing my emotions.  I need to give my emotions freedom to exist and instead of trying to fix the situation while it is still raw.

Next is forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness ... and this takes time.  I realized that when I was ready to open my heart to forgiveness, miracles follow.  And forgiveness is not conditional on the offender’s willingness to make amends.  For me, this was HUGE because forgiveness is NOT two ways or a trade.  They owe me nothing because forgiving someone doesn’t let them off the hook but off of my hook.  So accept the apology you never got.

As time has passed, I have been able to look at hurtful situations and figure out why, specifically, these offenses were so hurtful.  It is important that I can explain how the other person’s words or actions affected me.  This helps me establish boundaries and hopefully prevent it from happening again.  

And probably the most important lesson learned is to release the situation.  Just as the offender owes me nothing, I owe them nothing.  I decide if they will be allowed back in my life.  They decide if they want to heal themselves.  My only responsibility is to take care of me and remove myself from the situation entirely if I so desire.

I was the type of person who allowed herself to be hurt over and over again, because I was too afraid to upset the offender to risk pushing for healing.  I have learned along the way that I can’t sacrifice my emotional health so that someone else doesn’t have to bear the responsibility of their behaviour.  

It takes understanding that even with the relationships we value the most, we might just be one small brick in the path to that person’s restoration, and never actually see the person fully restored and emotionally healthy.  Healing needs to happen ... and it is important for each of us to do our part, regardless of whether or not we get to see the healing through to it end. 

There is a huge amount of freedom that comes 
to you when you take nothing personally ~Don Miguel Ruiz 

" Amazing Grace ... "

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost, but now I'm found

'Twas blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear

And grace my fears relieved

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed ...

~ John Newton ~ Amazing Grace ~

***

Grace ... is it something we deserve or is it a gift?  And does giving grace to other guarantee that they will offer you the same?  Probably not ... but the one thing you will receive is peace of mind because the energy we expend on frustration and anger is a colossal waste of time.

This becomes apparent in various situations ... driving in traffic, dealing with co-workers, strangers we pass on the street, and of course our closets relationships.  People frustrate us because they don’t do what we think they should, say the proper things or just rub us the wrong way. It’s easy to get angry, real easy.

Perhaps believing that part of unlocking our best selves has to do with how we treat others.  It is just so hard at times to extend grace, to recognize that others, ourselves included, are not perfect, will not be perfect.  So for that reason exactly, we need to start to give them a little extra room. 

People need room ... room to account for their imperfection, room that chooses to forgive and forget, room that accounts for the fact that they irritate us but are still worthy of respect, kindness and love.  When people cross our paths, we don’t know where they are coming from ... their background, history, personality or story.  Practicing grace allows us to be merciful or compassionate in nature ... show an act of kindness, courtesy and an exemption. 

It is just as important to give ourselves grace.  Be kind with your words as the power of the tongue can actually bring things into being amazing.  We have the power to build ourselves up or tear ourselves down.  Remembering that everyday we can choose to step down so someone else can step up.  That is, to be kind and merciful towards others. To forgive someone, ourselves and just let go of the past.

" Lose Yourself ... "

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity

To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment

Would you capture it or just let it slip? ...

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment

You own it, you better never let it go

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime you

(You better)

~ Eminem ~ Lose Yourself ~ 

***

Do you ever ask yourself what “role” you are playing in your life at this exact moment?  Do you ever think that you are not playing the role which you want to play in your life?  Do you ever feel like you are losing yourself?

The choices we make in our lives decide how we step onto our life stage, either as a lead actor or an understudy.  We are the author and actor of our own life story.  We decide what parts to play, what scenes to cut and what curtain calls to take.

Yet sometimes instead of playing the lead, we blend into the sidelines ... instead of acting in our story, we allow others to act on us.  Do we really want to turn the spotlight away from being the subject of the drama to being the object in the limelight?

And what about the number of roles we play in our lives ~ parent, spouse, child, sibling, employee, mentor, teacher, support person, coach ... and on and on.  We play several roles in the course of a day regardless to how important they may seem.  Also, it is very common to think your role is your purpose.  Mainly because it brings you great satisfaction and is so rewarding.  But when you think this is your purpose and you lose it, you may be in danger of losing yourself.  

But what if we use our role to find our purpose.  Find what motivates and empowers us.  Your life purpose is the thread that runs through your life ... the thing you do without thinking.  And the beauty is when you know what your life purpose is, you will change as your role changes with ease and grace.

So focus on the impact you are making on stage rather than the role you are playing.  And although your role may seem insignificant, its all in how you view the part you play.  Life is full of happiness and fulfilling when you believe YOUR role to be important and serve a purpose in life ... helping you to act in losing, finding and loving yourself.

"And if Hollywood made your life into a movie, would you even go see it?  

if not, then it's time to rewrite the script"

" Beautiful Day ... "

" You're on the road but you've got no destination

You're in the mud, in the maze of her imagination

You love this town even if that doesn't ring true

You've been all over and it's been all over you

It's a beautiful day 

Don't let it get away

It's a beautiful day

Don't let it get away"

~ U2 ~ Beautiful Day ~

***

In with a mighty roar, 2012, Year of the Dragon has the potential to breathe life-shaping fire, to be magical, even mythical ... and a mighty roar it was.  Once again we were fortunate for the opportunity to gig and "bling" in the New Year.  It was a fun night  ~ full of energy, joy and celebration.  Also a night for Russell and I to reflect upon 2011, and quite a reflection it was.  With reflections come realizations as well for which I am grateful for.   

Since we ventured home in the wee hours of new years day, we made sure that it remained a quiet one for us ... a chance to rest and rejuvenate, although still working the programme, yet made sure we napped in between juices, etc ... no days off from Gerson!   

So where do we go from here ... well some get on with their resolutions straight away, hitting the gym, detoxing, getting on the health kick band wagon ... others gracefully transition into a new life style.  Whatever you choice, the new year is like the setting of the sun on another day.  Because another year has passed and we will ask ourselves ~ did I do enough last year, could I have helped more, could I have loved more, did I lose more than I gained ... but really most questions point to if we lived out our purpose in the past year by growing, learning and teaching.  

So again we have another chance being offered to us with no strings attached, endless possibilities, new thoughts, new ideas and new adventures.  And although I still have trouble wrapping my head around some happenings of 2011, I realize that some things are still works in progress ... my superstitions make me want to keep them near to my heart for fear of jinxing them.  Yet I will take all those questions I have pondered over the last few days as a new starting point, a new marker.  One which has granted me the gift of life once more, freely.  

Let your past make you better not bitter ♥

" Ask ... "

" Shyness is nice, and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to

So, if there's something you'd like to try
If there's something you'd like to try

Ask Me, I won't say "No" - How Could I?"

~ The Smiths ~ Ask ~

***

I had another great week full of visits from some beautiful girlfriends ... time to connect and re-connect.  They took the time, made the effort and reached out.  Loved, supported and blessed ... Yet, if I am honest, during my Gerson journey, I haven't felt like that all the time.  It's not like it isn't around me, everyday, of course it is  ... but am I am open to receive it?  Ding, Ding, Ding ... yep a HUGE realization for me.  So, I shared this with one of my friends today and I was excited to find out that we had another thing in common ... we are both givers, and have a hard time asking.  Once we connected on this, we both agreed that we were sooooo ready to receive ~ emotionally and spiritually.  But how?

You see I have always been one to give, I love to give.  Just ask my lovelies how much I love birthdays, celebrations, gatherings and christmas.  Le sigh .... such fun gifting.  And with no expectations.  Yet I use to put so much effort into giving, leaving very little energy to asking.  So what I was receiving was not necessarily what I needed especially at that moment, when I needed it the most.  

What do I need, what do I want and how do I ask .... I know that some of you reading this can completely relate.  My head full of random thoughts, I started wondering why I had such a hard time "asking".  Specifically asking for help.  Recently someone said to me ... "oh you are so strong, you are going to get through this no problem ... I am not worried about you".  And instead of being elated by the vote of confidence, I cried.  Why?  Because at the moment, inside, I didn't feel that strong, and the inner child just wanted someone to say "I know this is hard, and I know that you can do this ... but I also know that sometimes you may think you can't ... those times, I am here for you".  

Now I have expressed to family and friends that I had an "emo" moment, and usually the response is, "why didn't you call me?" ... good question, why didn't I.  I guess because of programming.  Being brought up to not air your dirty laundry, because someone will use it against you one day .... or not to show your weakness, because someone will laugh at you ... and the truth is we all experience this.  But how damaged we are from this shapes our behaviour.  We have all been there when we have shared too much, felt a bit embarassed or humbled after the fact ... wondering, what that person will think of them.  But going back to being authentic, knowing your truth and lifting the disguise ... the key is choosing who you do this with.  

From experience, I realize that I use to ask for help in all the wrong places ... looking for assistance AND affirmation from persons that were so into themselves, that felt pity, not empathy, enjoyed the chaos instead of calming it down ... felt better when I felt worse.  And each time I got nothing, felt vulnerable and empty ... and hurt, I closed off ... deciding that "it's a cruel world" and I am not going to put myself out there .... but now I realize that I was asking from those that had nothing to give because they were only in the habit of taking, and taking more.  Energy suckers ... watch out!  there are loads of them ... and in the end, you miss out, depriving yourself.

So where do we go from here?  Well with awareness comes the opportunity to learn, change, to grow.  Wanting more out of my relationships, I am learning, once again ... to ask.  And realizing that asking is not the same as a burden.  Knowing that it is okay to ask from my treasured family and friends who are waiting in the wings to give.  Recognizing who is in it for the long haul, through this difficult time, who I can count on, and who wants nothing in return but for me to be around a wee bit longer.  

And, especially opening myself up to the blessings above ... asking above to give only what I can handle, and what I can gracefully deal with ... and helping me to create the space to be ready to receive.