" Falling Out … "

Sometimes I feel like there's no getting through to you
like you don't appreciate all that I do.
you gotta show me that you want me to stay
don't turn & walk away

I don't know what to do,
how did we end up here this way?
what are we gonna do?
I'm slowly falling out.. 

don't let your pride get in the way,
don't throw it away
Slowly falling, slowly falling

How did we end up here this way?

~ Keyshia Cole ~ Falling Out ~

***

Oh look, another falling out ... how many does that make?  lost track?  can’t keep count?   ... The thoughts going through my head recently, as I heard about some “people” who we use to be in our friends circle, but you guessed it … had another falling out.  

And I can’t help the little smile on my face.  Judgement, most definitely.  You see when you have a “falling out with someone” you hope that after the oh so drama~ugliness, there is a lesson in the experience, and there always is.  But prior it is all about blame.  We blame others first and then if we are truthful, we take responsibility as well.  

Intentionally giving very little energy to them, I have to say that even hearing about yet another falling out with these folks, well, let's just say, there seems to be quite a few "victims".  And sure it was a trigger.  Life goes on, it is what is … and then a conversation stirs up old feelings, old emotions, old thoughts. old drama.  Almost wise to start a support group for all the people that have experienced their wrath ... I know there would be double digits in attendance.  Perhaps we can share the lessons, who knows the message may be the same.

Mental affirmation: reliving the past, not interested ... predicting the future, too boring ... staying present and accepting what is, freedom.

Sad really, because their “new” world supporters rave on soapboxes about their compassion, kindness, generosity, love, motivation ... blah blah blah ... judgement, most definitely ... warranted, I guess that is up for debate ... maybe just ask the potential support group I mentioned that have been messed around by their behaviour, I’m sure they would have some interesting insight.  You can call it what you want … I see it as just an observation on how life works itself out perfectly!  

ॐ Thank-you karma, thank-you ॐ

Another observation ... 

one common factor in all these “fall outs” are it involves the same people.  Again, you can blame others, say that they are jealous, envious, insecure, immature but if you have a record of these broken relationships, maybe just maybe, take a look in the mirror ... or not.  And really at the end, we are ultimately responsible as to how we let people treat us ... well at least how we react to it.  The tricky part is the manipulation.  And these folks are good, real good.  Actually could probably write a book about, or even host a workshop.  Haha, I wonder how many would register for the “how to be an opportunist” course starring ****.  

Stage names are great when you are “acting” out your life rather than living your truth

Le sigh ... honesty moment: you can visualize how the confrontation will go down, and it never ever works out that way ... you lose your nerve, you are unprepared, you are unsure or maybe, you just don’t give a damn, yeah that’s it, ask yourself does it really matter anymore ... no.  

SO then why the blog then if there is now concern ... observations, observations, observations .... just an example as to how the law of karmic balance works, here and now ... you get exactly what you deserve.  If you think you deserve better, then let others know ... and if they don’t agree, you may be just as lucky to experience an “enlightening” fall out too ॐ

" The Prayer … "

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer when we lose our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

Let this be our prayer ...
Just like every child ...
Give us faith so we'll be safe ...

~ Celine Dion ~ The Prayer ~

***

Ever wonder why we need to pray at all?  I mean if God already knows what we need and is in charge then what is the point?

Well, if you consider that prayers are “divinely appointed”, then we can believe that God tells us about it in His Words.  Perhaps in simpler terms, prayers can be defined as talking to God and are a means, not an end in itself ... which carries His design accomplishes His purpose.

“Faith infuses prayer with great expectancy and is a gift by which the Holy Spirit grants us spiritual sense and sensibilities. It is the opposite of wishful thinking, apprehending unseen realities ... “

We pray because we long for connection … we regain perspective in our relationship with the Divine and of our place of humility.

We pray because we want to align with God’s will ... we have the ability to lift our challenges to Him, surrender, and trust the process.

We pray because we can ... God expects to hear from us and he hears all requests.

We pray because we feel more centered ... a sense of grounded-ness and serenity results.

Personally,  I think of prayer as a conscious relationship or friendship with God.  And similar to great conversations I have had with close friends, I have had some good ones with Him.  Instead of making deals or asking for conditional wishes to be granted, I believe with my heart to let go and let God ... and praise Him for his kindness and mercy.

Hence, perhaps we pray at our deepest level because we are drawn by the bonds of love and our deepest reality ... aligning with Him and help experience a deeper well-being ॐ

" A Matter Of Trust … "

Some love is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
And they may not want it to end
But it will, it's just a question of when
I've lived long enough to have learned
The closer you get to the fire the more you get burned
But that won't happen to us
Because it's always been a matter of trust ...

Some love is just a lie of the soul
A constant battle for the ultimate state of control
After you've heard lie upon lie
There can hardly be a question of why
Some love is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
But that can't happen to us
Because it's always been a matter of trust

~ Billy Joel ~ A Matter Of Trust ~ 

***

Suffering a betrayal of trust can be one of the most difficult times in your life ... and depending on the severity, some never recover.  Yet as we know ... life goes on, with or with out your participation.  And most of us recover ... sadly a bit more wounded, thankfully a bit more wiser.

As we move forward we decide if we are willing to give those that violate our trust another chance.  And regardless if they remain in our lives, it starts with forgiveness, because this is what leads to healing and restoration.

I remind myself that when I choose to rebuild a relationship, I choose to forgive what was and therefore make room for new memories ...

Trust is such a challenging thing to gain and once you lost it, some say it is impossible to regain.  Probably because wounds we gain from being hurt by those we love and admire run deep ... and not easy to get over ... but nothing is “impossible”.

So how do you rebuild trust?  You accept that you cannot change or fix the other person.  You take responsibility and apologize for your role in the situation.  You make an effort to not break future promises.  You become an active listener.  You put yourself in their shoes, empathize.

And when you have made a commitment to work on a fragile relationship the worst thing you can do is bring up past events.  If you say you have forgiven, it is unfair to bring up past mistakes.  Leave the past where it is, the past.

And be patient.  Allow the other person time ... time to understand, time to choose, time to reconcile, because regaining trust is a healing process and if the relationship is worth it, this too shall come.

" Where do we go from here ... "

We're at the crossroads my dear

Where do we go from here

Maybe you wont go maybe you'll stay

I know I'm going to miss you either way

Its such a lonely road

Usually not the kind of girl who's lost and looking for direction

Who could this be staring at me

When I'm looking in the mirror trying find the resolution

Were to far gone to find our way home

Where do we go from here ...

Follow the tracks of my tears ...

~ Alicia Keys ~ Where do we go from here ~

***

You know the saying “think before you speak”, well is it just a quote?  I ask because it is so hard to practice.  Sometimes when you make a spontaneous decision, you look back at the consequences and have regrets.  So how do you limit the consequences ... by learning to think before you act. 

Just think about it ... a strong opinion, the tone of voice, the look across the table, body language ... anything that can set you off to think you are being judged.  And instantly you react.  Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.  But is it true or is it your own insecurity?  And is it necessary?

The art of conflict is just that ... an art.  Some are good at it others not so much.  It can provide clarity or complications.  It can resolve issues or create new ones.  Nothing test our character like an emergency or crisis.  It is moments like these when our reactions or actions becomes increasingly crucial to the outcome.

And really can’t the whole spectrum of human behaviour can be put between two bookends of action and reaction.  Everything we do is either one or the other ... spaced out by time.  We fluctuate between the two with degrees of control of ourselves or the situation.  

The more we shift towards action, the more we are in control.  

We are decisive and have purpose.  

We know what we want and how to get it.

The more we shift towards reaction, the more we are being controlled.  

Reaction is an effect that follows a cause.  

It lacks decisions with clear thought and is selfish.

Being single-minded in one’s goal should not lead to being close-minded to everything else.

When it feels that the problems just keep coming and there is never an end to the troubles that plague us, where do we go from here?  

Finding the root cause.  Effects are seldom aware of the causes that trigger them because troubleshooting can provide immediate solutions to apparent symptoms but what’s to prevent it from showing up again.  

“It’s like putting a finger through a leaking hole to stop the whole dam from collapsing. Soon enough another leak breaks and before you know it you’ve used up all your fingers.”

Fear, panic, anger, envy, jealousy, false pride lead us to say and do now and regret later because they provide us instant relief to our pain.  A thoughtless comment from you sets off biting remarks from another which in turn irritates you to the point of doing something rash and the other person naturally retaliates.  Down the line it becomes a full blown hostility and neither of you probably don’t remember what started it in the first place.

When it feels that the problems just keep coming and there is never an end to the troubles that plague us, where do we go from here?  

Pause, reflect and take a deep breath.  Then ask yourself ... what am I doing and why am I doing it?  We can only take control of a situation when we take control of ourselves.  

Understanding the self is a start.  When you know who you are then you know what you want and from there clear decisions and productive actions follow.  Obstacles become secondary and are details that simply need to be worked out instead of main concerns that preoccupy our mind and dictate our every move.  Acting involves making a choice, reacting allows someone else to do that for you.

“A tactician may only see the battle in front of him, 

a strategist sees the whole battlefield.”

But we are only human.  And we will probably find ourselves in situations where we are forced to react.  There will be times when we can’t help but give in to a negative emotion.  But there is always an opportunity to start again.  It is whether or not you have the will to do so.

So instead of feeling like a failure when you make a mistake, use the failure as a tool to take back control of your life.  Do not make excuses and allow your failures to be reasons to continue making mistakes.  Just deal the best way you can and accept it does happen ... the more shocking your circumstances, the great the opportunity to learn ॐ

" Shiny Happy People ... "

Shiny happy people laughing

Meet me in the crowd

People people

Throw your love around

Love me love me ...

Everyone around love them, love them

Put it in your hands

Take it take it

There's no time to cry

Happy happy

Put it in your heart

Where tomorrow shines

~ REM ~ Shiny Happy People ~

***

What comes to mind when you think of the word “reinvention”?  New beginnings or to remake or redo completely?  For me, a major transition is the perfect opportunity for reinvention.  Reinvention allows me to move totally out of what I am known for into something I have always wanted to do.  Kind of like a life makeover if you will.  

Most of us identify with “reinvention” when we are unhappy with our current situation.  It takes place for variety of reasons, some in our control, but most out of our control.  Yet, it is actually a fairly simple idea.  

Fundamentally, most of us don’t change behaviours that are difficult to change.  We change the easy, superficial ones.  But that is okay, because these can lead to drastic transformations.

Personally, I have witnessed this type of easy reboot.  Watching others wipe the slate clean in a new social content.  Adopting new behaviours that they were always capable of but couldn't in the previous social context because they felt trapped in a given social identity.  Trapped because of created expectations and beliefs.  Some believe that our social lives are governed externally, not internally ... that our change will only be successful if our friends, enemies and acquaintances buy in.   And even if they genuinely want to support us they may struggle ... because our social lives are based on the fiction that people are constants rather than changing entities.  Once this belief is disturbed, instability is perceived.  But accept that as you transform, only some will support your journey.  For the others, let them and the resentment go.  

Reinvention is a renaissance; it’s not just buying new clothes and getting a new hairstyle, it’s a re-birth as a different person and it is never easy.   And, whenever our lives modify – be it a new job, the end of a relationship, shifting base, or losing a love one – we have to alter accordingly to keep up with the changes.  The key is to take control of the situation instead of letting the situation take over.  Otherwise you may never reach your full potential and find yourself lost in the tides of time. 

For me, reinventing myself means learning about myself ~ profound growth.  What I do and how I do it is up to me, but I cannot forget to dream, to work hard to achieve my dreams, and to be open to discovering a wee bit more on my way there.

We can't go back and start a new beginning, but we can start today and make a new ending ॐ