" Layers ... "

“ ... The whole world

A magical spark

Shock waves of Joy

A simple touch

A mystery

The sparkle of life

The science of things

Features

Layers

Layers of Love

United ... “

~ Norton ~ Layers ~ 

***

Layers of forgiveness ... as we continue to break through, we get closer to peace and gratitude.  Because we aspire for a lighter heart.  

... choosing to embrace the reality of your hurt 

and offer forgiveness regardless of the persons response ... 

As we sit in silence for months or years, we risk being thrown back to the initial hurt.  And we may realize that this hurt has now become a dull and nagging pain.  We begin to ask ourselves, have we fully forgiven?

We have an opportunity to discover that an unwanted root of bitterness may be springing up within.  We must be brave and have courage as we begin to peel another layer of that onion, shed a few more tears and go back through the process ... again and again.

There is an emotional core packed tightly under the layers we have built to protect us from an early age.  And we have even more layers to penetrate.  As we peel our layers, we learn to trust our heart again, to live and love freely and not to build more layers of protection.  

... the cost of forgiveness is great but the reward is even greater ... 

This emotional core, out of the blue, at any time, reminds you of the offense ... and you realize you haven’t forgotten it after all.  Again, you begin to peel another layer and shed a few more tears.  And you believe, finally a step closer to forgiveness.

Purging your heart of bitterness, anger, hurt or pain begins by choosing to accept life as it is.  And like the onion analogy, our layers are our makeup.  The more we peel, the more we get to our true self.  

Yet forgiveness can be hard and to continue hold on to some emotional trauma, we block our energy.  And, if we cannot process the emotional effects of the event at the time it happens, we shelf the pain and develop coping skills to keep it hidden from ourselves.  In essence, we are splitting ourselves into pieces and losing touch with the ones we can’t cope with.  This helps to mask our pain because we are no longer in touch  with our whole.

... forgiveness is the new beginning 

at the end of the healing process ... 

We have been taught that forgiveness is saying sorry to those we hurt.  But we intuitively know that it is more about finding the individual truth of what forgiveness is for you, personally.

Your personal state of forgiveness ... where you find freedom, courage and strength to make the changes in your life to find true joy.  Forgiveness begins with self-love ... accepting yourself and others, as is.  Once we view other sentient beings as another interpretation of the Divine, we can begin to practice forgiveness, because we are truly just forgiving ourselves.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Avoid ... "

“ ... Sorry about that. 

I’ll never know comfort till the sun sets.

I’ve always known the struggle when the light and my eyes met.

They connect.

Put me back in the earth.

I came from dust and not dirt.

You made me from dust, not dirt ... “

~ The Color Morale ~ Avoid ~ 

***

I think people are surprised when you tell them you are a yoga instructor but may not practice intense yoga every day.  Yes, I try, I try very hard.  But with the expectation that it should be easier, personally speaking, every time I step onto the mat, I feel like it’s the first time.  And at times when there is a sudden loss of a loved one, or I am spiraling downward cycle of depression, I have no motivation, let alone the desire to step onto my mat ... but I try ... and I don’t beat myself up if I don’t make it.

With over a decade of my own personal practice, I acknowledge that the poses I avoid at all costs are the ones I need the most.  Sounds like life.  Distractions, procrastination and apathy can allow me to avoid my mat and bury me far away from our most unwanted feelings.  By doing this, I avoid giving attention to that which needs it the most ... the darkness.

... turn a setback into a comeback ...

So getting on your mat can be an arduous task ... yeah, that is a great marketing tool ... but honestly, it sort of is.  Because you don’t want to face those uncomfortable emotions sometimes.  You know those ones, just under the surface.  Fear about what may come up, what you may find and what you may have to let go.  

... remembering that yoga goes beyond the movements we perform on our mat, and that through this solo dance, we give attention to the emotions we are avoiding and transform our reality ... 

• I realize the times when I feel alone in my darkness is the precise time I need to be alone on my island of my yoga mat.  That is when I need it the most .. 20 seconds, 20 minutes or 2 hours ... time is irrelevant.  
• I realize that in those moments, I can listen to what my heart wants and needs ... and do it, with faith and rather than judgement.
• I realize that learning to own my body’s movements and self-expression on the mat helps me to own the darkest emotions while they ebb and flow like the ocean. 
• I realize that as I grieve loss, I can dedicate my practice towards the experience, be grateful, feel connected and a sense of oneness and love.

This practice has been a constant thread in my life ... through loss, turmoil, drama ... and illness.  It is naive for me to think that this practice will erase negative thoughts or strong emotions.  Yet from experience, it saved me from resistance by allowing space to witness what happens inside of me, to accept me, to accept both the darkness and the light.  And appreciate that since our time on Gaia is just a lifetime, we can choose to come home to ourselves, in the present moment, with compassion, kindness and unconditional love.

www.walkstrong.ca

"Mindful ... "

“ ... in this weightless state

we form to become more mindful

connected to each other as one

the cycle completes 

our arms are lifted up

now we understand

to become more mindful

connected to each other as one

the cycle completes ... “

~ Born Of Osiris ~ Mindful ~ 

***

There is a new fad, and its called meditation also known as mindfulness.  Mindfulness is fairly new buzz word used to sell lots of ... stuff.  And as usual, the fad is marketed to you in a way that you can conveniently “fit it in” to your busy life.  

Yet what is at this heart-centre mindfulness?  Experienced meditators will say it is the notion of living for the moment, a carefree existence.  An appealing concept where most of our lives are full of chaos and yang.

With our environment becoming increasingly dis-tractable, meditation may well become a survival mechanism.  My truth is if I want to stay sane and healthy, I won’t be able to afford not to meditate.  

For many that are intimidated by mindfulness ... don’t know how to do it or for how long ... short stints of meditation can be transformative.  Trust me ... mindfulness can free you from the very thoughts you are trying to avoid.  

“Unhealthy thoughts can chain us to the past. We can, however, change our destructive thoughts in the present. Through mindfulness training we can recognize them as bad habits learned long ago. Then we can take the critical next step. We can discover how these obsessive thoughts cover our grief, insecurity, and loneliness. As we gradually learn to tolerate these underlying energies, we can reduce their pull. Fear can be transformed into presence and excitement. Confusion can open up into interest. Uncertainty can become a gateway to surprise. And unworthiness can lead us to dignity.” -- Jack Kornfield

And there is no “right” way to practice.  It is best to encounter each moment with a sense of starting again.  It is best to honour one’s own direct experience and not worry too much about whether this is what you are suppose to feel or see or think about.  

“If you practice this kind of trust in the face of insecurity and the strong habit of wanting some authority to anoint your experience with
his/her blessing, you will find that something of a deepening nature does happen along the path.” -- Kabat-Zinn

Let go of the preconceived notion that you will experience bliss.  Don’t even expect to feel better.  Just commit to the practice and LET GO.  Feelings of annoyance, boredom and even happiness may arise ... release them as they distract from the present moment.

"The answer to HOW is always in the present moment" -- Baptist Baron

With practice, you will hone the ability to stay neutral and objective by simply returning to the changing sensations of your breath.  This is where you realize that awareness of your busy mind is part of the practice.

" Research shows that being mindful can have tangible benefits, such as alleviating chronic pain and helping to curb depression and anxiety. Various studies have linked mindfulness practice to improvements in attention, eating and sleeping habits, weight management, and recovery from substance abuse. Research also suggests that mindfulness can help people cope better with heart disease, breast cancer, fibromyalgia, asthma and other conditions ... “

Practicing mindfulness in my everyday life has allowed me to understand the concept of self-acceptance ... and understand that we are messy creatures inclined to negative emotions at times.  It is of vital importance to me and my self-growth.  I find this to be perhaps the greatest appeal as it empowers me to ... step back, pause to assess the situation and recognize what I’m feeling.  This allows me to choose how to respond rather than letting my responses happen to me.

www.walkstrong.ca

" The Hurry and The Harm ... "

“ But why are we so worried more about the hurry 

and less about the harm?

Always trying to conquer that which does not offer 

anything more than a broken heart.

Oh what a cost for love ...

Only want oh simple things, 

mourning the loss and what could have been.

When did I let go to all that I use to know 

this grave mistake has left an absence of hope.

I'm going back to the start “

~ City And Colour ~ The Hurry And The Harm ~

***

We all have it in us to behave in the ways we judge others.  That is why we judge, because we are judging a part of us.  A dark part of us that we keep hidden.  That no one sees.  But it is still there.  Lurking.  Waiting.  Wondering what will be the trigger. 

Recently, we watched a great movie, The Dhamma Brothers, in our weekly meditation crew.  Highly recommended, we had an opportunity to see transformations occur within people who had been written off by society.  Truly a powerful movie.

And it made me think ... is someone bad or did they behave badly?  Do we shame people in our lives, for what they did, by labelling them rather than the act?  There are always consequences to our actions as the actions themselves carry power.  What we do and say has this power, meaning and purpose.  

And sometimes ... we just make 

really. poor. choices.

But as it is being explained to me ... to harm another individual, you have to experience harm personally.  That is how you know the difference.  A terrorist has been terrorized.  A rapist has been violated.  It is learned, taught, shown, explained ... it is EXPERIENCED first ... that is if you believe this way.  Some don’t so whatever floats your boat.

Yet, we are judged very quickly on what we do wrong, rather than all the things we do right.  And many don’t want to believe or accept that someone can change.  I have heard many times ... “A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots” ... but isn't that because he was born with them on his skin?  Rather, we can change our behaviour ... how we respond, act and do.

We learn that nothing out “there” will make us happy ... chasing after something that doesn't last.  All is temporary.  All is impermanent.  And this can provide a sense of chaos or relief in your life ... depending on where you are in your journey.  

The bad news is, all things are temporary

The good news is, all things are temporary

Perspective is what will give you a chance to consider another possibility.  Another way because maybe your road can be less bumpy.  And really that is where I am at.  When cancer lives with you, there is a shit of stuff that comes to the surface.  And you have sift through, process and let it go.  In the beginning, you are venturing into unknown territory.  But when the fear of the unknown turns into curiosity for what is, the dark parts don’t seem as ... dark.  When the time is as it should be, a crack appears, which allows the light to shine out.  The light that was and always is within all of us.

If you took a selfie of your soul, 

you’d see how beautiful you really are ...

We forget to practice the most important practice ... loving kindness towards ourselves.  It is time to believe in yourself.  It is time to listen within.  

BE in stillness ... the answers are all there.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Dedicate … "

I dedicate this song to the love of my life ...
That's why I sing this song to tell you that I love you
'Cause you're my one and only

Oh, you're the one that I adore
And no matter what we go through, 

I'll love you forever and more ...
You'll show me the way back to your heart and that's why

Ooh, I dedicate, ooh, I dedicate

~ Amanda Perez ~ Dedicate ~

***

In the past, I’ve struggled with an obsessive personality ... finding something to learn or do, getting carried away and thinking about it constantly ... becoming so curious and seeking ways to find as much information I could.

Doesn’t sound so bad right?  Well, depends on if what you are obsessing is more destructive than productive to you ...

Ask yourself when is the last time you gave everything you had to make something happen? ... extreme focus and determination, full of passion.  You see, whether you realize it or not, the way you choose to spend your day is ultimately a trade off ... moments of your life in exchange for your current activities.  

do you consciously recognize & appreciate each day of your life with awareness ... are you activities worthy of your life energy ...

Ultimately, to know what counts and what doesn’t, you have to know what motivates you rather than what affects you, being more proactive than reactive.  

“we are punished by what we do, not because of it” 

~ C. Humphreys

I often think about what I will be remembered for ... and really if I will be remembered at all.  So I do my best and choose to dedicate my life to something I consider worthy ... in whatever small way possible.

Perhaps in the end it doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters how you are ... devoting your life to is a way of being.  You each get a choose how you want your life to be, to identify what you value, who you want to be, what you want to stand for and you get a lifetime to practice that.  With no input from anyone but your own heart ... listened in your quietest, most compassionate moments ... with every breath you get to dedicate what is dearest …