On the eve of another birthday, my mind is wandering. Wandering, wandering ... I never really thought I would get to the age of 46 ... not because I am a pessimist but because of being cancer-ed.
Ah yes, for those who have had a similar experience, you don’t really forget. All the memories of ‘that’ day, being diagnosed, can come rushing back at any moment, triggered by anything remotely to do with the dis-ease. But rather than choosing this to be viewed as a weakness and being a ‘victim’ to the thought, I am opening to the insights offered.
My most vivid ‘memory’, the one that did the most damage was my prognosis ... 5 years at best. I have this attachment because I speak to it, still to this day. And I write about it, as here present in these words. Load on the intense programming, patterning and hypnosis of how, what, where, when and why an ill-ness is an ill-ness. The triggers are present because my mind has been so deluded to the idea of being cancered.
And so here we are ... on the eve of another birthday and 4.5 years being cancer-ed. My mantra ... so far so good ... probably because it is a bit of a safety net, a precaution or a disclaimer. With no claim to being “cured” because, I am not.
So why back to the wandering mind ... well with an assigned dis-ease, you really are not sure what you will get. AND cue insight ... that’s what life is all about. Not really sure what what you will end up with right? Whether it be an ill-ness you manage, a relationship you tolerate, a burden you carry, or a void within your heart ... pretty much anything can be your demise IF you allow it. An ill-ness or dis-ease just has intense assumptions that go along with it.
In those moments of weakness, when I say aloud, I don’t know how much more of this I can take, I hear within, count your blessings, they will multiply. But how? Begin with breath. Our sacred connection to the Divine. And that is where my gratitude begins. And so tomorrow at first light, I hope to graciously take my first breath, arms and heart wide open ... birth of a new day.