“ ... Urges, urges - he get these urges
Don't wanna talk about -
Heartfelt urges - he get these urges
He's not supposed to talk about ...
In the footlight the ape in motion
Spins circles all across the floor -
Mouth the words, assume the positions
For a second we can fool them all
It's never been this way before ... “
~ Thomas Dolby ~ Urges ~
***
My practice is teaching me freedom is not what I thought it was. Not freedom as defined in the West ... freedom to do what we want and not have to do what we don’t want. Rather the practice teaches that freedom is freedom from desire and aversion. Freedom from want, not freedom to do what we want. And this view is what I continue to develop.
So how do you kill off cravings ... not a clue. Yet through mindfulness training, I learn to accept the flow of experience just as it is, instead of resisting or grasping. I change my relationship to the urge. I observe. I surf my urges.
I begin by noticing what is happening within the body and the mind. The sensation and emotion. I notice the impulse and urge to do something to change the moment. And I notice how both the sensations change and urges come and go. Consciously aware of their changing nature, their ebb and flow, the impermanence. And I repeat and repeat ...
As I practice this approach, I realize that I can begin to cope with what is happening in the present moment. Reminding myself that we are stronger than we believe we are and it is the fear of the future, not the present, that compels us. Hence when I remain with my urges in the present moment, I experience and I remain with what is. I don’t have to act or react, I can just be and accept. Path of least resistance.
Watching the rise and fall, the coming and going of the urge to change the situation ... I become aware of my strength to resolve. I watch the strength of the compulsion rise and then it falls away again. And I don’t have to stop it and I don’t have to run away from it. I let it pass. Just notice it and go on with life. Perhaps learning that I do not have to react to every urge ... that I can be non-reactive and I can surf my urges.
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