Say my name, say my name
If no one is around you
Say baby I love you
If you ain't runnin' game
Say my name, say my name ...
Why the sudden change
I know you say that i am assuming things
Something's going down thats the way it seems
Shouldn't be the reason why you're acting strange
If nobody's holding you back from me
Cause I know how you useually do
When you say everything to me times two
Why can't you just tell the truth
If somebody's there then tell me who
Why the sudden change
~ Destiny’s Child ~ Say My Name ~
Those who know me wonder why I have “two” names. Is it Meena or is it Mini? And why the two?
Until recently I use to say that “Mini didn’t seem professional enough, so I changed it to Meena. Meena is what they know me as in the workplace. It has a nice ring to it ... blah blah blah ...”. And I would of course add the story of where the name “Mini” came from ... which is a funny story for another blog.
But again, the above was the explanation I use to give. And yes it is all true, but there was more to it. And now I can share what that is, because now, a huge realization set in for me.
I changed my name after years of teasing ... I use to hear Mini Mouse, Mini Ravioli, and even are you a Mini or a Maxi ... yeah that one was very odd. But I also changed my name because I never really liked who I was, I never really liked Mini. I felt inadequate and un-worthy. I didn’t feel like I was good enough, for anything. I just didn’t like Mini. So this was enough motivation to change my name, because maybe it would change me. I could be someone else because I didn’t want the life I had, I wanted to be someone else, almost always.
But things have shifted. And my friends may have noticed that even on facebook, I added Mini to my name. I kept both only because I built an entire life around Meena, just like I had an entire life around Mini.
So what the change, again? Well, I had a great conversation with a friend who asked me if I had found the blessing(s) in cancer. And I said yes I had and there were many. The biggest one is “now, love who I am”. I have discovered self-love and it feels great. I am in alignment with my thoughts, my actions and my feelings. I feel worthy, I feel adequate and I know I am doing the best I can with where I am at right now, exactly where I am suppose to be.
Well, there you have it ... and it may seem odd, but that’s okay, because I am good with odd too!
Yes you can ask the question ... “what name do you prefer then?”. Honestly, I prefer that you call me by the name you feel comfortable with, as YOU know me and who I am. Because TADA! .... “it’s ME!”.
Truly, a name is just a name, a label ... but it is the essence of a being, their presence and their actions who determine who they really are. Their authentic self ... and at my core, I was and still am the same person.
“Bob Marley isn’t my name. I don’t even know my name yet.”
~ Bob Marley ~