On the city and your skin now
I didn’t have to be afraid
I didn’t have to feel so stupid
I can see myself
I can feel ...
This is where I am
I see the city rise up tall
The opportunities and possibilities
I have never felt so called ...
Oh how I look back and reflect
How I felt it
How it set
I don’t have to feel so wrong now ...
~ REM ~ Discoverer ~
What does it take to discover who YOU really ARE? An illness, a death, a tragedy ... perhaps. Regardless, the process is a scary one ... a mirror in front of you seeing if you can let go of the mask of who you have been and embrace who you really are.
I said to Russ the other day,
“ I finally feel like the person I am meant to be ...
life is starting to be in alignment ...”.
And honestly, quite a relief.
For most of us, it is easier to simply play the “roles” expected of us, so that we maintain images and ideas around who we are. This falsehood can become comfortable ... well it did for me, because I thought if “they really knew who I was” they wouldn’t like me. I was afraid to reveal who I really was, simply because I didn’t feel like I was worthy of it.
Also, I realized that the more insecure I was, the more egotistical I was ... yeah chew on that for awhile, cause I sure did! So how does that work? Well, you think “everything” has to do with you ... you are consumed with others opinions, decisions and reactions that “must” be because of how you look and are. Reality check: only MY life revolves around me.
Funny how discovering of self happens when it does. Meaning there is no set age or event that instigates this as some may not even experience all the lessons they need to learn in their current life. Simply, it is meant to be according to where we are on our journey and what it is we are here for in this life.
What does life ask of you, versus what do you ask of this life?
essentially, our greater purpose ...
And yes, discovering my authentic self has been a painful experience ... being vulnerable, having to let go of years of conditioning ... people who no longer serve me as I scratch the surface of the core of my soul and being.
What do we really know ... that the only guarantee in life is continual change because you can’t count on it going as you planned. Life delivers various misfortunes, mostly beyond control, and the you that is always in control is an illusion. Now I am learning no matter how intelligent I may think I am (or my ego thinks) I will only create turmoil for myself by clinging to this false identity.
We often hear about “walking your own path” ... so what does that mean? I see it as stepping up a staircase ... learning that each step directs you towards discovering what no longer resonates with the you YOU are. Oddly stepping "up" can feel like falling "down" because of what you let go ~ the familiarity, the comfort, the safety and the solitude ... or the people, ideas, behaviours and beliefs.
This has rattled me to the core, to my soul ... to my essence and has been very lonely at times. Yet understanding who I really am involves overcoming misconceptions about who I am not.
The greatest challenge I face after discovering me is
learning how to respond to life in light of this insight and wisdom ...
Ultimately, I hope that knowing what is essentially me will prepare me to meet the chaos of life with a clear mind and an open heart. I hope that developing this clarity and awareness will provide much comfort and stability when it is needed the most ...