" Justify My Love ... "

What are you gonna do?

What are you gonna do?

Talk to me - tell me your dreams

Am I in them?

Tell me your fears

Are you scared?

Tell me your stories

I'm not afraid of who you are

We can fly!

I'm open and ready

For you to justify my love

To justify my love

Wanting, to justify

Waiting, to justify my love

Praying, to justify

To justify my love

I'm open, to justify my love

~ Madonna ~ Justify My Love ~

***

How many times have you heard someone who has said or done something that is hurtful justify it by saying the recipient left them no other choice?  

Chances are you have crossed a line if you’re justifying behaviour ... because something deep inside might be sensing that it’s gone from enjoyment to dependence.  Sound familiar? ... yeah we’ve all been there, but the thing is that it only lasts for so long.  In your core, you know what is right and what is pushing it.  Perhaps just an example of using blame to excuse your own bad behaviour.

And really what IS the big deal?  Well, blame is like anger, it dulls our sense of empathy.  It gives us permission to act in a hurtful way to others since it removes the inhibitions ordinary humans have that serve as a buffer against what we know is destructive behaviour.  When we justify, we allow our emotions to take over our self-control in order to achieve a selfish end.

Blame is a defensive to protect our philosophy, emotions and ego ...

Blaming behaviour and selfish behaviour work together.  How?  well, if there some emotional benefit, comfort, entertainment or psychological stability, the actions will continue to consume  you ... as long as things work out for the blamer.

And when there are unintended consequences, instead of taking responsibility for one self’s actions, the blamer begins to find reasons why they should be excused from the repercussions they don’t feel they deserve.

When we blame others we overemphasize ourselves 

and under emphasize the negative effects of our actions ... 

we gain something pleasurable and avoid something unpleasant.

So where do you draw the line?  That’s up to you to decide.  Yet pretending like your actions don’t have consequences, and staying within your comfort level so it benefit’s you, again you decide if that is selfish or protection.  Your morals, your choices, your life ...

We surround ourselves with people that think and act as we do.  Yet sometimes we may need to check in with outside of our circle ... and get an objective opinion.  We may not like what we hear but this critical perspective let’s us know how we are being perceived and therefore how we will be treated.

And really you may not care what others think of you ... but if asking yourself “what would I lose if I did allow myself to see what I don't want to see?” makes you a wee bit curious, then maybe you really do want to know ...

" What Happens Tomorrow ... "

You've got to believe 

it'll be alright in the end 

Fighting, because we're so close 

There are times we punish those who we need the most 

No, we can't wait for a saviour 

Only got ourselves to blame for this behaviour

And nobody knows what's gonna happen tomorrow 

~ Duran Duran ~ What Happens Tomorrow ~

***

How do you define motivation?  Is it what makes things happen?  Without it, is there any desire or drive to accomplish or create?  Once I understood what was moving me in one direction or holding me back in another, I started to understand my motivation triggers.  And started to make things happen.  For me, motivation affects everything I do and every choice I make. 

We usually can slot into one of the below motivation types ...

Achievement ... pursuing & attaining goals ... this kind can be combined with the drive to be good at something.  Achievement motivated people like work, responsibility and take pride in solving problems.  

Affiliation ... strong desire for love and acceptance ... there is a drive to relate to people on a social basis.  Having a support system is crucial.  Compliments, good attitude and cooperation are valued.

Security ... essentially a deep concern for the future.  The feeling that accumulating money and material possessions eases and shelters the pathway to the future.  Change and risk-taking is stressful.  Having steady work and dependable income is comfort.

Nuture ... need to give support, help, service and gifts to others with no strings attached.  Important factor is knowing you are lending comfort or a listening ear.  This is associated with the ability to empathize and respond to the needs of others.

Fear ... often imposed from an external source.  Creates worry and stress.  Internally, the feeling of need for change, due to pain and fear of remaining in a situation is often a catalyst for this type.

Power and Influence ... intensely driven to put in an extra effort to accomplish goals for this promise.  Competition with others is evident.  Influence, leadership, desire to control and responsibility for others are by-products of a power position.  Positively, results are achieved, negatively, power used for personal aggrandizement.

So what motivates you? Unlocking your motivation type(s) can help you understand your personal values ... what truly energies and excites you.  Once you know what these values are, then you can plan your goals around them.  If you are still unsure, study the some of the most successful people.  They understand what their values are and live their lives in accordance with them.  

You’d be surprised how many of us though, live our lives according to other people’s values. We end up devoting a large amount of time to things that genuinely don’t matter to us which results in those feelings of de-motivation & sluggishness. 

Some of my personal values are health, innovation, learning and insight, fun and adventure.  I make a concerted effort to ensure I am factoring in these values every day in some way.  I am careful not to confuse my values with ‘pleasurable activities’ ... values are not always about instant gratification – but they assist you to grow as a person in the long run.

“Never let the things that matter to you most be at the mercy of those that do not”

" Not This Time ... "

I don't know why I give in, but I do every time.

And here I am wondering why I did it again.

To keep me going,

To keep the shit away.

I don't know what it is,

But every time you're near, I fear you,

But not this time...

~ Kate Bush ~ Not This Time ~

***

There are times when we take on too many commitments and simply spread ourselves too thin.  Creating stress as we are unable to get anything done, at least not well or on time.  There comes a time when you just have to say no ... not this time.  

The Gentle Art of Saying No ~ an art that many people have problems with.

So what’s so hard about saying no?  Well, first it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person it is directed to.  And it’s is not usually a fun thing to do.  Second, if you hope to continue to have a good relationship with that person, saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.  Third, we all have an unconscious agenda to be safe and to be liked.  

You see, saying “no” is scary.  We are taking a risk that the person on the receiving end might not like us, consider us selfish and disagreeable.  But think back to a time when you had to say no ... soon after you expressed yourself, your fear probably turned to relief and empowerment.  And chances are the person at the other end respects you more for being honest ... with the both of you.  People suspect insincerity.

So you can start by deciding which things you should agree to commit to, and which things are all right to pass on.  This decision stems from your priorities - what is important to you and your life.  

Life is too short to do things you don't really want to do ... follow your dreams and instead of wishing, hoping, or pleading for them to come true try being intentional, purposeful, and grateful ... create your life by designing your days.