" Temper Temper ... "

This time you'd better bite your tongue
Think twice before you open that mouth
Take a breath, hold it in your lungs
Being from rage, will it overcome?

I feel the tension rising high
I feel a hump down in my chest
Nothing is strange, I see in red
Can't hold it back
Here comes my...

Temper temper, time to explode
Feels good when I lose control
Temper temper, time to explode
Chamber's empty, time to reload

~ Bullet For My Valentine ~ Temper Temper ~

***

So you think that temper tantrums only apply to children?  Well I just proved otherwise ... today.  Yeah, not a proud moment I might add.  Downright embarrassing to be honest.  And I know that I am not alone ... 

You see as a child when I threw a tantrum, my Mother wouldn’t wait patiently until I calmed down.  She would confront me upfront and in a stern, no nonsense voice of imposing authority, inform me that there was no way she was going to up with my drama act.  I could scream, stomp and even body-slam fits of rage, she would have none of it.  And I love her for it.  Because she knew, as a toddler, I wasn’t a master in effectively communicating my feelings or solving problems.

Sure needed that no nonsense tone today ...

Okay, rather than beating myself up for the entire day, I get that anger manifests when the demands we place on ourselves, others or on the world are not being met to our expectations.  So the question is ... are my expectations realistic and fair?  

We are conditioned by society to believe that we should have what we want when we want it, that we deserve only the best and should not deny ourselves, and that we shouldn't have to work hard to obtain possessions, success, health, or love.  So we carry on with life, trying to find quick fixes for every possible need.  And when life doesn’t go as planned (almost always), our inner child may ... ahem, bloom.

So I check my ego and ask ... do I consider myself more important than others (no) ... do I feel my rights trump yours (no) ... are my needs greater than the other person at this moment (no) ... 

darn, sadly no excuse for bad behaviour ... i’m sorry

I am realizing that when we are denied what we are seeking, personal and spiritual growth have a chance, because it enables us to prioritize what is really important.

I know better ... I have better tools ... I know I can learn from this ...

Do no harm ...

Letting your raw emotions out is important so they won’t leak into the rest of your life ... as long as you project to an inanimate object.  Dealing with anger effectively, in the moment, is golden.  The key is finding a safer way to deal with it,  allowing a full release, without making an a$$ in the process.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Guilty ... "

I swear to tell the truth

The whole truth and nothing but the truth

I said

Right hand high, tell a lie ...

Lets go

Right hand to the sky

Strike me down if I lie ...

Should have let me be

I'm balling against the law shorty go on arrest me then ...

Tired of your little games, I take the blame

I did it, guilty.

~ Usher ~ Guilty ~

***

We can be sure that there is nothing we can do to change the past.  Life is all about making decisions, taking risks and remembering what doesn’t work ... in our attempt to find out what does.  So why then do we continue to dwell on our mistakes, feel guilty so that we can feel guilty?

Well it seems that each generation has taken on guilt and then passed it down to their children.  Humans have used guilt for behaviour modification, punishment and revenge.  Guilt is so much a part of our culture, like a plague, causing pain, suffering and despair.  

Life doesn’t run smoothly and we don’t live in a perfect world ... combine that with not accepting reality.  We hope for a better change to how things should be, only to constantly disappointed.  Acceptance breeds understanding and not guilt.

Guilt is a foreign substance that tags along on our emotions like an infection.  And therefore doesn’t allow the natural flow to occur within us.  We feel the feeling and then it’s gone ... leaving a space for another ... but with guilt, we get stuck and hurt.  

Anger without guilt feels like power ...

Fear without guilt feels like anticipation ...

Remember a good conscience does not depend on guilt but rather on a self-assured sense of what is right and wrong.  Guilt erodes conscience by degrading self-esteem and even causing self-hatred.  Guilt makes us feel obliged to prove just how bad we are.  

Think back to a situation that makes you feel guilty and now realistically look at the situation you were in at the time, how much you knew, your circumstances, your state of health and ask if you could have done things any better ... because when you know better you do better.

And if someone is using their own insecurities to make you feel guilty, ask if they are justified ... no one is perfect so accept and work with the imperfections rather than pretending they don’t exist.

“When it is in us, it is guilt. When it is in someone else, it is blame. Guilt we feel impossible to own ourselves becomes blame when it is projected out onto another ... “

Real healing comes when guilt is confronted and removed ... releasing the judgements that confine us.  We are here to learn, trial and error, a part of growing and evolving.  Believe mistakes are feedback.

“The secret is simply to decide again ... 

take back your original judgement, 

change your mind, un-decide, un-judge ...”

Every choice we make is valid when used as a learning experience.  So when you release judgement you are free to decide again about how you will feel and act in a similar situation ... and you are free to let go of what was and look forward to what can be.

" Soak It Up ... "

Turn On The Light Inside Your Eyes

It Gets Me Inspired Every Time ...

Up With The World, So Much I Could Cry

I Let The Hard Times Pass Me By

A Feet On The Ground I Gave Up My Wings

I Look at You, And You Make Me Sing ...

I’m Standing On The Edge Of

A Cliff I've Never Known Before

I Wanna Dive Into The Water

Soak It Up, Soak It Up, Up, Up

…Thoughts,… On My Lies

Doing Beyond That’S From My Previous Life

I Know It’S Gonna Be A Beautiful Day

Because my ... Was Made That Way

~ Nelly Furtado ~ Soak It Up ~

***

Do you ever feel like an emotional sponge?  You know someone who takes on other people’s energies without maybe even realizing it ... my answers, yes and yes.

You see I am a “empath”, someone who “possess the ability to feel the unspoken emotions of other people without conscious intent”.

Oddly enough, I have been proud of being one ... someone who has a sixth sense when it comes to emotions, someone who thinks they understand motivations that drive behaviours.  A keen sense of intuition, an inner compass if you will.  Just knowing or feeling without actually putting into words what is occurring.

I know this has allowed for colorful life experiences in my life.  But it also has a flip side ... as an empath, I have soaked in energies, full of negative emotions such as fear, anger, helplessness, despair and frustrations ... which zero in on hot-button issues that are unresolved in myself.  And the absorption of these have resulted in the physical manifestation of symptoms.  

Everyone projects, but what we choose to absorb is what matters ...

Learning to set physical and emotional boundaries can help you establish a sense of self-defined control and vitality ... 

How?

Start with identifying if you are susceptible.  Ask if the feeling is your own or someone else’s.  If someone else’s, distance yourself from the source and see if you feel relief.  If it yours, confront what is causing it.  Try centering yourself and concentrating on your breath.  Visualize negativity as dark cloud lifting from your body, and hope as white light entering. 

Easier said than done ... of course, but I am doing what I can with where I am at this time ... I am learning to continue practicing these and developing strategies to cope, feel safer and still allow my sensitivities to blossom in a world where it is needed now more than ever.

"Shake ... "

... Shake it like a bowl of soup
And make your body loop de loop 
Put your hands on your hips 
And kinda let your backbone slip 
Move your body like a whip 
And just shake! 

And if you wanna really roll 
You got to do the thing with soul 
Shake the shake with all your might 
Oh, if you do it, do it right 
Just make your body loose and light 
And kinda shake ...

Shake! 
Shake! 
Shake! 
Shake! ...

~ Sam Cooke ~ Shake ~

***

You’ve probably heard someone say “just shake it off”.  I have plenty of times.  And today had an experience where I literally did.  

During a work meeting, I met an individual for the first time.  So naturally I introduced myself and immediately felt the cold vibe on the other side of the hand shake.  Nonetheless, I didn’t read into it cause it usually has nothing to do with you and everything with them.  Next came a compliment from one of my team members about my years of experience with reference to former employer.  I smiled only to hear from the newly met fellow “whatever, that means nothing to me, I am from company X, a competitor”.

Huh?  I sat there a bit dumbfounded.  Did this guy just openly “judge” me in the first 5 minutes of meeting me?  Could he be so obviously rude?  And how are we going to proceed with the meeting on that note?  Well, the meeting did continue and needless to say, his attitude got worse and worse ... he had basically antagonized the rest of the attendees.  Funny how some people can just dig themselves a hole.  Yeah sure, we’ll get right on your next request buddy, no problem!

After the dust settled, there was some discussion among the rest of us on what had transpired.  But instead of dwelling on it, I realized that this was simply projection on his part.  This was personal, for him!  Something must be pret-ty off for him to behave in this manner.  Still unacceptable but provides some insight.

Projection is a defense mechanism that involves taking our own unacceptable qualities or feelings and ascribing them to other people.  Projection works by allowing the expression of the desire or impulse, but in a way that the ego cannot recognize, therefore reducing anxiety.  Yup sure does sound like Mr. Not-So-Nice-Guy doesn’t it?

Don't dwell or linger on what went wrong ...

Regardless I made the choice to shake it off.  Sure sharing the story is one thing but using it to feed my own insecurities I choose NOT to do.  That is what I use to do.  Didn’t work then, and won’t work now.  Instead I focused on where the joy was.

No matter what happens today, 

shake it off and stay focused on where joy is found ...

And even if your day goes from bad to worse and you still can't "shake it off", remember the next best thing you can do is start over, ANYTIME.  You can reboot your day whenever you what, where ever you want because it is up to you.  Your life is what you make of it so decide to make it the best of it.

Now Shake! Shake! Shake! Shake! ...