Wednesday, June 26, 2013

" Justify My Love ... "

What are you gonna do?
What are you gonna do?
Talk to me - tell me your dreams
Am I in them?
Tell me your fears
Are you scared?
Tell me your stories
I'm not afraid of who you are
We can fly!

I'm open and ready
For you to justify my love
To justify my love
Wanting, to justify
Waiting, to justify my love
Praying, to justify
To justify my love
I'm open, to justify my love

~ Madonna ~ Justify My Love ~

How many times have you heard someone who has said or done something that is hurtful justify it by saying the recipient left them no other choice?  

Chances are you have crossed a line if you’re justifying behaviour ... because something deep inside might be sensing that it’s gone from enjoyment to dependence.  Sound familiar? ... yeah we’ve all been there, but the thing is that it only lasts for so long.  In your core, you know what is right and what is pushing it.  Perhaps just an example of using blame to excuse your own bad behaviour.

And really what IS the big deal?  Well, blame is like anger, it dulls our sense of empathy.  It gives us permission to act in a hurtful way to others since it removes the inhibitions ordinary humans have that serve as a buffer against what we know is destructive behaviour.  When we justify, we allow our emotions to take over our self-control in order to achieve a selfish end.

Blame is a defensive to protect our philosophy, emotions and ego ...

Blaming behaviour and selfish behaviour work together.  How?  well, if there some emotional benefit, comfort, entertainment or psychological stability, the actions will continue to consume  you ... as long as things work out for the blamer.

And when there are unintended consequences, instead of taking responsibility for one self’s actions, the blamer begins to find reasons why they should be excused from the repercussions they don’t feel they deserve.

When we blame others we overemphasize ourselves 
and under emphasize the negative effects of our actions ... 
we gain something pleasurable and avoid something unpleasant.

So where do you draw the line?  That’s up to you to decide.  Yet pretending like your actions don’t have consequences, and staying within your comfort level so it benefit’s you, again you decide if that is selfish or protection.  Your morals, your choices, your life ...

We surround ourselves with people that think and act as we do.  Yet sometimes we may need to check in with outside of our circle ... and get an objective opinion.  We may not like what we hear but this critical perspective let’s us know how we are being perceived and therefore how we will be treated.

And really you may not care what others think of you ... but if asking yourself “what would I lose if I did allow myself to see what I don't want to see?” makes you a wee bit curious, then maybe you really do want to know ...

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