As time goes by in this give and take
As long as I learn I will make mistakes
Now, what do I want? What do I need?
Why do I want it? What's in it for me?
It's the imagery of technology
Is what you get is what you see
Don't worry your mind
When you give it your best
One two one two this is just a test
One two one two, this is just a test
~ The Beastie Boys ~ Just A Test ~
Just when I think I got it handled, it sneaks up on me ... fear. What was my trigger this time? I had to book diagnostic and lab work tests for the end of the month. Since I have done this many times before, it seems odd that I would still have anxiety surrounding a follow-up test. But it is present and very real.
It was somewhat settling to know that a lot of people tend to develop some kind of phobia to test for cancer or even mention the word simply because of the ‘fear’ of being diagnosed with the disease. Been there, done that ... now, I am trying to manage my fear during my treatment. Not an easy task. I realize that feeling anxious is common before routine check-ups. Sleeping problems, poor appetite, mood swings and feeling more aches and pains are common in the lead-up to the appointment. Personally, the initial experience with the radiologist brings back bad memories. It makes me feel vulnerable. It makes me feel out of control. It makes me sad.
But so much as happened since that time. I have been on the Gerson Therapy for 57 weeks now. And when you know better, you do better .... I haven’t been sitting around hoping it would just go away. I haven’t been in denial. I have been managing my illness. So now I have to manage my wild thoughts ... realize that not every little change is linked to the dis-ease ... continue to believe that I am healing my body. It is a process I have to give myself the allowance to go through it. Yet honestly, sometimes I wish I could just twitch my nose and perform a spell like Samantha on Bewitched ... *sigh ... this too shall pass ...