So scream you, out from behind the bitter ache
Heavy on the memory, you need most
Still want love, ugly, smooth and delicate
Not without affection, not alone
And instead of wishing that it would get better
Man you're seeing that you just get angrier
And it's good that I'm not angry
I just need to get over
I'm not angry, anymore
~ Matchbox 20 ~ Angry ~
Is it okay to feel angry? Yes, because anger is a useful emotion. It gives us feedback that something has happened ... our boundaries have been crossed or we have been violated in some way. When we feel anger, we are more likely to do something about it .... the trick is to step back from the anger and make a rational decision about what you are going to do. Yeah, easier said than done right?
You see, when we are in a state of emotional arousal, we don’t necessarily make the best decisions. Our reasoning conscious mind can let our subconscious mind take control ... and our fight/flight response kicks in. Why? Because our brains treat any threats in the same manner ... we feel rage or fear, regardless of the situation.
Anger is a craving or grasping of beliefs around ourselves. It is a normal emotion that all human beings feel, like sorrow and happiness. Think about it ... from a young age, we feel anger ... like a newborn turning red and crying with a little twisted face or a two year old throws a temper tantrum. It is obvious that they are experiencing intense anger and that they have not yet learned to manage their anger. Sadly, many adults have never learned to manage their anger either. They may not behave in quite the same manner as the two year old, but still harmful to self.
So is it better to express or suppress these emotions? Studies have shown that people who are shy and non-assertive, have a greater prevalence of tumours than other personality types ... because shyness is associated with suppressing of emotions, particularly negative ones, like anger, resentment and bitterness. Holding onto these emotions can literally eat away at you. Now that doesn’t mean that every shy person will develop cancer, but it is definitely something to consider.
My opinion? Express yourself ... constructively. Because life is energy in play and the more free flowing the energy is the more vibrant you feel. Pockets of energy which are suppressed, or “held”, within you become sources of resistance to the free flow of your life expression. They tend to lose their power over you and their ability to cause harm.
Realization: Forgiving is not about ‘giving’ something to the person who has wronged you. It is about ‘giving’ yourself the permission to release the burden of carrying those emotions.
Learning to channel your feelings into words or actions that are not hurtful, positive and healthy will unburden you .... because managing anger destructively is actually allowing your anger to manage you.