" Pause ... "

“ ... As the world bears down on my shoulders

I find the fear doesn't subside ... 

I don't know how I've lasted this long

I wish to pause this moment

'Cause as I cry I start to realize ... 

You give me strength

You take away my fear

There was a void in my heart that only you could fill ... “

~ Kjwan ~ Pause ~

Ever observe the reaction of people when you tell them you meditate.  Just take notice ... either they are curious, stay clear of you ... or think you may just be a flake.  

Regardless, mindfulness has changed the way I live.  

Just three years ago, I was in the middle of the intense Gerson Therapy, working hard to rebuild my body and get healthy.  My practitioner spoke to me about meditation.  I remember my response ... oh yes, I meditate already ... yup, total and complete bullshit.  I was operating from a level of conditioning  that I no longer strive for.  

A basic quietness, practiced for minutes in a day ... to help cope, deal and manage life.  At the deepest level available.  A connection within.  Listening to your higher self.  

I still get anxious, I still get scared, but I am aware of this new level of training.  Helping me become present, centered and more mindful than imagined.  

With such a glowing review, you would think that the meditation bandwagon would be full.  Not so much.  From believing that meditation isn’t for “me”, not having enough time, expectation to “clear the mind” of thoughts, reach nirvana and having to “do” meditation ... what we resist the most, we simply need the most.  

In the beginning, the idea of sitting in silence, doing nothing was terrifying.  I told my teacher that I could not observe my thoughts.  The ones that were dark and full of despair.  My teacher told me that those were the ones I would learn the most from.  Three plus years later ... it is still an enormous process.

Mindfulness isn’t for the hippies and tree hugger only.  Or for certain races or types of people.  It isn’t in your DNA or you have to be “good at it”.  It is about trying.  Our monkey minds will distract, destroy and delete information.  Yet with the use of breath work, visualizations and mantras, you notice your thoughts, without judgement and ... stillness arises.  The pauses between the thoughts become greater.  

And in that pause ... PEACE ~ CLARITY ~ CALM ... 

Forget the candles, chant, hums and incense.  

Pause and quiet the mind.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Soak It Up ... "

Turn On The Light Inside Your Eyes

It Gets Me Inspired Every Time ...

Up With The World, So Much I Could Cry

I Let The Hard Times Pass Me By

A Feet On The Ground I Gave Up My Wings

I Look at You, And You Make Me Sing ...

I’m Standing On The Edge Of

A Cliff I've Never Known Before

I Wanna Dive Into The Water

Soak It Up, Soak It Up, Up, Up

…Thoughts,… On My Lies

Doing Beyond That’S From My Previous Life

I Know It’S Gonna Be A Beautiful Day

Because my ... Was Made That Way

~ Nelly Furtado ~ Soak It Up ~

***

Do you ever feel like an emotional sponge?  You know someone who takes on other people’s energies without maybe even realizing it ... my answers, yes and yes.

You see I am a “empath”, someone who “possess the ability to feel the unspoken emotions of other people without conscious intent”.

Oddly enough, I have been proud of being one ... someone who has a sixth sense when it comes to emotions, someone who thinks they understand motivations that drive behaviours.  A keen sense of intuition, an inner compass if you will.  Just knowing or feeling without actually putting into words what is occurring.

I know this has allowed for colorful life experiences in my life.  But it also has a flip side ... as an empath, I have soaked in energies, full of negative emotions such as fear, anger, helplessness, despair and frustrations ... which zero in on hot-button issues that are unresolved in myself.  And the absorption of these have resulted in the physical manifestation of symptoms.  

Everyone projects, but what we choose to absorb is what matters ...

Learning to set physical and emotional boundaries can help you establish a sense of self-defined control and vitality ... 

How?

Start with identifying if you are susceptible.  Ask if the feeling is your own or someone else’s.  If someone else’s, distance yourself from the source and see if you feel relief.  If it yours, confront what is causing it.  Try centering yourself and concentrating on your breath.  Visualize negativity as dark cloud lifting from your body, and hope as white light entering. 

Easier said than done ... of course, but I am doing what I can with where I am at this time ... I am learning to continue practicing these and developing strategies to cope, feel safer and still allow my sensitivities to blossom in a world where it is needed now more than ever.

" Numb ... "

They say life is a battlefield

I say bring it on

If you wanna know how I feel

Live it till it's gone

I'm just saying that what don't kill, only makes you strong

If you don't recognize what is real

Then forever is a long, long, long ... Time

Some things never change here we go again

Feel like I'm losing my mind

Shake it off, let it go, I don't care any more

Just go numb

You never know until you let go

Let's go numb ...

Can you feel it?

~ Usher ~ Numb ~

***

Thanks to a recommendation from a good friend, I have been reading “The Gifts of Imperfection” By Brene Brown.  Wonderful book, full of insight, knowledge and written in a very straight forward manner.  And the cool thing is that I am finding hidden gems as I read.  The recent one is about numbing.

All of us have experience vulnerability, discomfort and pain that we want to avoid.    So you may wonder why not ... why not just numb the emotions because isn’t this just another coping mechanism?

Think about it ... ... booze, food, affairs, money, work, shopping ... used to numb the pain or at least to take the edge off ... resulting in emotional numbness.  Numbing is when you are tired of fighting the feelings of anxiety, depression and just want detachment or to escape.

But according to Dr. Brown, “we cannot selectively numb emotions because when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb positive emotions”.  Well that’s not any good is it?

Severe feelings of detachment makes it hard for us to access normal feelings.  You don’t know yourself, you lose joy, love and happiness in your life and you use a lot of energy to avoid having an authentic emotional experience.

So how do you overcome emotional numbness 

and live with emotional integrity?

Personally speaking, 
I went from avoid, avoid, avoid ... to allow, allow, allow.  

Now, I respect and allow all emotions no matter what they are.  I realize that to feel and to act can be different.  I try to sort out where the emotions are coming from ... am I angry, hurt, sad, etc.  I ask for help when I need help.  And the most important for me is that I am patient with myself ... learning to trust myself again and just be me.

Also, “facing emotions is different than soaking in them until they drain you dry”.  So I stay mindful and notice that these feelings are a part of my emotional health where sometimes a brief break is purposeful and an opportunity to recoup.

You see, once you have allowed the emotions, recognizing a pattern or theme from the experience can allow you to look for meaning or a lesson to be learned.  

Believe that in our ever changing world, emotions pass and time helps.  If we learn acceptance instead of suppression we can understand that feelings are much like life waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf ...